Physical Body Dysphorias | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community

Physical Body Dysphorias

A group for demon resources, support and comparing experiences.

  1. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    So I am personally not sure how to exolain this so people who don't have this condition can understand. If you think you can please do so.

    Being physical just feels... downrifht weird. Eating, drinking, bathroom, the physical. All of it feels forien to this day. I'm sire my symptoms of this are more mild then some peoples. Although I'm not gonna compain about sleeping. Sleeping is nice.

    Do you experience this too? How far does your dysphoria go?
     
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  2. MechanicJasper

    MechanicJasper Autonomous and Anxious Android
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    I don't quite think I experience this, honestly. Or, it's possible that I might and it's just overshadowed by my gender-based dysphoria, being a trans man. I think I may have dysphoria around eating, generally. Just with certain foods, I get a pressing anxiety that my systems are going to be gunked up by the food, though I still eat it anyways because I'll eat nearly anything when I'm hungry.
     
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  3. Maggie Darkmoon

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    @MechanicJasper Well this is directed more towards demonkin not machinekin. Our orginal forms are made of energy not something physical so bodies feel weird to us.
     
  4. Magic

    Magic Netflix-blob
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    Woah, I was actually considering making a post similar to this earlier this morning. You beat me to it! :p
    My dysphoria usually doesn't deal with doing things like eating or drinking (yet), but about having a physical body in general. This morning, I had an intense moment where my brain said "holy ****, we have skin," and I continued to freak out for a good ten seconds. I was cringing, shaking, clenching my eyes shut and kinda curling my body over in pure discomfort. I was so disgusted and freaked out simply at the feeling and concept of having actual skin, something wrapped around my body and holding it and eeewww. It's been bothering me all day now, polymorphs shouldn't have skin!
    Not too long ago, I had about a full week where I was ridiculously dysphoric about having a skeleton. There's no other word to describe it outside of incredibly uncomfortable and wrong, I couldn't seem to wrap my head around it. To me, everything felt so hard, rough, awkward and miserably inaccurate. I hate having a body. This is also the most frustrating type of dysphoria for me, nothing can amend the feelings of discomfort about having a physical body. Water used to help, but water is what made me freak out about skin this morning and now I'm wary. Luckily, it doesn't happen too often but when it does, it hits hard.

    @Maggie Darkmoon I imagine machinekin can experience similar feelings.
     
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  5. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    @Magic Wow you have major dysphoria! I think I don't have it that bad because I don't over think it maybe? I do get annoyed at my body often however like when it won't stop itching or whatever. I tend to forget to eat and go to the bathroom for hours on end.

    @MechanicJasperMMagic has a point but I didn't qute think of the way he made me think of it at first. You might have some thing like organic body dysphoria? Sorry about that.
     
  6. Invisus

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    I don't experience dysphoria but being physical does feel pretty weird at times. I sometimes feel like I need to pull myself out of my body due to this
     
  7. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    @Invisus I think we could consider that a very acute dysphoria?
     
  8. Invisus

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    I guess it could be considered as such. I just personally don't really feel comforable saying I have dysphoria relating to being a demon. Also because I personally can't find a parallel between it and my gender-related dysphoria so I don't use the term when it comes to otherkin stuff (even though my gender and otherkinity are two different things).
     
  9. Maggie Darkmoon

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    @Invisus Ohhhh gotcha! Maybe I should find another way to describe it. I didn't mean for that to cause issues I'm very sorry.
     
  10. Paidia Haidou

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    I have severe gender dysphoria. I'm in a male body and I loathe that fact. I could handle both, maybe (let's face it, this world isn't great about anything that isn't straight and cisgendered), but I really can't handle NOT having female organs and it's frustrating.

    I leave the body fairly constantly because it bothers me. I try to avoid even thinking about the fact that I have this body. The only thing I like about it is I have pretty blue eyes. That's it. Everything else is awful, except in how it lets me relate to others.

    I don't think it's as bad as what @Magic said, but I've had freak outs like that. I can look at my hands for ages, and see the veins and lines... it freaks my out. I'm supposed to have jet black hands with claws, and I can kind of FEEL them there... but then I'm looking at hands with flimsy fingernails and there's this awful disconnect.

    The worst are my wings and tail, though. I was at work one time, lifting something off a table to put it on a conveyor belt, and I overbalanced. This was before I was more accepting of myself, so I was still in denial very hard, but my first instinct was to try and balance with my tail. I actually felt the muscles in that area contract as I tried to balance with a tail that wasn't there. I was able to get the thing I was carrying on the conveyor belt and use it to catch myself so I didn't fall, but I was very shaken. My first thought was "I miss my tail." Not "I wish I had a tail" or "Why did I try to use a tail like that? That's dumb."

    I realized at that point that, regardless of what I thought I should feel, I felt like I should have a tail and it was missing... I still have pretty terrible body dysphoria all the time, but I do my best to just tank it. I don't really have a way to cope with it.
     
  11. Maggie Darkmoon

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    Oh you reminded me @Paidia Haidou. How the body actually functions makes me really dizzy like that feeling after you give blood. Like blood I can usually handle but if you go into details about how all this fleshy stuff works... *hands cover face trying to hide* oh god.
     
  12. Paidia Haidou

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    Yeaaaah... I know that feeling. Having discreet organs that do particular things and... not just... having a body that does what it does but shifts around a lot... I don't have an issue with having organs... but having everything set and... so subject to failure, so set in stone, and so squishy and full of water is kind of disturbing.

    The physics of the body I identify with don't seem to work very well with this world. Even my hands were like a slightly fluid obsidian, so you would think they wouldn't have much purchase when picking things up, but in my memories of them they were every bit as deft and dexterous as human hands. They could generate friction to pick something up, but they could also slice through things like obsidian shards when I used the claws.

    So I get what you mean, @Maggie Darkmoon , but I try very, very hard not to think about it. That is why I chose not to be a surgeon, though.
     
  13. Maggie Darkmoon

    Maggie Darkmoon Wyrmling
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    @Paidia Haidou thankfully for me my hands seem to just be human based with fingernail claws. Those hands sound... kinda cool. Can I poke them? Lol.

    You thought of being a surgeon? Cool, that's news to me though. (we talk a lot) I couldn't do it. Forget it!
     
  14. MechanicJasper

    MechanicJasper Autonomous and Anxious Android
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    Oh man, I didn't mean to be a part of the conversation. I literally just had a mixup in seeing this thread on the "New Posts" bar and thinking it was on the main forum and not in a group. Oops.

    But @Paidia Haidou I know how you feel on that one. I have a female body and I hate it so much, I desire a male one and gender dysphoria is really harsh. My friend, who's in the same situation as you from what I can tell actually, has been very helpful with that for me, and I'm trying to get more comfortable with my body, but I still plan to transition due to the dysphoria.

    And I'm often unsure about how my species dysphoria works. I think it's less of dysphoria and more of conditioned rituals and precautions to keep my mechanical body together that I had made during my past life that are no longer applicable now. It's confusing.
     
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  15. Akeakamai

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    As an energy being as well, I can relate. Especially to what @Magic described. My dysphoria manifests less because of specific biological functions, and more because of the ways that being in a physical body feels. In a word, it feels limiting. But it's more complex than that.

    I can appreciate the subtle intricacies of being a physical being, don't get me wrong. The way our brains divide information through sensory organs, reorganizing all of the information and structuring it into a seamless reality is pretty amazing. But it's so much different than what I would consider "normal", for me. Because of that discrepancy, my dysphoria often manifests through my sensory processing.

    I often avoid looking at myself in the mirror because to do so makes me feel wrong inside. And if I stare long enough, I have experienced moments of dissociation, where I have trouble believing that the hands in front of me, or the face in the mirror is real. I also have trouble ignoring sensory stimuli, almost as if my consciousness doesn't understand the importance of sensory discrimination. Perhaps when purely non-physical, that isn't a process that is necessary, and my brain tries to reconcile that by hindering the process in my brain. Whatever the reason, I get easily overwhelmed by overstimulating environments and can have anxiety attacks. I relate these attacks to being non-human because, during these events, I only ever have one thought in my mind: "I wish I could be my real self, so this wouldn't happen to me".

    Then there's the gender issues. I identify as Neutrois, because of my identity as an energy being. In my mind, I'm not supposed to be part of a biological binary. The concept is foreign, and it brings me anxiety. Nothing about my appearance specifically bothers me, because I can't point at an ideal image for my body and say "that's what I should look like", but the anxiety of being gendered is certainly there, nonetheless.
     
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  16. Elikal

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    Personally I am more conflicted about the severe limitations of my human body. So many things I know my soul is used to be able to, but this body isn't. Since I am Ardala/Elf/Dragon halfblood, I am by nature hedonist. I love to eat and drink and the pleasures of life. But I dislike depending on it. I have seen myself in dreams often enohgh that sometimes I look in the mirror, and I think "how the heck did I become a white guy"? :O

    I miss being able to fly, to jump, the agility and natural strength of my original body. Sometimes the human body feels like being trapped in a rubber suit 2 or 3 sizes too small, like the human body is a prison I am trapped in. Being halfblood makes it more difficult. If I tap into the energies of my Ardala/Elf side, my human body strongly rejects that, because the energies are very different. It works better tapping into my Dragon side energies, because I think humans are distant connected with Dragons, so the energies are not entirely different. But then the Dragon energy makes me feel missing my strength and abilities even more. (Plus Dragons are a bit moody... shall we say. So it makes socializing with me sometimes not easy.) It is that I sort of imagine my astal body in one of my two forms, and that usually calms and focusses me. But the frailty of this human body is disturbing.
     
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  17. Paidia Haidou

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    I. Completely. Understand.

    Where I'm from there are, for lack of a better word, Mimics. Knowing every detail of landscapes you frequent is a survival mechanism... Which translates into me knowing where every thing I pass is, even if I don't remember. Because if I hear something, turn around, and something has moved, I need to know.
    --- Post updated ---
    This is actually the best way I've ever seen this said. These are very close to my experiences, especially the thing with the hands. The gender thing I don't identify with as much, because even though I remember being able to change my physical sex, being a demon and interacting with gendered races, I have an identity. Being unable to change my physical sex, though, is incredibly frustrating. More so because I identify more with a feminine gender.
     
  18. MechanicJasper

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    Oh geez, harsh. Yeah, I get that. In my past life, I had to hide from every human and block out major aspects of myself to keep my secret safe. So of course if I see another person in this life and my guard is down I immediately panic thinking my circuits and eyes might be glowing at the time, or that my wings may even be unfolded. I always have to know who's in my home at every moment of the day and if someone new shows up I immediately get uncomfortable.
     
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  19. Charias

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    I don't feel dysphoria related to my demonic kintype as often as I do for other things, but I still get bouts of it occasionally.

    Most often I get dysphoria related to my appearance and the fact that I can't change it. The cameo shifts I get mostly tide me over when it starts to bother me, but it still feels deeply wrong to be bound to a single, physical form. It's hard to explain... it just makes me feel so trapped. Like any other kind of dysphoria, I suppose.

    Rarely I'll have moments where being in a physical body just feels... strange. It's not necessarily a bad thing for me, though I do usually feel a little confused by the whole thing. I'll sit and stare at my hand for a few minutes just analysing the patterns of arteries beneath my skin, feeling the muscles and bones, moving my hand to try and figure out how its arranged to make a movement like that possible. It's more curiosity than outright dysphoria, I suppose, but it still makes me feel like I'm not what I should be.

    A couple of times I've have a what was essentially a more intense version of that, where I felt hyper-aware of what was going on inside a certain part of my body. One time I remember particularly clearly, I was lying in bed and could suddenly feel every vein and artery in my right foot, and feel the blood travelling through them. It might have been interesting if I wasn't so squeamish... I mostly was just cringing the entire time, rubbing my foot to try and make the feeling go away.

    Occasionally I'll stop eating or drinking for a few hours because it just feels so wrong (sometimes I plain forget how to do it and end up nearly choking...); kind of interesting because it's the complete opposite of when I have a strong wolf shift and want to eat literally everything. Sometimes I'll just sit for a few minutes holding my breath because the act of breathing feels alien. But that's kind of intense dysphoria is a rare thing for me (at least when it comes to this kintype).
     
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  20. Castellamare

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    I'm almost always fine, but sometimes I get gender dysphoria and being-physical-dysphoria. They both can either be subtle or acute.
    I'm quite often frustrated with the fact that to reproduce (which I want to do) - I would have to be the one carrying the child -- Does that count? I also experience wanting to be male or sexless.
    My physical dysphoria is kinda broad, sometimes I feel like I should be more one-with-my-surroundings, melt in them, melt with people and ideas, but also I should be able to move freely, fly, speedily and as gracefully as an ice skater. The confines of the human body is too small for me. I am weak, tire easily, and obviously do not posses these abilities. I don't have dysphoria for my species, but what I used to be able to do.
     
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