Help with awakining

[Aratisza]

Hey, so... this is my first thread about something like this... so excusse me for not not getting in perfectly described...

So latly im in contact with an other otherkin, that i met last year. We get along pretty well, the only problem is, he pushes my awakining even further. I had always problems to accepting of who i am... you can say I somehow dont want it to be true... cause its so fucking over the top....
However since im in contact with him, it gets pretty clear that this dark-self that i always feard and couldnt accept, is what i am. And i dont know how to deal with all the information i get from him and myself. Not only did I appear severel times in his dreams and interacted with him and pushed him further in his way, because there were very clear signs, that it were me... sadly...
but it seems i even hurt him accidently multiple times on the astral plan and all this fucks with my head so much.... by far cause i hate this strength.
I think many would be like " HAHA im freaking op dragon that can fuck up the day of high demons." and me like... "meh, i would like it not that way.... cant i be a semi normal girl?"

So i guess this all might sound pretty random, but it would be to much to describe it fully.
However I rly dont know how to handle all this, maybe some other here in the forum have similar experiences? Or something that could help me to handle all this information I get latly about myself and my othekinity? I mean accepting myself was a real struggle this far and now all this comes.... ....and for the notes my first realisation about my otherkinity was 6-7 years ago and since then i progress always further and more things come to the surfice.

so i guess all things might help... thanks

 

[Lepus alleni]

Well, if it helps at all ease you worrying about the things you see yourself doing in your dreams, I've heard from many other spiritual otherkin that dreams arn't always the end-all reliable source for your memories or possible travel-- after all, dreams are dreams, and dreams can take place anywhere you have or even haven't been with all sorts of weird stuff happening.
I'd say I might be a little biased since im much more into how dreams work from a psychological point of view, but this is also an opinion I've heard from many otherkin who are much ,much more gung-ho on the spiritual side of otherkinity.
I don't know if I can help with your awakening in any direct sense, especially due to us not sharing the same experience in what our awakenings are founded on, but my only advice is to maybe start keeping a 'dream journal' to take notes and figure out how to weed out inconsistencies to find what may have actually happened VS the creative liberties your sleeping mind may have taken. Writing all this down will, atleast if anything else, help give you order and physical proof to yourself that this is actually happening and possibly ease your worries by putting them down.

 

[Aratisza]

Oh sorry, i guess i didnt wrote it that clear, He (my otherkin friend) sees me in his dreams and even from a psychological point of view it makes sense, cause at that days he had such dreams we had big and intime talks, even about "spiritiel otherkin stuff". However... he saw a version of me he couldnt know of. To know about it. I draw A LOT and also about my path. And the images i drew month or even years ago, matches perfectly what he saw. However that version of me, is what freaks me out... because i always saw it as a defense mechanism of a psychological and sprituel view... however, when i analyse my drawing, its more like... the "core" and this self of me is what makes me worry the most....

however still thanks of your opinion :§ and by the way i already do a dream journaly from time to time, to anaylise them and work on myself ^^"

 

[Shezep]

This thing where friends see each other in the astral, and then one friend starts telling the other friend who they are, almost never ends well. These situations tend to magnify the spiritual drama beyond where it needs to go. I've heard lots of stories about this kind of thing blowing up friendships and making people feel crazy.

The only person whose opinion matters about your kintype is you. Your identity belongs to you and not to anyone else. Maybe he made some lucky guesses here and there but that doesn't mean that all of what he says is accurate. It's extremely easy to misinterpret things in the astral. For example, I once attacked my own friend because I wasn't reading the energy signature right. The astral isn't like the waking world. Personal filters and biases play a much bigger role than anyone wants to admit. Anything your friend says needs to be thrown in the "maybe good, maybe trash" file. You can look at it and consider it, but his opinion must never override yours when it comes to your own identity. If he insist that it has to, then he's not a good friend.

The fact that it's making you feel so disoriented is a good sign that something isn't right. Backing off from it for awhile might do you some good.

That said, nearly everyone has some kind of dark side to them, and powerful dragons are pretty common around here.

 

[2-D]

You know yourself better than anyone. Your soul knows what's true. No one else can tell you who or what you truely are. You must look within yourself from an open perspective and a patient mind.

Awakening can be long and hard. You're familiar with this. It never truely stops, because we are always learning. You have to look within yourself in a way you never have before. This can be scary, but it is worth it to find clarity. Even if you aren't otherkin, you will learn a lot about yourself, your mind, and your spiritual beliefs.

The first part of my awakening took two years. My awakening still happening, but I've entered a new phase of it.

That's how it goes once you chose a spiritual path. You are forced to grow. You must acknowledge the darkness within you to eventually see the light. Once you understand it for what it is, you understand life better. Pain and limiting beliefs easily distort one's perception of reality. Learning to see past them is essential to spiritual development. The best way I can describe it is this: You can't wake up if you don't open your eyes.

I promise that it will be worth it, even if you can't see it now. It will all work out. Also, you don't need to be scared of yourself.

 

[Amber]

I very much second @Shezep although I didn't hear too many stories. I'm not sure what bothers you so much about yourself, but I'd recommend to leave your friend out of the game. Reading that he's "pushing your awakening further" doesn't bode well. An awakening is not something that should be pushed, it needs to evolve. Give it time. Yes, it might be helpful to talk to others, but they should inspire you, ask some open questions, encourage you to explore, discuss how to interpret things, or give you new ideas. Like "oh, that's interesting... I wonder if you have considered <x>?". But don't let yourself be pushed anywhere.

I've heard some wicked stories about people interacting and having hurt each other in the astral, but my impression is that the hurting rather happened because of struggles in real life and, a very high amount of negative preoccupation, and a very negative (or even destructive) way of interpreting things that were felt or experienced there. I believe you can't hurt anyone in the astral if they don't allow it. If your friend seems fine, there's nothing much to worry about - I'd rather be worried about him hurting you.

Your post seems to indicate that the dark side you fear refers to being a dragon who enjoys hurting others. Well, believe it or not, I too have such a side. My shadow self is just as destructive as my light self is constructive. It wants to eradicate everything like a natural disaster, and mercy or remorse are concepts unknown to it. That side of myself can burn down the world or rip a powerful enemy to pieces, and it feels really good. I've experienced it both in meditation and dream. Sometimes (veeery rarely) it even bleeds through in real life. Realizing that first confused me, but I very quickly came to know that I had to accept it as a part of me. There's a reason humans consider dragons monsters, but the fact that this aspect worries you demonstrates that you also have another side. Try to find out how these sides relate. You might find that they're two sides of the same coin that balance each other. Don't be afraid by what you are, and don't blame yourself for it. Consider to not think in terms of "good" and "evil". Just try to find out why you act the way you do, and how you can relate to it in this life in a positive and meaningful way.

I know it aint easy and I don't know if my words helped... if you'd like to chat about it more, feel free to PM me..

EDIT: I just read your blog entry, and it reads a bit like the story I mentioned... spiritual experiences mixed with real-life trauma that just doesn't bode well. This can become quite a pitfall, so it might be better for you to step away a bit from the spiritual side, and rather care about your life here and now. I think that's what people mean when they say to become "grounded". I know that sounds disappointing but in some cases, it's really the better way. You don't exactly need to stop exploring yourself, but as said, step away from others. You can't know if the dragon your friend met in the astral was you. If they did something you wouldn't want to do, they probably were somebody else. Thinking that you caused some kind of catastrophe isn't all too helpful.