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  1. 3 points
    β™‘ πΌπ“ƒπ“‰π“‡π‘œπ’Ήπ“Šπ’Έπ“‰π’Ύπ‘œπ“ƒ β™‘ Hello everyone! (*・ω・)οΎ‰ Today I would like to introduce you to one of my niche interests: unusual websites! I have decided to begin listing the ones that I stumble upon here so I can share their beauty and strangeness with the world. Or at the very least, the world of kinmunity. I will likely be updating this and adding to it as I find/remember more. Feel free to share your own in the comment, or tell me your favorites! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Strange and Scary: Happylander: A giant cat and not much else. Could be scary or funny depending on your opinions. Drive Me Insane, turn lights on and off in a man's house and write on his computer screen. The Dating Site for Ghosts! Recordings of People's Last Words Before Plane Crashes A website dedicated to the conspiracy theory that time is cube-shaped and every day is made up of 4 days (There's also a lot of fascinating history behind this one, this video covers it well!) A mysterious un-named website requiring a login Ways that the world might end Nails (I'm not even sure how to explain this one honestly...) Strange and Funny/Cute: Doughnut Kitten Pet The Dog Chihuahua Spin A button that makes everything OK I am Awesome An adorable army of pixelated doggos An army of swimming corgis A pug licks your screen A unicode snowman just for you! A bunch of flying salmon Strange and Pointless: Literally Just a Crouton Chess that plays itself A trippy volcano (WARNING! BRIGHT FLASHING COLORS!) Infinitely open doors This site that just screams "HEEEEEY" and "HOOOOO" at you forever IsMyComputerOn.com A livestream of grass growing Fresh Air: The useless fan Is it Christmas? An interactive toilet paper roll that makes my cat self very happy Literally just a dime Scroll up or down to make Falling Guy fall RGB (Warning! Bright colors and loud sounds!) Falling Falling Just a ninja with a flexing arm Has The Large Hadron Collider Destroyed The World Yet? A website akin to an animated Piet Mondrian painting Strange but interesting: The Blue Ball Machine HackTest, a game I can't even figure out the first level of Honestly just a mess... A site that somehow always has the perfect image to point at your pointer The site where I found one of my favorite songs (ONLY WORKS IF YOU ALLOW FLASH) A browser extension that removes all the text from websites Windows 93, a site similar to a windows 95 desktop but with even more aesthetic (This is a big favorite of mine!) The last page of the internet
  2. 2 points
    Hello everyone! (*・ω・)οΎ‰ Today I find myself pondering my memories as a cat. Admittedly, these memories are few in number, but they do exist. As a psychological otherkin and someone who has no belief in past lives, I have a weird relationship with them. In fact, I doubt that "memory" is even the proper label for these thoughts, but I'm not sure what else to really call them. Visions, perhaps? But from where? I have two theories regarding this. Firstly, they could be entirely figments of my imagination. Perhaps these are simply the result of envisioning scenarios in which I might feel at home. As a psychological otherkin, it is certainly in the realm of possibility that these "memories" are psychological in origin as well. While this theory is far easier to prove, I have another hypothesis which also proves far more intriguing. Many cloudy afternoons and sleepless nights have I spent toying with ideas of what may lie beyond the little corner of space which we have observed, and then what lies even further: beyond our universe as a whole. Is there nothing at all? More universes? I have no way of knowing with complete certainty which is true, or if either of them are. Because there is little concrete evidence for either, I have not entirely dedicated myself to a specific belief regarding this topic. However, if other universes do exist, perhaps one exists where I (or a soul identical to my own) inhabit a fully feline body. Perhaps these are not recollections at all, but glimpses into somewhere far beyond the reaches of our cosmos where these events are actually occurring. In fact, if this is the case, this could explain more then simply these visions. If there is another universe in which I am my kintype in my entirety, this could be the origin of my otherkinity in this universe as well. It is clear that I have already established a strong enough connection to see into this universe. Who is to say that the link isn't even greater? Strong enough to influence my identity and sense of self here and now? But perhaps we will never know.
  3. 2 points
    Kin ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Humans are animals too",that much is true.But there are many differencesbetween me and you.I am a far different kind of creaturewith paws and fangs and furry features.Though that part of me lies hidden awaybeyond the grasp of any reacher.My body is a lie, this skindoes not reflect the mind within.My flesh and blood, it may be humanbut you are not my kin.
  4. 1 point
    β™‘ πΌπ“ƒπ“‰π“‡π‘œπ’Ήπ“Šπ’Έπ“‰π’Ύπ‘œπ“ƒ β™‘ Hello everyone! (*・ω・)οΎ‰ We've all been there. For a brief moment, you have a mild interest in a thing. Perhaps you are wondering, "what is this thing?" So you decide to look it up, just long enough to get an idea of how it works, right? Wrong. 3 Wikipedia articles, 2 full-length documentaries and about 5 hours later, you realize you have been obsessing over it for a large portion of your day. Congratulations! You have fallen down a rabbit hole. In some cases, this can be detrimental, like when you forget to eat that snack you were planning on munching on or you have an essay to revise. Other times it can actually be quite interesting, even enjoyable. Who knows, you might learn something along the way. But how does one fall down a rabbit hole? It's simple, find an interesting topic and learn as much as you can about it. "But Effervescent-Daydream", you might be thinking, "what kind of interesting topics?" Well, dear internetter, I am here to save the day with my list of interesting rabbit holes to fall down, and even some helpful links and suggestions to get you started! Happy hole-falling! β™‘ πΌπ“ƒπ“‰π‘’π“‡π‘’π“ˆπ“‰π’Ύπ“ƒπ‘” 𝑅𝒢𝒷𝒷𝒾𝓉 π»π‘œπ“π‘’π“ˆ β™‘ β™‘ Medical Scandals (Drugs with horrible consequences, surgeries gone wrong, etc) β™₯ Places with strange names β™‘ Thought experiments β™₯ Rare genetic disorders β™‘ Head Transplant β™₯ Unsolved problems in various sciences β™‘ The Time Cube (This one is long and complicated so I recommend this video, which also happens to have a very fitting name!) β™₯ Unusual deaths β™‘ Ways that the world might end β™₯ Serial killers β™‘ The Worst Things For Sale β™₯ Strange weather phenomena (snow in cold places, "raining" things other than water, etc) β™‘ People restoring rusty knives or other old items... β™₯ Or making them out of strange materials. β™‘ Watching people repairing electronics (interesting even if you don't know how they work imo) β™₯ Common misconceptions β™‘ Movie and TV bloopers β™₯ Houses made with the sole purpose of annoying their neighbors (Yes, it happens!) β™‘ Fictional towns β™₯ Unusual graves β™‘ The Timeline Of The Far Future β™₯ Landmarks which have since been demolished or destroyed β™‘ Floods of non-water liquids β™₯ Things you can spell on calculators β™‘ Extreme points of the earth (high points, low points, far away points, etc) β™₯ Mathematical Paradoxes β™‘ Or paradoxes in general β™₯ Unusual dates (February 30th, January 0, etc) β™‘ Comparisons that can actually be made between apples and oranges β™₯ The language of identical twins β™‘ Funny words β™₯ People with the same name (Same first and last, first and middle, etc) β™‘ Sounds with unknown origins β™₯ Why new cars smell like that β™‘ Animals in space β™₯ How to hypnotize a chicken β™‘ The 52-Hertz Whale (Warning: This rabbit hole is extremely sad and still keeps me up at night sometimes tbh) β™₯ Organisms with unusual scientific names β™‘ Famous trees (There are surprisingly many!) β™₯ People who died on toilets β™‘ Unused roads β™₯ Strange apps and useless tech products (Such as an app that cost $1000 and did nothing but display a gem) β™‘ Abandoned places (Amusement parks tend to be cool.) β™₯ Species who were thought to be extinct but later rediscovered β™‘ Video Game Glitches β™₯ Strange world records β™‘ Unusual folklore creatures β™₯ Phobias
  5. 1 point
    Which is why I didn't blog last night. So, its been fun, but I also have been flashbacking to hell. I'm also aware I probably won't be able to finish it due to personal reasons. Another thing, I occasionally get mildly lost due to the layout back home having a few differences. I also forgot how uncomfortable some of the peoples make me. However, I'm still going to play it as long as I can. I'm exhausted tbh. I haven't made it very far in the game because Im taking time to just look around. It's also making me a bit homesick, but hey, that's the price I pay for being a nerd. peace out for now. Wish me luck
  6. 1 point
    What is a Zhuard? (taken from the FAQ on my tumblr blog) In brief, zhuards are a semi-polymorphic entity that is able to change its form in given circumstances or situations. They were created by a higher being that implemented such an ability for (possibly**) militant reasons a long time ago. Zhuards have base forms (Pharaoh, terrestrial, Ka'nar) in which they can fluidly move to and change their appearance. However learning to change into something outside of those base forms can take years to learn. Zhuards are not mammals, even if terrestrial form looks like it. They are not dragons even if pharaoh form reminds you of one. They have distinct behavior and anatomy. **I also predict they were used for travel or just a general show of strength -- Fun facts from the (obsessively) long essay: -zhuards can ingest rocks and material containing metal in order to provide minerals to their skeletal structure (and for developing pups). However certain rocks cause gastrointestinal issues. -Numeric age has no real impact on actual growth past adulthood. -Zhuards live in fission-fusion clans...but group hunting is rarely done -Due to the low male to female birth ratio, females were made to be simultaneous hermaphrodites to 'fix' that and some have a higher predisposition for "masculine" behavior -Zhuards chirp..and make a bunch of weird sounds (I'm reviewing the sound files I created-so hopefully you'll be able to hear these soon) -Zhuards were made to manipulate one energy in their (new/host) world- Domruku ('energy of illusions, often into physicality') and were designed with Shirkra (a specific metal) intentionally. However, they are not metal beings, or energy beings...they are a mix -The double olecranon in Terrestrial phase is an arbitrary mutation, some individuals have it, some do not.. -Zhuard pups are cute. / *Excuse the 'shody'/rough pharaoh phase drawings...the actual ref is getting an update.
  7. 1 point
    Sleep did not come easily last night. While I often stay awake into the wee hours of Friday nights of my own volition, last night my sleeplessness went even beyond what I had wished. Perhaps it was that donut I ate just a bit too late or the immense amounts of caffeine I had consumed that evening at the coffee shop. Or perhaps it was simply because the air of the room seemed ever so slightly more stifling then usual. But regardless of cause, I was ruthlessly cast out from the nocturnal realm of sleep. At about 3:00 AM it began to rain. Despite my lack of energy, this did trigger a mild mental shift. So I slid out of bed, walked over to the open window and sat down on the floor in front of it. While it was cracked open just a bit, it was still close enough that I was face to face with the glass. As I looked out at my misty front yard, past my own face in the glass, I felt an unusual urge to sneak outside and run on all fours in the wet grass. I had never walked that way outside before though. I'm not too fond of dirt, not to mention we own several dogs and I would prefer to avoid stepping in anything... unfortunate. I ultimately decided against it. As I snapped out of my thoughts, I noticed something beginning to take form in the reflection in the window. In the darkness of the room, shadowy and indistinct, the glass began to reflect something a bit more akin to myself. My true self. While the logical part of my brain told me it was surely just something in the room behind me or perhaps a part of my curtains, the more fanciful part of me could only focus on what was right in front of me. There were my ears. Clear as day, I could see my cat ears resting on top of my head, attentive to the sounds of falling rain and rustling crickets outside. I walked back to bed on all fours. I have yet to pinpoint just why rain makes me so prone to shifts. I can just so clearly imagine myself lying on my human's couch in the living room, gazing out of the window and watching the rain. I don't believe in past lives so I would not call this a memory... a vision, perhaps? If other universes exist, possibly a glimpse into one in which I am fully feline, and such an event is a regular occurrence? Such mysteries may never be solved.
  8. 1 point
    From this thread and written by this wonderful soul enjoy my answers! Kintype (fictionkin oof) 1. What is your kintype/s? I'm part demon, part wolf, part angel! (I need a hybrid name, help) 2. What methods did you use to discover your kintype? Validated via meditation, dense questioning, astral plane visiting. 3. How long did it take you to figure out your kintype? Two or three years 4. Have you ever misidentified your kintype? If so, what did you mistake it for, and why do you think this was? Yes! In the years before my awakening, I thought I could possibly have been a dragon of sorts due to my phantom limbs being what you'd see on them in literature and media, along with the limbs described by dragonkin. 5. How sure are you that you are right about your kintype? Do you ever have doubts? I've looked at many other sources, and nothing else fits. I've doubted, but then the memories and astral stuff says "NO". 6. Overall, do you like your kintype? Dislike it? Have no opinion either way? I enjoy it. 7. List five things you like about your kintype. (1) Its pretty unique as far as species goes (2) I have cute floof on my wings (3) I have the best home and best Bf ever. (4) I can literally say I survived Joeys wrath (5) I have regeneration powers m8! 8. List five things you dislike about your kintype. (1) I have no canon mates. (2) because of how many mislead people on tumblr believe themselves to kin with my source, im not taken seriously. (3) My source got many details of my canon wrong. (4) people mistake me for a self insert OC (5) having to type out my species because I don't have a proper hybrid name. 9. If you could, would you change your kintype? If so, what would you rather be? Nope! Im happy being me 10. Are you content with your kintype? How long did it take you to accept this part of your identity? Yes, it actually makes a lot of sense for me. I accepted it as soon as I confirmed it. 11. To what extent do you see yourself as (non-physically) non-human? To every extent. Soul wise, mind wise, and so on 12. What experiences and feelings led you to identify as your kintype, rather than with it? Memories, visiting in the astral plane, ect. Awakening 13. At what age did you awaken? How long ago was this? I awoke at 14, this was back in 2017. 14. Do you believe something specific triggered your awakening? Yes, my source material 15. How long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realization, or did it take time? a bit of both, I had a suspicion for a bit, and then boom, the memories just hit me like a nostalgic fist. 16. What did your awakening involve? How did it happen? My awakening involved a game, a song, a love, and... a lot of crying. It happened after I checked out the game that I would soon realize as my source 17. How did you feel during your awakening? What was it like for you emotionally? At first, it was just a twinge in my mind. "Hm, this looks familiar," and "Uh, I dont like this guys voice". Then, more severe emotions hit. Love, fear, anger, joy, belonging, homesickness, sadness, ect. I actually became sick for a few weeks due to how much was going on in my head. 18. Did you know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening? If so, do you think this could have affected you or played some part in triggering your awakening? Yes, and I did suspect myself to be one. I just didn't know my type. 19. Do you believe you have always identified as non-human, even prior to your awakening? yes 20. Did you experience shifts and/or feelings of being non-human prior to your awakening? yes Shifts 21. Do you experience mental shifts? (If no, skip to question 22). Not really, my personallity is the same as back home i. Describe how your mental shifts feel. ii. How often do you mentally shift? How intense/vivid are these shifts? iii. Do you enjoy mental shifting, or not? iv. What is your favourite part about mentally shifting? v. What is your least favourite part about mentally shifting? vi. Do you experience involuntary mental shifts? If so, in what situations do these occur? vii. Do you experience voluntary mental shifts? If so, how do you do this? viii. Describe the first mental shift you remember having. 22. Do you experience phantom shifts? (If no, skip to question 23.) yes i. Describe how your phantom shifts feel. they feel odd and tingly, but they are there ii. How often do you phantom shift? How intense/vivid are these shifts? Always Ph-shifted. The shifts vary in intensity and vividity, from being not there to being aaa I can't lie down iii. Do you enjoy phantom shifting, or not? Yes iv. What is your favourite part about phantom shifting? The way it makes me feel a bit more about myself v. What is your least favourite part about phantom shifting? Getting my tail stepped on vi. Do you experience involuntary phantom shifts? If so, in what situations do these occur? The only one that was interesting was a beast shift triggered by a song. vii. Do you experience voluntary phantom shifts? If so, how do you do this? Im always shifted viii. Describe the first phantom shift you remember having. I was hanging out with a friend, and I felt as though I had wings that were wrapped around them in a hug. 23. Do you experience dream shifts? (If no, skip to question 24). i. When you dream shift, do the dreams differ from your typical dreams? In what ways? ii. How often do you dream shift? iii. Do you dream shift during lucid or non-lucid dreams, or both? iv. Describe the first dream shift you remember having. 24. Have you ever experienced a sensory shift? If so, how did this feel? no 25. Have you ever experienced a spiritual or aural shift? If so, how did this feel? How did you know? No 26. If you believe in and practice astral projection, do you take the form of your kintype? Yes! And I meet with my boyfriend there too. 27. Do you experience cameo shifts? (If no, skip to question 28). i. How often do you experience cameo shifts? ii. Are these cameo shifts in the form of mental, phantom, dream or other shifts? iii. How intense/vivid are your cameo shifts? iv. Are there specific creatures or entities which you are more likely to cameo shift as? v. If your cameo shifts are as a specific creature/entity, what makes you feel it is not a kintype? vi. What feelings differentiate your cameo shifts from shifts into your kintype, if any? vii. Are your cameo shifts voluntary, involuntary or both? viii. Do you enjoy cameo shifting, or not? Beliefs 28. Why do you believe you identify as non-human? I am reborn here, and its who I am 29. If you believe you identify as non-human for spiritual reasons; (if not, skip to question 30) i. What feelings and experiences have led you to believe your identity is spiritual in nature? My awakening, memories, ect ii. Do you believe you had a past life as your kintype, have the soul of your kintype, or something else? I was myself in my old life iii. Have you ever experienced flashbacks or memories of existence before your current life? yes iv. If yes, how do these memories differ from normal dreams/daydreams? In regualr dreams/daydreams, I dream as if I was watching myself in a movie. The memories are seen through my eyes v. How do you believe you have ended up here, as a human? Do you think it was a choice? I was banished vi. Do you believe you are here for a reason? If so, what do you think that reason is? Im still figuring that out! vii. Have your experiences as otherkin affected your other religious and spiritual beliefs, or lack of such beliefs? If so, how? nope viii. Have you ever seriously considered that your identity may be psychological or neurological in nature? If not, why not? If so, what about it makes you believe it is spiritual instead? I have considered it, but it just doesn't fit. 30. If you believe you identify as non-human for psychological or neurological reasons; (if not, skip to question 31) i. What feelings and experiences have led you to believe your identity is psychological or neurological in nature? ii. Do you believe a specific event has led to you developing a non-human identity, or that you were always this way? iii. Why do you believe your kintype is what it is? iv. Where do you believe the knowledge that is required to maintain a non-human identity (such as the feelings of mental and phantom shifts) is sourced from? v. Do you have any fabricated "memories" of being your kintype? If so, why do you think this is? vi. Have your experiences as otherkin affected your other religious and spiritual beliefs, or lack of such beliefs? If so, how? vii. Have you ever seriously considered that your identity may be spiritual in nature? If not, why not? If so, what about it makes you believe it is psychological or neurological instead? Community 31. How did you first find the otherkin community? Was it before or after you awakened? I knew about it before I was awakened, and was introduced through a friend. 32. Do you believe being part of the community has had any impact on your identity? not really, I am who I am, no matter what 33. Do you believe you would know as much about yourself as you do now, if it weren't for the community? probably not, Ive received many tips here 34. What is your favourite part about the online otherkin community? how nice and patient everyone is 35. What is your least favourite part about the online otherkin community? the few sticks in the mud 36. Overall, have your experiences in the community been positive or negative? positive ^^ 37. If you were asked to give advice to newly-awakened otherkin, what would you say? Take your time, we all learn at diffrent paces Effects on life 38. How big of an effect do you believe your otherkin identity has on your life? it has given me a better sense of identity 39. Are you ever inconvenienced by your identity as non-human? sometimes 40. Do you ever feel "homesick" for the habitat or lifestyle of your kintype? If so, how do you deal with this? yes, but I keep telling myself, one day I'll go home 41. Do you ever experience species dysphoria? If so, how does this feel, and how do you deal with it? Yes, It feels terrible. I want to rip off my skin and free whats inside becuase my body just feels so wrong! I just try to avoid mirrors 42. Are there any locations that make you feel more or less connected to your kintype? Why? Amusement parks, because there's one at home 43. Are there any activities that make you feel more or less connected to your kintype? Why? drawing, because im from an animation studio 44. Do you believe your identity as a non-human has affected your interests or career path? im to young for a job 45. Do you believe your non-human identity has affected your personality? Why, or why not? Again, my personality has not changed 46. Do you believe your non-human identity has affected your "moral compass" in any way? nope 47. Do you have any unusual behaviours or quirks that you attribute to your kintype? I make a lot of weird noises 48. Do you have any unusual instinctual reactions or fears that you attribute to your kintype? no 49. If given a choice, would you rather everybody know about your non-human identity, or nobody? everybody. I have no shame! 50. Do you feel it is important for friends/family to know about your non-human identity? Why, or why not? Not really, they know me either way 51. How do you express your non-human identity externally (if you do at all)? I wear fandom merch 52. How open are you about your non-human identity in general? only open with a few choice people 53. Would you ever consider modifying your body to more resemble your kintype (i.e. tattoos, piercings, etc.)? I want horn implants 54. Overall, do you feel that having a non-human identity has been a positive, negative or neutral experience? Positive 55. Have you ever tried to deny, bury or ignore your non-human identity? If so, why? no 56. If given the choice to permanently, physically change into the form of your kintype, would you? Why, or why not? YES! I'd love to feel like myself again Fun stuff 57. What's your favourite thing to do while shifted? hit people with my wings 58. What's your favourite thing to eat or drink while shifted? beef jerky. RIP AND TEAARRR!!! 59. Have you ever done something silly while shifted, only realising after the shift has subsided? tried to assume threat posture, only to realize no one can see my wings/tail 60. If you see something scary while mentally shifted, how do/would you react? s c u r r y a w a y 61. Ever had any embarrassing moments related to your kintype? C'mon, out with it! yea, I accidently talk about characters from my source in a way that gives away that I know/knew them 62. All otherkin have suddenly gained the ability to physically shift! What's the first thing you do? tell everyone I told you so/show off 63. ...And what's the second thing? open an ink portal and go home 64. What would a normal day be like for you if you could physically shift?ο»Ώ probably the same, but not because I'd go home!
  9. 1 point
    I finally realized why awakenings never stuck. It’s not because I didn’t believe them wholeheartedly. It’s not because I didn’t have the drive to follow through with them. It’s because of the baggage they brought. I’m New Age, so I must be a vegan yogi who wears copper bangles and amethyst 24/7 to keep those chakras aligned. I feel like the image I need to keep up was always too exhausting to never keep up with. But keeping up an image isn’t why I’m here. I’m here to spread my own kind of light, or my own kind of darkness, entirely my way. Fuck chakras and fuck yoga. I’m a Starseed Indigo Child motherfucker but god damn it that doesn’t mean I have to live my life according to standards made up by other Starseeds. We are all diverse and that is what makes the alterhuman community so beautiful, so why is the New Age path to enlightenment the only way there? I’m making my own way.
  10. 1 point
    This morning I had another notable dream I'd like to share. It was a first-time experience, but I think it needs to be put in context of previous dreams. Maybe better add a content warning: plane crash, airbourne attack The dream took place in a known IRL environment. First, I was taking some kind of bus tour to a city I know very well, then I was at the village where my parent's former house was. In both occasions, I saw surveillance devices floating in the air that I can only describe as a cross-over between a satellite and a quadrocopter drone. I only saw one of them at a time. Most of the time, the devices seemed to float in the air and didn't move much; I was having the very strong impression that they were observing me and the people around me. One of the devices was looking like a classical space satellite with quadrocopters attached, another one was equipped with shotgun microphones directed towards the ground and a satellite dish on the top which obviously acted as a transmitter. The latter device moved away to another place very fast, so I guess the observation would include everthing and not only me. Notably, when I was in the village street setting, I saw a van parking there which I identified as being from a governmental / public security agency. Apparently they were tracking the satellite's movements, and their staff (official looking) sent us back into our house as soon as the satellite devices would get too close. The satellite devices were seemingly using technology I know pretty well, but I got the feeling that they were some alien / outworldly things. The observation itself felt somewhat threatening, but there was no explicit attack. If this would have happened IRL, I would probably strengthen my defence and try to tell the observers: "I've noticed you're watching me. Are you friend or foe? Please identify yourself." I'm wondering what message my subconscious is trying to tell me. This is another dream in a series of dreams I can not really relate with real-life events, but quite well relate with my kin identity. Let me quickly try to bring this into order: Around the time where I was moving away from my parent's home, I had dreams in which I was flying away from there, but felt there was a devastating airbourne attack about to happen to the place if I'd stay away, so I landed again to protect it. In other words, they were dreams that indicated that a place dear to me would be destroyed if I left. This could be attributed to the IRL latent fear of leaving my parent's house. Between ~2014 and end of 2018, I had frequent dreams of planes crashing near my old parent's house, destroying houses in close neighborhood. Meaning that a place dear to me would be in danger of being destroyed. This may be related to the IRL fear of losing my parents although there was no specific reason for that fear. At the same time I also had frequent dreams in which a helicopter was floating outside our house apparently observing. In some occasions it even landed on our terrace. This felt threatening. I sometimes felt the urge to hide from them, but sometimes also exposed myself to them telling "Hey! What do you want?". There was no direct attack from either side. I can see no IRL relation at all. End of 2018, I involuntarily developed a defence and offence against an airbourne attack on Earth from the outside multiverse. I can not relate this to any IRL event, but doing this felt absolutely and critically vital at that time. I completed the task at 1st of January 2019 and was very exhausted. In January 2019 I had a dream which indicated that I was searching for the origin of an external attack against me and friends around me led by technological means (directly relates to the end of 2018 events) A dream at early March 2019 indicated that I should learn about magic in order to protect myself and others against an external airbourne threat (directly related to in-community and meditation experiences) Todays dream indicates that I and my surroundings are under surveillance by an unknown external entity (unexpected and not much related to anything) Especially since beginning of 2019 there would have been a lot of unexpected IRL events that dreams could relate to (especially medical issues in my family and office stress), and actually there were such dreams as well, but the ones listed above seem to have no apparent IRL relation unless kin things are considered. If anyone's got an idea what all of this could mean, please leave a comment, I'm happy for any feedback...
  11. 1 point
    Damn, it's been a while since I've written anything here. Welp, guess I'll kinda... do that. Because. Things. Specifically, fictionflicky things. Ugh. So... I don't dislike being a fictionflicker, not at all. And for the most part, it's such a minor thing that I don't feel the need to talk about it. For that matter, I doubt the experience is even particularly rare. It's not generally the sort of thing I think most people would go out and label. I wouldn't have if there wasn't already a convenient label for this exact thing that also helpfully facilitates discussion about it, in a community full of people already talking about identity weirdness. Like, now if I see some fictionkin talking about something I've also felt before, I can be like, "oh yeah I totally know how that feels!" without having to give some big exposition about how that happens in someone who is not at all fictionkin. Which. Hey, that's another weird thing I realised. So by the much looser Tumblr standards I'd probably count as a fictionkin. Pretty wild. Also... a perfect example of why that kind of looser terminology doesn't work. Because I, in no way, shape or form, identify as any of the characters I flick as. And I'm not even them 95% of the time! It is pretty bizarre in it's own way, though. I was running it through my head a few days ago, trying to figure out where exactly these flicks fit into my identity. I definitely don't identify as the characters I flick as. Not even the recurring ones I've had for years. They're not me, I'm not them - just the idea of that is really weird! And very not-right! But then I'm like. What the heck are these things to me? I don't identify with any of these characters either! I certainly have plenty of characters I identify with, but I don't flick as any of them. And most of the recurring characters I flick as are like. Specific characters with specific linear stories which have no parallels to my own, symbolic or otherwise. So what causes my brain to latch onto these random, apparently arbitrary characters so much? I... just don't know right now. I do definitely believe it is 100% psychological, though. I suppose... the best way I can think of to describe the feeling is that... it's like, if somehow I had been born in the universe that story is set in, I feel like that is the person I would be. That is the life I would live. Which is, again, a very strange and confusing thing to feel towards characters who share no common themes or personality traits with you. I don't know why I feel that way so strongly. I guess... just blame it on brains being weird and leave it at that? I had a hell of a lot of identity issues growing up. I do feel a lot of what I imagine fictionkin tend to feel, for as long as these flicks last. Like... homesickness, for sure. And the feeling like I should be able to do something but don't physically know how. The momentary feeling of "wait where is (item)" or "I miss (person)". Thinking of characters from the same source in very familiar ways, like "my friend" or "my brother". Feeling out of place, like I don't really belong "here". Very strong emotional reactions to events that happened in whatever canon I'm flicking. Sometimes I even get slight changes in the way I hold myself or speak. And there's those momentary reactions to things that just make no sense in any context. "Where the fuck is my gun!?" I wonder, as a person who hates guns, has never even seen a gun up close, and lives in a country where guns are completely illegal to own. Yep. It's. Really something. Good job, brain. Another interesting thing to note is that the characters I flick as aren't always from the exact "canon" that's shown in whatever media they're from. Though in most cases I can kinda figure out why that is, and what "changed" to make that happen. Best theory I have right now about why I might get these things is that I. Maybe... might have subconsciously plugged up some holes in my own identity with stuff from outside sources. At least, that explanation might work for the recurring ones. But then... why would they be flicks and not a consistent part of my identity? And if I really did fill in some gaps in my sense of self with outside stuff, why would I also feel like I am not, in any way, actually those characters? Not even a little bit? Not even sometimes? So then. Maybe it really is just me being a very empathetic person with a strong tendency towards escapism? But that wouldn't explain why I tend to flick as characters I don't identify with. Unless... I do identify with them, but in a more vague way? Or... like, those characters somehow represent something in myself that I don't consciously recognise or understand? Or... maybe even things I don't want to understand? Damn, now I'm onto something... I mean, it's still a stretch to go from "this character kinda represents a trait I have that I pretend I don't have!" to feeling what I feel during flicks. But then. I guess. I was also dealing with some serious mental health problems at the time, so. Maybe. I might have latched onto a few characters as ways to express, or... maybe vent some of the things I was dealing with inside myself, that I couldn't or wouldn't consciously confront? But then. It became, like. A habit? To explore myself, and specifically the things I didn't/don't understand about myself, through these different characters. And the fact that they're nothing like my actual personality is what made them perfect to explore all the feelings and emotions I wasn't in touch with, that didn't feel like a central part of myself. And then... I mean, if it's something I learned to do as a kind of... not exactly a coping mechanism, but a way to process things? Well, then it'd make sense that it still happens, even with new sources and new characters. Which... also goes a long way towards explaining why I'm so ridiculously empathetic. Because. In a way, I've kinda... emulated so many different characters in so many different situations, but in a way that felt absolutely real to me on an emotional level, that I. I get it. In a way. I understand, as much as anyone can understand anything. Like... my brain runs these complex simulations of what it would be like to be those characters, so deep and in-depth that all the emotions and sensations feel absolutely clear and real, then. The simulation ends. And I just have memory of the simulation and what I experienced while it was happening, and. What those things mean to me now. Then I fit those things I learned into my worldview. Use what I learned. Move on. Do it again. Keep learning. Oh my god. I think. I think this is why it happens. I think I figured it out. Brains are... crazy, beautiful machines, aren't they? I wish I felt comfortable enough to go into specifics about what I've actually experienced with this. Maybe I will at some point. This is why I need to use this blog more! I swear, the amount of times I've gone to write a blog entry about how much I don't understand something, only to end up finding some understanding halfway through writing about my lack of understanding--
  12. 1 point
    OK, so I'm otherkin. How in the world could that happen? Let me try to reconstruct the facts that led to this over the years. Up to now, I was afraid others could read them and call me crazy, so there is no written coverage on this yet and I need to recall events from memory. I'm only adding facts that I definitely remember to have happened; thus, I may omit many smaller events even if they still contributed. Early signs First of all, I cannot name a specific awakening event, hence I conclude that I was born awakened. Since I was a child, I've intentionally avoided to describe myself as "human", and I always felt it inappropriate to be addressed as such by others, even though I'm aware that my physical appearance indicates nothing else. On the other side, I always felt it completely appropriate to consider myself non-human. I've experienced phantom and astral shifting events. A major unintended astral shifting event happend in the late 1990's. It lasted only about 10 seconds, but was so intense that I still remember. But it was only one piece of the puzzle. Doing research on dragons was another piece. It was one of the first things I did in the newly emerging internet, secretly. Now this alone doesn't at all indicate being a dragon, but in my particular case, I'm absolutely sure that I consequently did this because I knew about my otherkin nature, but stopped the research mainly because I was afraid that others might notice and question about it. I also tried to draw dragons, but due to my limited artistic abilities the drawings didn't turn out too well, so I kept them securely enclosed. About in the year 1994, I manufactured a tin dragon claw, intending to create a symbol of my otherkin nature. However, I kept the meaning of this a secret and wore it only while being together with people who displayed exceptional power of imagination. Unfortunately, I lost the symbol in an accident after a few days. Afterwards, I continued to feel attracted to people who would display exceptional power of imagination because I felt that they would eventually be open to the concept of being otherkin. However, I never dared to tell them. The otherkin community - first encounter I think it was about 15 years ago when I first discovered the existence of an internet otherkin community. By the definition of the term, I immediately identified myself as otherkin. I can hear myself thinking: "Ah! So this has a name.. good.. hang on.. there are others ?? Wait... they don't consider it crazy ??!!". The community members seemed to discuss phenomena that I had previously experienced myself and that felt totally familiar to me. I was not at all shocked or scared by this. I was simply amazed and curious, but also reluctant and too shy to join the discussion because I wanted to avoid disclosure of my otherkin nature even in a closed community at this time. Dream shifts and recent observations Throughout all the time, I think I've experienced kin related dreaming events. I can't remember many of them in detail since I don't have a dream diary, but I can tell for sure that such events could be intense enough to keep me confused for hours during the day, taking an immense level of self control to follow my daily habits. It must have been around 2016 when I learned about the concept of lucid dreaming. I realized that I unintentionally experienced lucid dreams multiple times in the past, not all of them kin related. Also I realized that I have the natural ability for short time control of lucid dreams. I immediately started to use this for intentional controlled dream shifting (although I didn't know that this is the proper name for that until.. yesterday, I think). I continue to do this whenever possible. Currently, it is my major technique for exploring my kin nature. I'm also trying to use this for controlled phantom shifting. The reason for this is that I'd like to explore shifting phenomena in a controlled manner, such that they don't affect my daily habits. A final note To my great surprise, writing this compilation of facts leaves me somewhat stunned. I only just understand that the realization of my otherkin nature - which must seem unreasonable to the outstander - is reasoned by a series of personal experiences and events which can be described in a completely rational way. These events have happened, and they will continue to happen no matter what. They are not made up, they can not be talked away, and similar events have happened to others. I'm happy with that, and I want to know more about it. Putting this onto a blog feels strange, yet fascinating at the same time. I don't know what the result of this coming-out will be, but I can only conclude that being otherkin is and will be an integral part of my personality. I don't want to ignore that. I want to explore. And I'm tired of hiding. At least I won't in this community. UPDATE (20.01.2019) : even before I identified as a dragon, I used to believe that I was a falcon. I'm not sure as to why exactly I gave up on this. Additional details on my kintype may be found here.
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