Douchebag Genie

[Effervescent-Daydream]

Granted, but they're all rushed, poorly programmed and buggy.

I wish I didn't feel sick to my stomach right now 

 

[CopperCoyote]

Granted.  You are now dead.

I wish my college classes didn't bog me down with so much homework.

 

[Eersian]

Granted but you have to do double your amount of daily household chores

I wish I didn't have anxiety

 

[CopperCoyote]

granted, you are now dead

I wish I had a strawberry ice cream sundae (not poisoned)

 

[Deleted645]

Granted, but it’s very spicy 

I wish I had $25,000 

 

[Eersian]

Granted but you have bills to pay and a rare medical condition that had come to an expensive treatment

I wish my family was more accepting of my sweetheart

 

[CopperCoyote]

Granted but you die the next day.

I wish I had more worthwhile stuff to do.  I'm so bored!

 

[Deleted645]

Granted, but it’s super stressful 

I wish I could shapeshift physically into any mammal I want

 

[CopperCoyote]

Granted, but you can only shapeshift once and then you're stuck that way permanently.

I wish I was better at drawing

 

[Deleted645]

Granted, but you can only draw objects 

I wish I was better at talking to people 

 

[CopperCoyote]

Granted.  You are now incapable of not talking and loudly blurt out every random thought that pops into your head.

I wish everyone could just learn to co-exist without fighting each other.

 

[Ravenna Freyasdottir]

Granted, but all knowledge except for that of peace will be lost.

I wish I could change my eye color at will.

 

[Henk]

Granted, but every time you blink they change to a random color with a cooldown of 60 seconds that resets every time you blink.

I wish that the body parts we feel in a phantom shift would be real and totally integrated in the body.

 

[CopperCoyote]

Granted, but you would be ostracized all the regular humans without shapeshifting powers (have you seen BNA?)

I wish for an infinitely regenerating slice of meat lovers pizza (aka, every time I take a bite out of it, that bite instantly grows back).

 

[Ravenna Freyasdottir]

Granted, but it will be perpetually raw and ice-cold.

I wish I could have the courage to come out (with everything, including otherkin and poly, fam and friends already know I'm pan) to my friends and family

 

[Henk]

Granted. You have all the courage to come out, but when you meet a new person who might become your friend: You tell them everything and come out right then and there, scaring them away.

I wish I could fly with my own wings.

 

[Ravenna Freyasdottir]

Granted, but the wings are the wings of Icarus, so if you fly too high they will melt, and if you fly too close to the water they will fall off due to the water spray.

I wish I wasn't depressed right now (family issues going on so yeah...)

 

[CopperCoyote]

Granted, you are so manically upbeat and wreckless that you get yourself killed.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.

 

[Ravenna Freyasdottir]

Granted, you think of a wish but you lose all of your memories

I wish I could see the person I miss the most right now

 

[CopperCoyote]

Granted, but they've turned into a psychotic murderer and are hunting you down, trying to kill you.

I wish I was a coyote physically, living far off in the woods, miles away from humans, with a pack of other coyotes who are all nice to me.

 

[Ravenna Freyasdottir]

Granted, but your pack is slaughtered by a group of deer hunters gone rogue.

I wish Marii would stop trying to drive the rest of us absolutely bat-shit crazy