1 pointI thought I'd start a blog here. Last week I had a weird meditation session. It started off really nice. I left my mind wander and the first place I went was to my cat self. I was in some bushes and was watching a goat outside of them between the leaves. The goat walked off and I left the bushes and ran beside a field of wheat. It was fall and everything was orange. Then some other stuff happened and towards the end of the session, I decided to go check out my angel self. So was I looking at a representation of this and told one of my headmates that I felt like I was the angel constantly, like this was me in another universe or maybe a higher dimension or something, and that I felt a thick cord leaving the back of my neck and connecting to the angel. I started pulling on the cord (it was made of purple light) and all of a sudden I started spinning. Like my consciousness was tumbling through space. All I could see was a blur of black and green clouds. Then I stopped and the clouds parted like a stage curtain and I saw a huge moon in the desert. There was a mesa and desert plants on the horizon, all silhouetted. Then it was like something grabbed my by the cord again and I was yanked away from that scene and was spinning in the clouds again. I caught some glimpses of things here and there, but I couldn't make anything out. Then my meditation timer went off and the session ended. I looked up the spinning online. Apparently this happens a lot. I was worried it might be something dangerous, but it seems to be one of those things that just happens sometimes. But judging from the fact that everyone has a different explanation as to what it is or what causes it, no one knows anything about it beyond the fact that it happens. In any case, it was weird.
0 pointsI'm still not too confident to call any of my meditation visions a "memory". But the one memory that really matters is that I remember my purpose. I'm a guardian. I basically am to protect life and nature, that's the first thing I tell everybody. And I more and more come to realize that.. what I actually mean to protect is the very variety of life. I think I mentioned this before, you can see this in many statements I made. I've more than once felt that this vast variety and diversity is what I really love and care about. Much of my thinking seems to be governed by that. All the forms of life, brimming and buzzing across the planet from the deepest oceans to the highest skies, the small things, the huge things, all the colors, all the mindsets. I want to see them all, I love them all. I don't want to lose a single one of them. I want to hold them all dear in my claws. I want this planet to be open and welcoming to anyone and anything, living in balance. I fight everything that diminishes that variety or threathens that balance. This seems to be at the very core of my identity, my existence, my true self. It's the very force of nature and life itself, unstoppably, irrepressably spreading and flourishing in every possible manner, in an everlasting circle. A force that just won't give up, that will always return even if it takes ages to recover, existing since billions of years until this planet will finally cease to be. And, who knows, maybe even only to reappear at another place. Like a true draconic fire that always burns. I seem to be stunned by having written this, by having realized that it's this very force I somehow feel... to be me. I've felt this before, all the time actually. When I'm out in nature and open to it, I feel life all around me and at the same time I feel that this force of life is me. Does it make any sense? What kind of being does that make of me? I don't fully understand yet. Is this only part of the puzzle or is it the essence of what I really am?? Does anyone feel the same, eventually? Please comment or PM me if you do. This is incredible even for myself, I tell you. EDIT: I've re-read this on the day after writing it. It reads completely accurate. I'm very happy to already have received indication that I'm not alone with that feelings, and that they are still in the range of what can be understood and even are partly or fully shared by others. However when I look at the general public it's surely an off-standard perception. Even when I think about people who are very close to animals and nature. That's one thing, but the ones I've met irl are probably still human. Identifying as a dragon and spirit who somehow represents the very force of life itself, that seems... very accurate, but far off. Apparently so far off that it's all enough reason to be called "of another kind", aka otherkin. But even within the otherkin community, it's at the far end of the spectrum as far as I know.
0 pointsI realized I never started a blog here and wanted to talk somewhere about some things, just to let my old friends know I'm okay, and I guess for anyone else who might be curious! First of all, I can't get on TG but it's a long story. I assume anyone who wants to talk to me will have another way to besides tg, and if not, pls let ppl know I'm here thanks haha. So yeah, haven't been on there lately. Or here either, just because I've been so busy/distracted. I'm still a dog and orca, still really miss the ocean :c but at least now I'm finally not so damn confused about my kintypes. Polymorph, still not sure though. I rarely have cameo shifts anymore. I've drawn a lot and I'll post it all here eventually! But onto the big news. I'm fucking FINALLY moving out. After 23 years of living with my shitty controlling parents. Not sure when exactly but probably this month! The best month not only am I moving out but I'm going to las vegas to meet my bf irl for the first time!! We've known each other for over a year now and i am BEYOND excited to finally see him and get to do all sorts of cool fun things (that don't include gambling bc neither of us think that's fun.) Mostly I just want to relax with my bf and be able to sleep with him (not necessarily in a sexual way) without worrying about being home on time so my parents don't freak out. I'll probably end up totally cutting contact with them, knowing how they are, but I admit I'll really miss the dogs and my nieces and nephews. They're all adorable, despite me rarely having much energy to deal with them due to depression. I hope they don't miss me too much :c I've been so excited the past couple of weeks!!! But also really nervous because I don't want to deal with my parents and I'm afraid of them harassing me/my friends, not to mention I've NEVER been on a plane before, or even in an airport. So, going on a plane alone for the very first time is going to be scary, even though the flight is only an hour. I've hardly even been outside of my state. I told my bf for the first few days I'll probably be so overwhelmed with excitement/nervousness that I'll hardly sleep or eat anything. Anxiety sucks :c but at least my bf will make me feel more comfortable, being so sweet and wholesome So yeah, big life changes. I'm probably going to continue to be very inactive here, especially when I move in with my fruend because she doesn't have internet and I'd have to walk a bit to connect to the free wifi in our city. But just wanted to let you all know what's going on! I'll post more when I'm actually moved out/visiting my bf!!
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