Hating my demon kintype | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community

Hating my demon kintype

A group for demon resources, support and comparing experiences.

  1. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    Lately my demon has been slowly subsiding in strength and sliding into the background. As this process has been going on I've noticed a few... ok a lot of differences going on.

    Just to list a few:
    • My thought patterns aren't as chaotic or indecisive.
    • I am able to communicate better in general.
    • I am able to properly "listen" now and process conversations.
    • My understanding of things is a lot... "smoother"?
    • I'm picking up on body language properly.
    • Pain seems to be perceived differently.
    • I come off a lot less hostile.
    • Lot less controlling and paranoid.
    ... I could keep going but... looking back on these traits. I'm starting to bloody hate my demonic side. Like I want nothing to do with it ever again. As far as I can tell for me personally it is just causing problems. My relationship has even stabled out now! I feel like my kintype was shooting me in the foot...

    Just thought I'd post this up.
     
  2. Lady Constantine

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    You shouldnt hate what you are <3
     
  3. Smooth Jazz Mann

    Smooth Jazz Mann Resident Demon of Jazz
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    Those are all signs of being a functioning human being in modern-day society, not of not being a demon. I can tick pretty much everything you just listed there but I'm still demonkin.
     
  4. DavGiar

    DavGiar Spawn
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    @Smooth Jazz Mann. My thoughts exactly. I go through phases where I'm either more in touch with my conditioned humanity, or more in touch with my demonkin. Neither one is better or worse, they're both a part of me now; but sometimes being demonkin is overwhelming and isolating. This is why it's generally more comfortable to feel and act human.

    Still, there are realities to being demonkin. I need to feed. I need to ground and center my energy frequently. My emotions and drives are dark, and my nature is chaotic. I can choose to channel my impulses to more socially conducive actions, but I can't change what I am. Nor should we feel a need to.
     
  5. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    Actually a lot of these traits are subsiding with my demonkin side. They are not as strong as they where. So if those are normal then the degree I had was not. It seems my demon side wanted to be discovered so bad it was basically causing me a ton of problems. Now that I've accepted it, it's subsiding. It's really strange.

    Edit: I should clarify subsiding. It's not like disappearing or anything it's just... becoming less dominant and slipping into the background. Like my other past lives that are not my kintype. I am at the point where it hasn't surfaced in so long I don't per say identity as demonkin. However I know darn well it's there.
     
  6. Charias

    Charias Wandering Wolf
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    I don't relate to any of those things in the first post, but I do really hate being a demon sometimes. And even when I don't, it's just something that's tolerable... there's not really any positives in it for me. I just find it confusing and honestly a little scary sometimes. I feel like I don't actually know who I am, or where I'm supposed to fit into everything. It's just some big messed up thing I try my hardest to ignore.

    I know it's not good for me to be so at odds with that part of myself. It's just so hard to accept something I don't even understand, y'know?
     
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  7. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    I really do understand man. The horrific steriotypes, the chaotic energy, the confusion, ectra. It's all pretty horrible...
     
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  8. Cipher

    Cipher Great Wyrm
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    What seems to be happening to you is basically where I am now, and I guess kind of always have been with my identity. I never had any real rush of "omg this is who I am!! extremely strong feelings and experiences!!" it's just always been kind of mellow background noise that makes me pause hard and think sometimes. I think on some level I've always known, so it's weird/interesting to see other people actually go through an entire experience of more of that discovery rush to the kind of place my identity sits now, from my perspective. It's not better or worse, just different, and it's interesting to see.
     
  9. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    @Cipher
    My demon is in the background now to the point i'm not even identifying as it now. Yes. However my kitsune is always there "poking" me. I constantly feel my tails and ears, the rest of the phantom body is constantly there but I don't pay as much attention to it. I make fox noises quiet often and, well you get my point.

    So yeah it probably is doing that.
     
  10. Dark Lord

    Dark Lord Hatchling

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    my demon seems to be more chaotic than most and it does cause some problems, but what ive found is that if you try and suppress your demon side, it will act out more, whereas if you leash it, that part of you will be easier to control, even if you let it out, in a way, it's like it moves into the background, you still have to feed and stuff, but it's not as bad as trying to suppress it. I hope I explained this right so you all understand what im trying to say. but all in all, there is no reason to hate it.