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Syan

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Syan last won the day on June 8

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About Syan

  • Rank
    Great Wyrm

Personal Information

  • Gender Identity
    Agender
  • Gender Expression
    Masculinity (weak)
  • Preferred Pronouns
    she, they
  • Sexuality
    Asexual
  • Antisexuality
    No
  • Interests
    video games, music, drawing,writing,biology, philosophy
  • Favorite Music
    classic metal
  • Religion
    ?
  • Personal Spirituality
    On my spirituality in general: I don't really believe in a 'god' but I believe the universe itself might be sentient.(Pantheist) It's like the universe made a conscious effort to make it work that way. It's way too coincidental that everything is just right for earth to have life like this. I just see way too many coincidences that go on in my life. So my beliefs are very similar to buddhism in a way, and it works for me.

    On my therianthropy/otherkinity: If you put to consideration the mass of conservation which states that matter can't be created or destroyed, your life energy can't just disappear when you die. And since it is energy, it has no real form however it might take the form of the body that you inhabit and that can leave an imprint or memory on the soul.

Other-than-human Identity

  • I am...
    an otherkin
    a fictionkin
    a therianthrope
    other-hearted
  • Primary Identity
    Polytherian

Otherkin Identity

  • Kintype(s)
    European Wolf, Mountain Lion, Alien
  • Kintype(s) Description
    Iberian Wolf- Dark brown markings on the face with some black fur on the top of the head, body and limbs. The chin, jaw and underside of the neck is white.
    Mountain lion-A somewhat pale coat with pale green(?) eyes. (Not 100% certain on the eye color)

    I figure these out by looking at a couple of pictures of my types and see which one give me the feeling that I'm looking at myself
  • Time of Awakening
    unknown
  • Personal Otherkin Experiences
    I sort of have a prey/hunting drive whether or not I am mental shifted. I also have strong urges to climb trees and rocks, have the habit of growling, hissing, snarling and scratching when I get startled or when my inhibitions are lowered. These are always unintentional urges I get without thinking. The noises I make sometimes sound like one of my two types.

    I get feelings of species dysphoria. My human body doesn't match the way I perceive my body to actually be. They overlap with my two kin types during phantom or aura shifts.
  • Personal Awakening
    Varies with each type
  • Body Dysphoria
    Yes

Otherkin Shifting Frequency

  • Mental Shifting
    I experience it nearly every day
  • Dream Shifting
    I experience it few times a year
  • Phantom Shifting
    I experience it every day
  • Aura Shifting
    I experience it every day

Otherkin Shifting Duration

Other-Hearted Identity

  • Kith
    cheetah, zombie, elephant

Plural System Identity

Vampire Identity

  • Vampirism
    Not a vampire

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. Even with all the harsh grilling and skepticism I've put myself through and all of the back tracking and questioning, I still think I am right with all I uncovered so far. At this point, rejecting my spiritual beliefs and knowledge is irrational because I am reaching conclusions. And my subconsciousness managed to fight through the resistance my conscious mind put through. This resistance was detrimental.

  2. Well at the end, only you can decide what is true or not. No one else can decide for you because it's something personal and private. If anything the only thing other people can do is help point you in a right direction.
  3. @Kyms I am glad I can help, but for the point on your multiple kintypes: More experienced people than me say that you are born being your kintype (in the non physical sense) and it isn't something that comes afterwards in life. You may realize it later but it was always there from before. I might be wrong but when you say that you connect to your pets after they're dead, it sounds to me that they are your spirit guides, and the animal shifts come from them and not from within you. But if you've had these shifts from before and they are part of your base personality even when you weren't around your pets, then they can be your theriotype. As for your living pets, the same concept goes. It has to come from within you, not from the outside. You might just be picking up on their energy/essence. Another thing is that it might be possible that all the theriotypes you mentioned is connected to a polymorph shift? I don't think a polymorph always means that you are an animal hybrid. It can mean that you can easily change form whenever. For your other fictiontypes/otherkin types, try looking into them more. It might be a coincidence, and the more evidence you have pointing to your kintypes, the better. You need multiple experiences and extensive research to know that you are really that kintype. It's always very, if not extremely tricky with dreams and memories because it can just as easily be your imagination and just fabrications that never happened/will never happen. Personally, I've had a lot of luck with tarot cards. When you try to visualize a memory, do not guide it (that might be tricky as well) let it come to you and decipher what it means later. I can't comment much on DID and headmate systems since I know zero about them. But on the point of bringing up the otherkinity stuff to your parents and your therapists: you need to make it clear that it is an internal belief system and not an external one. You are physically and externally not your kintype, that is positively impossible. But you can tell them to look up and psychological research articles on the subject, and there are a few. Hopefully what I say clears a few things up a bit. And it doesn't hurt to be skeptical, but at the same time being too skeptical isn't a good thing either.
  4. I'm not much of a fan of poetry. But to answer your question, you can be a primate cladotherian (with the exclusion of humans probably.)
  5. The Let it All Out Thread

    I want to apologize to my mentor from a prior (maybe future life) for forgetting many of the things he taught me. It's still written somewhere in the back of my mind but it requires honing. And I made a promise that I won't forget my friend. It's true-I have not. I never did.
  6. Last movie you watched?

    Finding Dory. I never expected the movie to hit me so hard. Not only was the movie put together very well, it reminded me and my current delimna of trying to piece together my past life through small memory fragments and small reminders. Even though I have a very good memory in general, I was still able to relate and understand exactly what Dory was going through.
  7. Indeed. I cross examine other recent events to see if it has anything to do with it. It sometimes does, but sometimes it might just be my memory being jogged. I am always surprised with what I see and try my best not to direct my thoughts. What I see is usually unexpected. But when I do get actual vivid visions (not just shapes or objects) I feel this strong sense of awe, wonder, nostalgia and sometimes sadness. I accurately/psychically caught onto objects and some events before I even knew what they were or seen them before I actually saw them. Over the past month I'm seeing many patterns that I didn't pick up before. But I'm aware they can be coincidental. One small tidbit is that I think I took this flower out from the ground before a planet was destroyed. (at least that's how I interpreted it) A few days later, I noticed that I hate pulling out flowers from the ground without their roots in tact. It actually pains me a little to pull out pretty looking flowers straight out of the ground. I thank you for your help! :)
  8. I feel like I need some sort of guidance and advice on everything that's been happening to me lately, mostly involved with my meditations. I feel like I'm very right and accurate in one moment, but then my doubt kicks in and tells me that it's all in my head. It's an aggressive cycle that can't stop. Because of how over active my mind is, I was never good at meditation. But a month I go, I found out another way to go about it. It was a good thing that I was listening to music at the time, because listening to music I personally like looks like it acts like a catalyst for me. The way I'm meditating is that I focus on the subject on hand and await to see what images or scenes spring up in the darkness. They are barely ever any vivid images or scenes unless I'm close to falling asleep. I need to master the delicate balance of being almost asleep but not asleep to do this. But a few little visions do pop up in my meditation. The way I try to determine if they're real is only if I don't understand at first. In dreams, you usually know what you're looking at, but with these visions, I don't know what they are at first so I have to interpret them as it happens. A few weeks ago, one image I caught were these purple drops falling to the ground. At first I thought they were some sort of flower petals, but then I noticed that they fell and dropped like blood. I then remembered that their blood was a dark purple color. I rely a great deal on tarot cards to determine if I'm correct or not. I swear that the same cards pop up over and over even after I shuffle them well: Page of wands: I noticed that this card shows up to confirm I am right. I am the page in this situation, a beginner/'student' in meditation and past life recall. Another card I keep getting is 8 of wands, meaning a similar thing. I also get justice and temperance very often. I get the card 'the lovers' when asking about my mentor, but I extremely doubt that it has anything to do with romance as well as feeling that it makes zero sense. Instead, I see it as the bond and unity between teacher and student. For some reason, I keep getting the king of pentacles when asking about various individuals which confuses me. A few other funny coincidences is when I got the star twice in a row when I asked a question phrased differently. I was asking if these lights I saw on the wall was just my imagination. I got the star. Reshuffled and reasked the question: the star. Last week after a few hours of meditation, I managed to see how I looked in the mirror. It looked similar to a drawing I did, only real. I really doubt my imagination can do that so well. The tarots confirm I am on the right path. But what other way can I confirm this without using tarot? (Other than pendulums) Lastly, I was busy writing a story of my character and their mentor(unrelated to my mentor but similar). While I was writing it, I heard a very loud airplane outside my house and honestly it sounded like it was about to crash. Never in the 6 years I've lived in this house have I heard a plane SO close. My mom was freaking out as well and asked me if I heard it. It was pretty scary. The irony? I think my mentor in the past life died in a plane crash. When I told my mom this, she believed me. If this isn't a sign, then I obviously don't know what the hell is. I will begrudgingly admit that I am a protoss. (A dark templar/nerazim to be more exact) Their moral, philosophical and spiritual code is EXACTLY like my own beliefs, their homeland resembles my dream scapes and gives me nostalgia, and I always had some sort of appeal to dark, 'shadow like' things/topics that were misunderstood as well as the cloaks/cloth they normally wear. I actually feel more comfortable and confident when wearing things similar to that for as long as I can remember. There are a ton of other reasons as well. I feel like the only way I can make progress is if I admit this for the sake of guidance. I also did not choose this by any means, it chose me. Any advice would be appreciated and I didn't want to make a forum topic about this because this feels more personal and I don't want to draw too much attention to myself. If you've read this whole thing then I thank you. If anyone wants to know more specifics, then you can pm me.
  9. I'm not...

    Looks like I can't make the cougar joke since someone already did. Onto the next one because I really feel like mentioning it: Yeah, I'm a protoss but I'm not going to tell you to construct additional pylons
  10. I actually noticed that they are self aware just by observing the way they behave. If they were not self aware, then they wouldn't mark their territory with their scent. Having a sense of 'mineness' is an indicator that they are self aware, but apparently most people never thought that? The mirror test is flawed because they do not understand the concept of mirrors and you can't really explain it to them. Using mirrors as the only way is just another example of anthropocentricity. Another thing I observed when I was at a dog park was that there was a dog with a tumor near their stomach area. (It's sad...but it's too late now) Another dog sniffed them and after they did so, turned around and sniffed their own stomach. I found that really convincing evidence.
  11. Shielding and grounding techniques

    I am almost always shielded nowadays so it will be hard to catch me being vulnerable, especially when I'm around strangers or a fearful situation. For me at least, all I can do is think about being on guard and I am. The only physical gesture that I do to initiate the start of grounding and to shield myself is by circling my hands a few inches away from my body. I actually learned it from Tai Chi and it just caught onto my muscle memory. It feels very natural and it felt like I've always done it (maybe I did?). Not only that, but it feels like it actually helps shield me and allows me to direct the energy I have within this body. Perhaps that is why I feel like I can do martial arts better empty handed and without boxing gloves, my techniques and energy becomes muffled with boxing gloves.
  12. I know  I'm on the right track when I use my meditations, dreams and precognitions to learn about my new kintype and have it come out totally accurate. It's so accurate it's scary.

  13. The Let it All Out Thread

    I haven't been feeling like playing wow lately, but it might be because there is literally nothing for me to do there atm other than log on for rp events/meetings. That, and I've been trying out other games. Hopefully Argus fixes that.
  14. The Let it All Out Thread

    Can I stop being so skeptical and stop having existential crisises? That'd be nice
  15. I am a harsh skeptic of everything, including myself. I look at my arguments from many perspectives and angles and use those counter arguments to form my basis better, even if it means changing what I originally thought. I’m aware that I can be wrong, right, somewhere in the middle or all three simultaneously. Anyway, this topic has been really been biting me and I really felt like talking about it and writing about it to get it out of my system. I mentioned bits and pieces of my experiences so far but never actually went into great detail in it. I want to start this essay by bringing up the fact that humans don’t want to accept the fact that they don’t understand everything and look for answers to prove their own beliefs. It’s important to note that there are things that exist beyond human or mortal comprehension because of its complexity. There are many things that we can’t comprehend such as infinity, reality, and existence. (And the song ‘Infinite Dreams’ comes on as I write this sentence. GG) Quantum mechanics doesn’t make sense and works oddly, yet it exists. A particle can move in a line and move in a zig zag simultaneously. A big basis on my philosophy and reasoning is the theory of the conservation of mass. You can never stop existing. Our essences and souls have been created the moment the big bang of this universe was created based on this theory. But other universes exist, perhaps independently of each other. But this thought is just a guess. Thirdly the basis of infinity states that everything exists. Every single reality and thought exists somewhere, such as it existing or emerging from within your own mind. It is impossible to comprehend this with a human mind because a human mind has its limitations. I think that Plato’s philosophical theory on a realm where base thoughts and ‘forms’ exists explains the workings of the mind and the universe quite well. Thoughts are in a plane all within themselves that exists outside of our space and time. Even though the human mind has limitations, the creations and thoughts that emerge from it are infinite. The proof of other realities exist when those thoughts and ideas emerge from your mind. If it has been thought, it exists. Perhaps even other thoughts that haven’t been thought exist somewhere waiting to be discovered. Saying that only one universe exists contradicts the theory of infinity and reality. Then, you must also question what is real and what is false. Reality and consciousness in of itself is a miracle. I have never astral projected but what other people tell me of their experiences, the theory of there being a multiverse looks promising. Even though the approach I have is unscientific and unproven, I believe that souls exist when you have the theory of conservation of mass. Your soul is energy and is unbound by laws of macro-matter. There is a separation between physical matter and energy. Energy is within everything physical. I consider this energy to be the soul. I am spiritual, that is true. But should spirituality and hard science be treated differently or as different sides of the same coin? I didn’t believe in coincidences when I was in my early teens yet everything kept piling on top of each other and coincidences just stopped being coincidences. There are many coincidences that I can’t really list off of the top of my head. Well, one example is the song I was listening to while I was writing the first paragraph. I had no idea what song it was or that it would come up next yet moments after I write the sentence: “There are many things that we can’t comprehend such as infinity….” The lyrics go “infinity is hard to comprehend.” Ironic that a coincidence like this would emerge at a time like this. Another example are tarot cards. Sometimes when I ask the same question, I constantly get the same card, even though the chances of getting that card in a tarot deck that has 76 cards using a 3 tarot spread 1/73 even though it shuffled and picked at random. At first, I was skeptical but then I realized that it’s surprisingly accurate and for reasons that can’t be explained. A couple of weeks back on vacation I was drawn to a tarot deck and when I went to pick it up, I realized that it was exactly what I needed. It was a tarot deck that was themed around the universe, infinity and the metaphysical. Which was exactly what was going through my mind at that time. Another thing is that at the same time I was going through this, someone I talked to had a very similar thing going on when I mentioned it, though we are technically enemies in that other life. What are the chances of meeting someone else at this moment in a random rping community that originally had nothing to deal with the universe in question? Looks like I’m the only one on the internet with this kintype too, amazingly. (There are probably others who don’t mention it or don’t know). Spirituality and science should exist hand in hand. Science explains what is tangible and everything that exists in the physical world. I believe the soul carries prior knowledge of the intangible and it is through your inner voice, consciousness, feelings and sensations that you can use to make sense of it. We were all born in a human body as a blank slate (for the most part, at least) with no knowledge of what came before that moment. I compare it to being hit with amnesia, and I am an amnesiac that is trying to get my prior memories back through sensations, meditation, dreams and deja-vu’s. My essence, or core knows a lot more than I do but it’s up to my human brain to interpret it and detect it. Trust me, I was skeptical of some fictionkin at times but my experiences has forced me to reconsider. I am not any ‘canon’ or specific character but I am my own individual among that species. I can defend a fictionkin only if they say that they are a specific character when they do their research correctly and have good evidence to support their claim. I believe that a soul can fracture and split (twin souls) so maybe that is an explanation for doubles. But I don't know much about being an actual character, so I can't speak much about it. Never have I looked at a fictional world and thought to myself “this feels like it’s happened before” or “I felt that I’ve been here.” My inner mind (my unconscious self) spoke to me and said things along the lines of “it’s because you were.” At that point, I was thinking of myself to be quiet and shut up because of how insane the thought was at the time. I don’t believe I consciously wanted to believe it or think it. The thing was, that I didn’t even have these thoughts or feelings as an impressionable little kid. It is now in my adulthood that I feel this. At first, I was in denial, embarrassed and hated myself for thinking it. But one and one became two, then two and one became three, etc…..It kept adding up indefinitely the more I thought about it. The sensation that came next felt like a god damn sledge hammer hit me on the top of my head. The similarities were uncanny. The phantom, mental shifts, my mannerisms fit everything to a T. Even more so than my therian identity. I knew that I felt something resembling horns and knew that my third kin type had something to deal with justice and judgement (I mean it’s even in the name of my occupation) And I just realized the latter two days ago. Even when I fight with my bo staff and practice fighting moves, the movements I do feel so fluid and natural as if I have always done them, when I didn’t. If I think about what to do, I stiffen up and get confused, but if I let myself just go with the flow, I move much better. The coincidences keep adding up. I had these thoughts and impressions even before I knew anything about the story/lore. These impressions I got the more I read about the fictional world just kept adding up until it led to an avalanche. I also compare these impressions as handprints in sand (okay, I was at the beach when I was thinking this through). In this life, all I see are these hand prints in the sand with no idea whose or what sort of hand it was. But once I place my own hand over the handprint, it was a perfect match. Hard data and logic has its uses a lot of the time, and I am a very logical person regardless, but there are some things and experiences that logic cannot explain. Those experiences are the dreams I had that felt real. All of those realistic dreams had the same theme. I was surrounded by very good friends who I missed dearly when I woke up because of how real they felt, and I was acquiring weapons, jewelry and some sort of armor. These type of dreams have been recurrent in my life from as young as 5 years old. Even with all of the potential opposing arguments against the fallacy of my arguments, I feel like I have too much spiritual ‘’evidence’’ that shows that I am near the truth. I feel like my sensations, memories and feelings help point me in the right direction even though hard logic can’t prove it because of how intangible it is. I think that is the potential flaw that hard science and experimentation has. I do believe that your inner self, or essence knows things that you consciously don’t know and the only way to extract this knowledge is by inner introspection and observation which is far from easy.
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