Moonalight
Member
- Bones
- 🦴13.02BN
Dramatic title, I know, please bear with me because this is a long one, but it's really relevant after the last few weeks. First an old mare at the farm I work at had to be euthanize. It was the first time I'd been around something like that and my mom pulled me away because the vet said it'd be to startling to see her drop. Now, I'm very attached to horses though they're not one of my kintypes so this upset me. I spent the night curled up in my den grieving. Then, a few days ago one of the roosters was squeezed to death by a snake. This didn't upset me, possibly because I didn't see the body, my aunt did. I give snakes a wide birth naturally and this case has been no different. The last few days I've also been finding dead birds. They've been hitting windows, drowning in pools and bird baths, and just appearing torn up on the ground. This also hasn't upset me as much because of my bobcat kintype. Honestly I find them interesting, or I want to bat them around a little, it's a natural reaction I have to birds. The big one was today though. Upon arriving at the farm, I found a dead kitten lying on the ground in one of the stalls. It had fallen from the rafters a short time before, still soft and warm. This triggered a shift for me.
For the longest time I've always known that I've lost children before, which doesn't make sense because I'm seventeen and would know if I had a baby or two. However, upon seeing the dead kitten I kind of, went into a frenzy? I'm not sure how to describe it. I didn't even know the barn cats had kitted, all of them were supposed to be fixed. But the next thing I knew, I was up in the loft pulling moving all the hay bales piled up there. One by one I moved every single one, which I really don't know how. I'm extremely weak and there were more than I can count but I still did while simultaneously cutting up my hands and breaking out in hives. (we're pretty sure I'm allergic to hay on a low degree) During my search I found another dead kitten that was already completely stiff and had been dead for a little while. This only made me work faster. I finished the whole loft, moving everything, fortunately without finding anymore dead kittens, or living ones.
The mother was in grieving and she stole the one that had fallen before we could bury it. It was still soft and she didn't seem to fully understand it wouldn't wake up. The whole thing just left me feeling incredibly unlike myself.
Sorry for the long background triad, but I guess my questions are; how common are shifts this bad? Was this even a shift? Are these strange partial memories and feelings I have from one of my headmates, and if so, is there a way to try and prevent something like this? Cutting up my hands, allergic reactions, and straining my muscles without even pausing to think about why I needed to search for more kittens was honestly kind of scary. I didn't feel like myself, like something was pushing me, but I didn't know what.
Side note; Does anyone know anyways to try and bring forth memories from other lives? I really only have fragments and strong feelings and it can sometimes bring up more questions than answers.
For the longest time I've always known that I've lost children before, which doesn't make sense because I'm seventeen and would know if I had a baby or two. However, upon seeing the dead kitten I kind of, went into a frenzy? I'm not sure how to describe it. I didn't even know the barn cats had kitted, all of them were supposed to be fixed. But the next thing I knew, I was up in the loft pulling moving all the hay bales piled up there. One by one I moved every single one, which I really don't know how. I'm extremely weak and there were more than I can count but I still did while simultaneously cutting up my hands and breaking out in hives. (we're pretty sure I'm allergic to hay on a low degree) During my search I found another dead kitten that was already completely stiff and had been dead for a little while. This only made me work faster. I finished the whole loft, moving everything, fortunately without finding anymore dead kittens, or living ones.
The mother was in grieving and she stole the one that had fallen before we could bury it. It was still soft and she didn't seem to fully understand it wouldn't wake up. The whole thing just left me feeling incredibly unlike myself.
Sorry for the long background triad, but I guess my questions are; how common are shifts this bad? Was this even a shift? Are these strange partial memories and feelings I have from one of my headmates, and if so, is there a way to try and prevent something like this? Cutting up my hands, allergic reactions, and straining my muscles without even pausing to think about why I needed to search for more kittens was honestly kind of scary. I didn't feel like myself, like something was pushing me, but I didn't know what.
Side note; Does anyone know anyways to try and bring forth memories from other lives? I really only have fragments and strong feelings and it can sometimes bring up more questions than answers.