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  1. 3 points
    Thanks, @Shezep. Everything actually turned out alright; she came home today after the doctors checked her out... it's still pretty rough, though. I don't know how to feel. Guess I'll just sleep it off for now.
  2. 2 points
    Scents I absolutely adore: the fresh smell of ozone over a salty sea and a pine forest with freshly turned damp earth, particularly if it's just rained hard. Also, dead leaves at the end of autumn and the smell in the air before a good strong thunderstorm. Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs (BPAL) does scented oils and many are strange or based on fandoms. For my wolf aspect, the late smells of autumn: dead leaves, that crispness in the air, darkness falling earlier, etc. Also pine forests and freshly turned, dark earth (BPAL: Loup Garou). For my aquatic aspect: the salty brine of the ocean or the ozone of thunderstorms. Also the smell of water, but especially salt water. (BPAL: Pool of Tears) Also, the smell of a crisp night. Scents I cannot stand: green cooking vegetables, cleaning products and commercial perfumes/colognes. If I can smell you more than 20 feet away, you're wearing too much of it!
  3. 2 points
  4. 2 points
    Silvi Timberwolf (a monster high ghoul doll) on a sailing trip:
  5. 2 points
    So since last year I wrote up my reflections on a year of being in the otherkin community, of course I should start a tradition for myself. My account here was created September 6, 2015. Going into the community, I had little understanding of myself beyond a basic thought process for what I'd been able to figure out beforehand. Seeing so many other people talking about their experiences really helped me put mine into perspective and better wording, and I'd like to think I'm still doing that today. This year, I thought I might reflect on some highlights of new writing and thoughts I've had in this past year. In April, I talked about what I believed regarding what it means for an angel to Fall. I said of it, "To fall is to break from God and therefore be cast into hell. This would be bad enough for an angel, because I see them as beings of spirit and faith; it takes more than a fleeting moment of pride to break that. It takes anguish and despair and a true breaking of the heart, a shattering of the very foundation of your being, to destroy something that powerful and pure." This puts into words a deep emotional pain I feel sometimes in my mental shifts, but always with the numbing agent of distance between my current self and that part of my soul. Of the things I'm glad I finally wrote down over the course of the year, I think this is one of the most important concepts that I had to voice. Every characterization of Lucifer that portrays him as falling from pride (because wah wah humans or wah wah I wanna be like God) has always fallen a little flat to me, and that includes Paradise Lost. I think that poem does a much better job at portraying the nuances of his/my personality, but it still takes a very orthodox understanding of reasoning. And to me, even if there are elements of truth in these portrayals, it has always struck me as simply not enough to cause that kind of change. So I felt I had to speak, to clarify that yes, there are elements of that pride in Lucifer, in myself. But there's also so much more an element of confusion, an element of anger at the nature of predestination, of an angel struggling to cope with their loss of faith and the extent to which that loss is killing them, the guilt and reluctance and fear and self-bargaining caught up in these elements. Those are always the parts of the portrayals that I am drawn to, because to me they are the most important, the key in this event, not a side dish on proud overdramatic ramblings. Further back, in February, I wrote about the more feral side of myself that I had been hinting at for a while in places here and there. I said, "The way I see it, Lucifer is an intelligent, sophisticated being. Clever, calculating. However, at heart there is still the matter that this being is inhuman. Something wild, untamed, feral. Something that is aggressive and predatory. Something that prowls and preys on humanity, both literally and figuratively." It was difficult for me to post this, and in fact it was not posted for almost four months. This delve into the feral side meant opening up about a part of myself that is frightening. If there is any part of this identity I'm afraid of, it's that. It's how talking about that kind of feeling might look to others, but it's also a very powerful aspect of myself that is so uncanny and inhuman that it does frighten me to acknowledge it. It's like the physical embodiment of all that rage and pain and hopelessness felt in Falling, the twisting of one kind of inhumanity to another, darker kind. And in a community with a whole bunch of monsters and wolves and dragons and lions, should I really be that afraid of opening up about that ferality? Nevertheless, it was difficult to write down, even more difficult to post, difficult reflecting on it again now. But important. It's taken me two years (six if you count the years before I was part of the community) to figure out some of the most important guiding beliefs and understandings of my identity. And there's more thoughts hanging out in my head, but like the feral side, I'm just not ready to write them down yet. They don't scare me, but their intensity makes it so personal that I hang on to them in private for a long time. So here's to seeing how these thoughts develop, and what you will see from me in the coming year.
  6. 2 points
    Science again confirming the obvious, but it is necessary to reverse biases and strengthen the argument for the moral status of animals. While it is indeed necessary to demonstrate this for individual species, given analogous taxonomical continuity across families, it can be assumed that other canines are self-aware from this evidence. Original research: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0376635717300104 Article summary: http://www.sciencenewsline.com/news/2017090517530041.html
  7. 2 points
    I actually noticed that they are self aware just by observing the way they behave. If they were not self aware, then they wouldn't mark their territory with their scent. Having a sense of 'mineness' is an indicator that they are self aware, but apparently most people never thought that? The mirror test is flawed because they do not understand the concept of mirrors and you can't really explain it to them. Using mirrors as the only way is just another example of anthropocentricity. Another thing I observed when I was at a dog park was that there was a dog with a tumor near their stomach area. (It's sad...but it's too late now) Another dog sniffed them and after they did so, turned around and sniffed their own stomach. I found that really convincing evidence.
  8. 2 points
    Well, hey guys. I'm Jasper, and I'm a semi-frequent face around Kinmunity in general. I'm FtM transgender and 19 years old, pre-T and yet to legally change anything for financial and familial reasons, but I'll get there soon enough. I was identifying as non-binary for about two years before realizing otherwise, and am nearing my two-year anniversary of identifying as binary FtM. Well, that's all I really have to say here. Later, folks!
  9. 2 points
    So, I'm back from Gen Con, and I always do a post afterwards to talk about what happened at the convention and how it relates to my kin identity. In the past, I've always left with TUF or TAF, because I’m drawn to playing role playing games that allow me to connect with my fauntaur side and my past life. These games in turn often cause bad feelings. I've discussed this before, the challenge that comes from the things I want most causing the most trouble for me. But amazingly, I didn't actually have that problem this year. It's actually disappointing, in a way. If a game evokes these feelings, it means the character and/or story really hit me emotionally, kin related or otherwise. These feelings are bad, but they also represent something that truly took me out of this world and this life, albeit briefly. So it's kind of a shame none of that happened this year. That being said, the convention was a whole ton of fun, and I played a lot of great games. A couple of them were meaningful to me, so I'll describe them. I'll warn you now, I'm going to be going in depth describing this stuff, so you can skip it if you want. In both cases, not only did I connect with my characters and their stories, I'm also proud of my roleplaying. So I might brag a little bit about my favorite moments. Let's start with the obvious one. I've talked about Changeling at length on this blog, usually after Gen Con since that's the only place I play it. It's a tabletop RPG with a concept that speaks to me greatly. The characters are former normal people who were kidnapped by fae (who are super badass in this universe) and brought to the fae realm, where they were forcibly transformed into whatever the fae needed for their purposes. The characters eventually escape the fae realm, where they put on a magical facade of being human, but are actually something close to what they had been transformed into. So, for example, my first ever Changeling character (who led to the biggest episode of TUF I've ever faced) was turned into a goat in the fae realm, and was now a satyr. You can imagine. This time around though, the setup was a little bit different. And I’ll warn you, I'm going to go pretty in depth. But before that, I want to note that before the game started, our GM referred to Changelings as basically being mythical creatures in human bodies, which I found kind of funny, since that can also describe otherkin. Anyway, the game was set in a world where the prophesied “eternal winter” had begun, which cut off the “real world” from the fae realm and left Changelings and other magical beings without access to their source of magic and life force. Without access to that force, called glamour, most magical beings died off, and the world became a less exciting and interesting place. The few remaining Changelings (the player characters basically) had to create as much fun and whimsy as possible to survive. By the time the session started, the player characters had lost their previous groups, and instead gathered with each other, as they were the only fellow Changelings left in the area. The characters available to us were (among others) a troll, a leprechaun, and...a faun. Needless to say, I practically begged the other players to let me take the faun character. The other thing to note about the characters is that they didn't become Changelings by the process I noted above; they were souls that were reincarnated, and at some point in their human lives they awakened to their true identities. This meant I was basically playing as a faun trapped in a human body due to a forced transformation in his past life, who was desperate to find ways to connect to his faun side. So obviously it was difficult, the character being nothing like me. I'm joking, of course. But it was legitimately difficult for me to roleplay the part where his faun side kept telling him to do outlandish crazy things; while my faun side can lead me to do things I otherwise wouldn't, since it's just a spiritual thing, it isn't nearly as strong. Still, the similarities between this character and the real me were pretty striking, which makes it all the more strange that it didn't invoke the strongest feelings from me. I think the fact that the GM didn't delve too much into his backstory was the main reason; in Changeling it's usually the backstories that get to me more than the actual roleplaying. But there were some evocative events during the session’s story. I’ll try to get through it quickly. The story was set on St. Patrick’s Day. It began with the four player characters in a bar celebrating. As things got kind of crazy, we noticed a person in the bar who was radiating banality. Banality in Changeling is the enemy; enough of it will kill a Changeling. Around the same time, each of us got a brief flash of a vision. They were given to the players secretly, so I only knew that my character felt like he was in great mortal danger. He thus suggested leaving the bar, and they went to a gym owned by the troll character. There, they met another troll named Otmar. After challenging them to a game, Otmar reveals that the player characters have been reincarnated over and over again, and every time, they screw up their mission and fail to achieve their destiny. Later on, the banal man from the bar made his way to the gym. After we locked him up and interrogated him, we found that Otmar had been taken by someone whose name I can't remember, so I'm going to call her Jill. As we investigated what happened, more visions came to us. It became clear that these visions were showing the final battle of our previous life together. My character, a healer, went into a trance-like state to heal someone we couldn't see in the vision, while everyone else fought a powerful agent of banality. In the final vision, it is revealed that the troll character killed my character due to some trickery from the enemy. It became clear that this was what happened every time: my partners were more interested in victory than teamwork, and I died for it every time. That required some pretty heavy role-playing from me; it was a pretty serious moment. After a bunch of other things, we eventually found Otmar, tied up and being tortured by Jill. We had to save him. Without a thought for his safety, my character snuck over to Otmar and tried to heal him while the others distracted Jill. The GM asked me how my character (who I named Gryff) would do this. Knowing that this was how my character died in all of his past lives, I said the most badass thing I could think of: my character went into a trance state to focus on his healing, the same thing that lead to his death so many times before, knowing that this time his friends had his back. The GM was impressed, but it wasn't over. I had to convince Otmar to keep fighting even though things looked hopeless. The GM asked me what I was saying, and I made up a speech on the spot. I was pretty proud of it, and evidently the GM liked it too. My speech roused Otmar, who broke free and killed Jill with his last breath. As it turned out, Otmar dying like a warrior was the key to opening back up the magic world and saving the Changelings and other magical creatures. As the king of the trolls, that was the only death for Otmar that the universe would accept, apparently. I found the entire plot of the one-shot to be very touching, and I was proud of myself and my character for the passion we both put into it. It may not have caused TUF, but as my insanely long recap shows, it definitely left an impact. Despite that description being ridiculously long, that was only one of the two games I wanted to mention. The other one was very different; it was a fairly light hearted Disney-themed RPG. The concept was that Disney magic was actually a real thing in this world, and Disney characters were reincarnated into people in the “real world.” So this was to fiction kin what the previous game was for otherkin, in a way. All of the player characters were teenagers in the “real world” who were reincarnations of Disney heroes and went to school together very close to Disney World. Characters available included the likes of Tinkerbell, Hercules, Elsa, Moana, Beast, and Tarzan (see, the post title has another meaning!) to name a few. I chose to play as Aladdin. Not only is he one of my favorite Disney characters, he also has connections to my past life. Since I first started doing my past life meditations I've described the setting as being similar to that of the movie Aladdin. These characters usually lived like normal teens, but twice before, they had been called upon by Merlin (from The Sword in the Stone) to save Disney World and Disney magic. Needless to say, Merlin had a modern day reincarnation as well: Lin-Manuel Miranda, creator of Hamilton and current Disney songwriter. I thought that was hilarious and awesome. The GM explained that it was because of his name: the first name is “Lin” and the last name starts with “Mir.” This time, he had called on us because Disney had just announced the opening of a new part of Disney World called the “Dark Kingdom” which was based on Disney villains. It was built completely under the radar, and nobody knew who gave the order to build it. There would be celebrities and the grand opening and a huge ceremony, but Merlin thought there was bad stuff afoot. The used player characters were the modern incarnations of Moana, Rapunzel (from Tangled), Elsa (from Frozen), Merida (from Brave), and of course, Aladdin. We had to infiltrate the park and see what was going on. And I will give our GM a world of credit, because he actually planned out and designed the entire park, even though only a handful of attractions were actually part of the story, and he planned them out to the detail. It felt like he was recreating a real park. Anyway, the first attraction we checked was a play area based on Tamatoa, the giant crab from Moana who is obsessed with treasure and has a bunch of it on his shell. Inside the attraction, we found ourselves in the middle of a tussle between Tamatoa himself and the Kakamora (the coconut monsters from Moana) over King Triton’s trident from The Little Mermaid. Aladdin being the kind of guy he is, I was always ready to taunt the bad guys and get their attention on me to keep the others safe. When Tamatoa grabbed them, I came up with a taunt that I was really proud of, both because it was exactly the right thing to say to piss off Tamatoa, and because it was exactly what Aladdin would do in that situation. I shouted “I've been to the Cave of Wonders; your shell isn't that impressive!” The rest of the table cheered me on, as the GM told me that I had indeed made an impact on the crab’s pride. Distracted by my comment, he failed to defend himself against a final blow from Elsa. We ran into or heard about a few other bad guys at the park too, as we investigated. Present were King Candy from Wreck It Ralph, Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean, Ursula from The Little Mermaid, and Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog. The final battle had us literally saving Ariana Grande from Ursula’s grasp, as she and the other villains tried to create enough negativity to summon Chernabog, the devil-like creature from Fantasia. Naturally, we put a stop to that. What interested me most about this game, besides the very concept, was how easily I stepped into the character of Aladdin. Granted, I've seen the movie a hundred times so it isn't a huge shock, but I really felt at home playing him. Given the similar settings to his movie and my past life, I wondered briefly if I might be fiction kin of him. I realised quickly that I wasn't, but I do have to wonder if there is more than just a character connection and a similar setting at play there. Those were the main things, but I have other Gen Con stories to share too. One entertaining moment came in a game where we were basically playing as rookie Men in Black-like agents who were trying to stop demons from getting an object that would triggering an event that would let them take over the world. Literally the only combat in the entire session came from my character, a hacker, knocking out security guard (via a punch in the face) so I could steal his tablet. I then proceeded to drag the body into a locker room where some of my colleagues were trying to have a meaningful discussion. It was hilarious. I have more highlights, but I'll make them a separate post. So where am I left now? Gen Con was a blast and let me forget about my issues for a while. It even gave me some non-problematic ways of connecting with my fauntaur side. But now I'm back, and I'm still having issues. There’s a lack of motivation at work for one, and an overall lack of time. But the most relevant part is that I'm having less time for this site, and less time to focus on meditation and figuring out my kin type and background. But I'm going to do my best to try to get back to it. I've been ignoring it for a while now, but I want to get back into it. Other than that, things are staying pretty normal over here. Hopefully I'll have updates soon.
  10. 1 point
    After 10 years of ideas, 8 years of experimenting, and 2 years of writing.. My first Metal album is complete! This is a pretty big day for me, but release day will be even BIGGER. My inspirations were Stockyard6, Dream Theater, Metallica, Megadeth, Linkin Park, and there's more I'm not thinking about.. Anyways, my album is titled "My Dark Story", and is themed around Mental Illness, and how it feels for me to live with it. I wanted to share it with you guys, and girls, so! https://the3rdtausk.bandcamp.com/album/my-dark-story <- You can pre-order it here, and listen to a sample song!
  11. 1 point
    For witchcraft, specifically: I'm really glad that so many writers are tackling folk magic and witchcraft in recent decades. Gives us all a ton more perspectives to consider! The older classics by Cunningham, Buckland, Farrar, Gardner, Judy Hall (included for her often-cited crystal bibles), and Silver Ravenwolf are good stepping stones. I take each with plenty of salt and pepper, and with the knowing that they have a lot of roots in older occult societies. Gardner was among the first pioneers to publish on occult matters after England repealed its laws banning occult and secret societies in the middle of the last century. Gardner and Crowley are often cited, and frequently seen as one of the first dominoes tipped toward the spreading of folk magic and witchcraft as it is today. (Although I think both would shudder to see the self-initiated solitary religion Wicca often appears as, today.) Following that, there are many authors paired with various publishers: Llewelyn stands out immediately. There are some with specialties, and some that write prolifically on all related subjects. Ellen Dugan is an example, with a very familiar and informal writing tone. Christopher Penczak is quickly becoming a favorite of mine, as his Inner Temple of Witchcraft comes off as a practical skill guide rather than a re-hashing, yet again, of the wheel of the year as most Wicca/Witchcraft 101 texts tend to seem. For spirituality in general: Though Deepak Chopra does have his hitches and unfounded claims every now and again, he has a very easy tone and unique perspective. I am currently reading The Third Jesus at a friend's recommendation. I find him MUCH easier to understand than Marcus Borg, who approached a similar concept in his text Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time. I also highly recommend reading the writing of Buddhist teachers, and I personally enjoy Pema Chodron, Jack Kornfield, and Thich Nhat Hanh for their numerous texts, concise and personal tone, and philosophical approach. Anything that reads like a close friend wrote it, rather than a dogmatic pundit, is a good book in my opinion. The Dhammaphada, Bhagavad Gita, Poetic and Prose Eddas, Torah, Quran, Laveyan Satanic Bible, Zoroastrian Avesta and Yasna, and other world texts make for a wonderful window into the minds of people all across the globe. I also personally recommend Thich Nhat Hanh's Old Path White Clouds if you'd like a translated story of the Buddha Gautama's life on earth. His translation and condensing brings out clear and lovely meaning. Other ways to learn lots about people is to read ideas on personality types. Jung is famous for his archetypal understandings of humanity, and the Enneagram system, based on Jung's thoughts, has plenty of books written on it. The four humours are also worth looking into, though I haven't personally read any texts on them yet. Hopefully some of these authors sound interesting and are available to you. Much luck to you, and may you never run out of cool stuff to read!
  12. 1 point
    I'd say talk to the Hellenics and look into Hellenism. Though Pan is something of an outlier there and might be approached somewhat differently than the Olympians. It could give you a place to start though. I found a wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hellenism_(religion) I know there were a number of Hellenics on Tumblr, though they seemed to be a little on the conservative side of the spectrum, which might not suit a follower of Pan so much. Might be best to just read and not get into the middle of it.
  13. 1 point
    I really like vanilla. It has nothing at all to do with my kin type; it's just a good smell. Fruity smells are good too.
  14. 1 point
  15. 1 point
    My chief argument, kyms, is that the standard to which you hold a kintype is infinitely lower than everyone else. "I went to Judo class for 2 whole months. I'm a black belt!." "I really enjoy the color blue, and the New York Giants are called 'Big Blue,' that makes me a die hard Giants fan! Now if only I could remember how many innings a football game has." "I majored in pre med in my junior college, I'm a doctor!" If you see a problem with these statements, you see my logical discourse with the way you hold your kintypes. And even your experiences and shifts do not prove the existence of a kintype. For example, I play a lot of role playing games, including dungeons and dragons. I had a character who was a mounted combat paladin with hammer and shield. I would internalize and imagine each movement, each charge, each swing. Even now, months after the game finished, I occasionally go back to mimicking those swings I rehearsed in my head. I feel the armor on my arm, the paldron shifting over the vambrace as I swing the top heavy hammer in wide arcs and feel the connection of an impact, even will feel as I should walk with shield at ready position... this is imagination simulation stimulus. Though it fits many of the definitions of a shift. I know it's origin, I know it's function. It is not a kintype, not anything close to it. But this is exactly what I think of when I read your posts and justifications. Shezep brings up very good points. This is what I meant by collecting kintypes and theriotypes. Your alleged kintypes match the description of a learned behavior, rather than an inherent part of your being.
  16. 1 point
    Having great interests for things is an indication of having a heart-type but not a kin type, especially when the interest developed after being around a similar animal. Would you still think of yourself as a therian if you never had pets? Their influence changed your perception of yourself. This is what we mean when we say that they come from the outside. Yes, you are doing the shifts, but without that outside influence you would not have them. Having pets changed you from who you were to someone who is more animal-like. Who were you before your pets died? Were you human then? What was it about you that made you branch out into all these other animals?
  17. 1 point
    Like @Shezep, I find energy work and magic to ease the discomfort. It's more effective when I retain enough human faculties to ground and focus. Mileage varies widely. i also find physically oriented work like yoga, two chi, and long hikes to be helpful. There is a swimming hole nearby, private and crystal clear, that helps take the brunt of the pent up energy. Perhaps water, in its timeless accommodation, could be of help to you? best of luck, and may you find ways of actualizing this energy that serve your highest good
  18. 1 point
    Rediscovering Elton John wow I didn't remember him sounding soo darn sexy. also I am drinking tea...... I think this will become my morning habit good vibes all day!!! now I am going to find something to bite
  19. 1 point
    I just like the smells of things x.x I feel like there's a specific smell of soil and grass in the sun that I really like, as well as other plant smells (like flowers and basil etc) and I've always hated new car smell and those hospital bandages they put on you arm after donating blood - it makes me feel like vomiting
  20. 1 point
    Well, I like all kinds of smells, except warm smells, like a burning candle...
  21. 1 point
    I love forest like smells. The area around my house is surrounded by trees because I live in the middle of nowhere. I enjoy it everyday. The smell of rain is also really great. Some of the main smells i can't tolerate are most perfume or cologne smells. They make me cough.
  22. 1 point
    Many people who believe in reincarnation want to either come back as another human, or to break out of the cycle of reincarnation and move on to some higher existence or something I just want to come back as a cormorant.
  23. 1 point
    I don't have time for anything, it seems. And when I do have time, I don't have the focus or energy to do things I should do. That's not to say I'm always working or anything like that; a lot of my time is spent with friends, family, and my boyfriend. But between all of that and work, I have very little time for myself. And even when I do manage to get some, it's limited enough that I have to make tough choices about how I want to use it. Often I choose to do something fun, to engage in an aspect of one of my hobbies that I need to do alone. So that leaves little time for meditation and research and other things that help me learn about and connect with my kin type and past life. In truth, everything is messed up right now. I can’t focus at work, and it's hard for me to go a single work day without half wanting to jump out the window out of boredom. I don't like asking questions at work because people seem to keep getting annoyed with me when I do, but there's so much to deal with and keep track of that I have to ask. So I spend some time just sitting and staring at something to work up the courage and energy to ask about it. Sometimes I just let things wait and find something more straightforward to deal with, but I can't keep doing that. I'm running out of straightforward stuff. Meanwhile,what I like to call my “game panic” kicks in. It's kind of in overdrive right now, with so many games coming out soon and so little time to actually play anything. I spend so much time going back and forth with myself about what I want to play when, even knowing that I'm not likely to start something new until there's a new game that really excites me. But I worry about thinks like mixing genres and how long a game is and how long it's been on my backlog. I don't know why I get worked up like this. So with all of this going on, time and focus for meditation and the like have been limited. It's mostly been out of my head for a while. I just have too many other things on my mind. But it's not like I'm satisfied with what I've found and the connections I've been able to make. There's still a ton to do. So I guess I'm going to have to make time for it. And energy. At least, as much as I can. I still want to focus on Pan and the centaur connection. I think maybe one could help with the other. I still don't know where centaurs connect with what my kin type is, only that there is something. Maybe it's a separate kin type, for all I know, but I don't think so. Maybe it has something to do with Pan. I'm only spitballing here, but what if there was some sort of transformation situation involved in my “apprenticeship” to Pan. I’m picturing something akin to Merlin and Arthur in The Sword in the Stone. Perhaps shapeshifting was not an inherent ability for a fauntaur, but could be learned, or granted. But in this 100% off the cuff imagined situation, I imagine he wouldn't let me shapeshift into a human again. Remember, my best guess at this point is that I was transformed into a fauntaur against my will by some powerful being, possibly Apollo, and that Pan wanted to teach me how to be a fauntaur. Letting me become a human again would very much go against that purpose. I don't know if any of these ideas are even close to the truth, but there is definitely something to be said about my relationship with Pan and the feelings associated with it. Even just coming up with random ideas like that is something I haven't been able to do in a long time, so I'm glad I decided to take some time for it here. The rest, I just have to keep working on. Even one meditation session will be better than nothing. But I don't think there's much that can help with this situation until my overall situation improves. I don't know what exactly I need to do. But the sad thing is, I don't know if there really is a solution. The thing with depression (the source of my anxiety) and ADD is that even when treated, they're still a big problem. Treatment just makes it so they aren't debilitating. I'm glad I was able to get this update out at the very least. I am still around, but I don't post on the forum much. I just don't have a ton of time or focus. But if anyone wants to talk to me, I'm here.
  24. 1 point
    I am a Sea-Serpent Kin, but I do not constantly crave fish for dinner.
  25. 1 point
    Yeeeeeeeeeee, I found a crazy horsewoman to teach me dressage, who practices horsemanship informed by cognitive ethology and understanding of horse perception and behavior. This makes up for reading really infuriating arguments by old white armchair philosophers of language against mind in animals. I subject myself to this kind of torture to "know thy enemy", so to speak. They're all incredibly wrong. Animals are minded individuals and most mammals at least are self-aware given the evidence that is coming to light on metacognition studied in everything from dogs, horses, cats, apes, and such, but also birds and marine mammals.
  26. 1 point
    Let me offer you more details that you might not have considered. I'm both a teacher and work as an activist for LGBTQ persons, especially supporting my transgender friends. I myself am gay. I agree with Opossumblossum's points, but you might want to consider a few things first: Typically school policy dictates that one not wear "offensive" clothing which is a blanket term that allows the school to willy-nilly choose what to censor on a case by case basis. On one hand, this is a good thing because it allows some flexibility with regard to violations that really are intended to disrupt, but are difficult to classify. (For example, I used to wear a shirt to middle school that read "F.C.U.K French Connection to the United Kingdom" cause I was a little heathen LOL.) On the other hand, it can be abused by biased teachers (possibly like yours) that might offended by the very idea of nonconformist gender performance. (I also used to wear animal rights activism shirts that got me in trouble. Arguably these were not offensive and the teachers were flaunting their own opinions.) The difficult line is gonna be that the teacher will argue that it was a disruption, and teachers are given liberty to deal with disruptions as they need to cause, hell, we really need it sometimes. Or perhaps, she was just having a bad day and wasn't in the mood to deal with what she might have off-hand interpreted as making fun. Do you know if the area you live is more conservative or liberal? I generally prefer my students to be open and honest with me, so what I would recommend is that you ask her off hours about it, ask why it was a problem. If your friend was indeed trans, I'd immediately think it was problematic. It is a greyer area given your friend might be discovering his/her identity. Overall, I'd say it was a poor choice on the teacher's part regardless because fostering an open space where students can discover themselves and grow is one of the principle values of education. But you've got to remember that us teachers are human, and we make mistakes. We have a lot on our plate all the time and don't always have the energy or time to be sensitive to every issue there is. If your teacher gives an indication that she was offended by gender queering through a boy wearing makeup, then I would make a bigger issue out of it because she will have proven to you that she was indeed biased against genders. Possibly she really is, if she threatened detention simply because of makeup and not because of disruption. But I know for a fact that my students tend to skew others' expressions to make people look worse than they actually are when recounting a story. Usually I ask, did she really say it the way you say she did? What were her exact words? If she did, then it's pretty clear that she is very much against transgendered persons. If it is more your interpretation, then you might want to ask her more questions to make sure you aren't making a mistake. But, if she was just having a bad day and didn't want to deal with it, or if she genuinely cares about transgender persons but thought that it might actually disrupt her class, then you wouldn't be accomplishing activism but making an unnecessary enemy of your teacher and hurting her job for no reason. Then, you'd just have to forgive her for the error and maybe talk to her about it more to resolve it. Activism is good when it punishes people who actually did wrong and meant wrong. It is bad when it uses someone who is innocent and didn't mean wrong as a political tool because one could interpret it that way by leaving off important context. Students don't approach us teachers enough with their issues. I can understand why because we come off as authorities and there is often a certain layer of fear of saying the wrong thing. But I can assure you we wish that students would approach us more about personal issues that occur in the classroom. I don't know, maybe your teacher is a tyrant. There are, in fact, very bad teachers out there LOL. But I just wanted to give you some more things to consider.
  27. 1 point
    DAT BURB METABOLISM KICKIN' IN! Admittedly, I'm like a bottomless pit.
  28. 1 point
    If it is in the rules, perhaps make note of it and research who handles policy breach by teachers. It's unfortunately doubtful that she will get more than a slap on the wrist if administration in your school decide to talk to her about it. reporting it could be a way to increase perception in your school staff, so that they can learn and see where they let beliefs interfere with doing the right thing
  29. 1 point
    -offers hugs- Hang in there and take care of yourself. You went through a difficult thing that most people never have to deal with. I hope Nyoka enjoys his new home.
  30. 1 point
    Don't worry too hard over it. We've heard stories like this before. As long as you've got it in check now, there's not much to worry about. Humans are pretty violent anyway, which means that losing control due to anger is not always an animal trait. I think I read once that human levels of violence are about on par with primates of similar size, though civilization and increased standards of living does have a softening effect on homicide rates. In other words, humans are animals too. The real question is, do you feel nonhuman? Not just on rare occasions but do you pretty much always have at least a low background sense of being something else? Personally, I discovered my kintype via the brick-to-the-head method, actually twice because the second one got more specific than the first had been. One day I had no idea, and the next Bam! There it was. There are no techniques or methods that can cause one of those to happen. It's like hitting the lottery. The revelation was nearly instantaneous, but then it took years to truly understand what it meant, to work through and research the relevant information, and to learn how to live with it. It took awhile to compare what I knew with what I'd been told in order to determine if the information was right or not. Of course, that was after I got over the denial stage of the process which added a few more years to it. Some people start with vague feelings that they slowly get to come together into a coherent picture. Sometimes through research. Sometimes by trying things on to see what fits and what doesn't. When you come up with a possibility check with your past history to see if it makes sense. Beware of false positives, because if you want something to be true, your brain will bend over backwards trying to offer you proof that it is. There are no easy answers.
  31. 1 point
    You being a therian does not give you an excuse for bad behavior. If you are becoming violent towards friends and family, I recommend you seek professional help.
  32. 1 point
    When doing pad work with Dan level brothers and sisters, be mindful that you should be careful of how you hold the pad. Otherwise the 3rd Dan you are working with will deliver a powerful punch to the pad by your head, causing you to bsckfist yourself in the face. *rubs cheek*
  33. 1 point
    Glad to hear you're okay. I don't know anyone who lives there, but it's where my mom grew up. She has friends there, who are also okay. TRUMP IS COMING TO MY TOWN There is going to be a huge protest, and probably a huge counter-protest, and Trump is bringing all his security. It's tomorrow, when I'll be in class, pretty DAMN close to where I live/go to college. This is going to be interesting, folks.
  34. 1 point
    As I've only recently come to terms with being otherkin, I wanted to spend a little time researching and getting my bearings with the whole thing before telling anyone. Then, once I was sure about my identity, I started to join the online kin communities (such as this one, tumblr, and Discord servers). I'm really grateful to the online kin community that I've encountered so far: everyone's much calmer and kinder than I expected, to be honest. I had some negative expectations coming into this, and I was scared for a long time, but I'm so much happier now that I've started to interact with others like me. After I'd "come out" (albeit anonymously) online, I thought I'd just leave it there. I don't have very many friends to begin with, and I was sure that those I do have wouldn't take my identity very well - they're not mean or anything, I just knew they wouldn't understand and was worried they'd make fun of me or think less of me. The thing is, I've just been so excited to explore the nonhuman sides of me, and I started thinking about all the awkward situations that might arise if my friends accidentally found out that I'm otherkin... What if they saw otherkin blogs on my tumblr dashboard? What if I accidentally put kin-related stuff on the wrong blog? What if they found some of my kin musings on my laptop? I didn't want to have that conversation, at least definitely when I wasn't expecting it. So, earlier today, I decided to "come out" as otherkin to my two best friends. I can't really think of a better phrase than "coming out" but it still sounds funny to me in this context. Anyways - it went way better than I expected! They don't really understand it, which is nothing surprising, but they both said that it doesn't change their opinions of me at all. In fact, when I explained my kintypes to them, they even encouraged me to get kin-related tattoos! That was extra awesome for me, because I've been planning my selkie tattoo for months now, and I think I'm going to follow through with their idea of me having a tattoo for each kintype. <3
  35. 1 point
    *bursts through wall* WHO SAID KERGUELEN Glad to see you're doing better.
  36. 1 point
    First, I want to thank those who have commented on my prior entries, albeit without unnecessarily pinging them: Kergulen, Shezep and Opossumblossum. Thank you for your insights and willingness to read and respond to the incoherent ramblings of a random user. As for those who have read and not responded for reasons of their own, thank you for taking the time to give them a look. While I only have the view counter to go by and I realize several are from myself or those mentioned above, I appreciate it never the less. Now, for the actual subject of this particular entry, following closely on the heels of my vent that was apparently posted not too long ago. It feels like weeks have come and gone since I wrote it, but the publish date does not lie; even if my mind is trying to convince itself otherwise. Ever since I wrote that entry and got everything off of my chest, then proceeded to look at the new possibilities and almost immediately rule out one of them, I find I have become... content. This is not due to being able to eliminate one of the possible kintypes I had been considering, but from a personal realization and the actualization of the kintype through an artist I fell in love with. To explain, I do not experience phantom limbs (as far as I am aware) and instead I go off a variety of other signals and 'signs'. One of the ways I help myself understand whether or not something may be close or completely off is by having an artist work with me in bringing this possibility to life through a visual medium. However, instead of seeking them out and commissioning someone I know would do the idea 'justice' because they are comfortable with the particular subject, I post wanted threads and see who it attracts. Every time I have done this, the right person has always shown up eventually (a reminder for when I feel deeply impatient) and not once has an artist I have worked with previously responded to the new one. Instead that only seems to occur with my more generalized threads, for when I am seeking original character work as opposed to something on this level. I do not know if there is a particular term for going about it this way or if it may be frowned upon, but I find it has helped me a great deal throughout the years and I am ever grateful to the artists who have worked with me. Never the less, the reason I find myself posting about this is not only due to the prior entries, but the fact that I felt such a sudden... change in my overall demeanor and thoughts. I no longer feel this positively frantic need to try and figure out my kintype, something that has been plaguing me for longer than I care to admit. Even when I identified (I may still?) as a machine entity, I still felt that fiery desire burning within me; albeit to a vastly lesser extent than it had been before. As the title says, I am at ease and I am at the most calm I have been in such an incredibly long time. Even my family has taken notice and, oddly enough, my baby boy cat Thanatos. Then again, I have an incredibly intuitive and empathetic family, so any changes in me are noticed immediately. Though they have also noted how... I suppose 'drastic' this one is, especially compared to what is considered normal for me to go through. While I am exceedingly pleased and quite ecstatic with these developments, I do feel incredibly shy with regards to discussing or even mentioning what exactly my identity is. To be quite frank I have never quite been at ease with people who have this particular identification or 'label', given what I have seen from the wider community. However, I also understand I should never judge an entire group and instead make informed decisions based on the actions of the person. Granted it still makes me incredibly hypocritical to feel uneasy, given my prior complaints and commentary with regards to how people view those with a machine identity as a group; but I suppose that is one of the more unfortunate facets of human thought. Regardless, I am quite content and I will be happily looking into all of the new avenues which have opened to me. I will also be deeply considering my machine identity and whether or not it is as I had believed or if it is a heart type. Of course, looking at my identity as it stands now, it makes complete sense as to why I view machines as I do and why I possibly mistook it as being who I was. Granted this is not an affirmation for or against it, just a brief observation on one of several possibilities now on the table. This endeavor is going to be both exhilarating and terrifying for the sheer scope it now encompasses...
  37. 1 point
    It's just as spiritual as it is otherkin related; I have my personal holy symbol/halo tattoo'd on my sternum. Almost all of my body mod ideas are kin/identity/spirituality related... Dayum @Helena Sheibler Do a show off! I want to see so many of those tatts!! So cool! If I could get a tatt paid for but had to go RIGHT NOW and allow artistic license.... I'd do it. Crystal lotus/heartagram around the sternum OR matching angel/lion and angel/opossum motifs on the tops of my feet. (Why oh why do I want that pain...)
  38. 1 point
    for me, i simply feel unable to synch properly with humans all the time. it's really hard to explain, but almost all the time it feels like i'm looking through something into this life, from another plane or something. it's confusing but i've kinda gotten used to it.
  39. 1 point
    That sounds awesome right now. Captain crunch. I am the best cook.
  40. 1 point
    That's awful @Charias! Feel free to message me if you'd like to. Be strong and hang in there!
  41. 1 point
  42. 1 point
    Also, asthma and allergies suck. And so do the weed police. Guess what, I'm not going out there to chop down weeds when I can't breathe.
  43. 1 point
    Oh my GOD, I made the chicken recipe again, but added stuff. Oh, it's so good. Cut up four chicken breasts into strips. Grill them in a skillet with a thin coating of vegetable oil, salt, garlic, and rosemary until they're all white. Pull apart the chicken strips into tiny shredded pieces. Mix in a pot: 1.5 cup lemon juice, 1 can coconut milk, as much chili paste as you like, 6 chopped green onions (count the bulbs at the bottom), a drizzle of soy sauce. Mix thoroughly with chicken. Let sit for two hours in the fridge. Dice half a cucumber and throw in the fresh chunks once the chicken is ready.
  44. 1 point
    If other religions feel off, and you feel uncomfortable with your upbringing, then it's time for a change of pace. Don't just focus on broad religions. What are your individual beliefs? Find those first, and then think about religion later. Some take many years to figure out what they believe in. You don't need to fit into any one category. Try not to force yourself to fit either.
  45. 1 point
    Moving madness PLUS two six week old kitties makes for a rough few days of a month... X.x - "Kilrou"/CD
  46. 1 point
    I actually wrote this last week, but I still have the date-stamp for it because I posted it on an angelkin forum so I'm titling it with the correct date of when it was written. It's an important piece of my understanding of my identity, which is why I'm cross-posting it to here. "(From my perspective and personal beliefs, which I will explain below.) Speaking as a fallen angel, I end up focusing a lot on my thoughts and beliefs regarding the Fall. Call it meditation, call it daydreaming, but whenever I go into this kind of reflection I always circle around to an image of speaking as my angelic self. And despite that self addressing topics and discussing thoughts that could easily be frightening, I feel absolutely at peace with finding my deepest voice from which to express those thoughts. That introduction aside, a brief summary of my beliefs regarding God (speaking as a Christian, sort of) are much more in line with pantheism. This is the belief that God encompasses everything and is in everything and is everything. In a slightly more narrowed understanding of this concept, my own personal beliefs are that God is the force of life itself, and all that goes with it. A summary of my beliefs regarding angels is that they are beings of intensely felt spirit and faith; these core aspects are as vital a part of them as a pair of wings to a flying bird. In a way, I feel the typical angel wings are a representation and manifestation of this spirit and faith. Moving on to the actual point of this post, I wanted to discuss my own thoughts regarding fallen angels in light of these personal beliefs and in the light of how I express these thoughts as my angelic self in meditation/daydreaming/mental shifting/whatever I'm supposed to call that. My thoughts are as follows: One interpretation of hell is that whether or not it is a place is irrelevant; ("why this is hell, and nor am I out of it" to quote Mephistopheles in Dr. Faustus) hell can be seen as simply being separated from God. To fall is to break from God and therefore be cast into hell. This would be bad enough for an angel, because I see them as beings of spirit and faith; it takes more than a fleeting moment of pride to break that. It takes anguish and despair and a true breaking of the heart, a shattering of the very foundation of your being, to destroy something that powerful and pure. And then there falls into this my belief that God is the force of life. To be separated from life is to die. And falling is, in my eyes, very much like a form of death."
  47. 1 point
    Thank you for following :3
  48. 1 point
    ... you use me to test your catapult! You know, all kidding aside, the last time we tried to pull this off the cops...
  49. 1 point
  50. 1 point
    (Best said out loud!) Why are helium, curium, and barium the medical elements? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you barium!
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