Blog from Vegas trip + BF Visiting

Reposting this stuff from the old site! First post is from October/November 2019 when I met my bf irl for the first time, second is just a little update and stuff about him visiting me in March/April!

Ok so Vegas is huge and awesome and surrounded by mountains!! Only been here a few days but I already know I'm gonna cry when I have to go back to Oklahoma :c

I'll start from the beginning. So I ran away from my family's house on the 19th. Yes, ran away. Packed a bunch of shit into bags and walked a heckin mile to my friend's house (im out of shape ok) in the middle of the night and it was not fun. I left a note to my parents explaining everything like how I'd really felt about them for a long time but felt compelled to lie to them and keep things from them to stay out of trouble. Anyways I got on the plane the next day. Airports are p confusing and when I landed in Vegas I got confused again LOL had a hard time finding the baggage claim, where my bf was waiting for me.

The plane ride was p awesome, a bit scary at first esp bc there was some turbulence, but it was really cool. When the plane started taking off I was like HOLY SHIT WE'RE GONNA FLY and the plane wobbled a lot, which sucked bc I was stuck in between 2 guys lmao. I ended up kinda drifting off a few times on the plane (didn't get any sleep before that) and waking up not long after, but it was still nice and I was SO excited to see Spencer (my bf).

Meeting him was awesome, tho we're both awkward af irl LOL but we hugged for a long time and I just started annoying him with how cool I thought every thing was
I've hardly been to any sorta big cities and definitely none THIS big. There's so many ppl and there's like highways that go all throughout vegas, it's crazy to me. But p much everywhere you look if you're up high enough, there's mountains in the distance, and I think that's what surprised me the most. Maybe I just haven't seen enough online about Vegas but I totally thought it was just like, desert and that's it lmao I knew there were mountains somewhere bc Spencer had told me but I didn't know vegas would be SURROUNDED by mountains like that, and they're all close enough that you can see them easily.

Here's a couple pics of Vegas so far! I should take more pics lmao 20191020_163326.thumb.jpg.61f996aa1fcdf841afb8131ecd5ddddb.jpg 20191020_191205.thumb.jpg.7938600b4ed9ae53e7c0c7163174d9c6.jpg 20191022_120550.thumb.jpg.1fcabc5e708dcdcb1b4f9b0f50fd432b.jpg

Spencer is even more amazing in person
we've known each other for like 1 1/2 years now and have been dating for almost half a year. He's so super sweet and wholesome and considerate, and his family is extremely nice too. I'm so so grateful to have him, he's everything I could've asked for and more. We've only been together a few days but we've walked around parks a bit and gone to stores and made awesome food, and it's been great so far. I never wanna leave :c I love him so much.

My family of course hasn't been taking this well. I was surprised that my mom's first reaction was to text me and tell me she loves me, which made me feel really guilty but I knew I shouldn't respond. If they really cared about me they would've let me do things and be a fucking adult a long time ago. I do kinda feel bad for my mom bc ik despite everything I'm sure she does rlly care about me at least to some degree, she just has an odd and harmful (to me) way of showing it. My siblings seem to either not care or are fairly supportive of me at least. I was surprised that one of my sisters was proud of me for rebelling and tried to warn me that my parents were going to have the police detain me, but I was too busy to answer the phone. Anyways they couldn't detain me LMFAO because after all, I'm a fucking adult and not doing anything illegal. Not my fault my parents still think I'm stupid and can't do anything by myself.

I'm trying not to let myself feel sorry for them and guilty for running away like I did and not responding to them. I have to keep reminding myself of all the horrible things they've said and done throughout my life, from teaching me from a young age to not think for myself but not listen to anyone who doesn't agree with my parents, to the time a couple years ago they didnt let me go to an amusement park with my friends I'd known for a while because they didn't trust me to be a responsible adult and not get kidnapped or some shit. No matter what I say to them, it won't matter. They won't change their minds to let me be free and learn and grow normally. I didn't do much fucking growing living like that, lmao.

Anyways, I'm extremely happy, despite a couple "friends" being mad at me for the stupidest reasons, which I'll possibly get into in another post, and a couple days ago Spencer tried to teach me how to skateboard and I fell off LOL my arm still hurts a little, but it's getting better.

Here's a pic of me and my bf!! (Face reveal I guess?)


I'm just so happy. I'm glad I finally got away from my parents.

Second post:

I realized I kinda haven't posted here in a long time, and idk if anyone was wondering what happened to me after I visited my bf in vegas but uh yeah, hello, I'm alive. Funny story, actually. When I got back to oklahoma (after crying a lot) I couldn't stay with my friend bc her roommate who had said he would be moved out by then DIDN'T move out, so I ended up staying with my sister. However, I hated it there bc her house was full of roaches. And I mean, F U L L of roaches. They were crawling on my bed, everywhere in the bathroom, the walls, fucking everywhere. I have anxiety and hate roaches. I couldn't handle it, and since I'd been visiting my parents and talking to them and stuff and they seemed to have calmed down about the whole thing, I just moved back in with them. I guess running away made them realize they need to let me just do my own thing, so it's nice that they being more understanding now. They're still not amazing parents, like, at all, and god I can't wait to move out bc I hate living with messy people and loud annoying kids (they're cute and I love them but please I just want to be able to sleep until 12 and be in calls without ppl hearing kids screaming in the background). I hope to be able to move in with my sister again after she moves to a better house, or my friend when her roommate moves out, or something. Also, saving up money to be able to rent a place with my bf, which will most likely be in vegas so it'll be kinda expensive, but vegas is cool as FRICK so it's worth it.

Got a job in december as a walmart cashier. I legit cried on my first day actually working bc I got so nervous and overwhelmed that I kept making mistakes and it all got to me and I kinda just had a panic attack in front of like 5 people. I eventually got the hang of it but hated my job from day 1. I'm really just not the kind of person meant to be working that sort of job. All it did was stress me out everyday and leave me feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I hurt my wrists scanning stuff and hurt my feet standing for hours on end. Since the pandemic started I decided to take time off work in like mid april bc my family is at risk if they get the virus, and I'm really bad at touching my face a lot, and tbh I just wanted time off work and wanted to start making youtube videos since I'd bought a nice laptop and my bf gave me his old mic and showed me how to edit. I've wanted to make videos for a very long time but never really had much of the chance to before. Well, I quit my job a couple days ago, so I guess I'm back to being a neet lol. I want to try to do youtube full time and see where it goes. If it doesn't get anywhere or I decide I don't actually wanna do youtube, well, it's not hard to just go out and get another retail job, or I could even try to get my old job back if I really want to. I figure now is the best time to do something like this, since I'm able to just stay home and not work, plus with everyone still in quarantine, it's the perfect time to make youtube videos and give other people something to watch. So if you're wanting to make videos too, I highly recommend starting now. It's really fun imo and so satisfying seeing your work come together in the end!

So in march, Spencer visited me! We stayed in an airbnb together for a month (btw it was just before the pandemic started and we'd already booked it for the whole month). It was so so nice just staying with him alone there, like we were living together, kind of like playing house or something, haha. Having grown up in a house with a big family, it was really nice knowing what it's like to be able to walk around your house in your underwear and being able to do whatever you want, even just run around, or blare music and sing along, and be as loud as you want. 12/10 highly recommend.

It was so fun going out with him to thrift stores and parks and stuff. I think we went to walmart nearly everyday because it was so close to our airbnb and we would usually get fresh produce (I'm vegan so veggies are my best friend) and there's this little liquor store in walking distance that we went to pretty often too, haha. The manager who worked there was super friendly and she would give us tips on what to mix and what to try. It was fun trying lots of new drinks (well, p much everything was new to me bc I rarely drink anyways) and getting drunk a couple times, tho the days after weren't nearly as fun, lol. Even after quarantine really started and we stopped going out as much, Spencer helped teach me how to ride a bike and we'd bike/skateboard around, or just walk or drive, and that was really nice. Just spending time with him was amazing. I smiled more that month than I had in years. He's really an incredible person and I'm so lucky to have him <3

I cried a lot when he left again, but seeing how much he missed me afterwards made me feel really good, because it means he really loves me
Anyways, I'm planning to see him again in september if things go well, bc our friend from cali was wanting to go to vegas for his bday in september, which is also my birth month! I would hate to be away from him for a whole lot longer, so I think septermber is good, as long as everything works out. And I hope to be living with him by the end of the year, but we'll see how that goes. Making money is hard. But I'd wait forever if I had to to be with him. He is without a doubt the sweetest guy I've ever met and all I wanna do is be with him and make him happy because he makes me incredibly happy.

Hopefully life gets better from now on.

Pics time!

From the first day when we were getting settled into the airbnb I had to get a pic of him to flex to all my friends that he was here


He's a goof


Went hiking a bit

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A pic I didn't know he took until he sent it to me


See you all in probably 5 months because I'll inevitably forget this place exists and then randomly remember it again
jk ily guys I just get distracted a lot <3

september update: can't see him because of the pandemic and probably won't be able to until the pandemic is over some time next year :c I just hope that by then, I'll be making enough money off of youtube to be able to move in with him, so that I don't have to go back to working a very stressful low paying retail job. I really enjoy youtube but... I'm still not even monetized yet lmfao I need 1k subs and I think 4k hours watchtime. it's hard. but I determined I'd probably need about 15k views each video making 2 vids a week to make enough to survive. I get like 300 views per video rn ;-; this fucking sucks


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