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4 First step

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About Tarielarwen

  • Rank

Personal Information

  • Gender Identity
  • Gender Expression
    Femininity (strong)
  • Antisexuality
  • Interests
    To be honest, most things interest me. Art, Architecture, DIY, History, Music, Stories, games
  • Hobbies
    making things, music, gardening (complete beginner), drawing
  • Favorite Movies & TV Shows
    Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Star Trek, Costume Dramas, Cloud Atlas, Sense8, Forged in Fire, Dr Who
  • Favorite Games & Video Games
    Fable II, Fable III, Oblivion, Skyrim, Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

Other-than-human Identity

  • Primary Identity

Otherkin Identity

  • Kin Name
    Tarielarwen/ Tari
  • Kintype(s)
  • Body Dysphoria

Otherkin Shifting Frequency

  • Mental Shifting
    I experience it few times a year
  • Dream Shifting
    I experience it few times a month

Otherkin Shifting Duration

  • Mental Shifting
    It lasts many seconds
  • Dream Shifting
    It lasts some hours

Otherkin Shifting Triggers

  • Mental Shifting
    external stimuli-provoked
    unprovoked involuntary
  • Dream Shifting
    external stimuli-provoked
    unprovoked involuntary

Plural System Identity

Vampire Identity

  • Vampirism
    Not a vampire

Recent Profile Visitors

269 profile views
  1. goris cosplay

    Looks great. It sounds like you are super organised with it all.
  2. The First Time

    I feel so strange today. Bursts of confidence and excitement, followed by doubt and shyness. The desire to connect has been so strong. I have stepped back a bit. I can accept that I know, and others feel it in a different way. All my life, the idea that it existed somewhere, was enough to get by on. But now, it eats at me. I went on Pinterest yesterday. I pinned a few hundred pins, piecing together the landscape. A bit from this image, a bit from that, the feel of this one, etc. It's easy to disconnect the "Oohh that's lovely/wonderful/beautiful" from the "That's it!" feeling. That's something at least. It helped a lot. Just that the place existed, that it was witnessed, seems so important, but I don't know why. That part doesn't matter right now. There is a place here on earth that came up hundreds of times. But the feel of it was not earth. It was Elsewhere. People have been fascinated by it for the last 50 years and say its fantastic design. But I remember whole cities of this style, and I believe he did too. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with the Garden and the City right now. It's not like it's going anywhere, or it's a one off dream. It feels like the place to start. It was where the feeling of difference began for me. And that is one of my earliest memories. It was a playground at kindergarten. There was a hill that went down to the next street. We weren't allowed to go too far down there. But we did. There was a row of trees (about five) but it was all about three of them. There was a fence behind them and grass all around filling the hillside. The fence was stained from the water, and the trunks stood out, all white against it. One day, these three trees stood out, on the right of the playground, next to that fence. It was the strongest feeling of wonder and yearning. And magic? I was five then and remember it like it was five minutes ago. The light! It was All So Beautiful!! And then the feeling passed. They were just trees again. In the playground. I knew I needed to find it again and be close to it. Live There. I kept looking back at them. Over that day. Over the weeks, months, years and decades. Visiting them at night when I was older, the soft street lights threw strange shadows on the fence, lawn and trees. That was the closest they got to that moment. But it was just an echo of that feeling of wonder and magic. I went back over the following thirty years. Hundreds of times. They were always just - trees in a playground. But always the potential for So Much More. I had the feeling again, many times, from other sources. But part of me is always convinced that if I look there, at those three trees, just one more time, it will be that magic place again.
  3. The Eldest

    I'm 36. I've known I was 'different' to the people around me for as long as I can remember. The feeling just grew and grew. I had a really sheltered upbringing (Roman Catholic) and never learnt much about ideas outside of that. It was just NEVER spoken about. In my teens and early twenties I just followed my own path. Feeling more alone with my 'weird ideas' but more connected to them as well. This has been both a saving grace and skipping down the garden path, completely the wrong way at times. I heard the word otherkin when I was in my late twenties. A completely wrong passing comment which turned me away from the community entirely. But I was always fascinated by random stories I would hear and read about individuals and small groups. I never realised they were almost certainly otherkin. About six years ago, I started to live my life by ideas from a more specific elven and fae headspace. It felt natural to me. But still isolated and lonely. Then, just over a month ago, I learnt what the term Otherkin - actually - meant. So many ideas that I've always felt have got words to them!! Now I'm playing this massive game of 'second school' learning my otherkin abcs. :) It's a bit frustrating as in some ways I feel like a baby, and in other ways I've been living this way longer than some members have been alive.. :\
  4. The Let it All Out Thread

    I'm so glad your dog is okay. :) they can be little rascals sometimes. <3
  5. Martial Artists - Report In

    I did Taekwondo for many years and I really loved it. I don't think it was my 'ultimate style'. I started running into restrictions due to my size. (short and small). I do more of a mixed style now, that is less reliant on size. It suits me much better in that respect. I do miss the patterns we did for Taekwondo though. I found them so grounding. Everything else would disappear. I also did historical reenactment fighting with metal weapons and armour. That's something I want to return to. I love using metal weapons, sparing one on one was so much fun, and the group battles were fantastic.
  6. I've been piecing together bits and pieces, and yesterday I realized some things. I am posting this here, in case there are others with the same memories coming past here. This is what I remembered: I was in the Garden. (this is part of the same garden I most often see). The light is strong here, and again, the sky and light is not the same as on Earth. It is similar to a mixture between day and night. It's difficult to describe. As I look out over the Garden, I see a clearing, surrounded by trees, strong light over the ground, (grass like plants?) there is orange, peach colours on the ground, and water straight ahead. The sky is mostly dark. I have a feeling here, that I know this place well. I've spent a lot of time here. There is a large building behind me and as I look out at the Garden, I realize I am standing on something higher than the ground I'm looking at. (stairs feels wrong, small hill or slope perhaps). There is a feeling of great familiarity, but not ownership. I do not own this place, and there is not the pride of a gardener here. So I don't own it, and I did not make it or tend it. But I live here, next to this Garden, and I have lived here for years. It's central to the life I am remembering at that moment. A small start at writing about this latest series of memories.