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is wearing a collar bad if you're a minor?


New member
howdy! I'm relatively new to this community and know very little about my kintypes (I know I'm polykin) and I'm certain a few aren't even known creatures. But, I am 99.9% sure of is that one of my kintypes is a dog or (more likely) a wolf dog. and I really want a collar. I don't know why, I've always been drawn to canines (specifically dogs) and collars. the only issue? I'm scared of what people will think. for starters, a "human" wearing a collar is usually looked upon on a... certain angle. this would be fine if I wasn't a minor. I'm worried of what people are gonna think if I go out wth a collar in public. and another thing: a lot of the collars designed towards humans have a very... clear purpose. this makes me shy away from getting one. and the biggest problem: my family. there is no way I think my mom would buy me a collar, especially since I'm a furry and she's a bit misguided on what furries are. and even if somehow I can afford a collar, she probably will yell at me if I try to wear it anywhere. then theres my grandma who was clearly upset when I got a side cut, and when I bleached my tips, and when I wanted an eyebrow piercing, and when I brought up trans (as an umbrella term) stuff, so she will definitely lecture me about "my generation" if I wear a collar around her and I'm not sure what to do. any suggestions? thanks!

I recommend trying out chokers first, as those are a fairly common fashion choice that I don't think you'll get weird looks for wearing, and your family might be a little more tolerant of it than they would be of a full-blown collar. They usually look more decorative than suggestive as well, and they're often cheaper and easier to find in stores. Dealing with a less than accepting family is always hard, and I'm sorry you have to put up with that. Best of luck ❤️



Alright, where to start with this one? 

So, collars. There can definitely be... that type of view, but I feel like there's a very clear distinction in looks between those made fore certain purposes, and those made for pets. I think the best thing if you're looking for a real collar would be to find a high-quality dog collar that you like. You may get some wayward glances, but I don't think most people will jump to the conclusion that you're wearing it for sexual reasons. I wore a collar in PE for a semester in my last public school and I didn't have any bad experiences with it. A couple people asked my why I wore it and I just said personal preference and that I liked how it looked. From what I could tell, no one thought I was wearing it in that kind of way.

Now, about your family. You may want to hold off on buying and wearing a collar until you move out. From my experience, it's best to stay in good relations with your family while you live with them unless you want constant lectures and tension. You could always try wearing chokers as an alternative to collars. They'll stay on your neck like a collar would, but they're more in line with modern fashion and they're more likely to get compliments than criticism. 

But, I guess, if you really want to wear a collar while still living with your parents, you could hide it and wear it out when you're with your friends or at school. Just, be careful with this because you don't want your parents to find out and get on your back for it. Good luck though!



Machairodont Felid
Greetings @twotailstm, with regard to your question I am of the general opinion that it is not a wise action to take on several accounts at the moment. First, allow me to preface this that anyone and everyone will always judge, first impressions are unavoidable and that will take place no matter what it is you wear or do not wear. While it is true that regularly this does not matter - you know the truth in the end - it does come with consequences associated with social interaction and being part of normative society. All of us here and the community abroad are outliers, we already experience varying degrees of alienation, but some of that can be mitigated by playing by more regular norms, not the least of which is avoiding "gear". This is not to say this is inherently right on their half, or for those who do wear it, rather that it is a consequence one needs to be aware of, and especially as a minor. I strongly suggest that until one is older and able to, legally even, make decisions on their own that they do not do this sort of thing unless parents or guardians are permitting. This creates a tremendous amount of ground for strife and conflict with family, which is bad enough for most in the pool of otherness.

Second, it really does bear mention that garnering that type of attention is not ideal unless one wishes it, let alone for a minor. I cannot pretend to know your lifestyle or where you go and what you do, but as with the above I have a strong inkling this would probably cause some issue in just day to day life if you were say, still in school, even if you only wore it outside of classes. Most adolescents are not mature enough to be respectful about it and no one deserves harassment, but a collar would unfortunately probably be likely to attract that kind of spiteful, ill-spirited behavior. Again, I suggest that once one is a legal adult it is reviewed as the game changes radically at that age in terms of what one does and where one goes.

Third, and quite possibly the most important individual question I believe should be explored, and that is asking yourself, "What about this will do anything for me?" or more bluntly, "How will this make me more who I see myself to be?" and once those questions are asked, then ask why. Then ask why from there, then again another time - as many times as one can ask "But why do I feel this way about this 'Why?'." until it has been reduced as far down as one can go. Reductionism is a very dirty word now in identity exploration but I come from the scientific wing as a biologist and am a disciple of psychology at that as a hobby, so breaking everything down further and further to explain it is a very well established way to understand what the core motivation is. I suggest this because much of what motivates an individual who is display themselves outwardly comes from some inner drive. I could only begin to speculate using what I know about myself - why I have tattoos, for example - and why I keep them subtle enough to never rouse suspicion, but that is unfair and improper procedure to assume automatically the motives are the same for oneself. However, if one wants to truly express themselves unabashedly and openly, they should not just be certain of the how, they should be absolutely certain of the why. It is a commitment and demonstration to the self, the true self within that is, the Self and not the Persona, and if it is not sincere it is only bound to feel empty.

I hope that this lengthy response was helpful and that it can help even further on the exploration and experience of being.