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So latly some things happened, that forced an more or less second awaking in me. Or i guess a reawakining. So Over the past two years. I have gone through some stuff that cause to break up some blockages. I have overcome some traumas and that was a lot of work... however there was still one thing left... a big prob... I couldnt accept myself like how I was/am. I didnt like myself so i dismissed my dragonhood and recreated myself last summer. In the end i would say it helped me to get myself unblocked and to open up to my closest friends. Back then i though my dragonself was just a symbol of my armor and the blockage. Which was partily true. That version of my dragon self was wrong i would say. However as i said in the moment i opened up the blockage opened but i still feared that self that came through... all limitations of me were gone... but in the same moment I feared that and all the possibilitys and the power i gained through that were way over the top for my mind to handel... so i lowered myself down again, but stayed myself in a way.

Since then many other traumas healed that i couldnt befor. I find more and more to myself and opened up to the world to a certain degree. Only my closest cyrcle know everything about me. However in that time I met an other otherkin. And we get along very well. Lets call him Dave. We started to talk about more the spiritle site of ourself and get more and more deep talk about ourself and our believes etc. and we helped eachother to open up certain doors to get further on our personal way. Not like "this way you need to go" more like "hey this is what i noticed, or this could help" we showed eachother different point of views and gave eachother tips. Also with the help of our spirit guides. After a certain long talk not so long again, about a certain dreamscape Dave has, something weird happened. A new person appeared one day after the talk in his dreams and help to get Infos and things done that werent possible befor for him. He described that person... and i shock me a little, the woman had very clear aspectets of me and my soul. Things he coudnt know. That were very specific details that i gathered about myself over the years. And because i draw a lot I could show him such details. But ok, we have put that aside as just an option for that moment. Even if it felt very clear to me... it were too many coincidences at once to be just coincidences.

However we didnt put that much into it for now just continued with our normal lifes. After that 1-2 monthe went by, in that a lot happened in my life and a lot of frustration gathered up. I didnt want to bother my friends to much with that but at one point it became to much and then Dave was there and we just talked on discord... all the frustration, anger and sadness went out all at once... we both knew that he gave me a lot of energie at that moment but i didnt thought anything into it... the next day he told me some stuff. He got another "devils-claw", a wound on his soul if you want so... he thought about a very close friend of his, who messes around with high demons and rituals to harm others, he thought that she and her Demon guide marked him with that to get more energie for the rituals and that kind of stuff. He described that wound and what he and his guide felt in it...
Ok again, everything he described kinda matched with me again... but just coincidences, right? well... he told me that in his dreams he got that wound... and the stuff he saw there, were to much for me in that moment. It matched again... and i though oh god no...
An old dragon, with broken wings, who hand two crystals with him, on red and one blue. And he had one black hole on his chest. Behind him, a rotten/corrupted tree of life... Everything fit with my old dragon version of myself or at least one version that only came out in dramatic or dangerous moments and my dimension in some shape or form... more like a nicer version, but i tend to make things nicer than they rly are... because i have probs to face them...

I showed him some drawings again... some from 5 years ago... and some very recent. I often draw my otherkinself and write a story to it. However... that self with the whole, was always a part i didnt want to accept... i thought it was evil... and to strong to be true... and i mean strong like easiely facing gods.... I didnt want it to be true... this self with the black whole on the chest were the version i could not accept when i opened up and that i have put down again the last summer... our guides freaked out very much even my guide... which felt off. They wanted to talk with each of us. This infos shouldnt have come to me, for various reasons.... its to dangerous for me and others. Obvously i could push it down again and hide myself again... but i live that open some days now... and tbh i feel good, even great, things work splendend in my life... or at least way better. Even if i need to regnerate and thats ok for me... i didnt gave myself a real pause since monthes and just kept pushing through life. Got stuff on the way, healed blockages and just lived my life.

However, in the first moments it freaked me out very much and Dave and i need to do something. We all had a talk with some other higer entities to... by know im very familier with working with entities like Lilith and Lu or Michael and other gods and entities. SO nothing special to meet up with them. The other thing was, Dave should be there too. I could easilie meditate to get to such a meet up, Dave on the other hand, had to do a Lucid dream. So we "met in his dream", Not that much of a big deal tbh. By far cause i let my guide do most of the stuff at that moment, like the travel etc. I was pretty much shock after that talk befor and metting someone "living" on the other plain made me nervous. And even someone i knew.... never has me ever seen one like that befor. However it could give me some clarity about myself and some information about everything... but going there i took a human form... very specific too tbh so i can check later if it fits with his version. Like this I could test if its real or not.
Anyways things happened there, most of it was not that spectaculer. However some key moments were there. One I instantly drew after the meditation was over. And what should i say... Dave clearified some stuff for me that were in my mind for at least 2-3 years by now, about my dragon form and my inner self. I struggled a lot about who and what i truely am... and well i analiysed some of my old drawings and with this new point of view things were much clearer... even if i still struggle a little with accepting all of myself... even if it feels way better and much more fitting.

man i rly never thought i would put this stuff on a blog.... so i guess this is a little glimps in my otherkin life... yeeeeeyy...
sorry still weird for me to talk about it... but here it seems way better than rly talking about it with others who cant relate with it at all....
so yeah... hope you enjoyed? dont rly know what to say in the end xD