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Gryff last won the day on July 23

Gryff had the most liked content!

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About Gryff

  • Rank
    Uber-Geek Fauntaur

Personal Information

  • Gender Identity
  • Gender Expression
  • Preferred Pronouns
  • Sexuality
  • Antisexuality
  • Hobbies
    Video games, tabletop games, writing, music
  • Favorite Games & Video Games
    The Legend of Zelda, Fallout, Dungeons and Dragons, Fantasy Craft, Magic the Gathering, Pokemon
  • Favorite Sports & Teams
    Chicago Bears (American Football), Chicago Cubs (Baseball)
  • Religion
    Jewish (cultural)
  • Personal Spirituality
    I believe there's probably some higher power up there, and I get the feeling it doesn't like me

Other-than-human Identity

  • Other names
    Jake (real name), Goron (nickname)

Otherkin Identity

  • Kin Name
    That would be "Gryff"
  • Kintype(s)
  • Kintype(s) Description
    I made up the term "fauntaur" because I don't know exactly what I am, but I am confident in some things. Essentially a fauntaur is a creature that is human on top, with the lower body of either a four legged horse (i.e. a centaur), a two legged goat (i.e. a faun), or a four legged goat. It may also be a demon, which in this case means a powerful and malevolent being.
  • Time of Awakening
    Around 2000
  • Primary Identity
  • Personal Otherkin Experiences
    I don't really shift, and in fact, outside of TUF (see below and in my signature for what that means), being kin doesn't affect my life much. My biggest focus is on trying to figure out what I am, which has been a harrowing 15-plus year experience that's still ongoing.
  • Personal Awakening
    I was always obsessed with transformation growing up, and I would sometimes face periods where being human just felt so distressing for me. I would give anything to not be. So when I was somewhere between 10 and 12, even though I was smart enough to know that it was stupid to do so, I looked online for websites about physical transformations. In my results I found an otherkin forum, and it just felt like the explanation I was looking for.

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  1. This post is eclectic, hence the title. So, I've already talked about how I've been doing more to connect with my fauntaur side lately. I've talked about how I'm commissioning pictures of myself as a faun to replace the one I thought, and how the research and process for that has led me to a lot of art of fauns and transformations. I've said that all of this together was causing TAF. So, that's the recap. Here's the update. I commissioned two artists: one who is really good (as I discussed in a previous post) and one who is very fast. I got the picture back from the fast guy, but it isn't great. It does the job I guess, but I actually like the sketch more than the “finished” version. Because of the fact that I'm in a period of serious over-anxiety (and because he's slow), I keep checking to see if I've got any updates from him. When I keep going to his page I see a lot of his transformation related art. This adds the jealousy of fictional characters to everything else, making TAF worse. The weird thing, as I think I’ve said before, is that I get triggered by transformations in media that I wouldn't even want to happen to myself. That's most of them, obviously. This goes back to the theory that the forced transformation in my past life ended up being a good thing, which could explain the connection here. My reaction to transformations probably also comes down to my desire to not be in a human body. It's possible that my fauntaur side would prefer almost anything over a human body, even beyond what I consciously believe. So I get to wondering, maybe there's another possible connection to transformation, beyond these two potential reasons. And I've thought of two possibilities. The first is one I've discussed before: what if fauntaurs are shapeshifters? If I was able to shapeshift freely in my past life and now I'm stuck as a human, that would definitely cause some negative feelings below the surface. But here's the other possibility: what if, in my past life, I had the power to transform others? Then I could explain my reaction to unwanted transformations in media as part of my longing to return to that life. It would also explain why my emotional response isn't so straightforward: I'm looking at it from both sides. In some cases I empathize, and in others I'm delighted. I don't know, it's just an idea. That being said, last night I couldn't sleep well, and while very tired, I found myself looking at that artist’s work and reading one of my old stories about Pan. And it's funny, things seem so much simpler when you're tired. And indeed, some things became clear to me. The main reason for my response to transformations is that I was a victim of one in my past life. And it feels right that in my past life, I somehow managed to become “coveted” by Pan (that's the word that came to my head last night.) These things were already part of my working theory, so this doesn't change much, but it at least lends some clarity to those ideas and makes me more confident that I'm right. Last thing: when I was meditating last night, I saw a strange sight in my head. A centaur with long black hair was caring for a little human girl. Suddenly, the girl turned into an adult faun and ran away, the centaur chasing after her. I don't think this means anything but it was worth noting. For now, I'm dealing with TAF a ton, and I'm anxious for the work day to be over. This evening I can finally start playing Splatoon 2, and tomorrow is Pokemon Go Fest. So lots of anticipation. I just have to survive the work day without TAF getting too bad.
  2. What're You Listening To?

    I've also been listening to a lot of Linkin Park, particularly the song "One More Light."
  3. Sad news for fans of Linkin Park

    I was incredibly saddened to learn about this. I've always said that music has a huge effect on me. And for the past 15 years or so, "music" for me usually means Linkin Park. They're not just my favorite band; they're the soundtrack of my life. Their music helps me get through dark times and inspires me in better times. I use it to help me express things that I can't figure out how to express myself. I didn't know Chester personally, of course, but there's no question that he has had a profound effect on my life. I can't even imagine how his friends and family must feel. For now, I'm doing what I always do in emotional situations: listening to Linkin Park. A few lyrics come to mind: "When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed Don't resent me, And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest" Rest assured, I will keep him in my memory.
  4. Can we appreciate some faces?

    Me with horns 😈
  5. Best video games for console

    I have what I consider my "Triforce" of favorite franchises: The Legend of Zelda, Persona, and Fallout. I particularly love Ocarina of Time, Breath of the Wild, Persona 4, Persona 5, and Fallout New Vegas.
  6. A place for my head

    Sorry, there was supposed to be a picture there: http://tinypic.com/r/16j2543/9
  7. (I’m going really interpretive with this title) On Saturday, my boyfriend and I went to the Bristol Renaissance Faire. If you aren't familiar with the concept, it's a tad hard to explain. Basically it's a faire that combines medieval history and fantasy. So there are knights, jesters, and dragons at a faire with shows, rides, food, and shops. The Bristol Renaissance Faire is a particularly big and well known one, at least around here. As it is in Kenosha and I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago without a driver's license, I had never been before. It was a ton of fun. And while the shows, rides, and general theming were all awesome, for me the best part or the Faire was finally making this happen: Yes, after meaning to for a long time, I finally found an excuse to get myself some horns. These weren't my ideal shape, but they did the job well. It was particularly evident when we saw the goats at the Fair’s petting zoo, which we noted had very similar horns to mine. Wearing them felt great, though it was no revelation or anything, and it didn't last super long. But that's ok; the point was to help me connect more to my fauntaur side, and it did that. Eventually I'm planning to make an entire costume out of it, perhaps for my next trip to the Renaissance Faire. Like I said last time, I'm integrating this stuff more into my life now, which is good. But I still keep not doing meditations and the like. If my goal is to figure out what exactly my kin type is, I need to get back on that. For now though, I have been making good progress in the experience department. One last thing. I posted this elsewhere, but here it is again: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B071G3J2V8/ref=mp_s_a_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1500298857&sr=8-10&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=satyr%2Bcostume&th=1&psc=1 Close enough.
  8. Absolutely. Throughout most of my life I have followed what I call "The Impossible Goal," which is physically becoming a fauntaur. Since that is indeed impossible, I work towards getting as close as I can. I learn about mythology, play music, tell stories, and so on. That might be too vague for a goal though. The other goal is to figure out exactly what I am and where I came from. I've made a fair bit of progress on that one at least.
  9. Ban The User Above You

    Banned because good wisdom isn't a great reason to bam someone.
  10. You break me down, you build me up

    Small update: The waiting for the artist continues to be annoying. He's very slow to reply which doesn't help. It isn't his fault; I'm in one of my super anxious periods, and I have no patience in the first place. But it is still a problem, and it's very distracting.
  11. The scent of soil and beast

    It's all good. Though it is interesting that we kind of go opposite ways here. I see satyrs as more vicious than in mythology, and you see centaurs as less so, right?
  12. The scent of soil and beast

    I am indeed familiar with that instrument. In fact, if you remember the first time I posted on here asking for help finding a very resonant picture, it featured someone playing one. If nothing else it is a connection between centaurs and fauns, which is helpful. As for the faun/demon thing, it's true that the ancient Greek mythology doesn't say anything about demonic features in fauns. But just because they didn't write about it doesn't necessarily mean it wasn't the case, in this world or any other.
  13. This title is a stretch for this post, but as that song is completely stuck in my head right now, it's all I could come up with. I haven't been doing a lot of research or meditation lately, but I have been immersing myself in fauns and my identity as one. It started with the pan flute I found at that store. My friend and I both thought of the same joke about that situation: they say that at an occult shop, everyone finds what they need, even if it isn't what they're looking for. But it's true: it was exactly what I needed. This led to the nature walk i discussed in my last post, which definitely had a positive effect. I've also been looking at a lot of artwork of fauns. This started happening even more today, when the loss of my old faun picture (damn computer backup b.s.) mixed with changes in my understanding of what my kin type looks like, caused me to try to find someone else to commission for a new picture. This led to a lot of time looking at pictures and finding artists who draw good fauns. And the loss of the old picture may have been a blessing in disguise, incidentally. In searching for a new artist, I found that the artist of my favorite and most resonant faun picture on the web might be taking commissions. I really hope that goes through; I'm anxious to hear back from him. Too anxious, really; when I’m heavily anticipating something, I kind of obsess over it. So here’s hoping this guy replies soon. Anyway, what I’ve noticed is that all of this stuff put together has helped me feel more and more like a faun in some instances. There have even been times when I wasn’t actively engaged in anything related, but I still had brief flashes of what you people call a “shift.” Only for a moment each time, but it’s really been helpful in connecting with that side of myself. And feeling like a faun is awesome. It’s something I’ve always chased, and I’m making some decent progress, at least as a starting point. But of course, when this stuff builds me up, it also breaks me down (see, I knew I could make that title work). It makes me more susceptible to TAF and just more vulnerable in general. I’ve talked about my jealousy of fictional characters here before, embarrassing though it is. The artist who I’m trying to commission, his site is full of transformation pictures, including pictures of people being transformed into fauns. And that stuff really gets to me when I’m vulnerable like this. It also makes being in a human body a little more annoying. I guess the bottom line is, for better or worse, I’ve been very much in touch with my faun side lately. And yes, I’ve been saying “faun” instead of “fauntaur” in this post, as the faun aspect of my kin type is definitely the primary aspect, and so I want to focus there. The main challenge now is getting by until I hear back from the artist.
  14. Demonkin Site

    If there's one thing I've learned about demon kin it's that they (we?) are a very varied group. So having a place to start can be helpful before diving into the rabbit hole. You just have to keep in mind the difference between a starting point and an ending point.
  15. Sandbox Games?

    I don't play a lot of those games exactly, but I do like open world games. Breath of the Wild is a good example.