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Cipher

Fears

28 posts in this topic

What are you most afraid of? Do you have any specific fears that may seem odd or irrational? Or fears you had as a child?

 

I have a couple specific fears. One of my deepest-held ones is being accused of a crime I did not commit and being unable to prove anything other than helplessly saying 'but I'm innocent'. And I mean like, a major crime like murder of a family member or something. And the older I get the more I fear the kinds of questions I would be asked; directly tied in to my asexuality and introvertedness ('oh you live alone and have never dated anyone? Why?? *suspicious squint*').

 

Another fear I have is something that I guess is fear of abandonment. Specifically, whenever my friends invite me to hang out and we agree to all meet up somewhere, I'm afraid that I'll show up and nobody else will be there (this really only happens if I'm the first person there). If I invite my friend over to my house and they're a bit late, I'm afraid they're not coming. It's not even a 'did I get the time/date wrong' kind of fear, just a sense of dread that I will be left alone in an unfamiliar place and/or be humiliated by that abandonment. I have absolutely no reason to fear this, my friends have never once given me reason to doubt, and I've been friends with them pretty much all my life. I have never had a bad experience like this with another person, so I just chalk it up to the irrational fears category.

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Honestly, I'm afraid of academic failure. I have been pressured by everyone around me to be perfect, almost brutally so, and it created a psychological need to succeed. I feel as though in the eventuality that I do fail then that will be it for me. Obviously this is irrational, I am bound to screw up, bad things happen because bad things inevitably happen, but that doesn't stop me from having a depressive episode because of it if the failure seems to be a large enough screw-up.

I'm not really deathly afraid of anything else, I think that this may be due to my aforementioned fear. Like, anything that I would be afraid of just pales in comparison.

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I'm terrified of time, which is completely ridiculous. It's also bordering on an obsession. People will say to me "oh, you're only 24? You have your whole life ahead of you!" But I'm just sitting there thinking "ONLY 24??? In six years I'll be 30, and then 10 years after that I'll be 40, and I still have [insert a thousand things here] left to do". It doesn't help that for the last five or so years I've had this feeling of dread in the back of my mind that something bad will happen in three years. (I know that doesn't make sense, that's why it's an irrational fear).

 

I'm also scared of going to sleep. Not because I'm scared I won't wake up, but because going to sleep means making a decision to end the day you are currently having and start a new one.

 

I have other (more rational) fears, but these are the two that I deem to be the stupidest.

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I'm scared of people. D;

I've been diagnosed as social phobic by a doctor. It's totally irrational and makes life super hard (there have been times I've not even been able to go out to buy food due to the fear the person at the checkout might speak to me, and I had to drop out of college as the large crowds were too much for me). Thankfully I'm managing it a lot better these days, but the underlying fear is still there, I'm just learning to push on with daily life regardless. Although I still avoid social situations when they're not necessary.

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I'm terrified of being abandoned. Which also extends to movies - I get incredibly panicked/tearful when they show scenes of a parent abandoning their child, even in animated movies

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I'm afraid of the dark, I always need some lamps lit otherwise I'm going super paranoid and I can't go outside when it's dark, I need my dog with me otherwise I'm panicking completely.

I also fear of going blind, I can't think of a life without my eyesight, not being able to watch movies, look at my dog or my family, not being able to see the sunset or the green leaves on the trees and so on, I just need to see everything.

Another fear I have is people. They scare me a lot, I'm always observing people first, I'm very quiet and don't really say anything, I just want to know who they are before I start to make friendships. In my mind people are evil creatures that shouldn't exist because of past traumas, my dog is helping me a lot with these things, we are meeting a lot of new people but without him I feel I can't really go anywhere, I always need him with me or people I trust like my family or a close friend, otherwise I'll just take my bicycle it feels safe enough from the evil people.

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I've always been a very nervous and fearful person. I have a fair few irrational fears, but the most prevalent is my fear of people and crowds. To the point leaving the house is absolutely petrifying to me and I only do it in the most necessary cases. I am getting medication and help for it now and hopefully someday soon I can lead a normal life again without being terrified to take one tiny step out of the house. But certainly even now when I do leave the confines of my house I keep my head down and mouth shut, have to have somebody with me for reassurance and to go to shop counters and the like for me (I just can't do it). I've always been paranoid someone will come over and do something cruel or humiliating to me so yeah, pretty much housebound because of that.

It's not fun and makes life quite a hell sometimes. I can barely do anything, having had to give up halfway through college and now completely unable to work (but thankfully I'm now on a uni course from home so, half-saved).

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I'm horribly afraid of heights. When climbing stairs I have to stay near the wall or if there is no wall I have to stay as close to the middle of the stair case as I can. I don't know when the fear started but it's gotten to the point where I will have panic attacks if I do not move away from the area.

 

I have tried to get over this fear but nothing works. Riding small ferris wheels didn't help' staying on ladders don't help, I even tried a ropes course 6 stories above the ground because my boyfriend wanted to try it. I had to be rescued from it really... I don't know why I ever thought that was a good idea. I hope one day I can get over this fear but right now I'm crap out of ideas as to how to go about it.

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Eh, I have a lot of silly fears.

I'm scared of driving, people(especially men) touching me, being trapped, lots of equally silly things.

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I'm very nervous around people I don't know, I'm terrified of large crowds, I hate crowded shopping centres etc, I hate answering the phone or calling people. Visiting the doctors etc is something I have to talk myself into and I've cancelled appointments before as I can't cope with it. I never look anyone in the eye, people think I am being rude but I'm just too nervous too.

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Biggest fear for me is my fear for spiders. While I did held one of the biggest spider species in the world and the fear has calmed down for a bit it is still there. I just am afraid of having a spider crawling into my bed and seeing it next to me when I wake up or put some clothes on and feeling a big spider in there. I dont really like spiders in general after enough bad experiences as a child.

 

I also have a fear of heights. Walking in the mountains when on vacantion or visiting a castle build on a mountain where you look down from the wall and see how heigh you are. Doesnt make a difference at all. I am rather staying on low ground instead of huge grounds.

 

I also am very nervous around people. A fear that comes from my PDD-NOS. I cannot be really to long around people or I will get panick attacks when I cannot retreat and be alone.

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Only a few in our system have significant fears. Chelsea is afraid of strangers. She's incredibly nervous when in crowds but not when surrounded by people she knows. It's just the strangers part that gets her.

 

Me, I've got two completely irrational fears. I'm deathly afraid of falling, like I'll cling like a cat to keep from falling and get hysterical at times. Even if it's a small drop, like not even more than two feet. I'm also terrified of my teeth falling out. I've had a lot of nightmares of my teeth falling out and I guess it's bothered me enough to become a fear.

 

~Jessica

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I have a lot of fears. I have vertigo and reverse vertigo, so I'm afraid to look down from up high and to look high from down below. Its a bit strange. Its like I have to keep my eyes in front of me 24/7 lol. I am naturally afraid of bugs, especially spiders ): they're just creepy. I'm afraid of death, especially by drowning or asphyxiation.

 

I fear failure in my career, especially because it is one of the lowest paying fields to go into (and one of the hardest to find a job in) I fear that I will fail due to my own lack of ability or ambition.

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@Spiritual Hunters Apparently dreams about teeth falling out are a common stress dream. I've only had a teeth falling out dream once, but I agree that they're so disturbing I'm not surprised they lead to fear of the actual act itself.
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@Spiritual Hunters Apparently dreams about teeth falling out are a common stress dream. I've only had a teeth falling out dream once, but I agree that they're so disturbing I'm not surprised they lead to fear of the actual act itself.

That would explain it. I had a lot of dreams like that and stress is a major part of my life.

 

~Jessie

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@Spiritual Hunters Same, but for some reason I've only had that kind of dream once, and it wasn't until recently. It was actually about the teeth of someone I'm close to falling out because they were under a lot of stress. So...second-hand stress dream? It was weird. I normally have more straight-forward stress dreams where I have to turn in a big homework assignment at the last minute or race against the clock to beat the enemy kind of thing.
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I've got a couple irrational fears. The worst being my fear of deep water. Not drowning, mind, just deep water, which can actually be as shallow as the 6ft end of the swimming pool. As far as pools go, it's not so bad and I can push through it, especially if there's people in the water with me, but in larger bodies of water... Ooooh, boy. I'm a wreck once I get out to a certain point and sometimes can't even spend too much time in the shallows (water up to my waist or higher) because I know the deeper water is out there. It really sucks because if I'm on a boat or next to the water, I find it really relaxing, but I have this weird fear of being swallowed up and looking down only to see black when I'm inside of it. I'm so sensitive about it that just talking about it makes my skin crawl, ewgh. So, MOVING ON. I'm also afraid of things to do with nails, such as nail clips, manicures, and nails falling off, I have an issue with abandonment and am always afraid that no one actually likes me and people are either just humoring me or keeping me around for something to talk about, or some dumb ulterior motive like that, and I have horrible claustrophobia specifically concerning underground places. The smaller they are, the worse it is and I've been known to fall off the edge watching people get buried alive.

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I am afraid of all of my secrets being exposed. I project an outward face or mask towards people and only my very, very close friends know what I'm actually, truly like.

 

My secrets are highly important to me and I get really nervous when someone is talking about secrets around me. I constantly think

'Have I told them anthing? Will they expose me?'

 

I am never telling anyone my deepest darkest secrets so DON'T ASK.

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I have some pretty severe phobias - mainly claustrophobia and social anxiety.

 

Just being in a crowded or confined space causes me to have a huge panic attack; I always feel like I need an escape route. It's worse in small rooms with locking doors (think public toilets that aren't cubicles). I just have this terrible fear of the door being jammed shut and wasting away alone in some horrible, empty room. I hate feeling trapped.

 

The social anxiety I think mainly comes from the amount of dysphoria I feel... gender dysphoria, body dysphoria and species dysphoria. I just hate that people aren't seeing me for what I really am - but at the same time I can't stand being judged or ridiculed, so I try to blend in as much as possible. It causes a huge amount of conflict for me because I want to be myself but I lack the self-confidence to do that. :(

 

Of course, I have some silly fears too. I'm terrified of bridges, ladders, stairs with no backs or rails, slipping over (not falling in general, just the moment between losing your footing and hitting the ground) and... crane flies.

 

Crane flies are my worst nightmare send help.

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I'm scared of time, sometimes. I want to be as healthy as I can and physically and mentally fit when I'm old, because I'm scared of the idea of being helpless and unable to do anything, and I'm terrified of Alzheimer's, like really terrified. I hate the idea of losing memories to the point people are keeping you alive but you clearly aren't there anymore. You forget everything and just...fade away in the worst way possible. I hate it so much. I treasure being able to think, being able to remember things and if I can't do that...what's the point.

 

I also hate heights, or moreso not being able to do anything about it, like falling. The idea of being able to fly naturally is less scary to me because there's more control over it.

 

Losing loved ones. I sometimes worry about something happening to my boyfriend, and imagining horrible scenarios and just feeling miserable and scared.

 

Becoming pregnant, almost forgot this one. The whole idea just sounds gruesome to me, and I don't like the idea of anything inside me, just growing. I'd rather stay far away from all of that, so hopefully it never happens.

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I have a severe fear of drowning. I'm fine when in a body of water, but the minute it goes to nose-level, I begin to freak out. I have no idea why.

I also have an irrational fear of spiders and wasps. I don't mind bees, but still.

then, I have a fear of being left. I guess because I've had so many friends wonder out of my life, I'm too afraid that it will happen again.

I'm also afraid of annoying people, which is probably linked to the fear prior to this.

Lastly, I have a hard time going up to people I don't know. I'm fine when I'm in a restaurant and a waiter comes up to me, or a stranger comes up to me. However, when I have to ask for something, or go up to someone I don't know, I get really nervous. I don't even know why I have such a problem of this, since I really haven't had bad experiences regarding it.

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I have a pretty deep fear of spiders, over only a certain size. I'll cry and whine if I see them moving. I have smaller fears of loss and pain. As for irrational fears, I'm afraid of loud noises, especially unexpected ones. I can't handle movie theaters too well because of this. I don't really get upset, I just get extremely anxious. I'll start shaking a bit and will have to leave the loud area.

Beyond this, I'm pretty paranoid about two things specifically. I'm not sure if this counts as fears, maybe. I am constantly paranoid about time, I'm always counting down till something. Currently, I'm counting down till I have to sleep and till I have to wake up. 3 hours till bed time, 12 hours till waking up. It's a constant subconscious thing.

Another thing I'm paranoid about is losing people. I constantly think someone important to me is going to die. If my mom comes home late from work, I'll worry till she gets home, or if my best friend doesn't respond to my text within a few hours, I'll begin to worry. I'm trying to stop being so paranoid as it plays into my anxiety disorder, but eh I'm working on that. It's all good.

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I am terrified of spider crickets. When I was younger one jumped in my mouth as I was chewing..... no bueno.

I am also afraid of open ocean. I won't go out past my waist unless it's calm and smooth as glass. I will also go out on a boat or ship, but I'll stay away from the railings for the most part.

Being a sex repulsed asexual, and an aromantic, being in an intimate relationship any stronger than platonic, and the possibility of a partner wanting sex also sends my anxiety sky-rocketing.

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I feel like this post might be a little off topic, or maybe not what people are wanting to read in this thread, but I really wanna talk about something that happened, and given the topic of discussion this thread I thought this was a pretty good place to do it.

 

Something happened to me today, or rather I did something today, that made me realise not all fears last forever, and I don't need to hold myself back just because I find something scary. This time last year I was terrified of speaking on the phone. Accepting phone calls was a harrowing experience for me, to the point that I had my own mother sending me texts before she called me so I could mentally prepare myself (texting is not always a workable method of communication for her). By far making phone calls was the worst for me. It could take me days to work up the courage to place a call even to my own mother, and placing more than once call in a week seemed impossible, and placing a call to a superior was completely out of the question.

 

Fast forward to today. Today i sucessfully placed two calls, back to back, to superiors, without even really thinking about it. Afterwards I was a bit stunned. I knew I had been getting better at managing my stress and such, but I had no idea I had made that amount of progress.

 

I still have a bunch of other fears, but what I achieved today has made me hopefull that I may one day overcome those as well.

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