Questioning, I need some help

[ZohGaEri]

Hi, I’m Eri, I’m 18 and I’m a trans demigirl.

I’ve been having thoughts. Thoughts about satyrs and rams, and werepups and cats, and mostly, I’ve been having thoughts about myself. About how good it feels to put myself in those scenarios. Thoughts I hadn’t had since I was much younger.

I remember having these exact same thoughts when I was 13 or so, even the occasional phantom limbs. It’s all coming back now and I don’t know why. I’m confused and kinda scared. That’s why I wanna start my own little journal to have a record of my experiences. And that’s why I’m writing this.

I’ve always had more of an animalistic approach toward showing affection (licking, nuzzling, nibbling, even purring… it just feels good and intimate), and sometimes I even feel my coccyx tingling, as if something was there, and it’s such an alien but pleasant sensation… I really don’t know what to think or do. For what I can tell, all these years I’ve been brushing it off as just some quirky furry thing I do, but I’m not so sure anymore.

I need help from people who already went through this. I wanna know if I’m otherkin (or something else?) and, if I am, what is (are) my kintype(s) and what can I do to feel better about it.

And if in the end I’m not, at least I hope to make some friends to learn from.

 

[CrowLove]

Hello Eri. Nice to meet you.
I am Lhyrknraibhor , a wolf- demon hybrid, sharing the same body with Crow. The host of this account is Crow, a celestial warrior and keeper but she is resting, thats why I am here.
What you are experiencing could be phantom shifts and maybe mental shifts. But we cant tell you exactly what it is because we are not inside your head.
To figure out what kind of kin, if at all, you are, can only you alone.
Do you feel different or non human? Do you have the feeling that, when you see a satyr or werepup that this is you? Not just alike but yourself?
Do you know what kind of shape your phantom limbs are?
To figure out what kind of species you are and if this is your kin or something that you feel related to, is a slow process and needs time. Sometimes it can take up to years.
If you have any questions feel free to ask around. Our pm box is always open as well.

 

[ZohGaEri]

Hello Eri. Nice to meet you.
I am Lhyrknraibhor , a wolf- demon hybrid, sharing the same body with Crow. The host of this account is Crow, a celestial warrior and keeper but she is resting, thats why I am here.
What you are experiencing could be phantom shifts and maybe mental shifts. But we cant tell you exactly what it is because we are not inside your head.
To figure out what kind of kin, if at all, you are, can only you alone.
Do you feel different or non human? Do you have the feeling that, when you see a satyr or werepup that this is you? Not just alike but yourself?
Do you know what kind of shape your phantom limbs are?
To figure out what kind of species you are and if this is your kin or something that you feel related to, is a slow process and needs time. Sometimes it can take up to years.
If you have any questions feel free to ask around. Our pm box is always open as well.

Nice to meet you too!

I know you guys can't magically know all about what's going on in my head, I'm just seeking some advice to figure it out.
I do fantasize about being a satyr or a werewolf/werepup, and I feel that I would feel better about myself if I could be one irl. I guess I have to question myself if that means that I'm a satyr and/or werepup internally.
About my phantom limbs, they're usually tails. Sometimes longer, sometimes shorter... Some ears and/or horns ocassionaly? But I'm not really sure about those. It does feel as if my head phases through my pillow sometimes when I go to bed.

I'm glad I can have assistance and support from such a kind and understanding community, thanks for passing by and helping me organize my thoughts. <3

 

[CrowLove]

This sounds like they could be phantom shifts.
Have you ever tried some meditation? It could help to figure out how you look like and what you are. At least, it helped us a lot.
Take your time to questioning yourself and to seek. Dont rush through it.
If you need anything, feel free to ask .

 

[ZohGaEri]

Probably meditation is a good way to start. After all, a large proportion of my (alleged) phantom shifts occur while I'm in bed, close to falling asleep.
And rushing sounds like the worst thing I could do, yeah. I'll take some time to learn, question myself and meditate once in a while.

Are there any specific meditation methods you guys used?

 

[Finna Alsvartr]

I don't really meditate in the traditional sense. I made a list of possible kintypes, researched them all, and I found the one that clicked: Canis lupus. I then drew myself with characteristics of a wolf, even as a wolf and loved it. I'm working on the same thing for my cambionkin side, because I have yet to figure out what type of demon that half of my is. (In case you didn't know, it's kind of an obscure term, but a cambion is a half-demon half-human creature)

 

[CrowLove]

Hmm I think it was the breath awareness meditation, though, I can ask Crow for more details, when she is back. She was the one researching and doing these things but she needs a little time out and resting, thats why I am here for a few days ^^°
We sat down on the bed in the evening and concentrated on the breathing and on our inner self.
Every one got its own method and its own way but maybe, itll help you.

 

[ZohGaEri]

Waaah thanks for all of the advice! I guess research is key, so I'll take my time to learn what I need to know. So far this little thread has taught me a lot, so I'll keep on learning and researching until I figure things out! <3

 

[Shezep]

Yeah, those do sound like phantom shifts. The coccyx tingling is usually an energy thing more than a phantom limb thing, but there's no reason why one wouldn't trigger the other. They're both highly influenced by where you are focusing your attention, even if subconsciously.

I usually do get my most pronounced phantom shifts just as I'm waking up in the morning too, but they can also just hang around casually during the day. I take the half-asleep ones slightly more seriously because I'm not consciously willing them to be there. (For me it's usually feathers, wings, talons, and occasionally a phantom knife in my hand if I'm startled by a loud noise.)

Though truthfully, most people can get phantom limbs if they think about them hard enough. It's an indicator for being otherkin, but it's not a sure thing. The things you fantasize about might be kintypes, or they might be heart types instead. They could just be things you wish you were or relate to, rather than things that are you on the inside. That's where it gets tricky because the mind will very helpfully try to provide you with the information that you wish for, sometimes including "memories."

Who are you when nobody is looking? When there is no one else to impress or be embarrassed by? When you are tired or angry and not thinking about it? What traits have been with you your whole life, even before you heard about otherkin? What little things stuck around even when you were trying to ignore it? Work from the inside out, not the outside in. Don't guess and then try to make it fit. Look at the characteristics and go outward from there.

 

[ZohGaEri]

I'm really debating myself here, whether I'm otherkin, kith or just a human with a really vibrant imagination... But this advice is just what I needed, I think. Specially that last paragraph.

I'll have to meditate all of this, deeply. Thank you so much for your support.