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Showing results for tags 'memories'.
Found 5 results
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I honestly don't know if I'm meditating right but what I do is close my eyes and listen to music and detect what thoughts and images come to me without guiding or directing it. (Turns out one image I had which was this green maze-like thing actually exists in the game as a statue. LOL!) So an image of a gravestone popped in my head, something told me it was a teacher. Then when I thought of how they died, I saw a little signal that represented an explosion or fire. After this, I went to the tarots and asked if my assumption was right. All positives and yeses. Today, I got together my selenite crystal and began to ask the question more thoroughly, to see if I was right and to apologize for forgetting. I took a picture of the results so I can remember, and it looked very promising. There were zero negative cards. Then at the end, I mentally said thank you, and pulled out the king of pentacles. Which I interpreted as a "No problem! ^.^ " I caught a sense that he was beaming so that little emoji suits it. As I age and get more experience with this life I'll probably be much better at this. I might be a bit odd and eccentric, but I'm not delusional. I am caught up with reality. I realize from an outside perspective or from a dogmatic non spiritual one, it sounds crazy. That's why I am very quiet about these things irl save for my mom who understands.
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Stemming from the age-old line 'but you only found your identity after finding your source material', I was wondering how many had experienced things such as shifts, feeling, even memories of their source before even getting near it. Not having seen many who say this myself, I was curious. -- With myself, you've probably seen me mention numerous times how I believe that my own instincts/reactions match up pretty close to what happened in canon events, without much/any prior leaning (heh, you think out in Saudi Arabia I knew anything about being trans? I wish I had). I've bored you all enough about my personal feelings towards London... Some things I can't explain that were just so strong and so natural to follow. Granted, I didn't experience shifts before that time, nor any memories (dream or otherwise), so I really didn't have much to go on. Like they say, things seem to click into place, I guess. As utterly weird as that sounds.
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I brought a karambit knife off of the internet. At the time I got it just because it looks cool. But once it came from the mail. I felt drawn to it somehow.The same type of 'drawn to' as the selenite crystal I got last week. It was then that I realized the knife pretty much hit two kin types with one stone sort of deal. The knife was shaped like a claw(for my feline type) and it shone and had a similar hue to the alien's blades.Maybe it's similar to a blade I once had. Honestly when all of this new knowledge and epiphanies pile on top of each other, that's when it stops being a coincidence and the less and less I doubt it. I want to carry it with me for self defense, but I can get into trouble like that so all I can do is leave it home. I feel whole with it like with the crystal when I first got it. Those dreams I mentioned weren't just dreams. Even from the time I was 5, they had the same theme to it. I was obtaining some artifact of power and when I see artwork of my kin type's ceremonies, I feel a pang of sad bittersweet nostalgia.
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I've been piecing together bits and pieces, and yesterday I realized some things. I am posting this here, in case there are others with the same memories coming past here. This is what I remembered: I was in the Garden. (this is part of the same garden I most often see). The light is strong here, and again, the sky and light is not the same as on Earth. It is similar to a mixture between day and night. It's difficult to describe. As I look out over the Garden, I see a clearing, surrounded by trees, strong light over the ground, (grass like plants?) there is orange, peach colours on the ground, and water straight ahead. The sky is mostly dark. I have a feeling here, that I know this place well. I've spent a lot of time here. There is a large building behind me and as I look out at the Garden, I realize I am standing on something higher than the ground I'm looking at. (stairs feels wrong, small hill or slope perhaps). There is a feeling of great familiarity, but not ownership. I do not own this place, and there is not the pride of a gardener here. So I don't own it, and I did not make it or tend it. But I live here, next to this Garden, and I have lived here for years. It's central to the life I am remembering at that moment. A small start at writing about this latest series of memories.
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This has been plaguing me for a while now, so I decided I'd write about it here. I had a memory of when I was my kintype come to me about a year ago. I've had many others since, but this one has stood out for being more complex, and rather unpleasant. Here it is: I was in a field, standing in the shadow of a large tree behind me. There were mountains in the distance. It was a sunny day, only a few clouds in the sky. There was a tree not too far in front of me, and a rock to my front right. My past self's/kintype's adoptive father was standing in front of me. He was very distraught, pleading with me, crying even. He was begging me, "Why won't you let us be happy? Why do you choose to do this? We could've been happy! Please don't do this!" I felt no sympathy for him, only a callous anger. I held out my hand, and must've used some sort of magic to push him into the tree that was in front of me. Then I drew a sword and ran him through. I killed him. That was the end of that memory. I've been trying to figure out why I did it for a year now. I've done a lot of meditating, yet the answer has yet to reveal itself. From what I understand from other memories, I didn't seem to have a problem with any other family member, just him apparently. And I haven't had any other memories with him in it. I don't know. I'm hoping the answer will show itself eventually, I can't really force it I guess.
