I've been contemplating the memory that I'd detailed in my last blog entry. This likely won't come as a surprise, since one's death is a rather significant thing to have remembered. Most people wouldn't want to remember such a thing, I imagine, but I had the luxury of a painless death, and thus I am better able to analyze the event.
The more I think on it, the more I feel I had been murdered. This might strike you as odd, as I'd just gotten through telling you that it was a painless death. However, there were certain circumstances that will account for this. I have recently become aware of a war that had been fought in the constellation to which my home star system belongs. It was apparently a long and bloody war, but I had never seen the front lines of it. I was simply an administrator, a diplomat, and the planet I called home was firmly in my side's hands by the time I came into existence, the fighting there long since ended.
However, in my duties as a diplomat, I had somehow come across some sensitive bit of information that I believe pertained to the other side. It was highly sensitive, very important, and had the weight of thousands of lives to it. I believe I was on my way to give some high authority this information when I was somehow poisoned in transit. I'm unsure how the sabotage occurred, or whether it was of a chemical nature or something else, but that's what it felt like to me.
I feel like this wasn't the first time such a thing was attempted, though it was the first time it succeeded. I may have not been anywhere close to the actual fighting, but I felt as though I was a known person of interest to the other side nonetheless. They'd been gunning for me for a while, it seems. Well, they finally got me.
Despite them being my "enemy," I feel as though my painless death was intentional. The other side was quite fond of preaching love and oneness, and intentionally causing needless pain would have "lowered them to our level" or some such nonsense. I'm sure some among their number wanted to bend the rules for me, such was their apparent animosity. In the end, they decided to stick to their principles.
I believe that it was as a direct result of this event that I came to occupy this body in such an odd way to other otherkin. (If you're unaware of what I mean, I have a blog post explaining it here) Because of the sensitivity and importance of the information I'd carried, an urgent and rather rushed effort was undertaken to preserve that information. As they had no idea of the nature of what I'd learned, they chose to transfer my entire consciousness into this form. I'm of the belief that, if I do indeed have a "mission" here, it is to remember this information and ensure it gets to the right place.
It is probably because of all this that I've recently made an attempt to connect to the Starseed community. There are still some things that don't quite sit right with me about Starseeds in general, but given the recent memories I've uncovered, I feel they are close enough to offer a thing or two that will help me. I only really have one worry about this venture... While the particular community I'm looking at has strict policies against hateful speech against any specific group, I've already seen that a few members consider some specific groups of specific aliens to be inherently evil, and I'm afraid I fall squarely into that category. I've also seen many people speak of the war I remember, and all of them were from the opposite side as I had been. I have no problem with interacting with them - in fact I quite look forward to it - I just hope they will be equally as open minded.