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  1. 1 point
    No matter how much I think on it, or how many times I will myself to dream it, I can’t remember what it’s like to transform to my vehicle mode. It was part of our nature. It was intrinsically what made us a unique race (though, of course, we weren’t the only ones that could transform.) I did it so many times: while I survived, while I had fun, while I did anything really. I feel frustrated not having even an inkling of what it was like to transform. I told a friend once that it probably felt like extreme yoga/ contortion, but that’s just not right. I know it’s not the right explanation, but it’s the closest I could get to explaining it to her in a way that made sense to humans. Somehow I still haven’t had a dream of transforming. I’d really love if I could.
  2. 1 point
    When I was in middle school, I started being this creature that I now call the black drake. It was rather sudden, and I still half believe most of it is due to it being a sort of coping mechanism born out of isolation. But I'm also not very well versed in how spiritual nonhumanity could potentially appear, so I suppose it can be a reason too, considering the noemata and strange coincidences I've had. I know I identify as a dragon, or with dragons. Most likely the first. I've seen myself as a dragon for as long as I can remember. I am also most likely a roadrunner, it makes sense, and I have the experience of a roadrunner, even if the lack of shifts in winter make me doubt it from time to time. So what's the deal with the black drake? Is it only a coping mechanism stemming from my draconity, or the source of it? It didn't disappear so far, even if I tried to make it go away by changing how I saw myself in my daydreams, or drew myself, it just keeps coming back. Maybe it's because it's one of those self applied rules I can't break out off. "Remember who you are", I had told to myself, like I had told myself I could not hurt or kill my own body or that my brother must survive at all costs. Most are good, but I can't decide about this one. I associate it with a time I wasn't happy, and now when I try to consciously make the link between it and me, it hurts. I get anxious, like something terrible is going to happen. "It had teeth to snarl, claws to hit back, but no wings to fly away with." When I used to represent myself in my daydreams or dreams as this creature, it always felt quite vivid, and right. I know how to move while being the black drake. But it was also quite scarred and pitiful. Broken burnt wings turned into weapons to grab and maul, half of the face lost to burns, blind on one side, and always aggressive and ready to bite. I've healed, nowadays, even in daydreams. I don't have most of those scars anymore. Sometimes I still feel a phantom wound on the left side of my face, like someone shot me point blank in the eye and a hole was all that was left. It goes all the way to the other side of my skull. I've wondered for quite a long time if theses lethal scars on an immortal creature were a way for my brain to conjure up a suicide that would have followed my rules. I've got a whole bunch of noemata linked to that side of me. I know what the black drake is. I just don't know how much of it is daydreams, and how much is something I should keep note off. I know it's a creature from the void. From in between the planes of existence. I know it's made of the same matter as gods and spirits are, only much, much weaker than any main deities. I know it feeds on that same matter that is in bodies, the soul. I know that he does it by hunting down creatures, but that other may have formed packed with thoses creatures, and that the soul does not have to be ripped away violently, it was just easier that way. That gods do that too, and the paradise or valhalla is only one way or another to grow, but that it's not something bad either, the promises they make are respected. That the one who made no deal just sometimes wander in the in between afterward, or go back down to be born again. Even the ones who made a deal can go back, if they honour their part of the deal and leave something behind. Those are things I believe in as a pagan, but also feel strange believing about. I'm not sure how people who worship deities like the catholic god, or the northen Odin would take it, is it offensive somehow? But I still believe in it, because I feel like I have seen it. When I think of a god I think of a network of beings in one, I think it's why I enjoyed learning about siphonophores, it felt like a weirdly appropriate comparison. I don't think it's possible to kill a god, because there will always be one little thing that keeps it alive, but it's possible for them to be so forgotten that they get reduced and reduced by other creatures and end up as weak as when they were born, to maybe join another network of being. But back to my personal noemata, and not my belief system. A lot of what I experienced is in between real and false, like how some things can appear in dreams along an incorrect context and environnement, and be changed to a point where it just look like nonsense. I remember being burnt. I remember parasites. I also remember a child, maybe a human, who knows. Someone I liked, and enjoyed the company of, protected maybe. I remember how to hunt with poisons and gases, and have that link to miasma and venom in animals and creatures that I love, from viper to centipedes, and was obsessed with illnesses and scourges as a kid. I questioned being an ill omen, being a bringer of bad luck. The last thing standing on the battlefield, a scavenger picking out the one who are not quite dead yet. I questioned monitors for their bites, looked at rattlers for their fangs, Thrax for his claw, Envy for his form, and so many other that just keep leading me back to something that looks a bit too much like the black drake once again. But I also feel like I could be any colors, and mimic voices and behaviors to fit in societies, and learn. So am I a shapeshifter? I remember the void beings as shapeshifters. I remember the black drake having been deer like and giving it up for it's more reptilian form. Gods are shapeshifters, too. From my time in witchcraft communities, seems a lot of the creatures in nonphysical worlds are. Am I a sort of astral dragon? Around two years ago, it's what I described myself as to a girl that had asked. A black drake that got sent from the void to earth to recover from it's wounds, for having wanted to take on something bigger than itself. It sounds so dumb. But here am I again I guess.
  3. 1 point
    Woohoo, two in one day! Decided to make this other blog entry to adress something I don't often feel comfortable sharing, some beware this is a bit of a vent. Even in the community, I often feel alone, and outside the norm. It can swing both way, sometimes I feel like I'm too weird, too animal, too disgusting or rude and that was it not for the screen between me and the person I am talking to, I would not be welcome. Other times, I feel like I'm not able to relate to the community, it's what drove me away from dragons the first time, the astral travel, the magic, it's just something I have trouble connecting to. I was never a very spiritual person. My paganism is barely paganism, simply a personification of survival in the form of the Serpent, I have never been able to talk to any spirits like other seem to do, or meet dragons in the astral. I don't even connect to the idea of past lives, so present in otherkin. I'm not someone who is very well adapted to build friendships. I love people, but I am rude and impolite where i mean not to be, strange when i try to fit in, strange when I try to show that i care, strange when I try to emote, strange overall. I don't remember faces, do not say hello because a barely perseptible sign of the head or the way my eyes look at you should do the trick, I forget that it does not. I like to annoy other, play fighting to show my happiness, but bite and hiss and puff and make a fool out of myself. I don't like hugs, arms to tight around me. My face is often harsh and cold, haughty, looking disgusted at who i look at, because i'm not the one in control of my muscles. My laugh is hissy or hyena like, my voice too loud, my arms all over the place expressing what i can't with my face, and people don't enjoy that. I claw when I feel overwhelmed, forgetting that it does hurt, and feel embarassed and scared afterward, because it's not the first time someone would have wanted me to go away with good reasons. I relate to people with autism, and nerodivergences, because I have similar traits, but who knows what my own case is. In both, though, I have trouble controlling it, especially when I trust people, which hits all the more harder when I find myself punished or pushed away because of it. It has worked in my favor sometimes. My weirdness make me someone rather unique, and some people don't mind a soft bite on the hand or a few strange noises when i'm dozing off. I've found wonderful people who are ok with my animality. But i'm still scared because I know other might not be, and that being alone hurts. This insecurity plays it's role in the nonhuman community, where even there I struggle to form bonds, distrusting other and fearing they may talk behind my back or mock my behavior. I can't quite know if I feel like I only have one theriotype because I have learned at first that it was the norm of a therianthrope, or because I truly am only one creature. I can't quite know if some things are I say are always true, or a panicky lie my brain made up to fit in. I try to stay true, but it's tricky when your brain plays against you. I feel threatened when people I know have experiences I cannot relate to, when they are with other groups talking about things i am ignorant about, because I fear losing my grip and falling back into the mindset I used to have, the loneliness and the violent thoughts. And then I feel bad sharing things about me that are similar but not quite, feeling like an impostor, a copycat. I do not vent, I do not form close bonds, because if I open up I am scared people might not enjoy what they find, and it safer to just talk about what i'm here to talk about and leave. So yes, more of a problem of mental health than nonhumanity I suppose. But they are still intertwined, and it's a difficult thing to deal with.
  4. 1 point
    I've down a whole google doc of my shifts a while ago, so thought I'd archive it here as well. Phantom Shifts I don't actually feel very vivid and clear phantom shifts naturally, I have to provoke them to get something I can get informations out of. The only exception as far as I am aware is the zygodactylous feet, which are clear and appear rather often. Zygodactylous feet (These ones I'm sure of being an actual shift. Appeared on my hands first, six fingered hands, one extra thumb. Then feet, two back toes. I don't actually feel the front two toes unless I provoke it I think.) Claws (have them from time to time on my hands. Unsure if it's actually a thing or just some weird finger tingle.) Teeth, Bared Teeth (one of the reason I struggle to make a drawing of my face that satisfies me. Beak and bared teeth don't work together ahah. Less wolfish and more bleeding heart monkey. It's some extreme teeth show y'all.) Feathers (Unsure if it ever happened unprovoked) Wings (Same, although I'd argue that I might have as a child, going from some memories. Placed on arms, unless my brain glitches and think my arms are legs, which happens rather often. In that case, either on back or kind of in superposition to the arms, but it's rare.) Tail (Usually feels like a raptor like tail. I've felt roady tails a few time but I most likely provoked that. In any case, it's rather long.) Total body roadrunner, Beak, Crest (unsure if happened unprovoked?), horns. (I think most of these only happened provoked) Cameos : Snake tail, Bull horns I think?, Pandoran back set of eyes, xenomorph tail. Missing body parts Don't have a better way of explaining it, sometimes I put it under phantom shifts. Those are stuff I feel like I should or could have. A sort of noema. Hackles/feathers/crest... (I feel like I can puff up to scare away things I don't want near me. Usually comes with snarling urge, and fight or flight. In my mind I tend to also puff up with my wings, kinda like an owl orb pose.) Wings (I definitely have flight urges. Mostly when spooked or uncomfortable, wanting to get in a safer spot. Sometimes after flight dreams too, very frustrating. High places do that too.) Pointy bits (Kind of vague, so I do feel like I should have,,, claws? Or something to stab with? Beak might fit in that too. In my daydream stuff the tail also does, I usually represent myself with a blade at the end.) Eyes (There's something weird with my eyes not sure what is wrong but it's not right.) Throat pouch (Crop was most likely thing I associated it with, although I never had the confirmation roadies had one. Mostly had that one as a kid, paired with mother instinct, bc I wanted to feed imaginary babies. I tried to swallow things really slow to not put them in my stomach and be able to give it to them. Obviously not compatible with human anatomy.) No goddamn hair (no.) Urges Hunting/scavenging urges (Small preys, like songbirds and reptiles, which I sometimes caught as a child, but honestly also things like fish, roadkills, other humans, and objects moving in my peripheral vision. Definitely don't hunt by swooping down, I mostly feel like hunting on the ground. To be totally honest I am not completely sure how I would see myself hunting. I had questioned secretary bird for their stomps(?), and monitors for the whole bite and wait (?), but roadies never quite bothered me, since some parts felt closer than other. For some reason I feel like I should have a strong bite force though. Had that as a kid too.) Diet (Like pointed at above, my urges mostly concern meat. I am able to eat raw meat and offals without being bothered by taste and texture, it actually feels quite right. I don't think I would be able to eat bone marrow, or scavenge very old carcasses, so I'm most likely not a pure scavenger.) Territory (I feel rather territorial of my nest/room, and of my stuff, but I don't mind that much if people I trust are in there, as long as I can see them. I really don't like having people climb in my bed though, especially if I can smell their scent in there afterwards. Also applies to when I have to sleep at someone's house in a bed with a scent, or wear clothes that have a scent.) Nesting (I definitely feel safer higher up. Climbing in trees has been a thing since I was a kid, and now I climb in club. I have a bunk bed, and have always felt more comfortable in tower bedrooms, like rehabilitated pigeon towers, or on a high floor. From being in New York, there is a height limit above which even I start to feel like wow this is maybe a bit high. (40th floor). Nesting includes rubbing my head on stuff bc it's the easiest way for it to smell like me. It's pretty ridiculous to witness.) Personal bubble (I don't like hugs from people aside from my parents, just makes me uneasy and feeling trapped. I don't usually like people getting to close in general, and someone I don't know bursting my bubble usually register as aggressive in my mind, and put me on my defensive. On the other side, I am an absolute nuisance to my friends and tend to annoy the shit out of everyone I can by poking and slapping stuff. I also have bitten, but in these cases never aggressively. I am surprised I still have friends but I am very happy to have them around.) Social (Usually, I'm mostly a family kind of person, with a few people that I consider friends. It's difficult for me to trust people, and although it's most likely a human trait, it does impact how alienated I sometimes feel in human society. On the other side, I feel like I need a flock/pack/group during what I suspect some kind of nesting season? Which is what makes me think I may not be a monogamous creature. That, or mated couples probably change over the years. It's more of a temporary regroupment, I think. Funnily enough, that also goes as a person, I mostly have romantic attraction during summer, and sometimes early winter although it may be a seasonal depression thing? Unsure.) Senses (I rely on smells a lot. I can't actually like, find things through smells or anything, but smells are something I use to help me with stress, and I find smell really important to whether or not I like being around someone, weirdly enough. I don't usually have a lot of smells I hate. I can also distinguish families from each other from scent, household all smell different. I have a few clothes that I could say belonged to so or so like that. I have shit eyes, so unsure if I'd have liked sight more if I wasn't near sighted. I love colors a lot though. It's one of the best things with being human, to see so much colors.) Vocalizations (Lots of weird noises. They tend to change over time, I suspect that I mostly tend to pick stuff from my environment and repeat it. Currently, I know I hiss, and make things I'd best describe as a light throat rumble, remind of the french "a" kinda? Mostly when surprised. Also a rolling tongue noise to imitate clacking, I realized I did that one while playing with my dog. Some high pitched ones as greetings/I see you kind of stuff too. For some reason human screech feel weirdly right.) Courting instincts (Hard to say, I don't think I actually fall in love easily. Bright colors and glitter I think are a thing, but I don't actually know if it's not just human. I feel the need to bring stuff to people I would wanna court tho, sometimes also friends. Food is an usual one. I'm pretty sure I had a thing were I got into a weird showing off pose that I had linked to wing display too. Weird bowing thing. I've also sometimes felt aggressive toward people I considered that way.) Sunbathing (Also weird bowing t-pose, kinda similar.) Parenting urges (Definitely not human way of reproducing, that's very alien and scary to me. Currently have a pregnant teacher and hh, it's creepy. I am not bad with kids tho, they are kinda cute, and they do trigger parenting instincts, as much as things like kitten, puppies, baby birds or baby insects do, but because I can interact more with them, it feels more important ig. One parenting instinct is definitely carrying around bb. But I think that's a general one, although maybe birds don't actually do that one? Also the crop thing I mentioned earlier. Preening too. Preening goes for most family kind of thing.) Climate (Definitely warm. Preferably dry I think. Mediterranean is definitely very nice, but I very much enjoyed California too.) Dreams + spiritual Patron (My patron is the Serpent, so that might impact my whole dragonkith thing) Flight dreams (Have them a lot, either the worst or the best. Often accompanied with really unpleasant stuff like violence, or nightmarish things.) Shapeshifting (I took the form of a roadrunner at least once, and of a draconic monster at least once too. I don't remember taking other forms, although I probably must have been a dragon a few times as a kid. Monster hunter dragons appareared quite a few time as other people or me too.) Daydream (Can't seem to get the pic to work, so basically I have had a sort of representation of myself since a while who is basically a black feathered six limbed drake with a skull like head with four protuberance. I sometimes represented it with wings were the second set of forearm was, or weird grabber things that I think I got from whip tail scorpions. Also my first character I slapped zygodactylous feet on. From researching Thanator, I think it's likely I meant the protuberance to be cartilaginous and not bony, since I showed them kinda moving sometimes. Also has a blade at the top of the tail, I remember fighting in daydream with that. Made a link with Seregios from MH, but Glavenus from the same source also is a good exemple, although in my case it's much smaller blade. Xenomorph like I'd say. Said representation is fading as I heal, so I assume it is linked to a coping mechanism, but some traits, like a beak, zygodactylous feet, a bladed tail, or draconic shape stay. Some more have appeared, and seemed to have been present before i prictured me as this, like bright colors, or a more tetrapodal body plan.) (Additional note, roadrunner appears in there, so it's most likely a mix. I don't think I have more than two creatures I may identify as) Childhood stuff Gonna add that here, found proof that I did indeed consider myself a dragon as a child, and found a ton of info from a part of my life I don't quite remember. Makes it likely my feelings are one of a wyvern. Specifics All that concern a specific creature Roadrunner Need to fly General avian gait Wings (elliptical) Way of running Semi terrestrial but can still fly Zygodactyles feet Crest Predator Sunbathing pose Strike-me pose (hunting snakes) Vocalization? (I do other, but most fit.) Neck and face length Crop (I don’t even actually know if they have one in the end. I think I could only confirm that old world cuckoo do.) Desert habitat Diurnal I theoretically never felt feathers without provoking it, but I have a need to preen/clean myself, and I’m sure I don’t have fur. i had a provoked full body shift, the body shape felt very right. I had a few beak shifts, but less than snarls. Nonetheless, beak sometimes feel better than canine mouth. On the other side, monitors I had specifically researched for head shape. I know I have a long tail. I thought I had the tail of a raptor a few times I feel like I am not monogamous/change partner every year I have felt as if I should attack with claws? See Secretary bird No smell Draconic I hoard metal. I’m not sure if I would eat it? Long reptilian tail Monitor head General dragon obsession as a child See myself as a dragon in my head Wings Possibly affinity to air and fire First confirmed kintype More omnivorous than Roadrunners, would explain general carnivorous craving. I do not get cravings for bugs, but that could be bc of human culture. It just,, makes a lot of sense Dragon stuff spiritually Ppl told me I have dragon vibes The Stare(™) Venom? Bleeding? Komodo hunting style Head things can theoretically be horns Smell claws Trouble with not real Monster Coping mechanisms mostly Aggressive Shapeshift Black sclera reflective pupils Hackles Snarl Mist Smells fear or manipulate emotion or smth honestly unsure I identify as this at all, mostly in bad mental health. Other Random stuff that makes me shifty. Big bad wolf + Sick like me In This Moment Roundtable Rivals Ga'hoole obv, Age of Fire, secret of kells, doc The last dragon One of my vest with sequins Creature I looked up and/or questioned Roadrunner (Confirmed in November 2018 I think. Lots of stuff that goes well with it, but monogamous, which doesn't, and the hunting style, which has good and bad. Other things seem right. Right now a paratype since February 2020.) Monitors (Head shape, hunting style. Not much else. Draconic) Secretary birds, burrower owls (Not right feet for first, not right head for second. Still pretty good contenders.) Rooster, Peacock, Pheasants (Similar to above, terrestrial bird. Probably kith type) Corvid (lots of stuff wrong. I just like 'em.) Dragon (From new contact with dragons, seems like I do in fact feel like it could be my kintype indeed.) Monster (Would explain a bunch of daydream stuff. Perhaps a copinglink.) Cockatrice (Honestly makes more sense than it should, but I don't think I identify as one. Avian and draconic.) Cat (Imprinting, not identity) General Grievous, Envy (Sympaths. Six limbed, general body shapes, general mind, reminds me of copinglink. Envy frighteningly so. Monstrous. A bit of draconic?) Thanator (Six limbs, snarl, general behavior. Pandoran biology probably doesn't fit though, and I thiiink they reproduce in a mammalian way which is a big no. Monstrous and a bit of draconic) Xenomorph (Similar, general form and behavior but in depth it's less likely. Monstrous only) Hounds of Tindalos (Honestly a good bet for monstrous feelings since we know practically nothing about their appearance. I don't particularly connect to the tongue and blue blood tho) Seregios (It's basically a draconic roadrunner that flies more. Honestly extremely close to most of my stuff, It is a very likely candidate, If I'm not a roady I'm probably similar to that thing. I might even have imprinted the zygodactylous feet from it.)
  5. 0 points
    Yes, I'm alive. I often visited this site as a guest, because I have the habit of only reading the forums and not really contributing anyway. However, I'm going to leave this account on an hiatus and will retreat from the community. It has nothing to do with the people, but with me. You see, for the last nearly two years now I was researching in all kind of forums, chatrooms, books and websites about otherkin and later kith. I do think I belong here. However, this search was not only connected to the wish of explaining my strange experiences with phantom shifts and past live dreams/ visions and my soul feeling as it doesn't quite belong here. It was also the searching for a deeper understanding of myself: of my souls purpose, of this life's purpose. I recently learned and accepted, I don't have a purpose in this life. All my past lives -and I had many- had spent their live in servitude and captured in one purpose, which I completed and now am free. I'm here to redefine myself. There's no wrong or right thing to do to for me, because I have no wrong or right anymore. That's why my memories are so faint, my personalities so faint and I'm not quite able to gasp what creature I had been. I'm a new blank page, that had been turned over. The reward to what I've done. So searching out the past is nothing but an old habit for me, one I don't need to practice anymore. And I won't. I want to thank you for all the support I got, you guys are seriously amazing, kind and welcoming and I really hope all of you may find what you are looking for. A deep bow, big hug, pat and a kiss Ixaria
  6. 0 points
    I made a bit of score inspired by Steven Universe, imagine the Crystal Gems fighting a corrupted gem or something. Hope this file upload works, enjoy! Gem_Fight.m4a
  7. 0 points
    I woke up suddenly out of a nice procrastination nap to write this down. Hear me out. We all agree that the order Carnivora is over-represented in the therian community and there have been many theories on this, ranging from spiritual to psychological. I'm going to take the spiritual side of things for this one. (Now, I'm only sort of spiritual about therianthropy. I tend to waffle. I'm still not sure whether I believe in souls and past lives. But let's say for a moment that they exist.) What if souls are naturally drawn toward bodies that are genetically similar to the one they remember or are used to? Before you say, wolves aren't genetically close to humans at all! -- take a look at these taxonomy trees: https://research.amnh.org/paleontology/perissodactyl/node/55. The left one is based on morphology, and we're going to completely ignore it because categorizing species based on morphology hurts the little taxonomy nerd inside me. Focus on the right one. It's based on genetics. See how close carnivores like cats and wolves are to primates? See how close ungulates are too, also some common 'types (at least compared to, say, amphibians)? Even rodents and rabbits are more common than marsupials and manatees. And yes the alliteration there was on purpose. But Uncanny, you might say, what about apes? Why aren't there more of them? Why aren't they completely dominating the therian community? There are many therians out there who are unawakened, this is widely accepted. It's possible that there are multitudes of ape therians who are unawakened simply because of how similar animals like chimpanzees are to humans, and they don't notice anything's unusual about their experiences. I'd imagine it'd be even harder to notice if they were a contherian. (So based on that, I'm always wowed by ape therians who figured it out. I don't know anything about being an ape therian but I imagine that takes some real self-understanding.) And on that note, imagine being a Homo erectus kin or something. How would you ever know if you weren't some kind of past life shift wizard who knows themself and their kintype perfectly? This would also explain why we see so few fish and even fewer invertebrates compared to mammals and reptiles and birds. Anyways, just a theory and I'm sure there's plenty of holes in it. But honestly, at the end of the day, who really cares that bad if the community is majority wolf? Wolves are cool. Keep being you, wolfkin, and don't let anyone tell you your theriotype is "too common".
  8. 0 points
    Hewwo! Good morning or afternoon or night. Uh, I just wanted to let you know that you are beautiful, valid and I love you! So smile, cause smiling is contagious. First things first I would like to address the elephant in the room, (no offense to any elephants on here) I am quite young (at least I my opinion) to already be joining things like this and already knowing that I’m definitely not human. But on my blog I’m going to try my best to only post things that will brighten your day or just stories from my life, as the title of my blog page. So I’ll try not to bum any of you out with depression stories or anything like that. But I’m okay now I promise, it’s just anxiety basically. Anxiety + therian + 2020 middle schoolers = Me getting partially bullied But yeah enough about sad stuff, I’m a Wolfkin therian, I’m 13 years old and on my account page I accidentally pressed the wrong year of birth so now it’s stuck like that. I tried to fix it, didn’t work. I’m female, I use feminine pronouns and have a tomboy-ish style, and I just recently (literally a few hours ago) told my mom I was a therian. I told her it’s basically the same thing as being a furry because that’s what I was before and I didn’t wanna sit there for ANOTHER 30 minutes arguing about something that I can’t and don’t want to change about myself. Omg they told me I was going to hell because I was a furry and I wasn’t “accepting my fate as a human” “women can only love men blah blah blah”. But anyway I prefer to be called Ebony or Moon Moon, if anyone struggles with home problems or bullying you can always talk to me, I may be only a young teenager but I have a lot of experience and I go on here daily for notifications so you won’t have to worry about me not seeing your responses. But yeah that’s basically it for my first blog entry, sorry if it was pretty long and boring I’ve never had a blog before.
  9. 0 points
    Hello everyone. Today I would like to post a little reference guide for pronouncing Vampirík words, as I will be using them a lot in this blog. Let’s start with vowels. Vowels are similar to those of Spanish: a, e, i, o, u. There is a key difference, however. There are 6 Vampirík vowels, not 5: a, e, i, í, o, and u. The Vampirík i is pronounced like the English word “I” or in the English phrase “I am”. The Vampirík í on the other hand is pronounced like “ee” is in English, as in the word “cheek”. I suppose y kinda counts as a vowel but Vampirík doesn’t really count it as one. It is pronounced like when some people go “Yo what’s up?” Consonants are fairly straight forward. In English there some letters share sounds, for example C makes a “s” sound and a “k” sound. Sh makes the same sound as it does in English. There is one important sound I should add: the “r” sound. The Vampirík R is not like the hard “Rrrr” like how Americans pronounce it, sounding like “waterrr”. It isn’t even like some British accents or like an Australian accent sounding like “wata”. The Vampirík “r” is like the Japanese “r” which is lightly tapped on the roof of the mouth. It’s almost like the combination of a hard R and a L sound, which I’ve heard is why some native Japanese speaking people mix the R and the L sounds when speaking English. It isn’t like a full on R roll like in Spanish. Just a quick gentle tap as you speak the word. If you are able to try listening to some Japanese and listen closely for that r sound. The Vampirík language as a whole probably sounds closest to Japanese when comparing it to a human spoken language. I hope this helps everyone going forward. I’m still learning how to use the Kinmunity platform so if I find out I am able to embed voice recordings to aid in the pronunciation guide I will do so. Please let me know if this is a possibility.
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    Most people who have been following my questioning probably saw me referencing the game "Monster Hunter" at one point or another. This game is full of very well made wyverns and other draconic creatures who follow plausible speculative biology, so I often use it to explain my own shifts. In the past, I have even questioned creatures from it. The seregios was the most convincing one, as it had traits both draconic and roadrunner like. This beast can dwells in deserts (check) but can invade any envirronement and has for preference rocky terrains (check), is highly aggressive toward any other creatures, especially rath (check, considering it's one of the urges playing monster hunter is for to me), has zygodactylous feet (check) with which it attacks (check), has two fingers on it's wings (check), a crest like horn formation on the snout (unsure), a very quick paced style of attack (check) and very good acrobats (check). They can also puff up with their hackle like scales (check). Sadly, some very important traits like the blade scale that they send or the lack of venom don't fit for me. Gore magala and it's adult form shagaru magala was another one I thought about for a long time, as the hexapodal form and the way the wings worked resonated with me. The lack of visible eyes of the gore, the pathogen that they spread, and the aggressive nature of this monster all felt coherant, and the final stage being golden and bright while retaining this pathogen felt also very adequate. These two monsters were from Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate, a game I played while in middle school. Nowadays I wonder if I may have imprinted from it, my base as a draconic nonhuman serving as a support for it to becomme a part of me. My zygodactylous feet may very well come from seregios, as does my need for a crest and to live in desert (in addition to living in an already medditeranean envirronement), and the Gore magala and shagaru may have influenced the monster part of myself, the black drake i used to draw. I'm still noticing this trend of Monster Hunter creatures leaving a strong impact on me. In world, Odogaron is one of the monsters that give me that feeling, the quick paced attacks, the ruthlessness, the appearance of it all resonate with me. The claws, the fangs, the savage survival. It's one of my favorite monster to fight just because of how it moves and how much I like watching them. But other, to a lesser extent, have also left an imprint on me. Vaal hazak and their effluvium. Legiana's flight. Bazelgeuse and their explosions scattered on the map, his dive. Xeno'jiiva's appearance, the alien look that feel so familiar. Some that don't even have that much to do with my bird like habits have given me shifts and dreams about them. The Diablos is the most dream, and due to Lorelay, my daemon, taking the form of a nargacuga, I have been in a narga shift all thursday to friday. It's hard to say what's going on with this game. Are those cameos due to my love of the game? Or is my fascination for them born from something deeper? I feel extremely dumb and ashamed everytime i think about it, as i feel like i'm tainting that game that i play with my friends with my strangeness, and that it will ruin it for them.
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    My animistic worldview leads me to percieve beings in places where some would not. The rocks by the lake, the river that feeds the lake, the mountains that birthed the rivers - to me, they have presence in the same way that I or any other creature would. I also see these beings within the beasts built by man, especially machines. Computers, handheld devices, aircraft, cars and the like all feel alive. I struggle to imagine these entities as being blank and empty, devoid of Being. As someone who does, in some way, feel their sense of being take the shape of a vehicle, it is easy to make comparisons between mechanical life and organic life. Plants and animals require an energy source, be it through photosynthesis or through processing matter in digestive systems. Vehicles are similar, with some needing the light of the sun to power their bodies, and many requiring a liquid sustenance instead or alongside. Others use electrical energy, a sort of fuel that is actually present within organic life, with some even utilising it as a weapon or a tool. You then have the ability to move, sense the environment, gather information, and react to different environments - all present in both beast and machine. Whilst a vehicle does require a separate entity to drive it forward, it still has the fundamental basics that can be likened to animal or plant life. In my eyes, machines - more specifically, vehicles - can be seen as a sort of inorganic lifeform, and with the advances made in AI and self-driving technologies, I am extremely excited to see the evolution of these non-biological entities.
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    About a year ago, I had a weird dream. Unlike most of my weird dreams, I'm pretty sure this one provided some kind of insight into the universe. Looking back at it as a fully-realized alterhuman, I'm pretty sure there was a kin memory in there too. I think a lot of it was just a regular dream, but I hope to separate those parts from the truly insightful parts. In the first entry of Calligraphy Claws, I'm aim to recount the dream and then analyze it. Telling the Dream The dream began with me sitting in biology class. I think we were visiting a greenhouse that day, because there were plants everywhere, glass walls, and the sense of novelty associated with field trips. Then, suddenly, I knew "the language of the universe". That's the dream's phrase for it, not mine; I distinctly remember thinking that phrase in the dream. Apparently, the universe runs on Java, because its language was identical to Minecraft commands. In Minecraft, you can teleport yourself to locations using the command "/tp x y z". X is the east/west axis, Y is the elevation, and Z is the north/south axis. Immediately, I decided to find the origin point of the entire universe by entering "/tp 0 0 0". There wasn't a real reason for this decision, I was just curious to see what would be there. I remember being a little concerned that I might end up suffocating in space, but I dispelled that fear by reminding myself I could just put myself in Creative mode, which would make me invulnerable. Here, things get quite blurry. I ended up in my old neighborhood, and my friends and I were running around parks in the evening. We had to be somewhere at a certain time, I believe, but I don't remember why. Then, somehow I ended up over a decade in the past. I kept my memories, life experience, and mind, but I was now trapped in my four year-old body. I quickly explained the situation to my parents, who believed me and agreed to help me. I think if a toddler randomly started talking like someone much older, referenced things far in the future, and explained they'd been sent back in time, I'd probably end up believing them too. Now, things get blurry once again. I don't know if my parents told me, or if I found out somehow, or if I just instinctively knew, but I knew that I had to find "the tree with infinite branches". Apparently, this tree represented time, with each branch representing a timeline, and every leaf perhaps representing all the possible outcomes. I remember thinking that my original timeline should call to me, but I don't remember if this thought was a fact or a desperate hope. Finding one timeline among millions had to be a near-impossible task if it didn't call to you. I don't know what this temporal tree looked like. In the dream, I thought of it in two (rather contradictory) ways: 1) Crystalline, cold, and a sort of icy, iridescent blue and purple color. It looked rather like Yggdrasil from God of War (2018). 2) Green and gold, warm, with mossy bark and amber mist obscuring far branches. Analyzing the Dream With the dream told, let's get to analyzing it. First of all, I'm pretty sure most of it was just a regular old weird dream. I don't think the fact that I was in biology class is important, the whole section with my old neighborhood seems irrelevant, and even getting sent back in time feels like nothing more than smoke and mirrors. The important parts, in my opinion, are the language of the universe, and the tree with infinite branches. When I first had this dream, I thought my brain was merely comprehending the language of the universe as Minecraft commands. But, now that I know I'm herobrinekin, I'm pretty sure that was a kin memory, and the language of the universe was Minecraft commands. In my "canon", Herobrine got his powers and glowing white eyes by learning the language of the universe (i.e., the language Minecraft was coded in), and he treated commands as spells that he could cast. It's a little more complicated than that, but that's a story for another time. Feeling your mind open to the universe, instinctively knowing how to manipulate said universe . . . it definitely seems like a kin memory to me. My thoughts on the tree with infinite branches aren't nearly so straightforward. I think perhaps it represents the multiverse, with each limb a different reality, and each branch a different timeline within that reality, if that makes sense. So one limb is our world, and on that limb there's the branch we're living in, but there's also a branch where Hillary won the 2016 election, and a branch where the U.S. government collapsed long before the 2016 election had the chance to happen. Then, there could be another limb which is very similar to a world but magic is real. Somewhere else on the tree entirely, there could be a limb so different from our reality we can't even comprehend it. Now, my dream didn't mention anything multiverse-y. This theory's just speculation, but it does feel right to me. I'd like to point out that the idea of a big tree that connects multiple worlds occurs in quite a few different mythologies and cultures. It seems to be one of the more common motifs that appear in multiple mythologies. To quote Wikipedia exactly, "...many myths describe a great tree or pillar joining heaven, earth, and the underworld. Vedic India, ancient China, Mayans, Incas and the Germanic peoples all had myths featuring a Cosmic Tree whose branches reach heaven and whose roots reach hell." I think it's possible I caught a glimpse of the same tree that inspired all those myths. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I saw this and a kin memory in the same dream. It genuinely feels like I was just handed some insight into the very universe.
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