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awake again I remember now, yet im unsure why What are these visions that in my head fly? All I did was play a game. Now nothing seems the same. What are these feelings when I think of you? I feel like it all was true. At night I dream we're side by side I can't tell you how many tears I cried Unable to make sense of all this To understand it was my one wish But one day my eyes opened up My memories, all soon and abrupt Was more than a game, but truly my home All hidden away like an ancient tome and I'll pursue it all to the end It feels great to be awake again
Firstly, for those who don't know the term 'fictotype', which I use quite often - The older Kinmunity definiton - Similar to "kintype". The term "fictotype" refers to the particular type of being a fictionkin identifies as. This term is especially used for fictionkin who identify as human characters, as the term "kintype" does not apply; otherkin must be non-human identities. -- This started off as an initial 'do you just relate to them or not' article, then just devolved into a bit of everything. As I've seen around here and other sites for a while, it is easy to mistake a connection with a character/species as an identity as that character/species. In fact I would say the most common question I've seen asked on character-specific fictionkin intros is 'How do you know you aren't just relating with the character, as opposed to identifying as them?'. Connecting with something can range from a complete love of a character to going as far as roleplay and making up 'headcanon' ideas/theories. Since characters are made to be related to, it is often how quickly people with new fictotypes seem to crop up, and also seem to come in "waves" when a piece of popular media comes out. -- Below is an explanation on one of the lesser-known terms used in the fictionkin community - Fictionflicker - that is a temporary alternative to being fictionkin and fiction-hearted, and is often seen as more than just a cameo shift. On the Fictionkin.com forum (one of the main fictionkin sites) as a definition for 'fictionflicker' - " A nebulous experience of shifting through identities as fictional characters and/or temporarily “becoming” a fictional character and the shift in identity and perception this may involve, with or without the experience of memories or past-life leanings if such beliefs apply to the person. This could be likened to a “temporary kintype” that comes and goes. " (Definiton from - http://fictionkin.com/glossary-of-common-terms/). This is closely touched on from the description of a fictionflicker LiveJournal site (http://fictionflickers.livejournal.com/profile), and varied at the last few sentences to include - " If you've ever felt yourself "imprinted on" by a fictional identity, if you've ever spent a day or a week feeling like a character, if you've ever momentarily expected to see a different, yet familiar, face in the mirror -- if you've ever felt flickers of fiction in your identity -- this may be a helpful, or at the very least interesting, community. " Fictionflicking is listed differently on InCanon (a smaller fictionkin forum which was discontinued in late 2016) as " a temporary shift, where a fictional character may appear for a brief or temporary amount of time (generally caused by circumstance). May be related/similar to soulbonds in some cases. " (Definition from - http://incanon.tumblr.com/post/148947330579/what-is-a-fictionflicker). With the InCanon definition - the definition does not go into whether this is seen as a personal identity, just a glorified/extended cameo shift, or in fact related to living character/soulbonds. With the Fictionkin.com definition - this can also be seen by some as 'experience taking' which isn't just fictionkin-related, but also doesn't explain how a fictionflicker is different to a long-lasting identity aside from being 'temporary'. So it seems that there is no 'steady' definition, but the Fictionkin.com definition is the one you are most likely to see around due to the size of the site and its members. With fictionflicking, the fact that these can apparently last a while can often throw an identity into question, similar to a cameo shift, and can often stay even after you disconnect from your source material and any associated media, which is often used as a way of 'confirming' an identity as opposed to the identity only coming into focus when the media is found/accessed. When you step away from any source material or associated media, see if your sense of identity fades away or persists through the times. If it fades away completely, chances are it was a fictionflicker, if it persists then more stock would be in the idea of this identity being genuine. -- In games where you can customize the playable character, this falls into more of a gray area, as you could always run the risk of unconsciously pouring yourself into said character. This may require extra questioning in order to get to the bottom of 'is it an identity, or is it just because they are modeled after myself?' Questioning might not be the easiest at times, especially if you're like me and want to pick your identity to pieces... I could say that it's much easier to ask questions on a fictionkin forum than an Otherkin one, but sometimes the questions remain the same throughout the communities, give or take the different identities. And of course, you get 'fluff' in both communities, but fictionkin seem to get grilled harder due to it. So, what do you question? Where do you start? That seems to be it right there. - As said before, taking time away from any source material or media connected to the identity in question can help immensely as to whether it's just a 'trend' or not. The sense of identity may fade away to nothing, or it may persist through the times you're away from the source material. Although at times it may be dampened down to such a low level that it doesn't feel like it is there, but chances are there will still be a feeling of a different identity, or other signs. - In slight contradiction, returning to said source material may also reinforce the feeling of identity in regards to the feelings of deja vu or 'instinctual' reactions to events and/or other characters. Most people run the trial of leaving their source material for a few months/years, and then returning, in order to attempt to rule out anything false. - Think of how you felt before you found your source material, even though the majority of the time everything seems to 'click together' after finding said material, some claim to experience shifts, memories, and/or a sense of identity before they find their source material. - Similar to Otherkin/Therians, the more fictotypes you claim to have, the less you're likely to be believed. The saving grace is how much detail you can give in explaining your identity for every fictotype, and not just going off something like 'oh I just feel a connection to them'. The same question may even be asked a few times, just styled differently, or maybe in a different approach than the run-of-the-mill wording. - One way in order to question would be to document everything - every shift, every memory, every instance of even childhood that might have a chance of lining up with the identity in question. Document it, and then question why it's that way, if it could be something else, see if it's a reoccurring factor. As with any Otherkin/therian, some fictionkin don't have memories, or might not shift, or might not experience home/'canon'-sickness or a sense of instant familiarity. As with the other communities, it isn't a requirement, but due to the nature of fictionkin (character-specific or not, spiritual or psychological or a mix), it is usually put under more interrogation. And yes it can put some people off if you can't answer it 'correctly'. In contrast, saying you're '100% sure and don't doubt anything at all' may get you a few odd looks. Because that could mean that you blindly accept it without questioning and discovering more of yourself. Long story short, a lot of questioning techniques used by Otherkin/Therians can often be used for fictionkin, just with a few minor tweaks.
- NOTE: If you don't know who Shu is, or myself in regards to our source, you may be required to know at least the basics to understand fully the entire context of this blog entry. - - NOTE 2: This is directly copy pasted from my Tumblr blog. Any confusing phrasing may be the result of missing context. - The more I think back at my life here, the more I find myself frustrated with it’s similarities to that of Shu’s. This has been a long time in admission, and something I’m still unwilling to be taken beyond my methodical combing for fear of it being ran via imaginations of others. Thus, I’ve kept it to myself till today, though this is something I’ve realised and been keeping track of for about four months now, slowly accumulating more thoughts on it. There’s a painful irony in this, but with it it helps to solidify my identity in another area; I now fully accept and see myself as an ‘AU Reiji’. Before, I was still muddled and confused with the stance that I took, but with time I’ve been continuously thinking about my situation, and myself, and so reached a conclusion. There are three different ways the core self of a concept can be altered. Alternate Timelines (different routes), Alternate Universes (different elements) and Alternate Realities (Mental, Spiritual, Physical, etc.) AUs, as within the context of fiction, are alternate ‘universes’ where the same characters/world persists, yet altered in some way. This has always allowed fanwriters to truly enact their creativity, and it has even become integrated into some story telling themselves. A current popular example of this is Undertale, a story which utilised it both to work within the plot, yet also cleverly encourage fan participation, creating the juggernaut of popularity it is to this day. Diabolik Lovers, as a series, has also dabbled into AUs as of late, with their ZERO drama CD releases. Though this, we get an official nod that this is at least an approved way to think within the world, regardless if it is non-canon or not. However, till more are translated and released, we’re still lacking rather a lot of information about these, so I’ll hold off on any assumptions. It wasn’t a necessary occurrence from Rejet for me to solidify this theory, but I do however see it as important, and something I appreciate being created. The other is that of Alternate Realities, which is in essence the difference between fictional media and that of our physical reality here; an aspect that can’t be depicted in fiction, due to it’s bounds to that of fiction it’s self. Any attempt at emulating it would be merely an emulation within that of human minds, and is incapable of breaking into this world. That is, of course, until you consider fictionkin. My newly solidified stance is that alongside being an AR version of the core concept of ‘Reiji Sakamaki’, I am also in effect an AU. This, in hindsight feels obvious, but originally it was not, maybe due to my lacking of clear cut classifications for me to organise my thoughts and experiences efficiently. Originally, I thought an AU could only persist within the reality of fiction, however, on further introspection I feel this to be a fallacy. Due to human perception, one could repackage this reality’s observations into that of fictional mental perception, for the line between them can be thin at best. I’d go into this topic more, but it would make this post far too long, and I would digress rather. How one might class my AU really loops back round to my original topic starter; my very young life feels more akin to that of Shu’s, than of my own from the canon depicted within DL. To list a few points: I was born into a family that held high expectations of me. My family would keep me away from anything that might courropt or tarnish me, yet their own actions towards me could be argued as being just as bad if not more so. Despite putting little effort into my studies, I would usually get very high marks. There came a point where I had no friends, and the only friend(s) I had remaining were killed. However, come around age 12, my past flipped round to mimicking that of my own canon past: Rather than withdrawing in response to the loss, I tried even harder. Regardless of my own furious attempts to get better in life I was continuously knocked down. Repeatedly. Despite this I continued to try and ended up developing BPD. My parents started ignoring me, disregarding me, treating me as a failure. My technique for trying to get attention was by being well behaved. It didn’t work. Looking at both of these side by side, it’s easy to see that despite the first part of my life being more similar to that of Shu’s, they are all external, and my responses to the changes therein after were more akin to that of ‘Reiji Sakamaki’. So, despite this rather cruel irony, I do not feel it brings up any questioning as to myself. However, it is still a rather disturbing prospect to consider. As if it is true my life was essentially playing out that of Shu’s, one might see it as punishment, or maybe a lessen to see through his perspective. Though another take, without assuming such divine awareness in regards to my existence, there’s still the fact that if this is able to occur, then that also means there is a Shukin with a life more closely resembling that of my own past in canon somewhere out there. I’m not sure which concept is less appealing.. Yet, regardless of my personal feelings, it leaves a mental clarity that there was not previously. There are so many other aspects that have helped to re-establish myself, some I won’t list, yet there was one most notable. A second playthrough of MB brought on the re-realisation that regardless of my actions, I will always be me, and there is nothing anyone can do to refute that. I suppose I should be thanking Yui from that timeline however for that, rather than the game in it’s entirety. In short, revaluation is important for otherkin and fictionkin alike, specially in a world where the name is often tarnished by that of tend setters and naive younger persons. I feel stronger in myself, and it’s why I have attempted to ‘loosen up’ a bit on this blog recently, with the addition of memes and joke images. I want to learn to enjoy being here, regardless of my social anxieties, so I do hope my followers, both old and new are not bothered by my attempts to bring my blog back to being what it should be; an expression of myself.
I do not leave the house frequently, but due to my friend Emie visiting from Norway we have been visiting some of the locations locally for sight seeing and various shops to browse, one of these such shops was a rather old antique shop. Built in the 1800's, these Victorian buildings aren't uncommon where I live, but it was more what it housed within that created an unexpected reaction. For those unaware, I (that is, my fictotype within the DL canon) am known for collecting silverware, cutlery and the like, for I enjoy it's form, composure and elegance. I 'here' have a much lessened interest, to that of a mild appreciation, rather than a fixated adoration. Because of this, I admit at times have felt rather saddened at the aspect of contrasting tastes, due to the fact I have had a fan once talk to me as if my arousal for cutlery still remained, and I had to disappoint. This is somewhat why I was a little confused and shaken by the reaction I had within this antique's shop upon finding myself in a section purely dedicated to that of silverware. Honestly, the amount of knives and forks that covered every surface, filled every draw to the brim was something to behold. I never thought I'd be enraptured by so many pieces of table instruments yet there I was; at first enjoying the browsing of the shop, yet then stricken by a jarring sensation of disruption of self. Words will fail to capture the utter dissonance of thoughts that went through me as my eyes gazed over the many knives and forks, a sensation pushed forward from depths of unknown proclaiming "I have done this before" yet the images showing hands not belonging to this body. Singular gloved and a darker room, mahogany table and intricate items. The images felt as if they 'could' be a memory, yet they felt unbelonging to this brain, an imprint from an other place, one not meant for this world yet tapped into through erroneous strings of tangled fate. I was not so shaken I couldn't remain, yet I still felt overwhelmed, and part of me gave words of caution to leave sooner rather than further subject myself to the environment. For what reason? Unsure. There's always a sense of breaking reality when it comes to my fictionkin experiences, to be moving through actions and processes that are reserved for fiction, rather than this reality. It feels 'wrong', on some level, yet also the only way it can be. Something to think about, I suppose.