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Religious delusions...?

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erens    34

[PLURALSYS=color_hue=0;Eren]

Before anything, I want to make it clear I'm not calling religion itself a delusion. If you believe in something, who am I to say your spirituality is a delusion?

That being said, I have a lot of trauma associated with Christianity and, though I'm more leaning toward agnostic witchy beliefs, I still find myself in the mindset of a Christian from time to time, especially when it comes to topics that caused actual trauma.

Does anyone else find themselves having religious delusions where they're convinced of something that's part of a belief they don't actually abide by? IE I don't believe in any aspect of Christianity but I'm constantly vigilant about the rapture and I know I'm not going to be raptured so I prepare for post-rapture apocalyptic scenarios.

I just want to know if I'm alone on this or if others here experience the same things?

[/PLURALSYS]

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Thrakeina    51

I'm not sure if this counts, but I have a religious conflict between my previous life and this one. Ušumgal were created by the primordial goddess Tiamat of the Akkadian creation story. In this life I was raised Christan, in a sort of Mormon offshoot. I still haven't settled on how I want to reconcile the two, or if I want to ditch Christianity entirely.

[PLURALSYS=color_hue=360;Teresa]My previous life and this one don't have the same issue. The closest we came to worship that I recall was a sort of Great Spirit type thing, or worshipping nature. Words are sacred, but that was more a commonly held belief, like having souls.[/PLURALSYS]

I'm also kind of paranoid about the Norse Ragnarok, or the Christian Apocalypse, whichever happens first, but it's not a pressing worry.

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Ahah this is actually why I'm pantheistic

There were too many solid "This feels really real" for too many conflicting religious/spiritual beliefs for me to deny their potential legitimacy. Specifically with things where they made sense with my otherkin beliefs but then bits and pieces fell apart on the specifics (due to misunderstandings and human corruption of the original texts, in my beliefs) and so the thing that makes the most sense is to just smash em all together (in a critical fashion) and there we go!

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Thrakeina    51
Ahah this is actually why I'm pantheistic

There were too many solid "This feels really real" for too many conflicting religious/spiritual beliefs for me to deny their potential legitimacy. Specifically with things where they made sense with my otherkin beliefs but then bits and pieces fell apart on the specifics (due to misunderstandings and human corruption of the original texts, in my beliefs) and so the thing that makes the most sense is to just smash em all together (in a critical fashion) and there we go!

I like that idea!

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Dark Lord    25

I have some of the same problems, but thanks to my kin's memories, I have a better understanding of things. my kin is a demon, and i'm a Christian. hilariously ironic if you ask me.

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Little Lu    50

It took me a very long time to shake off Mormonism. I wouldn't want to offend any Christians and this is not a blast at Christians directly, (I have a great many Christian friends,) but for those of you who may not know, Mormonism is an extremely closed circle of Christianity with highly structured beliefs and no wiggle room. What is, is, in their perspectives. From the time children are born, they are immersed in the circle and taught at least two days out of every week that they need to abide by the Mormon rules or else they will, for lack of a better phrasing, never get to see their families ever again because they will never get eternal life. Family is very important to them--in fact more important than anything else, so when one family member leaves the fold there's intense panic.

 

In my personal life, my parents are very Mormon. They raised me just fine, and I actually appreciated my life as a Mormon for a good 16 or so years. I was kind of happy. Not completely, but kind of. When I hit self-discovery stage and pulled out of the closed circle, a lot of ugly things happened. I was chased out of my parents' house twice. I lost contact with multiple friends. I was constantly hounded by men from the church pounding on my door weekly begging me to come back to church and repent so that I could have eternal life with my family and be saved from the "Second Coming," which is their most popular name for the apocalypse. When my own father discovered I'd moved to the Left Hand Path, he called me evil and horribly screwed up.

 

And as I said, it took me a very long time to shake it all off. I felt abused by the church, and used. I felt like I'd been a tool for their growing numbers--a blind follower duped into believing in some salvation that may or may not actually exist. I read stories from ex-Mormons and realized... we were all practically trauma-survivors who'd been awakened.

 

Again, not wanting to step on any toes here, but personally I view dogmatic religion as very dangerous and damaging to not only the psyche, but to families, and probably a lot of society. It's impossible to force everybody on the entire planet to accept a single religion. Although I know a lot of Right Hand Path principles are healthy and genuine, the church I left did not use them for personal growth, and it left a very bad residue on my life. They used their strict guidelines and gospel to scare followers into obeying, "lest they be burned at the last days." And I kid you not... one of their principles that must be followed to is pay tithing to the church or else you will be burned alive and sent to hell when Christ comes. And... that's a lot of trauma to shake.

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Hatch    3

Before anything, I want to make it clear I'm not calling religion itself a delusion. If you believe in something, who am I to say your spirituality is a delusion?

That being said, I have a lot of trauma associated with Christianity and, though I'm more leaning toward agnostic witchy beliefs, I still find myself in the mindset of a Christian from time to time, especially when it comes to topics that caused actual trauma.

Does anyone else find themselves having religious delusions where they're convinced of something that's part of a belief they don't actually abide by? IE I don't believe in any aspect of Christianity but I'm constantly vigilant about the rapture and I know I'm not going to be raptured so I prepare for post-rapture apocalyptic scenarios.

I just want to know if I'm alone on this or if others here experience the same things?

[/PLURALSYS]

My entire religious faith is a 2-person delusion, I understand completely.

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StormyAngel    9

Yes, OMG. Thank you so much for voicing this. It's been a big thing for me lately, and a major source of distress.

 

I wasn't raised Christian, but I was raised in a very southern white baptist culture. I didn't realize it had impacted me until a handful of months ago. There are a lot of beliefs I have that aren't even mine. As in, I don't actually believe them...but on some core, emotional level, I still abide by them.

 

Most of those beliefs are actually at direct odds with my spirituality. Like that the physical body is bad; that I'm drenched in sin; that my life and who I am is immoral and I'm going to Hell. It keeps me up sometimes, it causes extreme emotional distress, panic attacks, and other crap.

 

But...I believe the physical realm is sacred and there's no inherent divide between the sacred and the profane. I don't believe in sin. And I don't believe being what I am is immoral at all. AND I routinely do spirit work that deals with Hell and am formally tied there, anyway, so it shouldn't matter.

 

It's an awful kind of cognitive dissonance to live with. I'm hopeful it can be undone, but it'd probably take epic amounts of work.

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Dark Lord    25
@Little Lu that is the best example of bible thumpers ever, sorry you had to go through that, as a demon, and a junior deacon of my church, I understand how hard it can be to deal with them. I could tell you where they are wrong and why by what they posted, but I won't, personally, I pity bible thumpers, for certain reasons, and I agree, @StormyAngel to be who we are, is not enough to say we are going to hell, if you think about it, jesus was born a human, yet he was god, and therefore, he would be otherkin, just like anyone on this site. so to recap, sorry for your experience, that should not have happened, and we as otherkin, are not going to hell because of who we are, or what we believe.

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StormyAngel    9
@Dark Lord Thank you, I appreciate it! I love to remind people of the concept of avatars, including Jesus, as a way of showing the belief in nonhuman spirits living in human bodies isn't new. To be clear, I don't struggle with going to Hell in relation to being otherkin. I'm LGBT+, and that's the usual reason my brain likes to torment me with. I've only had a tiny handful of people telling me I'm going to Hell for being otherkin, versus living and growing up in a community and culture where that's said about LGBT+ people all the time.

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Dark Lord    25

well, for one, the reason why people say things like that, is because god made adam and eve, and so you have to be in a man and woman relationship, now, I have looked throughout the bible, and the only place it talks about this that I found is in Sodom and Gomorrah, which what happened there, can be defined as lust/greed, which was in the hearts of the villagers, which is seen as unholy, or against god, so even there, I do not think it talks against LGBT in any way, but the behavior of those men. that's just my opinion on the matter, and another thing is, as Christians, we are not supposed to judge others, that is for god, and god alone.

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Little Lu    50
@Little Lu that is the best example of bible thumpers ever, sorry you had to go through that, as a demon, and a junior deacon of my church, I understand how hard it can be to deal with them. I could tell you where they are wrong and why by what they posted, but I won't, personally, I pity bible thumpers, for certain reasons, and I agree, @StormyAngel to be who we are, is not enough to say we are going to hell, if you think about it, jesus was born a human, yet he was god, and therefore, he would be otherkin, just like anyone on this site. so to recap, sorry for your experience, that should not have happened, and we as otherkin, are not going to hell because of who we are, or what we believe.

Thank you. I appreciate your understanding. :greenheart: It's definitely a healing process that has taken many years. Let's see, I officially left the church around... my 20th birthday I do believe. So... that was about five years ago. Almost six. Unfortunately due to my victimization of the Mormon church, I now have a very bad stigma attached to Christianity as a whole, and tend to deem myself anti-Christian because of it. I realize it's not other Christians' faults for what happened, and it's not Christianity's fault either, but the fact that it has damaged my view so much has proven to me that it is definitely not a religion for everyone. I do respect Christ and respect the wholesome values that Christianity teaches... I just wish they were implemented more often, and that scare tactics were let go of.

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StormyAngel    9

@Dark Lord I agree. Unfortunately for me, I'm really good at putting myself in other's shoes. So while I realize there isn't much Biblical standing at all to being told I'm going to Hell for being LGBT+, I can also follow people's logic who DO believe that. I can understand where they're coming from. I disagree with it vehemently, but I understand it. And I can understand the fear that's wrapped up in it.

 

The problem is, that creates the perfect little gateway in my brain. If I can understand it...there's some kind of logic to it (even if it's twisted)...thus, maybe they're right and I'm wrong and queue the whole downward spiral.

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Dark Lord    25
Thank you. I appreciate your understanding. :greenheart: It's definitely a healing process that has taken many years. Let's see, I officially left the church around... my 20th birthday I do believe. So... that was about five years ago. Almost six. Unfortunately due to my victimization of the Mormon church, I now have a very bad stigma attached to Christianity as a whole, and tend to deem myself anti-Christian because of it. I realize it's not other Christians' faults for what happened, and it's not Christianity's fault either, but the fact that it has damaged my view so much has proven to me that it is definitely not a religion for everyone. I do respect Christ and respect the wholesome values that Christianity teaches... I just wish they were implemented more often, and that scare tactics were let go of.

 

I agree, scare tactics were first used in the dark ages, and I feel there should be no place in it now. if you want to talk more, pm me so we can keep this thread clear for others, i'd love to talk about this more.

 

@Dark Lord I agree. Unfortunately for me, I'm really good at putting myself in other's shoes. So while I realize there isn't much Biblical standing at all to being told I'm going to Hell for being LGBT+, I can also follow people's logic who DO believe that. I can understand where they're coming from. I disagree with it vehemently, but I understand it. And I can understand the fear that's wrapped up in it.

 

The problem is, that creates the perfect little gateway in my brain. If I can understand it...there's some kind of logic to it (even if it's twisted)...thus, maybe they're right and I'm wrong and queue the whole downward spiral.

 

I agree, i'm the same way, but I find when I add my views and reasoning into the mix, I can figure out, why they are in the wrong, or why they are right.

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odalibuc    13

I was raised Christian, as so many are these days, and I must say that coming to realize the Abrahamic God doesn't like you is a weird feeling. It kind of messed me up too, thinking that I was a sinner for doing what felt natural to me. Coming to have a relationship with other gods instead of Him was suck a relief - I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. And then I figured out what my main kintype was and gee wilikers did things start making sense.

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I have some of the same problems, but thanks to my kin's memories, I have a better understanding of things. my kin is a demon, and i'm a Christian. hilariously ironic if you ask me.

Kinda the same for me, I had ditched Christianity a few months or so before my awakening. Found my awakening as a Wolf Demon hilariously ironic, and my past self's memories helped me understand demons better.

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Winging It    3

I was also raised Biblical Christian, and to be honest I don't know what I believe anymore. I've tried praying, and reading the Bible, and doing all the things that my parents told me to do, but I just can't seem to keep doing - or not doing - what they want/don't want me to do. I can't understand the Bible, it's just too old, and even the newer translations don't make much sense (if any at all). I respect those who can read it, but it's just not for me. Yes, I may be running from a God who is everywhere and knows your every move before you make them, but why should I care? He obviously doesn't care much for me, no matter what other people, my parents, or even the Bible says. He hasn't shown it so far, so why should I stick with a religion that doesn't make any sense to me?

 

I don't think I should, but then, what do I believe? I've been grappling with this for a while, trying to make sense of my beliefs, if I want any. I can't seem to just drop all of the beliefs that have been ingrained into my brain for so long, but then I can't believe anything else either. I'm kind of in limbo... it sucks. >.<

 

The other thing is, I'm as old as my older brother was when he died, and I guess I don't want to completely drop it right now for fear of my parents doing something drastic. They've already used the fear tactics once, which I didn't think they'd ever do before they did that, but now I'm not so sure my parents' religion is the right one for me. My other older brother Thomas has a family and everything, and he's already gone the other way, the way that maybe I should go.

 

I just don't know. *shrugs* but I guess that'll have to be okay for right now... until my birthday, at least.

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Shimmerfins    4

I don't know if I'd call them delusions, myself, ^_^' But I definitely have some habits left over from being raised Christian.

 

Now, my parents and the company they kept were not the nice type of Christians. They're the really awful, stereotypical ones you hear about in memes and stuff. But in real life. And while I did know some cool, chill Christians, they didn't tend to hang around the Christian groups I was allowed to socialize with. So my experience was... less than awesome. (and I've also moved into the paganism-type spiritual beliefs. Eclectic witchery, specifically, if... that's not contradictory)

 

The things I'm stuck with tend to be the things that were drilled into my brain via fear since I was a kid. Mostly the "do this thing and you'll go to hell," kind of stuff. Like, even though I feel completetly at home in my new beliefs and it makes me SO happy, I still randomly get pangs of fear and feel like God's gonna strike me down on a whim someday. Or like, the rapture's actually gonna happen and He'll be like, "nope, you didn't stay on the path and suffer enough for me," and then I'll get sent to hell. Things like that.

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Kieron    31

I think when you're raised to believe in a certain thing for so long, it is kind of hard to let go of it, even if it feels and seems very wrong to believe in it personally. As an empath, I often find myself seeing through the eyes of passionate Christians and feeling the same passion I once had long ago. But my parents uh, aren't exactly super nice great parents, and honestly they're really ignorant. I know some very kind Christians, and I certainly don't hate Christians or their religious beliefs, but having basically been taught to hate "different" people from my parents as a child, and then growing up to be one of those different people that they despise, I often feel kinda biased against Christianity tbh. So, I guess my "delusion" kinda goes both ways; sometimes I almost still believe in christian things and revert back to how I was before for a second, and sometimes I just want nothing to do with Christianity and want to never see a Christian again.

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Dark Lord    25

I get those pangs too @Shimmerfins , but that's because as a Christian, you are taught that demons are evil, there is nothing worse, and there is only one place a demon can go, now, I may not mind hell, I may have lived there for thousands of years, and it is like a second home to me, it doesn't mean I like the thought of going back, so I tend to fear going to hell, or I believe there's no point in trying to be good because i'm going to hell anyways, even though I know I have a chance of going to heaven as I am now a human, and only they can be saved, it's a hard struggle sometimes, but it does get better over the years, and the only way to be at peace with such a thing, is to be at peace with who and what you are, as well as your beliefs.

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alderkin    116

I'm scared of God, even though I don't 100% believe in Him. But that might just be because I scare easy, I don't know. I always get the urge to hide when  I think about God or any gods. Angels and demons are okay depending on how nice they are, but actual deities aren't.

--Elliot

 

While I am not religious, I do have stronger feelings towards Christian-based imagery because I grew up in the Western world. That being said, I do get episodes of severe delusions where I strongly believe I'm meant to be a messiah of sorts. Most times this feeling is just a lower-key savior complex, but when these messiah episodes hit that feeling turns into a burning ache in my chest, especially when I'm watching the news or listening to a friend talk about the hard times they're going through. Many of my recurring dreams and daydreams have themes of me gaining some kind of superpower or skill and rescuing people with it--usually the ability to fly and/or do martial arts.

--Alder

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Amazonite    13

I was raised Christian and still go to church, though it's a very open one. Like, the pastor once spent an entire service disproving the whole "gay=bad & going to hell" thing. But I'm a Hellenic pagan myself. I'm having a hard time convincing myself that sin doesn't really exist. I keep worrying that being human and having flaws is going to make the gods angry at me, but there's really no sin in my religion (unless you count miasma, but different people have different ideas about what causes it). As long as you aren't willfully hurting people or claiming that you're equal to the gods, it's just considered human stuff. Though I can't seem to figure that out, so I unconsciously stay on my best behavior at all times...

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Syan    11

I think good and evil is just subjective. I don't think the universe really cares if humans sin, unless you're talking about karma. Space and the universe is very catastrophic to begin with (the big bang), so chaos is needed within this reality for things to work. The universe doesn't care about stability at all because it is a very instable place for the most part and it's rare that anything ''good'' comes out of it. By good, I mean the way humans perceive to be good, such as life and planets. The universe is just neutral. ie, it " just is". In my mind, what is perceived as good or bad is just a word that is put onto it by humans.

But most of the stupid little nusenses that the church worries about are very minor.

Sorry if I'm rambling.

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