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Charias

Guardians
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Everything posted by Charias

  1. Soooo... I tried doing something like this on the old site but I never set any limits on how many requests I'd take at once and just ended up flooded, and gave up. No promises, but maybe I can do a bit better this time around! I'll draw one of your kintype/s, for free. In particular I want to practice drawing in a more quick, casual way than I usually do, so no promises on quality (though I'll say I am a very experienced artist so I'd hope anything I make won't be that bad, haha). Maybe it'll just be a doodle, maybe it'll have colour or even shading. I dunno, depends on what I feel like doing. I can draw pretty much anything, though I struggle with humanoids a bit. Still, practice makes perfect, so I'm happy to give that a shot too. I'll need either a reference (ref sheet or just a picture of an animal/creature that looks similar) with written description of any notable/defining features; or, if you don't have a picture for me to work with, I'll need a very detailed written description instead. If there's any particular personality, emotion or action you'd like, let me know and I'll do my best. ^^ I'll offer three slots at a time. Please check there is an available slot before posting! Because of the way KM works I won't be able to update this post with what slots are open, so you're gonna have to take the time to look through yourself. I just don't want to get overwhelmed again. Also this should be a given but: you can only claim one slot per "round". Also! Please don't make a request if you're not sure you'll be around to collect the finished work! Nothing bums me out more than making art for someone, only to find they've gone completely inactive and will probably never even see it. If you have any questions, feel free to ask~ Right. That's all the important stuff. So. Tell me what to draw! Three slots: GO!
  2. @ArchieAce I don't actually do commissions atm. I'm too flaky for that kind of responsibility! I prefer to just do art for fun anyway... the pressure of working for money makes it too stressful for me. I offer free stuff pretty often, though (well, uh, "often" by my standards, which is... not really that often because I'm such a slow worker, aha). Slots will probably open again at some point, but I'm not sure when!
  3. Walking along, minding my own business, when I notice this thing staring at me from a shop window. Nice.
  4. @Curious Canine Sorry friend, slots are full at the moment! I'm a slow worker, aha. But once I'm done this round of art I'll probably open slots up again! ^^ @Jahfari Aaa finally got this done! Sorry for the wait! Turns out wolf colours are way harder than I thought, aha. I hope you like~
  5. The idea of "confirming" kintypes is so strange to me. How would one "confirm" a kintype? Hell, I've identified as a wolf for literal years and it's an integral part of myself, but that doesn't stop me sometimes wondering if I reallyΒ amΒ a wolf (the doubts don't last long, but... with no objective way to know for sure, it seems natural to occasionally stop and wonder if I am what I think I am). I wouldn't say I'd "confirmed" any of my kintypes, because that implies that I've found some way to objectively verify them, right? And I haven't.

    What does "confirming" even mean in this context? How would one "confirm" their non-physical identity? (Rhetorical question, but. At the same time I'd be interested to know how people who have "confirmed" a kintype actually went about that).

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Kerguelen

      In my case it means confirming what category my feelings fall into. I know what I'm feeling, but I get a lot of things at once. Knowing what to call it and feeling it are two different things to me.

      Maybe that makes me a lesser category of "kin" for not automatically being certain but so be it, it's how I figure things out.

      Oh, wait, I misunderstood a bit. Yeah, I'm never absolutely certain. I just use the word "confirm" to say "this is what I think it is for now."

    3. Charias

      I think it's the certainty of saying something is "confirmed" that doesn't agree with me. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sure of a kintype, just... saying it's "confirmed" is semantically weird to me, y'know? But eh.

    4. Amber

      Hm.. isn't there a difference between "confirmation" and "proof"? If I remember my physics classes correctly, there're many physical theories which are confirmed by observations, but not finally proven. Take e.g. the existence of dark matter or the human-made climate change.

  6. Hmm, I was curious so went to look into it, and it seems like the "zombie deer" thing is being way overblown by the media. Of course. I mean, obviously take precautions (basically don't eat a sick deer and don't touch them, but I think that's common sense, aha). While it is heartbreaking to see, it doesn't seem to be something to worry about. And with such a high population the species will certainly survive it. All the talk about it possibly spreading to humans sounds like fear-mongering to me. What really scares me is rabies. Nightmare disease. I'm glad it's extinct here.
  7. Yeah, when there's pressure on a certain area or if I move my wrist in a certain way. I've looked really carefully and can't see anything though. Oh well.
  8. My wrist has been hurting all day for no apparent reason and it's so annoying. Like there's a little splinter there, but I can't see anything... ugh.
  9. All I'm going to say is it seems very wrong to laugh at a girl who, if what has been said is true, is seriously mentally ill. Mental illness is not funny. It's a serious issue and should be treated seriously, even in casual discussion. I wouldn't laugh at someone for having cancer, and I won't laugh at this poor girl for whatever she is going through in her head. Shame on all of you who do so. Have a bit of empathy. Mental illness isn't a choice, and anyone who acts in an unhealthy manner because of it is a victim of their illness. They don't deserve mockery.
  10. I'd be interested to how many began identifying as non-human before finding out about therianthropy/otherkinity - maybe phrased as something like "Did you consciously identify as non-human prior to finding the otherkin community?" or something along those lines. Also maybe something like "Did you experience shifts before discovering otherkin?" with multiple choice answers of things like "Yes, mental shifts", "Yes, phantom shifts", "No, but I did after", "No, I don't shift", etc. to specify exactly what their experiences are with that. And maybe "Did you associate yourself with your kintype's species before awakening?" (this could probably be worded better but basically asking if they always had a connection to the species that is their kintype). Oh, also: "Have you ever misidentified your kintype/s?" with answers "No", "Yes, once", "Yes, many times", and "Unsure" I'll post again if I have any more ideas! (Hmm... it'd be cool if you could let us know what questions are already going to be included. I assume there's gonna be the typical stuff like "Are you otherkin, therian, both or neither?" and that sorta thing)
  11. Charias

    PSA: Therian Guide

    My TG account is gonna go down in flames but if I can take that bastard with me I'll burn happy. Or hell, even just... let people know so they can bail. I'd be happy just with that. But that depends how quick my shit's deleted.
  12. Charias

    PSA: Therian Guide

    That... goes a long way towards explaining why that site gives me such bad vibes. Especially that guy in particular. What the fuck. Now I'm torn between deleting my account, and going back on there trying to tell people about the exact kind of bastard their beloved admin is. Hell, maybe I'll do both. Yeah, screw it, I'm doing both.
  13. Hmm... for me it's like, hard to explain? Especially between my wolf and leopard theriotypes, because I'm constantly mentally both of them to some degree (which is why it took me so long to distinguish the leopard parts from the wolf parts - it all mushes together in my head). I'll get feelings and instincts from both species, but the basic feeling associated with them is the same; there's no clearly "wolf instincts" or "leopard instincts", but I can figure out where a particular instinct is coming from with a little logic. Wanting to run with a pack is clearly a wolf thing, while wanting to stalk and ambush is more of a leopard thing. Wanting to hiss at cats I see around is certainly a leopard thing, whereas my wolf instincts are either "ignore the cat" or "oh look it's a weird puppy, new friend!" depending on my mood. I don't get astral shifts, I don't think, but my phantom shifts have a similar level of fluidity and "mushiness" to my mental ones - I always have wolf ears, but I might use those ears in a feline way sometimes. Or I might have wolf ears and a leopard tail. Or a wolf face but leopard paws. It doesn't feel weird to me. Both theriotypes are equally me, and I'm one person, so my theriotypes are both the same me... just. In different ways, I suppose? It's hard to explain. It's funny, I remember when I only knew about my wolf theriotype and didn't understand how anyone could be more than one thing! Welp, turns out the answer, for me, is that I'm not "more than one thing". I'm just three completely different things mushed and tangled together, with no clear division between them.
  14. For my driving lesson today my instructor had me drive us further up into the foothills of the Cairngorms, the nearby mountain range. We went up to this cool dam and reservoir off in the middle of nowhere. It was a really nice drive. The overcast sky doesn't make for a great photo, but it did make driving easier since the sun tends to be very low at this time of year and normally gets in my eyes. Can't wait til I get my license and can do this kinda thing all the time!
  15. Damn, it's been a while since I've written anything here. Welp, guess I'll kinda... do that. Because. Things. Specifically, fictionflicky things. Ugh. So... I don't dislike being a fictionflicker, not at all. And for the most part, it's such a minor thing that I don't feel the need to talk about it. For that matter, I doubt the experience is even particularly rare. It's not generally the sort of thing I think most people would go out and label. I wouldn't have if there wasn't already a convenient label for this exact thing that also helpfully facilitates discussion about it, in a community full of people already talking about identity weirdness. Like, now if I see some fictionkin talking about something I've also felt before, I can be like, "oh yeah I totally know how that feels!" without having to give some big exposition about how that happens in someone who is not at all fictionkin. Which. Hey, that's another weird thing I realised. So by the much looser Tumblr standards I'd probably count as a fictionkin. Pretty wild. Also... a perfect example of why that kind of looser terminology doesn't work. Because I, in no way, shape or form, identify as any of the characters I flick as. And I'm not even them 95% of the time! It is pretty bizarre in it's own way, though. I was running it through my head a few days ago, trying to figure out where exactly these flicks fit into my identity. I definitely don't identify as the characters I flick as. Not even the recurring ones I've had for years. They're not me, I'm not them - just the idea of that is really weird! And very not-right! But then I'm like. What the heck are these things to me? I don't identify with any of these characters either! I certainly have plenty of characters I identify with, but I don't flick as any of them. And most of the recurring characters I flick as are like. Specific characters with specific linear stories which have no parallels to my own, symbolic or otherwise. So what causes my brain to latch onto these random, apparently arbitrary characters so much? I... just don't know right now. I do definitely believe it is 100% psychological, though. I suppose... the best way I can think of to describe the feeling is that... it's like, if somehow I had been born in the universe that story is set in, I feel like that is the person I would be. That is the life I would live. Which is, again, a very strange and confusing thing to feel towards characters who share no common themes or personality traits with you. I don't know why I feel that way so strongly. I guess... just blame it on brains being weird and leave it at that? I had a hell of a lot of identity issues growing up. I do feel a lot of what I imagine fictionkin tend to feel, for as long as these flicks last. Like... homesickness, for sure. And the feeling like I should be able to do something but don't physically know how. The momentary feeling of "wait where is (item)" or "I miss (person)". Thinking of characters from the same source in very familiar ways, like "my friend" or "my brother". Feeling out of place, like I don't really belong "here". Very strong emotional reactions to events that happened in whatever canon I'm flicking. Sometimes I even get slight changes in the way I hold myself or speak. And there's those momentary reactions to things that just make no sense in any context. "Where the fuck is my gun!?" I wonder, as a person who hates guns, has never even seen a gun up close, and lives in a country where guns are completely illegal to own. Yep. It's. Really something. Good job, brain. Another interesting thing to note is that the characters I flick as aren't always from the exact "canon" that's shown in whatever media they're from. Though in most cases I can kinda figure out why that is, and what "changed" to make that happen. Best theory I have right now about why I might get these things is that I. Maybe... might have subconsciously plugged up some holes in my own identity with stuff from outside sources. At least, that explanation might work for the recurring ones. But then... why would they be flicks and not a consistent part of my identity? And if I really did fill in some gaps in my sense of self with outside stuff, why would I also feel like I am not, in any way, actually those characters? Not even a little bit? Not even sometimes? So then. Maybe it really is just me being a very empathetic person with a strong tendency towards escapism? But that wouldn't explain why I tend to flick as characters I don't identify with. Unless... I do identify with them, but in a more vague way? Or... like, those characters somehow represent something in myself that I don't consciously recognise or understand? Or... maybe even things I don't want to understand? Damn, now I'm onto something... I mean, it's still a stretch to go from "this character kinda represents a trait I have that I pretend I don't have!" to feeling what I feel during flicks. But then. I guess. I was also dealing with some serious mental health problems at the time, so. Maybe. I might have latched onto a few characters as ways to express, or... maybe vent some of the things I was dealing with inside myself, that I couldn't or wouldn't consciously confront? But then. It became, like. A habit? To explore myself, and specifically the things I didn't/don't understand about myself, through these different characters. And the fact that they're nothing like my actual personality is what made them perfect to explore all the feelings and emotions I wasn't in touch with, that didn't feel like a central part of myself. And then... I mean, if it's something I learned to do as a kind of... not exactly a coping mechanism, but a way to process things? Well, then it'd make sense that it still happens, even with new sources and new characters. Which... also goes a long way towards explaining why I'm so ridiculously empathetic. Because. In a way, I've kinda... emulated so many different characters in so many different situations, but in a way that felt absolutely real to me on an emotional level, that I. I get it. In a way. I understand, as much as anyone can understand anything. Like... my brain runs these complex simulations of what it would be like to be those characters, so deep and in-depth that all the emotions and sensations feel absolutely clear and real, then. The simulation ends. And I just have memory of the simulation and what I experienced while it was happening, and. What those things mean to me now. Then I fit those things I learned into my worldview. Use what I learned. Move on. Do it again. Keep learning. Oh my god. I think. I think this is why it happens. I think I figured it out. Brains are... crazy, beautiful machines, aren't they? I wish I felt comfortable enough to go into specifics about what I've actually experienced with this. Maybe I will at some point. This is why I need to use this blog more! I swear, the amount of times I've gone to write a blog entry about how much I don't understand something, only to end up finding some understanding halfway through writing about my lack of understanding--
  16. Hmm... now I get to thinking about it, I feel really fortunate that my spirit kintype is so closely associated with the Earth. I mean, it makes everything I experience sound a lot more outlandish, but. I have science on my side! I can actually look at all the physical evidence of the history of our planet, and from that understand where I fit into things. And it's. Really amazing. I never stopped to appreciate that before. And that I can peer back into the past through all the fossils we've found and see all the forms of life that called our beautiful planet home so long ago. Science is so cool.

    And also... I get to know that no matter where I go, as long as I don't go off into space or something, I'm home. This whole planet is my home. Even though I'm not familiar with all the different environments and ecosystems, it's still the same Earth. It's still home.

    It must beΒ tough to have a kintype from somewhere else.Β :Frown:

    But hey, at least you get to chill on my awesome planet for a lifetime.πŸ‘Œ

  17. Yeah, I imagine this happens more with humanoid/human-like otherkin than with the rest of us. There have been... split-second moments where I've tried to do things that my physical body wouldn't be able to do (the momentary instinct to drop onto all fours is a common one, and one I absolutely couldn't do because I'm overweight, aha), and I've had those weird moments where I look in the mirror and feel surprised by my own reflection (which was more of an issue when I had more problems with dysphoria). But it never lasts more than a moment. I think it'd be hard to forget I'm physically human when my kintypes are all so vastly different from humans! I guess the only other relevant experience I've had is the times I've meditated and felt an entire phantom body shift while also not feeling any of my physical body, but during those times I do remain aware that my phantom body is not my physical body and that as soon as I open my eyes, I'll see human hands and human legs and all that. So it's not quite the same. Plus there's the times where I spirit shift and my physical body seems completely irrelevant to my existence - something I'm conscious of and can feel, but no longer feels like the limit of "me". But, again, that's not quite the same as actually forgetting I'm not physically a big stone dragonthing!
  18. Mm yeah, like Addy said, it varies a lot! Even within systems, sometimes. Me and Khar form a median system, so there's an almost constant back-and-forth of information going on, whether it's conscious (i.e. if we're having a conversation) or unconscious (i.e. where one of us just knows something about the other). Whereas Aeolus is entirely separate from that dynamic; if we want him to know something, we need to go and tell him, and vice versa. He could peek up front to see what we're up to in the ~real world~ if he wanted, but doesn't tend to do that. So: 1. If I'm fronting, Khar will always know what I've said and shares all my memories. If Khar's fronting, it... varies quite a lot, because the main reason he started fronting at all was because of my dissociation issues which came about from mental health troubles. Generally I'll still be there watching things in the background, but sometimes I kinda "check out" a bit and can only remember stuff vaguely. But if there's anything I don't remember clearly, Khar will always fill me in on the details so it's not a big deal. 2. I'm not 100% sure, but... not entirely, I don't think, aha. At least as far as we've experimented with it. Like, the one time Khar tried to do some art while he was fronting, I just ended up taking over without either of us really meaning for it to happen. I know some people would class art as a "physical skill", but it's. Not. Really. There's a lot of technical design and planning that goes into it and. I guess Khar just naturally defers to me on that sort of thing. Not that i mind or anything!! like honestly it was cool w me bc i realised i had no idea what i was doin + didn't really have the patience for it anyway lmao.. It's hard to say for other things though since Khar hasn't actually tried all that much. Hmm. Well, when he plays video games he tends to have to ask me for help with some things if he doesn't know how to do it, even if I do know it, but the flow of information in that situation isn't always like a conversation of him asking and me answering, so much as just. Mental brain thought things that don't necessarily involve words. But yeah, short answer is: technical knowledge isn't automatically shared but it's easy enough to pass information between us when needed, or for the one who knows how to do it to take over. 3. Yeah, physical knowledge is all associated with the system autopilot, not any individual one of us. So like. Typing. A lot of typing is just muscle memory, and the autopilot is the one who has all the muscle memory and whatnot, so any of us can type easily (with our individual typing styles more reflecting our thought processes than actual typing skill). Things like movement and basic physical tasks like opening doors are all the autopilot. Even when one of us is fronting, it's more like we're telling the autopilot where to walk or what door to open, haha. Which is probably the same even for non-plural peeps, when you think about it. Like, when you walk, you're not consciously calculating which muscles to move and when you need to do so in order to keep your balance. You just think about walking somewhere and your body does it. Autopilot! But there are some mental quirks we each have when it comes to actually interacting with the ol' autopilot. Khar tends to be more clumsy and uncertain than I am, but also a lot more quick and energetic.
  19. Sometimes I just feel... nearly overwhelmed by this sense ofΒ not belonging here, but I don't know what "here" means and I don't know where I do belong, if anywhere. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing something, but I don't know what, or why, or how. Sometimes I miss the worst times of my life, because at least then I had something to fight.

  20. Ugh, I hate when I wake up and instantly feel like crap for no reason. Brain. Please. Stop with the depression. Gimme some of those happy chemicals. Please.
  21. Ooh, fun thread. If I turned into a wolf... well, assuming it happens in my flat, I'd have to hope I'd already unlocked the front door or I'd be stuck for a while! If it's unlocked, I could probably open it. My first instinct would be to go find my "pack", which right now would be my family who live round the corner from my place. So I'd get my dog to come along with me and wander over there, then try and get someone to open the door, then probably go lounge on the settee while my mum freaks out because there's a wolf in her house. In a country where wolves have been extinct for centuries. Also I'd probably raid the fridge. My parents actually buy meat, unlike me, and yeah there's no way they'd stop me just eating all that. Because. Wolf. Food. Eat the food. FOOD. Then I might, like, go out into the garden and hop over the wall into the park and just go for a wander? But there's not many cool places for a wolf to go around here... just lots of farmland, and I might get shot if I ended up in a field with livestock in it. And I don't like open spaces when I m-shift. There's not much in the way of forest around here... in the end I'd probably end up getting spooked by something. (Cars? Major spook. Big loud shiny monsters, run away). Assuming I don't get shot, and nobody realises there is actually a wolf wandering around, I'd probably try to make my family recognise me and just kinda take up life as a weird, complicated "pet". I have no idea how long I could manage to pass as a dog, though. I might eventually end up being taken by the authorities and probably sent off to the wildlife centre nearby that already houses wolves. Which... would not be fun for me. Getting dumped with a bunch of stranger-wolves that I would definitely perceive as a threat? Being taken away from my pack? Oof, nope. Leopard... would be even more awkward. Assuming I could figure out how to open the door, I'd probably try to slink away, but. I'm in the middle of a town! That wouldn't go well! A wolf walking around would probably be mistaken for a big dog and ignored, but there's no mistaking a goddamn leopard. So. I'd get caught, most likely. Sent off to a zoo. There would be a lot of confusion about where I'd came from and how I ended up so far from any place that houses leopards. I would be terrified, and aggressive because of it. I'd try and find a way to sneak off and disappear into some field or woodland, but eh, I don't like my odds of that in a place like this. But after a lot of stress and hassle, I'd probably end up in an enclosure in a zoo or wildlife centre, and might start to settle down a bit. I'd like to think that after a while I might even regain some understanding of myself, even if it's vague, and feel less threatened by the humans around me. I don't think it'd necessarily be a bad life, but. I definitely wouldn't choose it. Now, for my spirit kintype, well... that's even more complicated. Assuming I somehow gained a physical form that had all the properties of my spiritual one, ahh well... it would be. Something. Umm. I mean there would definitely be a period of just. Flying around, enjoying the freedom and the feeling of the wind, and relishing the connectedness with everything. I'd probably go explore some of the nearby towns and cities, get a good look at everything. People would be screaming, and fleeing. I wouldn't care and would make no effort to try and alleviate their fears, because spirit-me just. Doesn't care about that kind of thing. I wouldn't do anything destructive, just observe. Humanity is interesting, y'know? But. I really don't think people would take well to some massive stone dragonbeast wandering around their cities. Maybe it'd end up being like one of those cheesy movies where the military gets involved to try and kill the big scary monster - which wouldn't work, since spirit-me can't die or be injured, no more than you could kill or injure a rock. I'd probably be amused by them, if anything. Over time, with all my non-hostility and effort to avoid damaging anything (or anyone), people would, I imagine, start to get used to my presence. Some sciency folks might try and study me, and I'd let them. Some people might even try to communicate with me, which I might respond to, might not. And life would go on. I just hope my human emotions wouldn't leak in, because if they did... well, then I'd probably try to change some things, and that would end badly. Good as my intentions might be. I think the best case scenario would be that humanity might eventually gain some kind of understanding of what I am, and that might push them to respect their planet a bit more. Even if it's just because of the threat that I might one day turn on them if they don't change their ways. This is the only one of my kintypes where I can really say that I'd be okay with it. I wouldn't choose it, but. I think it'd be very peaceful to be able to watch over my planet in a physical form. Though... I'm not sure I'd be able to incarnate again, and that would make me sad. Fun thread. Unfun response to thread. I maybe was too realistic about this, aha. Soooo suffice to say I'm happy enough to remain human!
  22. Oh, definitely, in one way or another. With wolf ph-shifts I think it tends to be because I often both mental and phantom shift at the same time, and one effect of wolf m-shifts for me is that I feel my emotions more intensely, so I'm feeling excited or happy then that'll be amplified a bit (though the same also goes for negative emotions like anger or sadness, which can get ramped up as well). With spirit shifts I certainly feel a higher level of energy, but it's not in a way that's exactly... energetic. Not in a physical, emotional sense. Honestly I'm more likely to just stay still and observe everything around me while I'm in a shift like that. It's pretty bizarre in its own way!
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