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Oxalaia

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Oxalaia last won the day on November 12 2018

Oxalaia had the most liked content!

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About Oxalaia

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    Plebeian

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  • Gender Identity
    Female
  • Preferred Pronouns
    Feminine

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  • Primary Identity
    Otherkin

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  1. Things are going now pretty well. While I feel still sometimes alone, I have Adela, Noikyla and Sarceakos. They are not headmates to me but rather my friends. I just feel happy with them with me. While this may sound weird Tortarium is also someone pretty dear to me. Despite being a Great Spirit, he is really more like a father to me. While our past is complicated and long, he is still visits me again ater being apart for millions of years. I still have the connection to him as I did in my Godec past life. He is really the reason that I remember that life and have it now as a kintype. We share an unbreakable bond with eachother. Despite being human now without access to my fancy Godec abilities doesnt mean anything to me. As far he is concerned I am still the same no matter what I am now. He refuses to leave my side again after he searched for me. Tortarium really helped me when I was down and broken by my anxiety problems and helped me to see my own good side when a doctor visit was still many days away. I just feel not complete anymore without him. Thanks to his words and the support of my friends my confidence is starting to grow again. 

    I just cannot really explain my bond with Tortarium really in words. It is something people wont really fully understand no matter how well I try to explain it. It just feels more different since he is a Great Spirit and I am a human.

    In short I dont know what I would do without Adela, Noikyla and Sarceakos but especially Tortarium. 

  2. Some may have heard me mentioning them or at least one of them. They can be compared to gods and yet also not at the same time. I hope to create at least some understanding of them and how they interwine with my Godec life and people. First thing to cover is that each Great Spirit is made of a unique energy in the purest form possible what allows them to maintain balance in these energies what create the realm. In other words as long the Great Spirits exist, the realm where the Godecs live will never cease to exist. Though it doenst require their full energy, there has to be at least a source of of them in the smallest form possible. This is a result of them combining their abilities to create the realm in the first place. The balance that was found eventually allowed life to evolve on what leads to many different forms of life that are unique to this realm. The Spirits have existed long before Earth was formd and first lifeforms would come there. They are even older then the Godecs themself. The Great Spirits consist of 3 Spirits that have their own goal and achievements. The first one is called Darakos. He is the embodiment of the earth and is known as the Great Spirit of Defense. His earth abilities are very strong and are all desgined to keep the user safe from any harm. Aside defensive capapbilties he is also seen as the Guardian of Animals since he is very keen on protecting any form of animal that exists in the realm. He can be seen as a grumpy old being but he just prefers action more then talking. He is very wary of beings he doesnt know and is slow to trust someone. He only trust those who have proven themselves in battle. His goal is just to defend any threat that can come to the animals but also to people he trusts. He teached the first ancestors of the Godec the importance of strong defense against any enemy but also to be wary of the unknown as it can lead to many dangers. This main path in the Godec Society is also known as Guarding. They essentially protect the living places of the Godecs but also form the army for war. Darakos preferred form is that of a bull like creature. His energy provided the basics to allow lifeforms to exists in the realm. The second one is known as Silveraya. She is the embodiment of the water and known as the Great Spirit of Health. While she is mostly kind like Darakos she remains wary of beings she doesnt know. She prefers to remain on her own without much contact. Those she did trust were people who mostly lived in the wilderness and tried to watch the lands. They were her eyes when she was somewhere else and could notify Silveraya directly when a disturbance was seen or felt. Her water abilities are desgined to heal and remove curses. While not a fighter herself, she is still important to the health of the realm. She is the most sensitive to any form of energy that sickens the land and made her goal keep the lands healthy and removing any form of imbalance. Her teachings formed the basics behind the second main path in Godec society known as Healing. Those that follow this path include any healing profession from doctor to herbalist but also forms the tools for Godecs to learn many different defenses against diseases and curses. While there are diseases that cannot be healed fully, her teachings have provided Godecs the knowledge to heal a sickness in a way that it doesnt become to much of a hinder for that person so they can at least live a fairly long life. Silveraya also provided the means for the mortal ancestors of the Godecs many means to ensure that those who passed away could rest in peace while their spirits could find enternal peace within distant lands that called to them as their afterlife. Her preferred form is that of a white leopard like creature. Where the others at least provided some teachings to the mortal ancestors though remaining mostly on their own and not becoming to involved with them, there is one who made it his mission to see these people flourish in their new home when he rescued them from demonic entities. His name is Tortarium who is the embodiment of the wilderness of the realm. He is known as the Great Spirit of Knowledge. Where the others remained wary of the unknonw, Tortarium sought them out to learn more about them. He was always on the move to seek new knowledge and understanding the enviroment around him. This search for knowledge became his main goal. His abilities were a mix of healing and offensive abilities in the beginning. The more nature was around him, the more powerful his abilities was. While his healing abilities were not as strong as that from Silveraya, he was the one who exelled at combat. His abilities are desgined to take on any form of evil and either destroy them or trying to free them from darkness. When the other Spirits went to a deep sleep for many years, Tortarium remained to defend the realm in their absence and guarding the people who were living there. His biggest opponent was an demonic king known as the Iron King. Unknown to him they shared a connection by being the opposite sides of the same source of primal energy. Tortarium was the living energy where the Iron King was the darkness or death energy. This energy could drive someone mad with power but was also resistant to pure light. While it could damage it to a certain degree, to fully take on this energy means you have to have the opposite side of the same energy. Tortarium has defeated this opponent when he tried to conquer the realm and resulted in a great hatred towards demonic beings. In this time he created beings known as Guardians to form his army and started to remove the healing aspects from his power to form them into deadly weapons against the demons with maximum capacity. His rage against his opponent led to the creation of the Stone Gaze. Unlike his other abilities what he could use over and over, this ability had the ability to stop everything in its track but the drawback was since it requiered more energy meant it could only be used once and the opponent needs to be weakened. But once unleashed it cannot be countered and only harms those who have evil intentions and no innocent. Known as an Ulitmate ability, it was his greatest weapon against the Iron King who was destroyed by it. It also led to the image that he was more dangerous despite his thirst for knowledge. To this day he is feared by those who are aware of him and also respected. Why did he become so enraged at the Iron King? Well the Iron King was made of the darkness that is the opposite of the living energy of Tortarium. Wether the powers drove him mad or he was just like that from the beginning is not really known. It is certain that he did conquer many people and their homes and enslaved those strong enough to work for him. Those who were sick, weak or pregnant were still forced to work in unbearable conditions. When Tortarium chased the demons from his home since he knew it formed a threat, he was still unaware of the scope. Tortarium cannot tolerate any form of harm brought to any innocent beings wether he knew them or not. In his mind all deserved to be free. When he saw what the Iron King had done enraged him enough to sweep across many lands with his Guardians to bring the demons to their knees. This caused his hatred to grew more and more. His drive to protect innocent beings means he doesnt stop till the harm is undone and those behind it are either brought to justice or destroyed. While the battle eventually caused him to lose his physical body, since he was connected to the realm his spirit remained. His preferred form is that of a snake. To get a good idea of what he is for people who dont know them, the closest he comes to what we have on Earth in mythology is the Basilisk. The Stone Gaze, the ability born from his rage is simliar to that what a Basilisk can do. It does turn people into stone but unlike in the Basilisk legend holding a mirror so he sees himself doesnt turn himself into stone. This ability also dont turn anyone into stone and is saved for the most dangerous enemies. Despite his capapbility as a warrior and how dangerous he can be, Tortarium is mostly known for his kindness and his desire to help people. He prefers people who help others on their own and not because they are told to help people. Tortarium's loyalty can be earned by pretty much everyone. His only demand for having his favor is being yourself and always answer with the truth. He can easily spot any lies. People who have earned his favor are awared with help from him when needed and access to some of his knowledge. His teachings forms the backbone for the main path Knowledge. These are Godecs who are those who study history, other beings, teachers and so on. Basicly everything that has to do with learning and teaching. While the Spirits dont have a leader, he is mostly the one that mortals speaks to. He has taken a shining into humans since they are unknown beings. While he doesnt physically appear here on Earth since there is no source for his energy, he does visit me. While the passage of time has taken a toll on his memories and he doenst remember everything, Tortarium is the same being that always existed. He works now closely with the descandents after a major event happened, not wanting to abandon the people he once helped rescue. While he still has an hatred towards demons for what happened, he doesnt judge every demon like that. He prefers to judge each demon on their own and not for the actions that other demons have commited.
  3. Sorry for the late reply. Never got notifications that I had comments here. @Mirath https://sketchmob.com/user-profile/Gabriel/ This is a link to his profile on sketchmob. The price was 115 dollars but that is a set price with only some additions making it more expensive. The price stays the same no matter how complex the creature is. As for the rest. Keep in mind that this is just one of the many forms I have in the Godec kintype. I hope to get more commissions done in the furture for the forms that I experience most. The reason I chose the lion over the dragon form is that the dragon is mostly not to different from Western dragons so it is not hard to imagine how it could look like, The lion however I felt it was something more different with only a rough description of both a Earthly element and alien elements in it. The lion just presented more interesting to be the first form realized in art form. I hope that the next forms can be done by the same artist since the style exactly suits what I am searching for. While I cannot guarantee that the art piece is 100 procent accurate to what the lion is made of, it is based on what I experience with my shifts. Worst case scenario is that it misses at least a couple small details but the appearance is mostly correct with the most important elements.
  4. Still need to take things slow for the coming week but the operation for my mother was a succes. With a little hope her epileptic attacks will be less since medication had no effect on them. She still has to remain in hospital for the following week but hopefully my trauma will also become easier to deal with and start to grow less and less in anxiety problems. Still a long road ahead to a more comfortable life without the anxiety but I am slowly going there. All I need is the feeling of support and that I am not alone when things become to much. 

  5. Guess the temporary break is now over since my mind is turning back to a calm state again. Talked with the psychiatrist today and the cause behind my anxiety problems lies more strongly in trauma due what happened in the past with my father then my autism. Finally a answer for what has happened. A official diagnosis is not yet made but my psychiatrist really thinks my autism is not the cause and trauma is.

  6. I have finally a commission that displays one of my godec forms. It feels good to see a form again for the first time in millions of years.
  7. A commission I did via a artist to give a first ever impressio from one of my Godec forms. This is a form I do experience commonly and hopefully gives a good insight in how familiar and yet alien the forms can look. This is my lion form and the first one to be brought to life via art. I know people can be a bit confused sometimes at how it can possibly look.
  8. Dont know how to explain it but for now I will take a break from the community. I am not leaving forever but temporarily. I guess the main reason is my anxiety problems which the cause of is not yet identified but I am so scared to say the wrong things at the moment, a main reason I dont really post anymore. I guess a other problem of mine is that these problems combined with my low natural self esteem also created the idea in my mind that I am not really a part anymore, people dont like me and so on. My mind is just under a lot of pressure at the moment and need to relax first. I dont know how long this break will be but I fear in worst case scenerio a couple of months.

    1. Charias

      I can definitely relate to that feeling... I hope things get better for you. Just remember that what you're feeling isn't true, and those feelings will pass! It's just... brains being weird, I guess. So yeah, take all the time you need! If you ever want to talk/vent about it, my inbox is open. :Love:

    2. Amber

      I second Charias. If only I could give you a tiny bit of my positive energy! I hope you can work out the problems and feel better soon. Take all the time you need and don't forget - you're not alone.

  9. @Curious Canine Heh sorry for that. Didnt know you already commented on the old post when I made that edit. Anyway a 7/10. I do have a sot spot for simple songs and I like the style of that though I have heard a bit better but still not a bad song. Returning to the other song in the old post what helps me through some hard times and help keeping the memories alive of my father and aunt.
  10. 7/10 The song is good but not something I would seek out on my own. Something I can listen to from time to time but not on a daily basis, at best once a week if I want. This is also a good song for me and reminds me of what I went through when my father and aunt passed away.
  11. 6/10 for me. Not really my style but I could enjoy it from time to time when I am in the right mood. Here is one of my favorite songs
  12. I hate it that I cannot be more active because of my extreme fear and limits myself to lurking and posting from time to time since it can also be caused by online interactions (I dont understand how). My mind is as stable as it gets and will see a therapist next week. Hopefully I have answers if it is a disorder or my autism though I still believe it is an disorder what is causing it. Things are slowly getting better though I still feel alone in this mess with no one to support me despite people are helping me and those thoughts are not helping. I just feel isolated despite daily activity. All I can hope is that this mess is solved as soon as possible and continue my road to recovery. All I need is answers.
  13. Sorry for a little lack of activity. I am still experiencing anxiety and am still awaiting treatment and hopefully an diagnosis on what is the cause of my anxiety. I am keeping things slow till I get proper treatment and so on since things from daily activities can fuel a attack if possible. I hope it doesnt take long but for now I need to think about my health and not push myself further. If people want to talk they can on Discord but I am not really chatting on the public servers. I dont know why online interaction also fuels things like this but I unfortunaly need to keep online interaction to a minium. Yes I hate it but I need to think of myself and my overall health. I am still slowly recovering and it will be a long process but with the proper treatment and medicine I will come above all the horror my mind is creating and thinking. I cannot say how long it takes but hopefully in the next few months I hope for a increase in recovery and tools to help me manage my anxiety if a attack hits. I need to build up confidence again and overcome some pretty nasty thoughts. But most of all I need to how to learn with this anxiety regardless if it is my autism or an unknown disorder. When i feel better then I will become more active again. I hope you understand.

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