The Let it All Out Thread

Fieron

Active Member
My dreams present a thing that now makes me question what my theriotype actually is. There was a new therian forum and I wrote "spotted hyena" in the profile field. I wasn't even thinking of hyenas at all. Hyenas have been suggested to me because of my "canine or cat" confusion in the past. Time for questioning. I hate this.

The closest hyena that would explain why I got confused with coyotes if I did mess up are striped hyenas, not spotted (browns & aardwolves are very off; aardwolves are too small & brown hyenas are too weird looking and have too much fur). Spotteds make sense with a certain, reoccurring phantom limb though. Plus whoops & giggles & groans (I can't find any comparative vocalizations for striped hyena). And other behaviors/ecological traits. Even if it doesn't make sense, I think a lot has ruled out me being a striped hyena and there's more favor for spotted hyena.

I'll deal with this later. Look at me being patient and taking my time for once.
 
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The migraines lasted for seven days straight and only started to ease up once I made an appointment with my doctor. It would be really great if it was something my chiropractor can fix. I'm hoping it is, but I don't actually know that, so I'm going to my pcp. I would love for there to be a solution to my migraines that did not involve me taking more medicine, I'm getting sick of just throwing more and more chemicals at my problems. Some of them I really do need the chemicals for, but being able to solve a health problem without adding more chemicals to my routine would be really awesome.
 

Gryff

Uber-Geek Fauntaur
I had an argument with my boyfriend last night. When we separated for the night it seemed like everything was more or less OK. But I haven't heard from him all day, and I'm worried that he never wants to talk to me again. I'm sure I'm overreacting and he's just been busy with work, but he's never gone this long without replying to me before. What if he really doesn't ever want to see me again? I don't know what to do. I'm scared I'm going to lose him. If he won't speak to me, what can I do?

If I still haven't heard anything when I leave work, I'm going to go to his building. But even then, unless he lets me in, it won't matter. I just wish he would say something. I want to work this out. But if he doesn't feel the same way, there's nothing I can do.

There's a song that mirrors how I'm feeling. It's called "Invisible." Maybe I can sing it for Alex. But I'll only be able to do that if he's willing to listen. And if he isnt, then I'm not sure what I can do.
 
Started the day with extensive dental work, followed by getting blood drawn for testing, then getting the stuffing beaten out of me by my chiropractor in the most painful adjustment I can remember getting because apparently my spine has gotten royally kacked since I last got adjusted a few months ago, and along the way I got a face-full of attitude from my beloved sister on whose behalf I was picking up medicine for her roommate between appointments.
 

Fieron

Active Member
I keep getting recommended news articles on red wolves. "Only 40 left"
Cool beans. Keep in mind a lot of these whiners are people who hate coyotes and love wolves defending a confirmed coyote/grey wolf hybrid that averages more coyote than grey wolf. Gods. This is both amusing and frustrating. They aren't special animals. Go up into the Northeast if you want more! There's other American animals that government money and our attention should be turned to. Why not focus on those non-red wolves/"coywolves"?
 
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Charias

Wandering Wolf
I swear the whole "animal rights" thing pisses me off. Animals don't give a damn about weird human concepts like "freedom" and "rights". Nature is absolutely savage, and an animal in the wild is almost certainly going to suffer an early and painful death. That's just how wilderness works. Wild animals don't get to die of old age. That doesn't mean I'm irrationally against animals being wild, but I'm also not irrationally against animals being kept in captivity as long as their needs are attended to.

Seriously. An animal is happy when it has enough space, enough food, enough security and enough mental stimulation. There's some animals whose needs could never be met in captivity (cetaceans, for one) but plenty more who can thrive in a captive situation given appropriate care. Do you think a well-fed, healthy animal would really rather be thrown out into the harsh wild? If given a choice?? An animal's #1 priority is to survive and reproduce, not to be "free".

And don't even get me started on the people who say having pets is slavery... or the fact that PETA would rather have animals euthanized than rehomed...

Animal welfare is good and I wholeheartedly support it, same as any other compassionate human being does. Captive animals must have their needs met. Not just physical needs, but mental and social needs too.

Animal rights is honestly sickening. The fact that people are willing to put arbitrary morals above the actual treatment and happiness of animals is disgusting. The fact that they'll claim the "moral high ground" in the same breath is just salt in the wound. Those people need to open their eyes and see the world for what it is. Savage and brutal. Maybe captivity isn't natural but that doesn't automatically make it wrong.

Hell, people like to forget that humans are NOT free. We're not wild. Look at us! Any one of us could spontaneously make the decision to leave society and live as nature intended, but do we? No. Why would we do that? Here, we are safe, warm, well-fed and have all the entertainment we could possibly need. We're happy here, so why the hell would we leave to go die in some bush somewhere, freezing and hungry?

Why do some people think animals' attitudes towards this are any different? God, there's a reason my dogs don't run away whenever I open the door. Smh.
 

Fieron

Active Member
"That's normal."

I just described several symptoms that are abnormal. I trusted you for once on this subject. This is not normal. Being in pain most days for the past two months just because you laughed or leaned forward or moved too quick or coughed or did anything at all isn't normal. Missing the most inconvenient thing your body does once a month for two months is not normal, either. Dark brown clots along with clear stuff with streaks of blood in it once a month instead. I want it all taken out. I can't deal with this.

I have no idea what's going on. Could be PCOS or endometriosis or cancer. Given my history, can only be one of those.
 
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I may have discovered a new fictotype of mine, one in a fandom I had long hoped to find a fictotype in, and it's a friggin' Mary-Sue based on a popular character.
 

Kerguelen

Active Member
TFW you're not only having a shift that feels like your skin is falling off, but you're hallucinating feathers sprouting from your arms.

I need to go to bed.
 

Mirath

The Animus Master
VIP
I shouldn’t let my emotions rule me, even moreso when it comes to looking back at my source material...

But I do, and I chicken out, then hate myself for it.
 

Vintage

Active Member
I didn't think I'd have another daily groan so soon in the same day. My family got together and began to tell me that 'we love you, but'....basically everything I do is in one way selfish or either I'm oblivious or is a matter of respect and......it's all true. I have problems. I want to believe that I can be better and less combative and respect more but some things don't come natural to me or I get absorbed in something else and I just..with family I'm so defensive with some things they say hurt me but are my reactions worse than what they say? Probably yes. Which is why I'm starting to hate who I am. I'm selfish and oblivious- AD(h)D related or not. I'm ungrateful, and when I am grateful I guess they want me to show it in a way that doesn't come automatically to me. I give hugs and such to family-..maybe that's not it.

Selfish, ungrateful, stupid- these are the words I say to myself. I was hoping the ativan I took would calm me down a little. I'm not supposed to take a lot because it has the chance to sedate me too much on somewhat higher doses than 3mg. Well I guess out of my selfishness I decided to take 8mg. 8 more for those who want to see better in me that I cannot seem to provide. I might be okay. But if I don't respond in a while I'm either really busy or...in the hospital.

Either way I love you all- this community and as my second family-has been nothing but great to me. I'm sure that I will see you again relatively soon after today- but I'm just throwing it out there because you never know.
 
I didn't think I'd have another daily groan so soon in the same day. My family got together and began to tell me that 'we love you, but'....basically everything I do is in one way selfish or either I'm oblivious or is a matter of respect and......it's all true. I have problems. I want to believe that I can be better and less combative and respect more but some things don't come natural to me or I get absorbed in something else and I just..with family I'm so defensive with some things they say hurt me but are my reactions worse than what they say? Probably yes. Which is why I'm starting to hate who I am. I'm selfish and oblivious- AD(h)D related or not. I'm ungrateful, and when I am grateful I guess they want me to show it in a way that doesn't come automatically to me. I give hugs and such to family-..maybe that's not it.

Selfish, ungrateful, stupid- these are the words I say to myself. I was hoping the ativan I took would calm me down a little. I'm not supposed to take a lot because it has the chance to sedate me too much on somewhat higher doses than 3mg. Well I guess out of my selfishness I decided to take 8mg. 8 more for those who want to see better in me that I cannot seem to provide. I might be okay. But if I don't respond in a while I'm either really busy or...in the hospital.

Either way I love you all- this community and as my second family-has been nothing but great to me. I'm sure that I will see you again relatively soon after today- but I'm just throwing it out there because you never know.
Vintage? You okay, buddy? :( Please let us know if you're okay next chance you get.
 
I didn't think I'd have another daily groan so soon in the same day. My family got together and began to tell me that 'we love you, but'....basically everything I do is in one way selfish or either I'm oblivious or is a matter of respect and......it's all true. I have problems. I want to believe that I can be better and less combative and respect more but some things don't come natural to me or I get absorbed in something else and I just..with family I'm so defensive with some things they say hurt me but are my reactions worse than what they say? Probably yes. Which is why I'm starting to hate who I am. I'm selfish and oblivious- AD(h)D related or not. I'm ungrateful, and when I am grateful I guess they want me to show it in a way that doesn't come automatically to me. I give hugs and such to family-..maybe that's not it.

Selfish, ungrateful, stupid- these are the words I say to myself. I was hoping the ativan I took would calm me down a little. I'm not supposed to take a lot because it has the chance to sedate me too much on somewhat higher doses than 3mg. Well I guess out of my selfishness I decided to take 8mg. 8 more for those who want to see better in me that I cannot seem to provide. I might be okay. But if I don't respond in a while I'm either really busy or...in the hospital.

Either way I love you all- this community and as my second family-has been nothing but great to me. I'm sure that I will see you again relatively soon after today- but I'm just throwing it out there because you never know.
Hey get back to us ASAP so we can know you're alright. I'm gonna be worried if you don't.
 
Thank you @Kerguelen and @Zicoxite .. I'm doing a little better- even though this is days later. I'm here, and I'm not sure how I feel about that but thank you. I might be sent to the hospital for a week or so if I disclose this to my doctor- I'm hoping not to experience that again- but in any case, I'm here for now.
 
I saw a beautiful, one of a kind flower blooming in the yard today. I thought it would make a nice addition to the yard and watered it and let it be.

Two hours later cue mom busting in the door with the flower in hand yelling "HEY LOOK AT THIS GORGEOUS FLOWER I FOUND"

Yeah, it was gorgeous...dammit.