Dealing with painful memories | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community

Dealing with painful memories

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Xerneas, Sep 9, 2016.

  1. Xerneas

    Xerneas Spawn

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    So, I wanted to make this thread to ask other people on kinmunity how they cope with getting really painful memories? I've had my share of them, but I never figure out a proper coping mechanism other than pushing it out of the way and worrying about it later.

    These memories can sometimes also be so painful that they cause me to have panic attacks and things on a similar tier of Bad Time. I was wondering if there was any advice out there for me, or people who just feel the same.
     
  2. Quxyun

    Quxyun Floppy floppy noodle dragon of the sea
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    I've had several painful memories as well. The best advice that I can give is to remind yourself that they are just memories, and that nothing in them can hurt you now. You can push it out of the way, and while that is effective, I find that getting to the root of a problematic memory tends to be more effective.
    Sadly, in many cases, bad memories will just always be there. I have a few that I have been unable to find relief from aside from the fact that I have become more or less numb to them.

    Now what is even better is reminding yourself of all the good memories you have. In my opinion, the otherkin experience is by and large a positive thing. I have met so many new and marvelous people because of it, what are a few bad memories next to that?
     
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  3. MechanicJasper

    MechanicJasper Autonomous and Anxious Android
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    I'll admit, memories can be... rough, especially when they come by out of nowhere or peek back in to your mind by surprise. Sometimes memories resurface and send me in to bad states at the wrong time, and it does suck a lot. When they act up, I find it's best to ground myself and then try to focus on the more sweet memories, or the fact that I'm in a whole new life, a time of new possibilities, and remind myself not to make the mistakes that lead me to pain in my previous life.

    If they get overwhelming, I find it's good to journal the memories, or tell them to someone else. Trying to keep them pent up gets hard, sometimes a lot more painful than it's worth. Maybe log your memories as they surface, it's good to keep track of them.
     
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  4. Homura

    Homura Hatchling
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    I have quite a few bad memories and I find talking to other people or kin who are understanding of this type of thing really helpful in dealing with them. Writing them down is also a good way to just let it all out.

    And yeah, reminding yourself of all the good times you've had and trying to focus on good stuff here personally helps me a lot in dealing with them.
     
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  5. Sonnentanz

    Sonnentanz Spawn

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    Outside of talking, I think it is important to eventually inspect it for how it now relates to who you are and how you live your life, and how to relate to the life you're still in touch with. Repressing it may be useful in the short-term, as there's often more going on in the present life, but if it's troubling and something is repeatedly nagging at your thoughts then it may be something unresolved that you'd find more peace and self-knowledge through inspecting. This is all based on personal experience, though.

    I don't have the memories most kin do of old loved ones, being who they "really are", etc. I was someone at odds with my own inner nature who failed something dangerous and stupid in my pursuit of a grudge. Nothing there to mourn for, but it has made me feel like a monster sometimes knowing what this other me was capable of and how much she could just overlook, and how easily I could have turned out with a similar outlook and set of values based on how rash and selfish I was as a child.

    It hurt to think of failure, anger, blame, and loss when I was already dealing with all of this as a teenager and young adult, but I think I had to consciously choose a different life for myself despite some of the same factors. I had to think very deeply on the circumstances and kindnesses in this life that convinced me to behave differently, and how some people don't have that--and what I can contribute. I'd say I'm ultimately happier for this.
     
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  6. Amaris Matris

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    I personally have had to deal with horrible memories before and I know how much it can suck. I used to have nightmares at the start of this year about them and I hated it; I hated the fact that I couldn't deal with it myself and that I was waking people up and things.

    I know it is what everyone says but seriously, talking helps. You don't even have to talk about the entire thing, just about even the tiniest bit and get comfortable talking about that bit. Then you can progressively get comfortable with talking about a bit more of the issue until eventually you can talk about the entire thing comfortably. Just do it with someone you trust and you know who cares about you and just remember, it can go as slow or as fast as you want it to go; it doesn't need to go quickly or slowly, just the pace that you are comfortable with.

    I went to my school counsellor and talked to him about my nightmares and he was really, really helpful. I also talked about it with my parents and eventually I have gotten to the point that I can talk about it freely with anyone and it feels great to be able to do that.

    You don't have to talk to anyone of us on the forum or me, but if you do want to, then I am up for a message chat at any time whatsoever (just don't expect an immediate reply). I believe that if you want for people to open up to you, then you have to open up to them first and I am completely fine with saying my story first and you can say however much you are comfortable with.
     
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