HK questioning

made this ramble for a discord, safekeeping it here. Feel free to react and inject your thoughts.

So i'm gonna type up a little paragraph thing to explain my introspection so far, feel free to inject your own thoughts and experiences along.
As a note, i am not completely comfortable with the possibility of being fictionkin yet. It shouldn't impact anything, because i don't a problem with *others* being fictionkin, but it's very strange to me to have to consider that i may not be the only one with that experience of possibly being the vessels, as overall i've actually never met anyone sharing any of my types aside from the general "dragon", which is extremely wide and varied and a community of it's own. But yeah i'm very used to being distinctly singular so i'm not sure yet how to process the idea of meeting another hollow knight or void being, although I welcome anyone who *is* to explain to me their own experiences.
So i've been in the otherkin community for about i think 5 or 6 years by now?
I started my journey through my awakening as a dragon. I've always been a dragon, although i've been two types : the black drake, of which i'll post a pic below since it matters with HK stuff, and a sort of colorful venomous wyvern specie which i haven't completely understood yet.
There was a lot of back and forth for me at that time, because i had a bit of a problem with unhealthy daydreaming due to isolation, and had a tendency to push aside anything that had to do with the black drake as dumb and unhealthy out of fear of falling back into said daydreams.
Around 2018, I awoke as a roadrunner therian, using some physical characteristics of the black drake to help me find out what I "truly" was as i had assumed the black drake was fake, and therefore just a distorted image of what i was.
Around a year later, i think, i got back a bit into the black drake, but quickly stopped my introspection due to it bringing back bad feelings and memories.
I also researched a bit my connection to dragon at that time, and had settled on the term dragonkith or draconic (i still use the second due to the rather large definition), which is when i started to integrate the wyvern to my identity. That one had been proeminant as a child, but is much more subdued nowaday.
Finally, this year, in march i believe, I found out about hollow knight. I immediatly saw connections between the black drake and this universe, but i was already questionning other things so it didn't really register as anything else than a "oh fun, these characters look like me kinda". It did however spark the idea of an arthropod componant to the black drake again, as i had identified with links to xenomorph and the gore magala that i appeared to have arthropod traits such as chitin, a proboscis, possible book lungs and venom... etc.
Recently i got back into watching vids of hollow knight, as i have formed a very deep bond with the universe, akin to monster hunter from which i had also questioned creatures (odogaron and vaal hazak to a small extent, and the magala line to a much greater one). I've noticed that i,, really had a lot of things that seemed to match the vessel, especially things that i couldn't yet fit anywhere else with the whole black drake deal.
So with this already long ass introduction here's what makes me question vessels, and particularly the hollow knight itself.
First and most visual one, the black drake and the vessels have a very similar appearance, if you ignore the draconic form. Both have black bodies and white smooth faces with hollow black eyes. I even have little crests reminescent of i think the greenpath vessel, ahah.
Moreover, I've always reffered to that skull like structure as a mask, which coincide with hallownest's obsession with masks, and possibly how vessels themselves refer to their face.
I myself currently do have a bit of a obsession with masks, as they make me feel safer. I'm not too displeased with the need to wear masks due to the current circumstances.
Then, there's some noematas i have.
One includes a pitch black ones from which screams came, which i can link to the abyss, and possibly looking down at the abyss where i'd hear the other vessel from the top, where the hollow knight stood in that one cutscene.
Then I have a memory of a burning bright arthropod like beast burning the left side of my face including my eye, and loosing a limb. This one is a bit more muddy, as what i remember was more centipede like than moth like, and i remember my *wings* being burnt, along with like most of my torso tbh, but there *is* obvious parallels to the state of the hollow knight in the egg.
The most strange is I think a memory I have of a small being that i interpreted as both a child and master (like, having power over me), that i needed to protect, and both loved and "despised/looked at with contempt". I've always struggles with that one, but with the HK theory in mind, it would have been the pale king, with double point of view from the HK (respect, love, seen as having power over me) and the shade (less hate and more like, predatory instincts i'd say, and contempt is more like,,, not seen as a threat, childish/small).
It is possible the shade killed PK from my memories, as i have a vague sense of that child meeting a rather poor fate due to me, although i don't have any details.
I do however remember a sort of curiousness from having emotion toward the child/PK.
Then i do have a memory of being eaten alive by sort of spiky worms that i had to tear out of myself, but that one i didn't manage to link to anything in the game.
Then, ig i do have the fact that i associated the black drake with dreams a whole lot, a theme that is. Kind of capital in HK. And the fact that i associate myself with void, and called myself a void being long before discovering HK, and finally that i always said i was made from the same stuff as gods, as a spirit, but was not one, which would make sense for the hollow knight, as a chimera of the shadelord, PK and the white lady, all three who are i think considered gods?... plus radiance ig but i don't consider her a part of the HK.

i think that's about it for now?


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