Waning Awareness?

[Moonalight]

So this is a question, I guess?

Has anyone else ever had it where they sort of lose awareness of their other identities? Not that the shifting goes away or anything, but that you just don't think about it whenever it happens? This might not make much sense.

Like, I get seasonal depression. When winter comes I have zero energy and I feel really down. I spend most of my day laying in bed, doing whatever work I have. And when I'm not doing that or at my job, I sleep.

And, especially when I hit a rough patch, I either don't think about my otherkin identities at all and ignore the shifts-almost pushing them down so I don't have to think about them-or they're all that I can think about? That's when I get more lost in the shifts and I'm completely conscious of them.

But then I'll reach a bit where I just don't think about them consciously for days at a time. Sometimes even weeks. Everything still happens the same as always, I just don't acknowledge or overthink any of it. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it.

My question comes around because there was this thing I saw, somewhere, I don't remember where, but it got stuck in my head. That you use such things as coping mechanisms?

So, I guess my question's a weighty one?

Basically, how can you tell for sure that what you believe isn't just overactive imagination? Or a result of neuroses?

This probably doesn't make much sense. But there are people that don't believe in otherkins, and I got stuck in a loop where I'm doubting everything now. I don't want that, so any help would be appreciated?

 

[Shezep]

I've been going through this exact same thing. I'm also very seasonally affective, and this year in particular has been depressing, and caused me to shut down and pull back from the spiritual side more than usual.

How do I know that my kintype is real? How do I know that the gods I speak to aren't just imaginary friends? How do I know that magic does anything at all? I don't. I can't prove any of it. I have no answers there.

What I do know is that my feelings of doubt increase when I'm depressed. Not only does the spiritual side feel less real, the mundane side feels less real as well. Losing interest in things that you once enjoyed is a classic symptom of depression. I know that when I feel better, a lot of that stuff returns. It doesn't mean I have suddenly found the answers, it just means that the questions aren't as big of an issue. Can't prove it's real? Well, can't prove it's not, and it makes my life seem more fulfilling. There's nothing to be gained by throwing away something that's is doing me more good than harm.

But I still don't call myself a copinglinker, someone who deliberately does this as a coping mechanism. The kintype came naturally, both the good and the bad. I didn't, and can't, pick and choose how it works. I can't just switch to a different one that might work better. I believe it's spiritually based, but I admit that my belief could be wrong. Either way, it doesn't change what I experience. The phantom shifts and energy shifts don't care what I think about them.

The most horrible thing about being seasonally affective, other than going half dead at certain times of the year, is looking at the calendar and knowing in advance that it's coming. At the same time, one of the good things about it is looking at the calendar and knowing that it will ease up at a certain time. Keep hanging in there, it's temporary, and don't feel guilty about wanting to hibernate.

For treatment, the first and hardest one is to move someplace sunny and closer in the direction of the equator. I've lived in the Midwest and the Southwest U.S. and the Southwest is much better. I still get winter depression, but winter doesn't last as long. (In fact I felt the energies start to rise again just yesterday. It's not spring yet, but we are solidly past the solstice now.) Daylength still is an issue, but it doesn't vary as drastically as it does further north. I know not everyone can move, and that's why I listed it as the hardest one. Ideally I would win the lottery and have a second home south of the equator and live there half the year. I can dream, right?

I keep a super bright lamp next to my desk. I think it helps marginally. Better than nothing. I've also got a virtual reality set up. This past fall and winter I've gotten in the habit of using it around sunset to try to trick my brain into thinking that the day is not as short. That has helped hold it off somewhat too. The big problem is that the more depressed you get, the less you want to bother with things that help. You just want to ignore it all and that rebelliousness can kick in.

Good luck. Hang in there! We're on the upswing now, even if it doesn't look like it yet.

 

[Xomrys]

It's normal to have periods of detachment where the self never actually manifests. You just fall into work, family, and other responsibilities that really have nothing to do with you specifically, just basic survival really, going through the motions, anything to just get through the day. You do as 'one' does, you becomes essentially this impersonal 'one' or 'everyone' who is actually nobody in particular and thus become totally detached from who you really are. I think this is a normal part of life, it only becomes a problem if it's all there is and the authentic self is permanently lost. Then you really have life as gulag which is also a life with no kindness, and also without possibility of escape. I've been going through exactly this kind of period for the past nine months, with no end in sight. It's all become one vast prison camp where the goal is to not get sick, not die, not get thrown out on the street. It's just part of the times.