Sometimes I get hit with a moment of lucidity in all this. The Unstoppable Feeling really boils down to something simple: I don't want to be this, and I don't want to be here. The rest I just build from that. That's been true for a long time. I said the same things in the Live Journal from 2004 I recently found. 15-year-old Gryff and 29-year-old Gryff aren't so different.