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  2. Where is everyone from?

    Oh nice! And haha sounds like a silly mishap ^^
  3. Recently, my depression has started to return again... Even though I am on a good medication that has been working great. I think I need to go find a sanctuary outside of this building that is supposed to be my home... Preferably where I could talk to others that might understand what I'm going through, I guess. Too bad there isn't an otherkin community in RI, but maybe an LGBT+ community will help for now.

    Gonna start working out again... I want to obtain the ideal body with what I can, without surgery that I cannot afford, until I can afford at least top surgery.

    Pretty much just posting on here to help myself, but maybe one day I can help others with issues like mine... If I post updates more often?? Including how I will raise money later for the procedures to eliminate my gender-specific organs (weird chest glands, reproductive organs, and maybe nipples)

  4. Yesterday
  5. What is your kintype? Do you identify for spiritual or psychological reasons? For this self-grill series, I'll be focusing on the fictotype that brought me to this site in the first place: Elliot Alderson. I identify as him more for spiritual than psychological reasons, because I feel that his life was a past life of mine. And whenever I look back on the few kin memories I have from that life, they're all tinged with sadness--even the memories that aren't negative. It makes me feel like that life has ended now. When was your awakening (if you had one)? If you had one, do you believe something specific triggered your awakening? How long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realisation, or did it take time? What did you feel during your awakening? My awakening began sometime between 14-15 April 2017, because what triggered it was a dream I had during the night between those days. In that dream, I was Elliot Alderson, and I believed it to the point that I couldn't respond to my real-world name. When people from this life called me by my real-world name, I got confused and anxious and wanted to get away from them (canonically, Elliot Alderson has anxiety, paranoia, and psychosis, which explains the latter urge). I think I would consider my awakening kind of a "sudden realization"? The start of my awakening was pretty sudden. Narrowing Elliot Alderson down to a fictotype took much longer. But now that I've got it pinned, everything's slowed down. Most times I feel like I'm just milling around, waiting for the universe to feed me more crumbs of information about my past selves. Every new bit I learn makes me feel like I'm starting to understand myself and my soul more and more. Don't get me wrong though--I'm not too preoccupied with my past lives right now, because they're in, well, the past. There's plenty of other stuff I can chase after in my search for enlightenment. During my awakening, I felt mostly confusion and anxiety, because before I really dove into the 'kin community I thought being fictionkin was just some cringy Tumblrism for relating to a character. Not only that, but I thought being 'kin was supposed to be some massive revelation that would flip-turn my life upside down. Both things turned out to be untrue, though. Which I'm glad. After being active in Kinmunity for a while and learning about other people's experiences, I came away more secure in my self and my past self. So all in all, realizing I was 'kin did change my life for the better, just not as forcefully as I thought it would. It's made me a lot more curious about things like spirituality, religion, and personal identity--and I've always liked being the curious sort.
  6. Random Fun Facts!

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophyllum_commune This may not be reliable, so take it with a grain of salt, but: apparently this fungus has 23328 distinct sexes. That's right, sexes, like what we normally think of as "male" and "female." What the sh
  7. Day Dream #1: Gifted?! - Only Human!

    High- School, 2010 (countdown to final exams: less than 1 year) Heart and brain are the worst inventions ever. Really. Someone should tell them that they are part of one breathing being, supposed to work together to keep one body alive. But it won't be me. I'm just a soul, too tired to argue, too old to fight against - well- myself. Bad enough that I... needed help to make it through school. Somehow.With average marks and a fake smile on my lips. Even worse, the moment, I had to confess: "I wouldn't have gotten so far if teachers hadn't put much trust into me", found the right words to encourage and unleashing "powers" I wouldn't have dared to search for within my very core. Nevertheless, I was... devasted by the question if I could be "gifted". No! I wish, I could have cried. Chances were... Impossible! Every fiber of my being broke out into a silent protest. "I'm only human!" On the other side, I was more than happy to learn that there was a reason for peers avoiding me. It wasn't my fault that I was a lone wolf. Finally, at home, tears were streaming down my cheeks.
  8. Anyone else also a Furry?

    I was a furry before I discovered the otherkin community, I have multiple sonas but my main sona is Tweak
  9. Anyone else also a Furry?

    I am a furry along with the other spirits part of my system, we each have our own fursona/oc and use it to represent our self's and our otherkin identity. Ohh and for those who want to connect with more furs i suggest downloading a app Named Furry Amino on google play or the app store, it is a great way to connect with the fandom
  10. Autumn Encroaches

    This is the first year I've ever really felt what the drawing down is like. Earlier this year, I finally dedicated myself to slipping off the veils that kept me safely clothed against the progression of time and season. Since The Big Bad Thing, I have been afraid of dwindling, of lessening, and of quieting. The quieter it is, the more I can hear where I had to staple myself back together, and the louder the march of impermanence rings. Without the sheer silk in rainbow colors over my eyes, I feel the leaves falling like my own skin cells and vis a vis. The gold in my hair is mirrored in that of the stressed sycamore, and will drift away to rot in its own time. As the days draw shorter and the night falls cool and wet, my mind's eye doodles out the shifting of the earth about the sun. The mist calls me home into slumber, into winter squash casseroles and orders for garlic to plant. Although a lot of it used to seem strange to me, I am seeing more and more of the Wiccan Wheel of the Year and their mythos raise its head in my life. I never thought I'd see it so clearly presenting in my own mythos--The burning maiden rests as the mother and the moon plant the seeds for spring. I am endeavoring to plant meaningful seeds, and to soothe my restlessness and feelings of lack-of-something-to-do. Not every day can be vigorous and illuminated... some must be quiet, somber, restful.
  11. weird weird WEIRD don't open unless you want weird

    I imagine it wouldn't look too different from any other human skeleton, but..."there are many others like it but this one is mine."
  12. alright wtf I went to make a blog and this picture showed up? I guess from a blog I didn't finish before. Anyway. I've got some thoughts I want to share but have no good place to share them so here we go. I really wish I could hold my own skull without, you know, dying because I no longer have a skull. Like hold it in my hands and look at it. I want to see what my remains will look like once I'm dead but to know, I'd have to die, and as far as I can tell we don't get to see what we look like after we die. That's one of my biggest regrets. Death itself, yeah okay it's just a part of life no big deal. But the fact that I most likely won't be able to see what things are like after I'm dead is something I don't like. (Maybe some people believe that we can, I am not one of them, I believe we move on to other things after death.) But I suppose it wouldn't matter. I wouldn't care. But dang you know, I want to see what my skeleton looks like cleaned up and propped on a stand. The closest I'll ever get is maybe looking at an x-ray.
  13. Even with all the harsh grilling and skepticism I've put myself through and all of the back tracking and questioning, I still think I am right with all I uncovered so far. At this point, rejecting my spiritual beliefs and knowledge is irrational because I am reaching conclusions. And my subconsciousness managed to fight through the resistance my conscious mind put through. This resistance was detrimental.

  14. Where is everyone from?

    I used to live in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I was 8 or 9 at the time. Funny story about that, one time my mom had decided to meet someone to trade on craigslist and turns out they were actually from Fayetteville, North Carolina. Oops.
  15. Where is everyone from?

    I am from and in, Fayetteville, North Carolina ^^
  16. Whatcha eatin?

    I am eating chicken wings. As an owl I wish I could eat them whole, with the bone but I have no gizzard. I still enjoy stripping the meat from the bone ^^
  17. Last week
  18. I agree, if something doesn't feel right, don't bother with it. The research is to give you ideas, not to lock you into a certain way of doing things, which is why I warned you that some Hellenics, and Reconsctructionists in general (who try their best to accurately recreate ancient practices) might not be your or Pan's style. They often see seriousness as a sign of legitimacy which I'm sure Pan would scoff at. The themes can end up getting pretty deep and serious without all the extra ceremony involved. If something feels like it's working, keep doing it. If it's not working, drop it and move on. If you like it but you're not sure if it works, give it some time. Some things get better with practice.
  19. I do hope I'm not simply being dim, but as far as I can make out these aren't already features! I'd like more accessibility from the home page and/or the little side tab (e.g. be able to get to my own profile from the home page as opposed to having to click my icon from a comment I posted or something). I also can't find the help area/link? However I haven't been on in a while (whether mobile or desktop) so I'm not sure if anything has changed! Finally, I'd like to have possibly a loosely customisable theme? I don't know about now but I know before the platform switch you could sort of choose a theme! It's just not very pleasing to the eye in my opinion. Thank you!
  20. I am absolutely DROWNING in schoolwork ;;

    Shift: Jay? (wolf)

    1. Kerguelen
    2. Jay

      Jay

      @Kerguelen math, *science*, *French*

      It used to be a lot more though so :,)

  21. On the right track, but I was on the wrong train

    There you are! Freedom! See examples, act on them, and keep what works. I also see metaphor for living a human life, when it comes to forced transformation for labor purposes. How many ways have you made yourself small, quiet, or different in order to be of use to others, or of use to some greater idea of "how you should be?"
  22. I've been thinking about something. As discussed on the forum and my last blog post, I've started looking into the methods other people have used or recommend for communicating with Pan. But pretty early in this process, a thought came to me: am I doing this all wrong? I mean, this is Pan we’re talking about. His domain is music, nature, and to be blunt, sex. These things, at least as far as Pan is concerned, are free and unrestricted. That's kind of his thing: being free and wild and expressive. So I have to wonder, is an education-based approach the best way to connect with him? Following a set process seems like something he would be against. That's not to say it isn't useful to get information, but when it comes down to it, I wonder if maybe I need to make the connection in a more open and personal way. Maybe I need to use my own self expression. This is something I've already started doing. I even wrote a freeform “letter” to him yesterday. My success with these methods has been limited to say the least, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Still, there's another side of this too: I want to make sure I'm not using this as a cop out, you know? I have mentioned how overwhelming this stuff gets. With an already concerning lack of time and focus, having a bunch of new ideas and possibilities to look into can backfire on me hardcore. So it's nice to think that I don't need to look at it, and should instead keep doing what I'm doing, even when it doesn't work. It's easier. But I do need to expand my horizons if I want to make progress. I can't just sit in my bubble. As with so many things, I think the key is balance. I was mulling this over before, and then it really hit me when I looked over the advice I've received on the forum from Gryn and Opposumblossom and others. The key is to find out what other people do or suggest, and adopt the things that feel right to me. Forcing myself to try things that don't feel right won't make me happy, and it won't make Pan happy. That's not his style or mine. And there are already suggestions that speak to me. Making a small “shrine” to Pan for example seems like the kind of thing he would appreciate and that would help my connection with him. As I explore possibilities I'm taking note of what seems right. One more thing, not directly related. There's something that seems to keep coming up. It's a particular movie, and one part of the movie in particular. It's been over a long enough period of time that I probably wouldn't think much of it if not for the particular section and the fact that it's happening while I'm thinking about Pan. The movie is Pinocchio, and as you can probably guess, it's the Pleasure Island part. Forced transformation is already part and parcel of it. If there does happen to be meaning behind it, if by some unlikely chance this coincidental reappearance has to do with Pan, I'm guessing it has to do with the nature of my transformation in my past life. I have two theories on this. First, it could be suggesting that my transformation wasn't forced immediately; it could be that I found myself transformed when I began to indulge in faun-like feelings and situations. It could be that this was what Pan wanted; maybe it goes back to my old theory that he was responsible for my transformation, because he wanted me to be a faun for some reason. The other theory is more important though. Let's remember the true horror of Pleasure Island: these boys were being turned into donkeys to be used for labor, or at least that's the implication. It goes back to the “transformed to be used” think that keeps coming back. The resonance for that has been particularly strong lately in general. Maybe Pan is trying to tell me something but more likely my working theory is changing. The resonance is too strong to ignore. It always has been; I don't know why it hasn't always been part of my working theory. I think in my past life, I was transformed to be used. I do have alternate interpretations for this resonance, but this is where things are leading me. This doesn't necessarily mean my transformation wasn't caused by Apollo, or Pan, or a djinni; that could still be part of it. But that's not the blank I'm most interested in filling. As I've discussed before: it seems unlikely that someone would be transformed into a fauntaur to be used. Fauns are free spirits; outside of a Changeling sort of situation it wouldn't make sense. It is possible, but it's also possible that I was transformed into an animal first. What would logically follow would be that Pan then transformed me into a faun, but who knows. There is a lot to unpack with this, and I will keep doing so. But that doesn't mean I'm planning to stop focusing on Pan. It is possible that my attempts at connecting with Pan have played a role in my newfound clarity about this, however unlikely. This question will stay in the midground for now; Pan is still the focus, at least for a while. That’s where my feelings are leading me right now.
  23. Dream Diary Roundup for September 2017

    I've been having extremely vivid dreams on a regular basis. Some nightmares, some benign, and some that followed me throughout the day. I had a dream about enjoying my locale and exploration even while enduring great and surreal suffering. I also had a dream that aliens stole my mom, and in the process of trying to rescue her, we all became different people. I've taken to writing them down, and have noticed themes of transformation and endurance. This ties into my recent tarot readings as to my current path. In the dreams, I am usually the decider of fate--what I do or do not do changes the outcome of the dream. In many of them, I am featured as deciding to do something or change something simple for fun, whereas in the real world I have the bad habit of not moving until pushed. Perhaps this is another message--to go forth and grow in skill simply for the sake of doing so, and being okay with the results regardless of what they are. GF is also less and less a force in my dreams, perhaps signifying that I am individuating and finding my own personal power without need for a protector.
  24. New Album Complete!

    Ooo thanks for the order link! GF is into metal, so I'll be sending this info her way. Excited to hear!
  25. Recommended reading?

    For witchcraft, specifically: I'm really glad that so many writers are tackling folk magic and witchcraft in recent decades. Gives us all a ton more perspectives to consider! The older classics by Cunningham, Buckland, Farrar, Gardner, Judy Hall (included for her often-cited crystal bibles), and Silver Ravenwolf are good stepping stones. I take each with plenty of salt and pepper, and with the knowing that they have a lot of roots in older occult societies. Gardner was among the first pioneers to publish on occult matters after England repealed its laws banning occult and secret societies in the middle of the last century. Gardner and Crowley are often cited, and frequently seen as one of the first dominoes tipped toward the spreading of folk magic and witchcraft as it is today. (Although I think both would shudder to see the self-initiated solitary religion Wicca often appears as, today.) Following that, there are many authors paired with various publishers: Llewelyn stands out immediately. There are some with specialties, and some that write prolifically on all related subjects. Ellen Dugan is an example, with a very familiar and informal writing tone. Christopher Penczak is quickly becoming a favorite of mine, as his Inner Temple of Witchcraft comes off as a practical skill guide rather than a re-hashing, yet again, of the wheel of the year as most Wicca/Witchcraft 101 texts tend to seem. For spirituality in general: Though Deepak Chopra does have his hitches and unfounded claims every now and again, he has a very easy tone and unique perspective. I am currently reading The Third Jesus at a friend's recommendation. I find him MUCH easier to understand than Marcus Borg, who approached a similar concept in his text Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time. I also highly recommend reading the writing of Buddhist teachers, and I personally enjoy Pema Chodron, Jack Kornfield, and Thich Nhat Hanh for their numerous texts, concise and personal tone, and philosophical approach. Anything that reads like a close friend wrote it, rather than a dogmatic pundit, is a good book in my opinion. The Dhammaphada, Bhagavad Gita, Poetic and Prose Eddas, Torah, Quran, Laveyan Satanic Bible, Zoroastrian Avesta and Yasna, and other world texts make for a wonderful window into the minds of people all across the globe. I also personally recommend Thich Nhat Hanh's Old Path White Clouds if you'd like a translated story of the Buddha Gautama's life on earth. His translation and condensing brings out clear and lovely meaning. Other ways to learn lots about people is to read ideas on personality types. Jung is famous for his archetypal understandings of humanity, and the Enneagram system, based on Jung's thoughts, has plenty of books written on it. The four humours are also worth looking into, though I haven't personally read any texts on them yet. Hopefully some of these authors sound interesting and are available to you. Much luck to you, and may you never run out of cool stuff to read!
  26. Hi!

    Hey ya'all <3 I'm glad to see a trans-specific group here on KM, and glad to see so many familiar faces in it. I'm genderqueer/agender. I like to think about it like I broke up with gender, and now we don't talk anymore. I only make as much of a distinction of gender as makes the person I am speaking to comfortable and validated. Otherwise, I find it a limiting concept and keep it off my radar. I'm not necessarily hard-core enough to be a "gender abolitionist" as some folks call it. For four years in highschool, I was a binary trans dude SUPER into social justice, politics, etc. It took some time to realize how much of that manifestation of weaponized-masculinity was a front to avoid dealing with then-recent trauma from other sources. At the moment, I am a multiple system with four primary and one latent identity. Of those four, one is distinctly "a dude" and the others are Meh. It's interesting to see whether he experiences dysphoria on a regular basis or not, and to see how different his attitude is as compared to when I actively identified as a trans dude.
  27. Spices

    Alright, so this is a little out of the blue and not my fullest understanding of spices and flavor profiles, but I just needed to gush about this seasoning mix thing a friend gave us. It's this nifty little fair-trade thing by U-kuva i-Africa, or A Taste of Africa. We're in love with the Zanzibar Island Spices, and put 3-6 good long cranks into just about everything. I haven't had the chance to try much else, but it goes great with indian-inspired tumeric and cumin dishes as well as italian themed dishes, though in lighter amount. http://ukuva-iafrica.com/ There's a shop up in the city that sells a bunch of other fair trade stuff, too, but we don't get the chance to travel up there often.
  28. I identify as bread

    I know that feel... But hey, at least your freedom is on the horizon (sorta! From the parental ownership cage to the corporate ownership cage...) Does your school have any kind of association or support group? I hear that's becoming more common!
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