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Meditation “Challenge” Sense I am terrible at remembering to meditate I am going to turn it into a challenge. I will try to do at least one session every day for the next three days and see what I can discover. Each session must be at least twenty minutes long and have to do with Kintype discovery or Spirit work. Oh boy here we a go: Day One- 7/26/17 The session starts as K, R, and I go off to our astral space. K had her heart set on picking some berries found in my astral space. K and R started to chat about the berries as I joined in on picking them. My form changes to that of my Dontarian self, than my nails grow black and long. I put down my basket calmly and take a few steps back as I turn into a Werewolf, I was first like a regular wolf except larger, than took the form of the anthro-classic werewolf, and then back to the former. I let my form change fluidly, not trying to control it, as it settles on the anthro-class were. After that I change back into my Dontarian as K looks at me and goes “You really want to do some Kintype work, huh?” I nodded but went back to my basket to find it already full of berries. She nods for me to go off and continue my self-evaluation. I sit down on the decline of the hill I am on, trying to keep my body relaxed as I lay down with my head going down the hill. I think my intent, wanting to learn more about me, and I start to roll down the hill. I don’t try to stop myself but instead let myself roll and roll all the way down the hill. When I stopped I was at the base of a mountain. Black vines with blue thorns decorate an entrance that looks like a cave yet with the look of temple ruins. I look behind me to see myself falling down the hill, and in front of me to see me walking in, each one of me falling and walking in did it in a different manner: scared, overly excited, and in astral Kintype forms. I started to walk in normally as Anakin, my power animal, took form at my side. He lead me into a chamber with a blue crystal floating and glowing on top of a pedestal. He explained that the crystal is my soul and by touching it I can gain access to my higher self. I quickly touched it and found myself falling through the starts and into a white mass of light at the bottom. When my eyes adjust I see a person dancing. They wear white clothes , like the one’s the Queen’s servants in Black Butler wear, and around their neck a green snake. I knew who they were, I like to call them The Dancer. They are a sort of higher persona of mine I guess, I honestly am not sure. I watch them dance before asking them to help me in my discovery process. They reach out and touch my hand and I disappear again. The white slides away like a sliding door as I look out onto a white corridor. I walk down to the first and only opening to see a man there. He has white wings and what appeared to be a cooking apron on. He introduced himself as Red, and said he will be helping me. He lead me to a room split into three sections, each with a class casing and Kintype I am questioning. The first has the werewolf inside and he said to “Try it on.” So I tried change myself into the Werewolf. And it worked, only I was just a wolf with deep brown fur and various lighter patterns, not an anthro-were or the size of the one I was before. When I asked if I was just a wolf he looked at me, shrugged, and said “Maybe,” with a smile. The next room held an osprey in the container. As I tried to change into the osprey I was rejected from it, and again a second time, before I was able to finally able to in the third try. This is when my dogs decided to go crazy and I was jolted awake. However I did have the weirdest phantom shift where my fingers were bird’s talons and my legs were the tail feathers, and somewhere around my shoulder’s the wings grew out. When I asked why it was rejecting me he said, “You are avian, but are you sure you are osprey? Try another bird.” My mind went first to the Barn Owl. I was given a vision of me in an autumn forest, perched on a birch tree next to its twin tree. Below us was a stone structure in the shape of a den where a dark brown wolf walked into. It was quick but I knew I was a Barn Owl. The last room held an Irish Elk. When I turned into it I wasn’t in control of my body as I exited the white room and walked on water in the stars that I initially fell. The form changed, though, into that of a moose instead. And I was given quick visions of me running and eating in pastures. After that I met Red one last time and said my thanks and goodbyes. Then I woke up. End research notes: · Started my research into Barn Owls and I remembered a Winged Avian I thought was a Kintype who had Barn Owl wings. Possibly me getting my Dontarian and possible Barn Owl Kintypes confused. · The Wolf resembles that of a Mackenzie Valley, Timber, and Iberian Wolf. · I did some research into Moose. This was my train of research into types of Moose: Libralces, Megaloceros, Megaloceros giganteus aka the Irish Elk. Full circle.
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Reevaluating Jesus Christ if I knew being Otherkin was so hard I wouldn’t have discovered I was one in the first place. But here we are, no going back, just endless essays trying to explain who I am only to never be finished or see the light of day on my personal or kin blogs. Yet I write, it must help me in some way. It is much easier than meditation: it takes less time, I am often too busy watching anime to sit down and close my eyes, all that jam. But every time I go and mediate I think “hey, this is pretty cool and it has helped me a lot, I need to do this more!” than I don’t. I did some today though, starting to confirm a Kintype, denied a Kintype, and found out that two of them are just cameos I put too much attention on. Let’s start with the latter as those were the ones that gave me the idea to write them: Toriel and Blue Diamond. You know a Kintype is a Kintype by that core feeling in your heart. I just never got those from these two. I mean I did, then they poofed and I didn’t want them to poof so I started to do whatever I can to keep them as me. That didn’t work. I will not deny the memories as being real, as many have claimed to have gotten memories from cameo shifts, but they are real in the sense that my brain perceives them as real. That real in terms of proven or imaginary I am still unsure about; but the thing I know to real is that at the end of the path where I should see myself there is nothing more than just a faint mist of who I want to be and who I have tried to be. Next lets go to the Denied one. That one is the Kobold one. This is where my imagination went wild. About three to four years back I wanted to create my own world. So I went onto FantasyNameGenerators, brought up the Alien species name generator, chose one that sounded cool, and created the species from the body up. It wasn’t until after it was made, and after I joined the Tumblr Otherkin community of “Have many Kintypes that are unique, or go home” that I consciously took on that species as a Kintype. It didn’t last long, until now that is. In all reality I had no Kinfeels to the SAO Kobold outside of wanting to fulfill that past image of me. Now onto the one that I am starting the trail of confirming. That of course is the Werewolf Kintype I have been talking about for the past forever. The wolf connection started right when I entered the community, as seeing that everyone has a wolf Kintype, and I decided that my Fursona would be my Kintype (the thing that described me at the time that I could relate to being nonhuman with). Time went on I discovered it to be more of a Coyote, than a Coyote Soulshard. But like all good stories start, the feelings of wolf-ness did not go away. I guess it started with the Twilight series, as I watch them change from wolf to human to wolf, that I found a relation to (still Team Edward!). Then about a week or two ago I joined vampire and werewolf roleplay and it felt somewhat right. It has lead me down a path that I am not annoyed about following. One clear sign of something being a cameo or not for me is if I get easily frustrated at it for not being simple, but with the werewolf I am a bit frustrated but it is more of an amused “alright I’m getting ya, what’s next?” sort of frustrated. Thought I should just post that. And I actually finished it. Wow.
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I have a debate-provoking question, and I am curious as to how other therians think mainly. I have my own thoughts on the answer to this question, but I would rather hear others' first, as I am curious if there are any patterns involved and whether it is indicative of the structure of therian personal identity. Of course, I would be happy if non-therian Otherkin also replied, but my primary interest here is what individuals who specifically identify as nonhuman animals think. To identify as something, one would generally presume that there is something that has an identity as which one might identify. (That sounded a bit weird, but mostly I mean that one can identify with things that don't have identities, but generally not as. For instance, one might identify with an old jacket that is left in the mud if one is feeling kind of existential and lonely (that jacket represents well what one is feeling in a very poetic way), but one would not identify as an old jacket that is left in the mud because the jacket has no personal identity. Rather it has characteristics given to it through personification, such as the personality of the individual who owned it or discarded it.) Please include your reasoning if you have looked into the topic or just your feelings/beliefs on the matter, such as what you feel to be the case at your core, regardless if you could mount a defense of it at the moment. Also, please keep things friendly and civil.
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Hey, I just wanted to share what I am doing as a professional musician. I have a band in which I have incorporated shifting and my identity. http://www.nokken.band My Facebook page is here too https://www.facebook.com/NokkenViolin/ I play a character from Scandinavian folklore called "Nokken", who was a shapeshifter that could assume the form of a horse and was a virtuoso violinist that could move the trees and winds with his music. I am just a regular horse, but adopting this stage persona allows me to integrate my identity into my concertizing in a way that is approachable to a wider audience. Playing violin is a way for me to get in touch with my horse self, as horses are principally body thinkers who rely upon muscle memory, proprioception and finely tuned coordination. For me, violin is a little bit like dressage, a fancy array of muscle training and reflexes, a dance in which I am subsumed by my instinctual mind. When I perform, my consciousness completely submerges into the momentary experience, into the animal mindset, and each movement and every note is not an intentional event but an emotional one driven by necessity and instinct. I studied violin under an internationally renown soloist and have won a few accolades in my time, including some high profile performances and collaborations. Here's a video, fully improvised music: That is my older mask, however. Now I wear one I designed myself. The rest of my outfit was made by Lupa Greenwolf, who wrote "A Field Guide to Otherkin"; it is a real horse's mane and tail that was recovered by her in an environmentally friendly way from animals that died of natural cause. The parts were then ritually purified. I am also an art director of a contemporary music organization. I'll be touring museums soon with a new project collaborating with singers, curators, composers and visual artists in which I act like a horse and play the violin.
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I listed this on my profile but I wanted to go in more detail On my spirituality in general: I don't really believe in a 'god' but I believe the universe itself might be sentient. My reasoning for thinking that is because of the intelligent design found in galaxies, planets and star systems, and of course, on earth. It's like the universe made a conscious effort to make it work that way. It's way too coincidental that everything is just right for earth to have life like this. I just see way too many coincidences that go on in my life. Coincidences such as small, minor things popping up in my life that I was just thinking about for no reason. A few examples would be when I was around 10 years old and I was thinking of an old show I didn't see. Suddenly, I would see someone mention the show out of the blue with no reason for it to be brought up. By itself, it seems coincidental but once the coincidences keep piling up over the years, I really get the sense that the universe is onto something. I have a few small prophetic dreams of the next day sometimes, such as someone upsetting me. Most of the time when I wake up from the dream I prepare myself for the disappointment. Something that happen a year ago was when two of my great grandmas who were born a couple of weeks apart also died a few weeks apart in different countries without knowing the other died. I'm really scientific and logical but circumstances has made me think that unexplained phenomenons such as souls, past lives and coincidences can be explained with quantum mechanics/physics. But humans can't understand it because it literally has its own laws of physics. The universe is inheritedly neutral, but life would perceive it as chaotic because of how dangerous it is a whole. Supernovas, asteroids, natural disasters, disease, radiation and a bunch of other things. The universe just is. It doesn't care about good or bad. I do believe in karma and some sort of judgement. But it's based on the law that states that when there's force, an equal amount of force is pushed back towards you. (I can't remember what it's called.) I don't know if the universe itself can be judged, but the universe IS pretty cruel.So my beliefs are very similar to buddhism in a way, and it works for me. On my therianthropy/otherkinity: If you put to consideration the mass of conservation which states that matter can't be created or destroyed, your life energy can't just disappear when you die. And since it is energy, it has no real form however it might take the form of the body that you inhabit and that can leave an imprint or memory on the soul. So, I'm left with my two types...but there are probably more that I can't find.
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my kin... o 3 o guess that´s all
