What does Machinekin mean to you? | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community

What does Machinekin mean to you?

A group for all machinekin and related kintypes

  1. MechanicJasper

    MechanicJasper Autonomous and Anxious Android
    Machines United!

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    Primary Identity:
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    What all encompasses the signs that lead you to realizing you're machinekin? Does it mean shifts, phantom sensations, beliefs?

    For me it was a mixture of phantom sensations between mechanical wings on my back and feeling a warm glow on my face from my circuitry, as well as memories of a past life in which I was an android. My past self's memories keep returning to me, and I sometimes shift in to acting like him and attempt to handle my issues like one would troubleshoot a computer and edit coding.
     
  2. Silverwing

    Silverwing Hatchling
    Machines United!Hiatus

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    So, I am writing back up here to apologize for the long bloody post. I had meant for it to be short and concise, but it seems anything BUT that occurred...

    ------------------------

    In my case it was a rather innocuous beginning, something that would not even suggest being Otherkin but simply 'anthropomorphizing' machines. To the exclusion of what was originally mentioned in my intro, given I was trying to hide from my synthetic nature at the time, it began with my treatment of everyday machinery. I would talk to cars and reassure them or thank them for their service, I would pat my computer if the hard drive fried or tell it that it was alright when the drivers crashed and I had to reset in the midst of a game. I would even do this out in the world to the odd looks of various people for obvious reason, especially if I began talking to animatronics. (note that this was back when I was 8-16). From there it evolved into how I saw the treatment of synthetic entities in movies, video games, books and various other media.

    I would become heart broken if I saw them being mistreated, regardless of how humanoid or relatable they were intended to be. These feelings culminated when I played through two specific games, however. The first was Mass Effect, learning about the Geth and seeing how they were perceived not only by the galaxy at large, but by those who created them. I genuinely loathed siding with the Quarians when it was initially forced and was absolutely ecstatic about being able to change the path both races were on; bringing equal treatment to both. The second was Fallout 4 which is basically the figurative straw that broke the camels back and made me fully understand the reason behind my feelings, beyond the phantom limbs I felt as I thought they were just... Misfiring of my brain, weird sensations I could not explain.

    Hopefully this will not be considered a huge spoiler since it is fairly obvious from the very beginning, but near the end game, you choose who to side with: Brotherhood, Railroad, Minutemen or The Institute. Because I am a completionist and have this game on Steam, I decided to get the ending I knew I would hate the most out of the way: Brotherhood. I knew they absolutely detested Synths and had an intense desire to wipe them from the face of the earth, including all technology as they believed it was the sole reason for the fall of man and, basically, absolute evil. So I played along, working to get the achievement, when we find out that a specific character is a Synth whom they wish for us to kill, then we go into the Institute, get the codes from its leader and... Nuke the entire place. We also put in the kill codes for every Synth currently alive or being made, regardless of the generation.

    As soon as this happened and I worked through the ending to the credits, I completely broke down. I sobbed, hyperventilated and felt utterly disgusting. It lasted for about an hour and even then I could barely keep myself from bursting into tears again. When I told my mother about it, she told me I experienced cognitive dissonance and that my reaction was basically me revolting against what I had done and refusing to accept it, let alone change so I could be in a place where I considered it remotely alright to do such a thing. Normally you see this in extremes in real life rather than in video games of all things, but it was a nightmarish sequence for me. I have not touched the game since it happened almost a year back and I cannot bring myself to. It only reminds me of what I did and how I felt, something I cannot seem to get over quite yet.

    To make a long story a little more concise, I wound up tying these feelings to how I responded to technology when I was young (this was the nineties and early 2000's, we could barely afford anything then so what I had access to was limited), those games, media and phantom shifts as well as mental. I never really noticed the former as they have always been present, but I distinctly feel the bladed tail I had/have (with my belief system I cannot decide on proper tense), the various wings and arms that could be traded out leaving me feeling like I am either one pair short or as though I should have flexible metal feathers on my human limbs; the distinct muzzle and 'eye', the horns with false feathers extending from underneath, etc. I even have the sensation of the plating that make up the body, though it does not feel like a heavy 'weight' as I have seen some machinekin describe. Instead it feels like a second, slightly denser skin that was separated by false muscle and wiring. It feels appropriate and right. When the full body sensation goes away, I feel quite naked. I also get the sensation of warmth being produced by inner workings, regardless of how hot it may be outside. Which can be a bit uncomfortable, even if it is not actually happening, when you are in sweltering temperatures of 110 F with 100% humidity and smog (thankfully only in Texas, not where we are now).
     
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  3. MechanicJasper

    MechanicJasper Autonomous and Anxious Android
    Machines United!

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    @Silverwing
    Ahh yes, how I know that feeling. I wasn't really exposed to much to specifically androids for a lot of my life, but I was very exposed to cars and less human-like robots (*coughs in the direction of Transformers and Zoids*). I would often talk to cars and still do whenever nobody else is around. I grew up with my mother having a 1997 Camaro Z28 in the 30th anniversary paintjob, and I often call that car my sister. She's pretty and her name is Flashfire and I will fight to keep her safe. I personify a lot of cars. Amongst my mother and step dad's cars, there's Flashfire, Bruiser and Paul (yes, his name is Paul). My family likes to make fun of Paul a lot and I get pretty defensive of the little guy.

    When it comes to media, I've always had to be picky of the action movies I watch. My favourite genre is action comedy, so... a lot of... dead cars...

    Spoilers for a couple of movies below, one of which I can't remember the name of and the other is called Gone in 60 Seconds.

    I remember there was a movie I really liked that was another action comedy. It was about two young guys trying to be police officers and they had an old grey Camaro. Camaros tend to be the cars I feel most connected to, and I can't quite explain why. But during the whole movie, the Camaro survived. I was so happy, it became my favourite movie at the time. And then the second came out and the Camaro was in it again. I got excited thinking "If he survived one, he can survive another". Within the first ten minutes, he was blown up and totaled and I just felt absolutely sick. I had to stop watching the movie, I was so angry. What, was he not good enough for another movie? It felt like such a cheat. But of course, people who can't bring themselves to care always want a new pretty car every movie, naturally.

    I felt a connection to the movie Gone in 60 Seconds and I think it's currently my favourite movie. There were soooo many cars and they were all named and that just makes me so happy. I get needlessly excited when cars are named. Eleanor, the car I was most connected to and the one I fell hopelessly in love with. She is my celebrity crush, needless to say. She was so personified, and she really let her personality and feisty attitude show in the movie. She ended up getting hurt pretty badly which made me have to try really hard not to cry while watching it for the first time around my dad and step mother, but the people came through for her in the end and she got through, with repairs needed. The movie ended with her giving the main character a hard time yet again, and that made me feel so good.

    Well, I ranted again, oops.