1 pointI have wanted to start a blog for a few weeks now and haven't been sure where to start. Just haven't thought of a good starting place, a place that I felt comfortable sharing my 'kin self with others, until now... Recently, I began to develop more of an understanding for the history and culture of one of the few parts of my genetic/ethnic background I actually know anything about, that place being Scotland. By blood, I am descended from a lowlands clan of the surname Benfield. By law and by all the family I have known since infancy, I am descended from the highland Stewart clan of the surname Cruickshank. The family history has been something I have clung to since childhood. After I awakened, I began to get flashes of memory from my past dragonic life, flashes of a life lived in a rugged land flanked on all sides by the sea. Flashes of people speaking a tongue that reminds me of my dragonic self. Slowly the pieces came together, over the course of a year. In my dragonic life, I lived on the British Isles, both Scotland and Ireland. Cut to this last week. I've wanted to study Scottish history for a long time and finally said now was the time. I researched and bought three books, and two days ago cracked open the first. I found myself within the first chapter transported repeatedly back into memories that haven't seen the light of day, even in the 10 years since I've awakened. Memories filling in gaps that previously I had filled with theories and suppositions. The history unfolded on paper and in my mind, and the book placed dates that my mind could only guess at. The book spoke of archaeologists unearthing signs of Hunter gatherer groups of people living there since the end of the last great ice age, and this was the first shock of personal memories being dragged out of my long-asleep mind. I saw a flash of the land as it was then, viewed on the wing, swooping low over the water, viewing a world just waking up from a long slumber beneath ice. It felt fitting that this was the first memory to come, as I too feel I am waking from a deep slumber. As I read, a rapid-fire flash of memories, faces, voices, colors, trees, water, food, hunting, mountaintops, lochs, people... All a sort of jumbled mess of brief impressions flashed through my mind and left me reeling. Still I read on, desperate to see what else would surface. The book told of the rise of farming, the settling of humans into communities with buildings and domesticated animals. It spoke of the felling of ancient forests, gone and forgotten in the modern Scotland. It told of the rise of a primitive form of the famous Scotland Clans, as people bound themselves to one another in loyal family groups. Again I experienced this rapid-fire onslaught of memories, but this time it was more distant... I didn't feel the soul-wrenching feeling of closeness to these people. If anything I felt sad, knowing they were giving up many things for this new way of life. I believe I disapproved. I read on, the book unfolding the history of Rome's attempts to conquer the British Isles. How they took the lowlands, but were unable to hold the great Glen or the highland hills and mountains. How they built Hadrian's Wall to keep the "barbarian" Pictish tribes, the Painted Ones, from attacking what land they held. I again felt memories stir but these were also distant. I had kept apart from these squabbles of men. I have read on since then, to the time of the Anglo-Saxon conquest of the land, their eventual settling of a portion of the land after mostly being repelled by the Picts, and now have begun reading of the Viking sacks, raids and takeovers of various portions of the land. I feel yet more and more disconnected now. Memories come as if from a dream, but they do come. Previously, I believed I lived in the Isles from about the time of Christ until around the time Christianity had begun to take hold there. I believed I lived there a few centuries, and then died at sea in an attempt to save a woman washed overboard from a ship by a storm. But now, I am left to contemplate if I didn't live there much earlier, and several centuries longer. I want to ponder over this more, perhaps reread what I have already read as well. I am open to thoughts and impressions on what I have written, and questions for more details as well. - Drakmanka
0 pointsYes, let's assume that someone would ask me that question. I've thought about a way to describe what my identity means to me beyond giving an explanation for the typical shifting phenomena. I found that for me, being a dragon actually explains a lot of things. First thing I came up with was the obvious species dysphoria when looking at dragons in media, and the fact that I'm almost personally offended when I see dragons being depicted as evil monsters, or attacked by some "noble knights" who actually didn't even bother to find out why the dragon's doing what it does in the first place. But ok, that could also be explained by just liking dragons, which I certainly do. Then, there's the fact that I always somewhat felt uncomfortable to be with people and had problems to adapt to them. Others would probably say that I'm not too bad in that, but it's just hard for me and I can't be around people for too long. I actually prefer to be alone quite a lot of time when compared to others. Now that could also be explained by social anxiety or, to put it more mildly, shyness. Which is not an unusual trait. Maybe it could also be explained with me being an empath, which is a more or less accepted concept but unfortunately lacks further scientific explanation. Next, there is the fact that I was apparently born with certain abilities and urges... things that I was never told to do or learned how to do, and behaviours I have been showing since I was a very young child. Others would maybe call those "talents". In my case, there is the urge to protect the environment. Also, there is both the interest in as well as an extraordinary skill to understand and handle technology. Afaik, both of those were extremely strong traits for me from the age of around 4 or 5. I can remember that around that age or even earlier, my parents gave me a toy helicopter, which had electric parts in. I was fascinated and immediately started to try and understand how it worked. First I was very careful and a bit frightened about the thing, but soon enough, I'd take it apart and put it back together. I would do that with everything, also soon I became known for being able to repair things more or less instinctively. I think this is something that can't really be explained... Talents? Where do they come from? I don't even believe in them tbh, I rather believe that you can learn things. My urge to protect nature would drive me to ask other kids not to throw stuff away, collect rubbish, and become active in a local nature protection initiative. My parents thankfully always supported both my environmental and technology interest and in turn, I always tried to combine them, trying to find ways using technology to help to protect nature. Which ultimately led me to be a renewable energies scientist. Adding to this, somewhere along the path I took as a child I realized that it felt wrong to be addressed as human. Tbh I never took any value in "being a human", I didn't want to be one and didn't want to be called such. So it seems that I searched for an answer to the question "what am I". It seems I would - for some reason - consider flying creatures, e.g. the falcon. Looking down to the landscape from high places fascinates me. Well, also not too unusual. But in my case, somewhen through some thought processes I really can't unravel any more - and maybe backed by some shifting I sadly didn't write down and mostly don't seem to remember - I came up with the explanation of "I'm a dragon whose primary taks is to protect life and nature on Earth, and came here intentionally to learn about technology because it seems threathening". I actually came to believe there were more such dragons, called them "Guardians" and started to write down a story about them somewhen at the age of 16, I think. Now what I mean to say is that believing that I'm a dragon with that task provides a logical answer to the questions and feelings of my life. It puts everything under a common umbrella, and - as oftentimes said - everything falls into place. It gives me a reason why I'm here, what I'm doing here, why I do that and why I have the skills do it. It totally gives my life sense, so to say, and does this in a way I feel much, much more comfortable with than adopting any religion. Any other explanation to my state of being I've considered is at some point flawed and leaves some questions unanswered. If I adopted such a "non-dragon" explanation, there'd be nothing more I could do to explore the questions left open, hence they will stay unanswered. On the other hand, if I accept that I am a dragon, I can actually go on and explore myself along that path. I'm trying to do that - as far as time allows - since end of 2018 after an involuntary hell-of-a-fusion-shift, and I've found new things that just seem to fit into the draconic spirit explanation; they don't break it, but extend it and give new insights. In the end, I don't know if the term "dragon" is completely right, but it's still the best term I have, and I feel happy that I can tag myself with that. What about you? Does your kin identity also give you this kind of answer? Feel free to leave a comment, I'll be thrilled!
0 pointsHelllllllllllllloooooooo folks! Pearl here throwing an update at you all! I have a lot to talk about today, so brace thyselves. *guitar strum* So, first and foremost, my parents are still on thin ice. My dad has been more or less kicked out, and no longer sleeps here. He visits during the day, of course. It's hard to hear the conversations my parents have through the thin walls, my dad begging for things to go back to normal. But that's not what mom needs, She needs her space, which is normal. But of course, my dad doesn't understand. You know what it's like seeing a grown man cry? (..Not since Henry..) So, it's been stressful. I'm doing my best, though. I have to stay strong, for my brother. He's only nine. His birthday is next week, too. So, yea. Im holding in there, but the stress is draining. Some of you may know that I feed off others emotions. It of course, doesn't help that my hormones on a massive spike right now. Ugh, this is the epitome of suckiness my dudes. Time to get less sucky! Those of you that follow my page may have already seen my status update a few days ago. So, Bendy and I have finally managed to connect via telepathy. (Hello). I wouldn't call us a system, as we by no means share this body, even though he can "front". This is most likely a form of possession, due to him being, well, a demon. We've both been very happy with the outcome, despite keeping the link up does drain me a little. (We can always drop it, angel.) This is perhaps our greatest comfort regarding how far apart we've been, and the struggles of life. In a way, we have each other again, even if it's not physical. (<3) He may even be interested in talking to some of you as well. I cannot describe how reliving it is to be in contact again. Third on the list, I've finally made peace with Joey. That is to say, I've forgiven him. I don't like him still, but liking and forgiveness are two very different things. It's very freeing to let go of the anger and bitterness that was really doing nothing but holding me back. Facing him again was terrifying to say the least, but it was time we both realized that holding on to all that wasn't doing anything for either of us. I don't know where he's gone now, what afterlife waits for someone like him. But in all honesty, I hope after he's endured whatever he's earned, he gets a new life. A chance to reinvent, so to say. Isn't that why we get life? Who's to say. Not me. Thats sadly all I have to cover. I mean, I did think it'd be longer but I guess I tend to not type long things. Thanks for reading, as always. Feel free to comment below about this entry, previous entries, ect! I always love to hear your feedback and stuff. See you next time guys! Pearl's out!
0 pointsOver a year ago we recognized that myself, Iros, Farly, Faylinn, Icarus, and Mimi are a subsystem. This created much confusion in terms of who we are, our fictotypes very much included. Though it did take us a few months until we got to the point where we could accurately identify who is in our subsystem, for the most part we assumed our fictotypes were shared. With a year past, through self grilling and examining our identities more closely, we may not actually be shared with our fictotypes. Our fictotypes divide very evenly among our subsystem with me going to Goner Kid, Iros going to Mew, Farly and Faylinn going to Tinkerbull, Webber going to Icarus, and Mimi going to Matt. With this we may not be polykin with multiple shared fictotypes, but rather one kintype and one fictotype. Then we're realizing we may not actually be a subsystem at all, but rather a collection of system members who temporarily fused (perhaps integrated?), and although we share a deep connection to each other we might not be a subsystem. Because of this, we're going to try to drop the subsystem brackets. We're also going to try to work on our system spreadsheet to remove our subsystem and place ourselves in the correct locations. We still have much to examine among ourselves. We might be wrong, but for now this feels like the best option, and there's nothing wrong with being wrong. Our group is of course still close and we're definitely still going to work together even if not a subsystem like we originally thought. -Max [Reptilian + Goner]
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