how do I deal with harassment?

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kyro

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The people at school are just ass holes. They push me down stairs, they pull my tail and generally mock me.

Lately my girlfriend dumped me and the kids were claiming it was because I'm a "psychopath"

They also don't believe me when i would explain why I wear a tail, they would say I just want attention or that "you are changing too much first you tell us you are trans, and now this?

Please help me get through this!

 
M

Metakka

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You tell someone. A teacher, another adult. Keep records of the harassment if possible. Also, those kids don't deserve explanations. Don't give them one. That's how nastier, potentially future destroying rumors begin.

 
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Red-in-Tooth

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One of the first things to understand and appreciate is that not everyone needs to know or that they need to be part of or involved in. The matter itself is already a very private thing and it should be carefully weighed where, when, and how it is shared with others, if ever at all. The world outside, particularly in public and among the general populace, is probably the place one should want to be most careful, a school included. Being different, at all and for any reason, is going to attract negative attention and get no shortage of heckling. Being overtly different, such as by wearing a tail, is going to amplify that.

So what is to be done?

Foremost, tell them to leave you alone, that you do not need to answer to them, and give them a consequence if they do not. Tell them that you will tell a teacher, counselor, or principal, that they are harassing you, and that they need to leave you alone. If they continue, do not hesitate. Do not antagonize, argue, confront, debate, or interact with them, instead go directly to someone you trust who will address it. Do not stop there, write down every time they do this, when, where, how, what happened, the time, and similar, keeping a report of it. Turn it in to the person you trust so they can show the people they need to.

Second-most, weigh one's options about how one shares and conducts themselves. Wearing "gear" is a notoriously overt way to garner a lot of infamy because it is so obvious. It might make one feel more complete and expressive, more true to themselves, but that might not actually be true at all. Is that one thing worth having people who legitimately do not and will not understand heckle constantly over? Probably not, consider things more subtle, be them jewelry such as necklaces or brackets, but keep them subdued and not flashy but meaningful. Accept that if one is going to wear something like a tail to express themselves, it is going to affect the way people will interact and behave, with nothing about that capable of being changed. Be smart, weigh the options, figure out what trades can be made and what can be put up with.

Third-most, having a theriotype or being otherkin does not make a person a psychopath. If anything take heart in the fact they understand everything so poorly they cannot even name-call correctly. Remember that these are just words so they only have power over you if you let them. Roll your eyes and ignore them, show them nothing effects you about this. If they cannot get a rise out of you with words, you take away their largest weapon. But do not forget, they cannot touch you, and if they put their hands on you in any fashion not approved of, do exactly what I suggested earlier of immediately going to someone who can do something.

I hope that this proves useful, @kyro. This is the most basic advice I can lend about dealing with people and in general. It might not be ideal but neither is the situation and neither is the way people treat us for being ourselves when we are doing no harm to anyone.

 

LunastreDraconis

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Hello friend! I understand how you feel, as I have been bullied all my life... The best thing you can do is to tell a trusted adult or a teacher about what is happening. The kiddos will get in trouble, however stand up to them as best you can, by even just giving them a bad look and ignoring them the rest of the time. Bullies only want attention, and most of the time don’t expect to get in trouble. Roll your eyes at them and show those bullies that you do not care for them. I have no respect or tolerance for bullies, don’t let them take away your happiness friend. Be who you want to be, without fear of judgment from strangers who aren’t worthy of your presence.... 

When you get the chance, tell a teacher or a trusted adult first, and everything should be taken care of.... If you need help or any advice I’m here for you friend, as my inbox is always open... ^.=.^ 🍀🍀🍀 

 

KnightFenrirWulfhart

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One thing I feel I should add, is that when you ignore them or anything in that strain. I cannot stress enough to make sure that it doesn't come off as condescending. Most bullies are people who can't control a certain aspect of their life and bully others to have some form of control. If you act condescending when ignoring then it will not have the desired effect, it will instead create a personal vendetta against you, which you do not want under any circumstances. 

And I don't want this to come across mean, but like @Red-in-Tooth stated earlier about the gear. Remember, there is a time and place for everything, and if gear is getting you bullied at school, then it's not worth it, considering how its making you feel. I mean this with great sympathy, wear it at home, wear it all the mall (If there's one you go to) or out at the park, but if it's bringing you this level of stress, then perhaps its time to temporarily leave it at home.

I dearly hope that this resolves itself without violence, and everything ends up better in the long run, but I would seriously think about leaving the tail at home. It's an obvious symbol to latch onto, for angry people to use against you.

Also, remember, they're people too, and might have bad things going on in their lives.  It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it's good to remember that, and make sure you act on it. Don't antagonize them, or talk about them to other kids you don't completely trust, because it could get back to them and simply make it worse.

Also, if they are pushing you down stairs, you need to report them, because that's really dangerous, and you could get very hurt even if its a small staircase.

 
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Naia

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Teenagers are mean and they will bully people who they perceive as different. I experienced massive hassive when I was in High School, and even had one of my tails damaged and ruined. At this point, since you being a therian is already out in the open, I don't see any reason in attempting to hide yourself at this point. Identifying as a therianthrope does not make you a psychopath, as I'm sure you already know. People start to undergo changes at this point in their life, which is normal and natural.

From experience, I don't think that "tell somebody" is enough advice alone. There are people who sweep stuff like this under the rug, so here is what I recommend:

  1. Document the harassment. Keep a written or digital record (on your phone, perhaps?) of the bullying that occurs. Include time/date, what was said and done, and if possible the name or descriptions of the ones harassing you.
  2. Tell an assistant principal or principal This will be your first rung in the chain of command.  Provide copies (but keep originals) of your documentation. Allow them reasonable time to resolve your concern.
  3. Tell your local superintendent If school officials refuse to resolve the matter, inform your local school district's superintendent. A nicely worded email with your documentation and an explanation does wonders; perhaps have a trusted adult go through the email with you.
  4. Contact your state's department of education If things cannot be resolved at the local level, there is usually an "Assistant Superintendent of policy" or somebody with a similar title within your state's department of education. 

 

kyro

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Thank you all so much! I am going to a school where none of these people will attend and so far, all the people who I have met (it's a specialty school for the arts) have been the most supportive. With being trans and therian. I will most definitely take into heart what all of you have said.

So thanks so much to

@Naia

@Red-in-Tooth

@KnightFenrirWulfhart

@LunastreDraconis

And last but most definitely not least

@Metakka

Thank you all so much for your advice. It has been greatly appreciated!

 
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