Effervescent's Experiences Episode 3: Kitten Days

Hello everyone! (*・ω・)ノ Admittedly, I wasn't sure if I should title this as an "Effervescent's Experiences" or a "Feline contemplations". This entry will be very reflective and contain some thoughts, but because they're thoughts on actual events and experiences I've had, I decided to go with the former. What I consider to be my "awakening" happened on August 21st, 2018 (I wrote it down), but whenever I reflect on my early life I realize that my nonhuman identity stems back much further than that. In fact, it seems like that side of myself has been with me for my entire life.

During my childhood, I already had found myself with a deep connection to animals. In some ways, this connection was deeper than that which I held with other humans. I had always hated dolls. My distaste towards baby dolls was the strongest, but I never liked any kind. I don't even think I ever owned a single one unless I had to get it so that I could have the animal that came with it. On the contrary, my room and closet were littered with hundreds, perhaps even thousands of stuffed animals. To this day my absolute favorite one, a stuffed chihuahua named Molly, sits on my desk shelf because I can't bring myself to part with her. (You can see her in this post!!) All of my favorite movies involved animals. This extended to TV as well, and I would watch nature documentaries for hours on end instead of cartoons as soon as I was old enough to figure out how a remote worked. When I was of the age to play video games, my favorites were all ones where you could play as dogs.

In fact, I always found myself drawn to dogs in particular. There were many dogs in the family, most of my toys and games involved dogs, etc. I loved dogs so much that it was my life's goal as a child to become a veterinarian so I could help and save as many as I could. My career goals have since changed, but I think that shows how much I loved animals. I was willing to dedicate my entire existence on this earth to them. Because of my passion for dogs, I grew up hating cats. Ironic, isn't it? (Though I'm currently questioning being doghearted, so there may still be something to this. )

When I got a little older, this love of canines would evolve and extend. My newest animal admiration would be wild canines, specifically... Wolves. In fact, I started to feel like one. I would find myself howling and feeling drawn to the moon, keeping track of its phases, etc. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had known about the Otherkin community during that time in my life. Would I have considered myself a wolf therian? To be quite honest... I'm glad I didn't know. As of now, I don't consider that a part of my identity and I don't think it ever was, though past me may have disagreed. Sure I would howl and walk on all fours on occasion and felt admiration for wolves in general, but... not much else. It is probable that anything else I attributed to being wolflike, such as my own loyalty to others, were normal human traits and did not have an animal origin. These feelings faded over time and I haven't felt that way in a long while. If it were a part of me then it no doubt would have stayed, right?

Then things started to take a drastic turn. Instead, I started feeling catlike. It's hard to pinpoint when this was, as I don't have the best sense of time, but I think it was when I was 14 at the latest. At the time though, I never thought much of it. That time in my life is a hazy one so it's hard to recall details, but I remember "feeling like a cat" and a few times even telling this to a cousin of mine who would often stay over at our house for sleepovers. At the time I didn't think very much of this and didn't for quite some time. Throughout the year of 2018 though, this would start to become more prevalent. Or perhaps I just paid more attention to it. It may have been a mix of both. I started wanting to be petted, purring, and gravitating towards games and items involving cats.

At this point in my life, I had known about Otherkin for some time, but I didn't know very much about it beyond the fact that it existed. In fact, I hadn't given it much thought in a long time and had almost forgotten about it, as I had first learned of it a long while ago. While this is not something I'm proud to admit... For a while, I had fallen victim to the trolls and misinformation and held a strong negative opinion towards the community. That all changed on that fateful day in August when something sparked a memory of it, and I began to wonder. "Maybe I was wrong, and maybe I even AM one of them." I started doing research and learned what otherkinity/therianthropy was really like. As I read, I found many things that I identified with. For example, I realized that I had been experiencing mental shifts before I even realized what mental shifts were.

That was 9 months ago. Since that time I've learned a lot more about myself, both about my current identity as a therian and how I've been affected by it in the past. It's hard to believe that in just 3 more months, I will have identified as a therian for an entire year. I know it may not seem like long to those who have identified as a therian/otherkin for longer. But, when you consider that I thought of myself as a human for over a decade (despite all the signs), my first full year as a therian will be a huge milestone, and my first step towards living the rest of my life this way. I find myself a little nervous about what the future might bring, as I almost always am, but nonetheless excited to see what may be around the next corner. But until I reach that corner, I'll just have to sit back and reflect upon my journey around all the other ones.
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