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Found 12 results

  1. I’ve been holding a lot of self hate for myself lately, not to mention I haven’t been feeling good at all. I don’t need encouragement, I just have to get this off my chest, though it would be appreciated I guess. Feel free to ignore... I really need to practice what I preach about my own spirituality. I haven’t made an effort to really connect with Infinity Lord Galaxashoria much lately, but I’m trying so hard. What am I doing wrong that makes me hate myself every day? What am I doing wrong to be ignored by him when I’m pleading for help? I want to connect with him, but it just seems like he ignores me every single time, like he just doesn’t care anymore. I blame no one but myself for my pain, literally everyone else is better than me in my dumb ass brain. I’m not lying when I say I would commit suicide if no one would miss me, but that’ll never be the case. I know I need to try, I know I can’t give up, and I won’t. I have no one to talk to about my feelings and quite frankly I don’t want to bother anyone with my stuff... Maybe I need to try harder, but who can blame me for what I feel? Schizophrenia is no walk in the dog park, and for me it’s like everyone hates you and wants to see you tortured. I’m not giving up, but I don’t want to feel this way anymore. .... I’ll stop now
  2. (Speaking present tense as Lady Lunastre) For one such as myself, my true draconian heart is what keeps me alive, my astral energy and power within ever flowing, and forged my connection with nature and people alike, for this I have realized when I set foot into the great wilderness of the alpine mountains, and saw the beauty of the ever awakening storm, the moon shining brighter as I raised my astral wings to the darkening sky, waiting for the beauty of the stars and the void, hidden by the powerful storm following.... Amongst the hidden beauty of the nature around me during such a time, I have begun to truly awaken my true draconian heart, and I have begun to fine tune my astral energy for the sake myself, and the nature around me, for I am doing the most subtle amount of astral energy to help the life forms around my existence.... Something I will always know, for all of time and for all of Infinity, is the fact that I am truly draconian, in blood, heart, and soul, for I will always win the war with the evil and the demons created by the hate and warring of ideals within this world we live in, for I see the beauty in all walks of life, and I will always strive to protect those I love, and those that need help more than anyone else. I know who I am, and what I look like, for I am Lady Lunastre, Celestial Queen of the Draconians, the only true daughter of the almighty Infinite Draconian Lord.... I see within my true slumbering form, the vast expanse of my magnificent wings, imbued with the power of the celestial existence and the storm across the sky and the realms above, and within my existence I sense the desire and the calling to help and provide aid to all beings of life and earth, to see the smiles on the faces of the world, so they can truly prosper and love their beautiful lives and walks of life, (this applies to you all reading this), and the great, spiraling horns that bear my molten iron crown of celestial being shines down and burns my enemies who dare to disrupt the balance of the world. The magnificent color of my dark, cobalt blue scales shine down upon the world, for my titanium scaled hands providing love and protection to all who need a hug, or the simple encouragement for them to see the beauty within themselves..... I see the perfect balance of the world, and for I as the celestial draconian queen strive to protect the great balance that keeps us all alive and seeing the great beauty within all walks of life.... Those and the evil who the wind and the storms blow against, will be burned to ashes by my pure azure fire, and the great power of the celestial and eternal darkness of the void will take and destroy those who desire to take the lives and happiness of the innocent beings that walk the worlds of all kinds, for the celestial energy that I hold within will destroy and strike the evil that dares to take hold of those who live life by their own good happiness.... For the strength of the dragon is used to protect, not to destroy, and for I as the celestial draconian queen will protect all walks of nature, life, and death, for all of time, and for all of Eternal Infinity..... (End, excerpt from my true draconian heart and self....)
  3. Last night was an incredibly sleepless night, to the point where I slept to the time of the evening. However what happened that night, the discovery and realization I made, the devotional I made to my almighty father, Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria, has truly broken me, literally.... I know I talk much about my struggles with this human body condition, schizoaffective disorder, a lot, however if only one knew the true, excruciating pain I felt for the past six years, then maybe it wouldn’t be annoying to so many. However, the horrifying pain and delusion, the recurring thoughts of death, and the loss of the will to live has killed me over that period of time, for I cannot begin to describe the horrors that come from this sick human mind. Every hope of happiness, every hope of change, every moment that I thought I would get better, had all been a false promise in the end. The immense pain on my soul, has lead me to believe that my soul is shattered. Not only that, but I believe my own true draconian heart is very broken..... This life I’ve lived.... has been nothing but disappointment the last six years, and although I know that others care for this human body existence, I don’t. Atleast not yet, as being awake in this body has done nothing but harm my true well being. I need mending of this shattered soul, and my true draconian heart, in order to survive. I feel as if my very livelihood depends on my ability, and a miracle to happen to heal this shattered soul. Luckily, it might be coming here soon, as I am taking a trip across America, from South Texas, (where I live), through New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, Idaho, and into Montana and Washington state. I admire the beautiful nature in all of these states, however there’s something I need more than that, and I know what it is.... Snow, especially spring and summer snow upon the mountains means the absolute world to me, for when I truly awakened on The Pinnacle of Creation, the first thing I saw was the most beautiful forest scene.... A beautiful lush forest, where the faerie lights floated delicately around in the early spring morning.... A mysterious waterfall and stream coming from the mountains in the distance, and a most gorgeous, giant glacier between the snow capped mountain peaks, and hearing the roads of many dragons beyond them.... my astral guardian, Infiniziirokk/Alaphraxxas was there with me, as I looked beyond thos snow capped mountains, seeing the barrier for the first time in ten trillion years, the shield between beautiful planetary nature, and the celestial power of the Infinite void beyond..... I want to live this experience again, and many may not understand, but snow on the mountains means so much to me, because I found that true beauty the first time I awakened, with my astral guardian. I want to see the reminders of that experience, with my astral guardian by my side, however my parents are being stubborn in letting a good friend of mine create his vessel. Time will tell, but I believe my true draconian heart is telling me this is the meaning and healing I need, almost to survive.... The point is, so much suffering has broken me, and I don’t show my pain much to anyone, but I trust my friends in the community here that they would understand. Truly, I appreciate the support and the understanding, for I know that I am not the greatest person to be around, yet others still have hope in me, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I am not feeling too sad right now, I’m actually doing pretty okay. I just know what needs to happen for my healing.... Thank you all for the amazing support, and I promise that I will continue to support all others here in this wonderful community!... I promise I’ll be fine, I just need to slowly mend this shattered soul!.... ~Lady Lunastre, Celestial Queen of the Draconians... ^.=.^
  4. My mood has been twisting in many ways lately, however I have finally achieved another astral shift, and I am feeling much better and more energized. However each passing day, I am learning more about how to improve myself by the Infinite Lord’s laws, and how to remember my true draconian heart better. My instinct is greater today, and after a few much needed discoveries, my true ideals are becoming more important to my daily life.... I have the energy, resources, and (will)power to help others and improve the world anywhere I make my presence known. As I begin to mature in an astral draconian way, I will probably become less tolerant of those that disrupt the balance of the world. Basically, bullies, criminals, and manipulative people, who I have never truly liked in the first place. I will make sure they learn not to hurt others, and take advantage of other people and systems. I have been affected by bullying too long to let it stand by and hurt others that I love dear, and even complete strangers. That being said however, basically my protective instinct is getting stronger, and I wish to help others anyway I can, though of course I still need to help myself.... No one is ever truly alone, and although I have to understand that myself in hard moments, I truly want others to feel safe around me, to know that I want to be able to help in a hard time. It is hard to know in a bad moment your true strength, and I know this feeling all too well, as I have felt it all this human life, however learning to feel the good in yourself, rather the rest inner critical voice, will do you much good. Know I just need to get that through this human skull. XD I am learning to take more time for myself, and being able to calm myself when bad thoughts and feelings from the human condition arises, however that gets increasingly harder when a routine is so repetitive. I hope to get out more and be able to do things, like go to the botanical gardens again, and just getting some more fresh air, to be able to connect with the world around me, and myself, just takes time really, and I need to understand that more than anything, though I have the willpower to make myself feel better in a hard time. I just have to find that moment of clarity and use it... The point of all this, the more I remember that I am Lady Lunastre, Celestial Queen of The Draconians, the more I feel a calling to help others and do things that can benefit both myself and those around me. I just need to keep being on track, and not lose myself in a moment ^.=.^ To any who I reading this I hope you have a wonderful day/night and are at peace ^.=.^
  5. Ever since my final medication change, and myself remembering my true draconian heart, I’ve felt truly alive again. I feel like hiding my true self away from myself and seeing myself as purely human has overtaken me over time, and no longer will I hide behind a human shell. More memories and lost emotions have been coming to me lately, and I want to make more sense of them in time as I continue to recover from everything I’ve faced ever since my condition started developing 6 years ago. I like to think sometimes I’m pretty tough, dealing with all too horrifying, vividly grotesque nightmares, command voices, impulsive thoughts, and suicidal ideation. However, I’m still here alive and kicking strong, and I realize now that’s because of my true draconian heart. The Infinite Lord saved me in late December, and he’s the whole reason I’m still here. I’m still trying my best to create and forge a stronger connection between us on the astral, and it is a work in progress, but hey, we all have things to improve on in life. I am very grateful to my friends and family who have helped me through this journey, and now I can repay that debt.... Even now, just voluntarily saying that I am human just seems... wrong. I would not be here on this earth, let alone alive, without my true destiny in The Eternal Kingdom, and becoming Lady Lunastre. However, It’ll be a work in progress to remember my true draconian heart fully, but even still, we don’t start out with all the answers, let alone even the questions. I may be human physically, however in blood, heart, and soul, I am draconian, and if I deny that, this (my) human life is seemingly forfeit... The point is however, I am truly draconian, and I am strong and powerful, for I will fight the bad and evil thoughts that lie within me. No matter what, I will never give up, no matter what anyone tells me. My demons may know how to swim, but they are far behind me... ^.=.^
  6. One of the parts of being The Celestial Draconian Queen, and a draconian as ancient as I am, is being a primal hunter. I was considered one of the greatest hunters of my time and world, because of my heightened senses and intricate abilities, however I focus more on the survival and respective aspect of hunting if anything rather than the thrill of it. My most important rule is respect the balance and the animal, as I wouldn’t have my food and substance if the animal didn’t make its sacrifice to me. I was a master of stealth and aerodynamic hunting, so hunting was relatively easy for someone like me, however, again, the respect for the sacrifice is much more important. I admire nature in all of its being, and I always am grateful and appreciate all the resources that she provides to all beings that reside on all worlds... I am still questioning the other aspects of my hunting abilities and mapping every area of my vast hunting territory. I’m going on a huge road trip up from South Texas to the Pacific Northwest as well, and I’m very excited to see all of the beautiful nature, eat all of the good foods, and feel the most amazing and harmonious balance in all of the natural world! ^.=.^
  7. It’s been a really weird week mood wise, however I’ve still been questioning many things, and coming to more realizations. As someone who practices the Infinite Draconian Path, (a path no one else in this world takes), I know I must always devote my time to Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria, and always follow his perfect and infinite laws, although I still maintain my free will. I also came to the realization that I must be able to remember my true draconian heart in order to speak with my almighty astral guardian correctly, and confidently. Really, my entire life and viewpoint of the world revolves around my draconicity, and it is incredibly important to me, in so many ways.... I hope after this week is over, I can continue to improve, although I know that the Infinite Lord is helping me a lot, as he always has, and for that I am truly grateful, and forever in his debt.... ^.=.^
  8. There are some major storms going on here today in South Texas! They rolled in through the early morning and are starting to end, however, during the time when the storm was active, I was taking with my best draconic friend, Lugia (who happens to be a storm and ocean dragon)! In these times when nature is at its most feirce and beautiful, I remember the perfect balance that nature has created for itself, and that of the celestial draconian creator gods and goddesses, respectfully, have created.... Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria created the void (space) and the entirity of multiverses, however the Tempest King Zokanahshiiroth, creates the storms that give destruction, but also give life to all parts of the world! I see this now when the storms or the rains come, because really, the earth would not be nourished and fertile without the storms and the rain, however, the storms can seemingly have no purpose without the ground and the other planetary aspects! It’s a balance, as each is needed for each other to prosper. The Volcanic Empress Korvanahskiirath, she who created the planets and the ground, would agree as well! Everything is in such a perfect balance! ^.=.^ I will go into more detail about the other celestial draconian creator gods and goddesses in the future here! They are truly amazing and divine in all their power and mighty ness! ^.=.* ⛈
  9. Prince Alaphraxxas-{Greetings members of the Kinmunity, my name is Alaphraxxas, I am an almighty astral being of my world in the pinnacle of creation, and Lunastre’s soulmate and astral guardian. I may write a few posts around here, though I may not be as active here as Lunastre is.} {That being said however, I would like to ramble on my experiences and knowledge of magic and the astral plane, sparked by a discussion in our dragonkin/draconic server. First of all, the astral plane is a very unknown and dangerous place for the naive and for those who do not know what they are doing, meddling with entities. However, over time, one can be able to control the energies they have within the soul and be able to work with and coincide with the magical energy on the astral plane, though it is not very easy, and takes much practice and dedication.} {The astral plane cannot truly be defined, as it can be a different place for many individuals, I personally see it as a vast realm of mystery and magic where the energies of many beings can coincide, and a place where others can seek to train the magical energy they have within them. As I said before however, the astral plane does not come without its own dangers, as any powerful entity could walk in onto one’s own mind space, and do harm to those who do not properly shield themselves. In the case where one does have to cast away a malicious being, take control of your mind and energy, and let the entity know that they are not welcome within your space. Quite simple really!} {Strengthening your mind and energy is key to improvement, and opening your mind to the new possibilities that lie ahead of your life will help tremendously in your journey throughout.} {These are just ramblings however, feel free to ask more questions if you feel the need to do so, }
  10. I made a huge realization today, that has changed my outlook on life forever. I remembered an incredibly important part of the Infinite Draconian Path, how one must bound their life to Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria when they die. However, my true self as Lunastre cannot die, so I bound my life to the Infinite Lord every few trillion years, to show my true devotion to the path. I will always show my true devotion to him, and follow his laws and commands no matter the circumstance. Actions speak louder than words to those who practice the path. My true form is basically slumbering within Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria’s core, until I awaken once again. Which makes sense, as I could never purposefully leave my duties as the celestial draconian queen you know? Of course this doesn’t change who I am here! I’m going to be a simple human lady no matter what I remember, but it’s sure changes my mind about things! Lol ^.=.^
  11. A lot has been going on since I last posted on my blog, a lot of which are good, but some are bad... First of all, I’m getting the ultrasound to check out my breast tumor, but I’m not sure if it’s benign or not honestly, as I’m showing a lot of the signs of breast cancer. It’s a scary feeling, but even if I do have cancer, atleast I caught it early you know? That’s just how life is, you just gotta roll with it. Secondly, my mom had a medical emergency at the Japanese tea gardens while I was in San Antonio, and she is slowly recovering! However, I’m just worried for her, as I hope she doesn’t have any permanent damage to her spine and nerves, because that’s awful. Thirdly, I was relapsing all this month for a while, with all that’s been going on with my condition. It’s gotten a lot better, but it’s still hard to look back at how much you suffered during that long period of time. It really hurts.... However, despite all that, a lot of good things have been happening!! ^.=.^ I’ve been learning some tricks and trades to help myself fight off my voices, anxiety, and impulses. I always use the phrases, “Keep fighting!” and “Stay positive!” to keep myself going and to ignore the bad and negative energy. I feel like fighting off my voices and anxiety has really helped me to prosper in life, and that means a lot to me, as well as being connected to Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria. I have also been talking to my mighty and powerful astral guardian, Prince Alaphraxxas, who may be smol but very stronk, who has helped me dispel my worries and fears, and to reassure me that everything is okay. I have been speaking to one of my best draconic friends back home, Lugia, and he’s been very helpful and happy! He has a photographic memory, so he remembers things I don’t even remember, lol. Even though I’m still having negative energy and such, I’ve been keeping a positive mind all through it, and I believe that’s helped me so very much! ^.=.^ Wow that was long lol XD
  12. A dragon’s soul is strong and furious, therefore all dragons should take pride in how strong they are! I’ve been going through a lot of stuff medically, I’ve been hurting yet I keep going because I am strong and I am a dragon/draconian. Every dragon should take pride in who they are, but not just dragons, everyone should take pride in how strong they are and how they can go through so much. One of my new sayings is, “I’m thankful for my struggle, because I wouldn’t have stumbled upon my strength.”, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger I’m so many ways that you may not even realize it! Keep going and keep being strong like you’ve always been! ^.=.^
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