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Master post

Blog entries below listed in order.

[Spoiler/]
February 17, 2019
226 views
Hello folks! Pearl Connor here, writing more junk, and feeling rather sick to my stomach (movie popcorn is murderous. Don't do it, it seems like a good idea at the time but no it isn't). Lets get to the ramblings without further ado, because I said so.
School: We haven't had a lot of school still. The snow messes up everything. I wish we had school, it gives me something to do at least. Hhhhhng.
Kin: So.... an interesting thing happened. (See title for context). So, as you guys know, im prone to anxiety and panic attacks. It happened a bit after I posted my last blog. I ended up having an anxiety attack for no particular reason, as they do. I was also texting a friend of mine who's aware of my whole kin situation, which is good. Now, it was a routine attack, with heart rate, heavy breathing and all that. But then, I felt weird. Tingly. Warm, safe. Then I couldn't feel.anything, my body and I were disconnected. I wasn't thinking, but I could see still. So basically, what had happened, was Bendy had hijacked my body (and proceeded to have a full conversation with my friend). He said it was difficult to do, but he was trying to help me calm down by separating my body and mind. So, yea. Thats a thing.
[Spoiler/]
March 8, 2019
185 views
Hello folks, Pearl the Ink Disaster reporting in after... falling behind on my blog. Oof
😅
Anyway, I remembered a new thing last night and I figured I'd share, though it's a bit depressing. Oddly enough, I'm not too sad about it as you'd think. I am, a little. Though this was thousands of years ago, that may have to do with it.
So, I'm sure you know the details of my canon if you've been keeping up with me. If not, you can view the details here

So, yes. Some of the lost ones were children. And they became that way via Joeys experiments (pardon my language but Fuck you, Mr. Drew. With a Cactus, you ass). I did say they were all mostly suffering, that's why we had to... put them out of it. It would have been cruel to keep them alive like that, no matter the age. However, there was one who was different, like Sammy. They were a child, a young girl to be exact. So, we tried to keep her, you know? She was, to an extent, still alright. But something must have been wrong internally, she died a few days after. What was interesting, however, is that she had been showing signs of mutations, IE, small horns, the beginning of what looked like wings, and even hair appeared to be starting to grow. None of the others had been like that, only her. As it would turn out, she had been infused with a mix of two of our bloods as opposed to one.
And... It had been Mine and Bendys. She, in a sense, was our child, even if not ours by default. I only see that now of course.
I hope she's happy, wherever she is.
[Spoiler/]
March 28, 2019
217 views
From this thread and written by this wonderful soul

enjoy my answers!

Kintype (fictionkin oof)
1. What is your kintype/s? I'm part demon, part wolf, part angel! (I need a hybrid name, help)
2. What methods did you use to discover your kintype? Validated via meditation, dense questioning, astral plane visiting.
3. How long did it take you to figure out your kintype? Two or three years
4. Have you ever misidentified your kintype? If so, what did you mistake it for, and why do you think this was? Yes! In the years before my awakening, I thought I could possibly have been a dragon of sorts due to my phantom limbs being what you'd see on them in literature and media, along with the limbs described by dragonkin.
5. How sure are you that you are right about your kintype? Do you ever have doubts? I've looked at many other sources, and nothing else fits. I've doubted, but then the memories and astral stuff says "NO".
6. Overall, do you like your kintype? Dislike it? Have no opinion either way? I enjoy it.
7. List five things you like about your kintype. (1) Its pretty unique as far as species goes (2) I have cute floof on my wings (3) I have the best home and best Bf ever. (4) I can literally say I survived Joeys wrath (5) I have regeneration powers m8!
8. List five things you dislike about your kintype. (1) I have no canon mates. (2) because of how many mislead people on tumblr believe themselves to kin with my source, im not taken seriously. (3) My source got many details of my canon wrong. (4) people mistake me for a self insert OC (5) having to type out my species because I don't have a proper hybrid name.
9. If you could, would you change your kintype? If so, what would you rather be? Nope! Im happy being me
10. Are you content with your kintype? How long did it take you to accept this part of your identity? Yes, it actually makes a lot of sense for me. I accepted it as soon as I confirmed it.
11. To what extent do you see yourself as (non-physically) non-human? To every extent. Soul wise, mind wise, and so on
12. What experiences and feelings led you to identify as your kintype, rather than with it? Memories, visiting in the astral plane, ect.

Awakening

13. At what age did you awaken? How long ago was this? I awoke at 14, this was back in 2017.
14. Do you believe something specific triggered your awakening? Yes, my source material
15. How long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realization, or did it take time? a bit of both, I had a suspicion for a bit, and then boom, the memories just hit me like a nostalgic fist.
16. What did your awakening involve? How did it happen? My awakening involved a game, a song, a love, and... a lot of crying. It happened after I checked out the game that I would soon realize as my source
17. How did you feel during your awakening? What was it like for you emotionally? At first, it was just a twinge in my mind. "Hm, this looks familiar," and "Uh, I dont like this guys voice". Then, more severe emotions hit. Love, fear, anger, joy, belonging, homesickness, sadness, ect. I actually became sick for a few weeks due to how much was going on in my head.
18. Did you know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening? If so, do you think this could have affected you or played some part in triggering your awakening? Yes, and I did suspect myself to be one. I just didn't know my type.
19. Do you believe you have always identified as non-human, even prior to your awakening? yes
20. Did you experience shifts and/or feelings of being non-human prior to your awakening? yes

Shifts

21. Do you experience mental shifts? (If no, skip to question 22). Not really, my personallity is the same as back home
i. Describe how your mental shifts feel.
ii. How often do you mentally shift? How intense/vivid are these shifts?
iii. Do you enjoy mental shifting, or not?
iv. What is your favourite part about mentally shifting?
v. What is your least favourite part about mentally shifting?
vi. Do you experience involuntary mental shifts? If so, in what situations do these occur?
vii. Do you experience voluntary mental shifts? If so, how do you do this?
viii. Describe the first mental shift you remember having.

22. Do you experience phantom shifts? (If no, skip to question 23.) yes
i. Describe how your phantom shifts feel. they feel odd and tingly, but they are there
ii. How often do you phantom shift? How intense/vivid are these shifts? Always Ph-shifted. The shifts vary in intensity and vividity, from being not there to being aaa I can't lie down
iii. Do you enjoy phantom shifting, or not? Yes
iv. What is your favourite part about phantom shifting? The way it makes me feel a bit more about myself
v. What is your least favourite part about phantom shifting? Getting my tail stepped on
vi. Do you experience involuntary phantom shifts? If so, in what situations do these occur? The only one that was interesting was a beast shift triggered by a song.
vii. Do you experience voluntary phantom shifts? If so, how do you do this? Im always shifted
viii. Describe the first phantom shift you remember having. I was hanging out with a friend, and I felt as though I had wings that were wrapped around them in a hug.
23. Do you experience dream shifts? (If no, skip to question 24).
i. When you dream shift, do the dreams differ from your typical dreams? In what ways?
ii. How often do you dream shift?
iii. Do you dream shift during lucid or non-lucid dreams, or both?
iv. Describe the first dream shift you remember having.

24. Have you ever experienced a sensory shift? If so, how did this feel? no
25. Have you ever experienced a spiritual or aural shift? If so, how did this feel? How did you know? No
26. If you believe in and practice astral projection, do you take the form of your kintype? Yes! And I meet with my boyfriend there too.
27. Do you experience cameo shifts? (If no, skip to question 28).
i. How often do you experience cameo shifts?
ii. Are these cameo shifts in the form of mental, phantom, dream or other shifts?
iii. How intense/vivid are your cameo shifts?
iv. Are there specific creatures or entities which you are more likely to cameo shift as?
v. If your cameo shifts are as a specific creature/entity, what makes you feel it is not a kintype?
vi. What feelings differentiate your cameo shifts from shifts into your kintype, if any?
vii. Are your cameo shifts voluntary, involuntary or both?
viii. Do you enjoy cameo shifting, or not?
Beliefs
28. Why do you believe you identify as non-human? I am reborn here, and its who I am
29. If you believe you identify as non-human for spiritual reasons; (if not, skip to question 30)
i. What feelings and experiences have led you to believe your identity is spiritual in nature? My awakening, memories, ect
ii. Do you believe you had a past life as your kintype, have the soul of your kintype, or something else? I was myself in my old life
iii. Have you ever experienced flashbacks or memories of existence before your current life? yes
iv. If yes, how do these memories differ from normal dreams/daydreams? In regualr dreams/daydreams, I dream as if I was watching myself in a movie. The memories are seen through my eyes
v. How do you believe you have ended up here, as a human? Do you think it was a choice? I was banished
vi. Do you believe you are here for a reason? If so, what do you think that reason is? Im still figuring that out!
vii. Have your experiences as otherkin affected your other religious and spiritual beliefs, or lack of such beliefs? If so, how? nope
viii. Have you ever seriously considered that your identity may be psychological or neurological in nature? If not, why not? If so, what about it makes you believe it is spiritual instead? I have considered it, but it just doesn't fit.

30. If you believe you identify as non-human for psychological or neurological reasons; (if not, skip to question 31)
i. What feelings and experiences have led you to believe your identity is psychological or neurological in nature?
ii. Do you believe a specific event has led to you developing a non-human identity, or that you were always this way?
iii. Why do you believe your kintype is what it is?
iv. Where do you believe the knowledge that is required to maintain a non-human identity (such as the feelings of mental and phantom shifts) is sourced from?
v. Do you have any fabricated "memories" of being your kintype? If so, why do you think this is?
vi. Have your experiences as otherkin affected your other religious and spiritual beliefs, or lack of such beliefs? If so, how?
vii. Have you ever seriously considered that your identity may be spiritual in nature? If not, why not? If so, what about it makes you believe it is psychological or neurological instead?

Community
31. How did you first find the otherkin community? Was it before or after you awakened? I knew about it before I was awakened, and was introduced through a friend.
32. Do you believe being part of the community has had any impact on your identity? not really, I am who I am, no matter what
33. Do you believe you would know as much about yourself as you do now, if it weren't for the community? probably not, Ive received many tips here
34. What is your favourite part about the online otherkin community? how nice and patient everyone is
35. What is your least favourite part about the online otherkin community? the few sticks in the mud
36. Overall, have your experiences in the community been positive or negative? positive ^^
37. If you were asked to give advice to newly-awakened otherkin, what would you say? Take your time, we all learn at diffrent paces

Effects on life
38. How big of an effect do you believe your otherkin identity has on your life? it has given me a better sense of identity
39. Are you ever inconvenienced by your identity as non-human? sometimes
40. Do you ever feel "homesick" for the habitat or lifestyle of your kintype? If so, how do you deal with this? yes, but I keep telling myself, one day I'll go home
41. Do you ever experience species dysphoria? If so, how does this feel, and how do you deal with it? Yes, It feels terrible. I want to rip off my skin and free whats inside becuase my body just feels so wrong! I just try to avoid mirrors
42. Are there any locations that make you feel more or less connected to your kintype? Why? Amusement parks, because there's one at home
43. Are there any activities that make you feel more or less connected to your kintype? Why? drawing, because im from an animation studio
44. Do you believe your identity as a non-human has affected your interests or career path? im to young for a job
45. Do you believe your non-human identity has affected your personality? Why, or why not? Again, my personality has not changed
46. Do you believe your non-human identity has affected your "moral compass" in any way? nope
47. Do you have any unusual behaviours or quirks that you attribute to your kintype? I make a lot of weird noises
48. Do you have any unusual instinctual reactions or fears that you attribute to your kintype? no
49. If given a choice, would you rather everybody know about your non-human identity, or nobody? everybody. I have no shame!
50. Do you feel it is important for friends/family to know about your non-human identity? Why, or why not? Not really, they know me either way
51. How do you express your non-human identity externally (if you do at all)? I wear fandom merch
52. How open are you about your non-human identity in general? only open with a few choice people
53. Would you ever consider modifying your body to more resemble your kintype (i.e. tattoos, piercings, etc.)? I want horn implants
54. Overall, do you feel that having a non-human identity has been a positive, negative or neutral experience? Positive
55. Have you ever tried to deny, bury or ignore your non-human identity? If so, why? no
56. If given the choice to permanently, physically change into the form of your kintype, would you? Why, or why not? YES! I'd love to feel like myself again

Fun stuff
57. What's your favourite thing to do while shifted? hit people with my wings
58. What's your favourite thing to eat or drink while shifted? beef jerky. RIP AND TEAARRR!!!
59. Have you ever done something silly while shifted, only realising after the shift has subsided? tried to assume threat posture, only to realize no one can see my wings/tail
60. If you see something scary while mentally shifted, how do/would you react? s c u r r y a w a y
61. Ever had any embarrassing moments related to your kintype? C'mon, out with it! yea, I accidently talk about characters from my source in a way that gives away that I know/knew them
62. All otherkin have suddenly gained the ability to physically shift! What's the first thing you do? tell everyone I told you so/show off
63. ...And what's the second thing? open an ink portal and go home
64. What would a normal day be like for you if you could physically shift? probably the same, but not because I'd go home!

[Spoiler/]
Hey folks. sorry for the lack of activity. I think I might drop blogging once a week, and, while still updating on Sundays, it just won't be as frequent, along with blogs during the week.So, due to my lack of blog activity, I'd figure I'd at least update you all on how my source material is coming along, and perhaps I'll talk about regular stuff after that.

So, playing my source? Its been a ride, to say the least (pun may or may not be intended). Just so you all are aware, I've made it up to chapter four, and have just powered the haunted house. So, as you can imagine, the game has been both fun for me, but difficult for me.

The deeper I go, the more frequent and powerful the flashbacks become, and I believe that to be because the lower floors are where I'd spend most of my time. Seeing how different some of the things are, as opposed to what I know. Some of it's simple, like "Uh, hey, this room is on the wrong side of the hall...?" to things as big as "Oh, right. I'm not in this at all..." Dealing with some of those things are difficult, because I know I'll be looked at weird if I attempt to voice about how they are incorrect.

Some things are hard for me to see, as well. For example, when I walked into the room with the lost ones, my heart just... completely broke in two. You see, its one of the few accurate things to my world. I remember strongly feeling the pure despair, the pain, the sorrow radiating off them all. Some of them had been just kids... However, in my world, we had... let them all free, if you understand. But, then, there they are, in front of me again! For a split second, I think we'd failed. And then I'd remember, this is different, this story is wrong.

However, I do receive pleasant memories as well. Those are very nice, they give me some hope, and something to smile about. I also feel a bit sad with them, knowing those times are gone, and will be for who knows how long. For example, In my world, the carnival was complete. Oh, at night, we'd play there for hours. My favorites were the carousel and the ferries wheel. I'd often ride those with Bendy... oh, how wonderful those times were. The room he and I had danced in, the time we all raced carts down the halls and almost fell down the stairs! Oh, those were the days.

Another thing that kinda gets me is character incorrectness. For example, take the Projectionist (Or Norman, if you will). In the game, he's relentless, and quite unfriendly, and screeches like a pterodactyl on drugs. However, a lot that is incorrect. The one I know? He has the mind of a dumb dog or young child, is very excitable, can't talk like normal, but clicks with the rotators on his head and whines through his speaker. I can understand him somehow, actually. He basically only says one or two words at a time. For example, when I first found him, he walked over, gently pulled my wing open, and made a series of clicks that basically meant, "...is? Is this..?" as he was apparently wondering what he was looking at. Oh, he's also the one who wrote "choo choo" all over the walls. Thats how happy he was about the train. (Can I just say he's my son? Please?) He would also just sit and stair at things a lot, open doors for no reason, ect. I actually found myself attempting to communicate with him during the game at his parts.

One thing I'm worried about is how I'm going to handle seeing Allison and Thomas. As you may know, they adopted me after I was rejected as one of Joeys perfect creations, and sadly died in the uprising. If my encounter with the lost ones is any foreshadowing, Im probably going to cry again. Oh, did I mention I've cried a lot? Yea, because this is heccin emotional for me, so I take frequent breaks.

So, thats how thats been going, If you have any questions you may ask them below.

In other news, Im on spring break. Time to rest, something I don't do enough.

Till next time. folks! Thanks for reading!!
[Spoiler/]
June 14, 2019
130 views
Hello all, welcome to the fifteenth best blog this corner of the lighter side of hell. This is a new blogging idea I had and figured I'd try out. I figured I'd try recounting memories and feelings from home, as long as people want to read about it, you know. I feel this blog series will be good for giving incite to my past and help people have some idea of what I'm talking about when I go off.
Anyway, I figured I'd start recounting about some of the studio workers, and how I feel towards them. A heads up, I can guaranty there will be more than a little negative feelings towards some of them, and there may be some swearing within. Now, I definitely will not be talking about EVERYONE who worked there, because the studio is a huge place, and there were probably hundreds of workers. And thus, lets dive right in. Doot doot. Keep in mind as well I'll only be able to write about who I remember, and as of now I hardly remember anyone as I'm still more or less processing all the memories and there's still a lot I don't know. Those I do remember have been sparked by seeing them brought up in the game itself, not to say I don't remember others that weren't, but all those are still a bit fuzzy and I don't have names to put to them yet, though I'll update this when I do, so please be patient, remembering is hard sometimes.. ^^"


Joey Drew - Hoooooooo boy do I have some SHIT to say. Joey was, of course, the studio owner and orchestrater of all the hell that happened. He never tolerated me after my creation, as I was imperfect and accidental, as opposed to the others who were not. He never approved of Bendy and I being together, even trying at one point to terminate me. He failed, of course. He was very abusive to a lot, if not all of the workers, including his boyfriend, Henry. He was cold, manipulative, and literally the worst. Not to mention the experiments that he later preformed. Those involved taking blood and organs and what not from the others and I and then implanting them into both the workers and guests, some of which were children, and thus turning them into the lost ones. (sad, mindless ink people) The experiments did evolve over time but honestly got more terrible. He did all this because he wanted to be immortal himself and was simply testing methods. This went on for months until the uprising took place. The last thing he ever did was kill my adoptive parents before he met his demise at the hand of someone he had once thought pathetic. I sincerly hope, for all he's put us through, that he's suffering the worst possible fate in hell, and that he never gets out and gets a new life. I'm honestly a bit worried he will, but I know thats a bit Silly. I doubt I'll have anything to worry about though. Fuck you Joey, you are truly one of the worst of your kind.
Henry (last name unknown)- This one is a little mixed. Henry was Joeys second hand, being in a relationship with him. He was never as mean as Joey, but was still a bit of a jerk. Of course, this was because of Joeys manipulation. Henry did take part in the experiments as well, though I doubt he wanted to. He really did love Joey, even if it truly was not returned. He wanted to prove himself, I'm sure. I remember him slaving over his drawing desk for hours without break. He'd let me watch sometimes, but he'd turn rude and run me off if Joey happened by. He was always somewhat fatherly towards Bendy, which probably made his end ultimately worse. He was a hard worker and you could tell he did love what he did. I also remember how he'd pal around with some of the other guys in the break room until, of course, Joey would almost immediately order him back to worker as to which he would happily oblige in order to please him. In the uprising, he finally saw everything wrong with what Joey had been doing, and that he had a part in it, that he had been played. I wasn't there to witness this, but I heard he had asked Bendy to kill him, because he couldn't forgive himself. In all honesty, I forgive him. I hope he's doing ok wherever he is.
Sammy Lawrence- Aka salty music man. I hate him. I didn't used to, but recent developments have led me too. Before that all happened, he was actually a nice guy, if a little weird. Well, A lot weird. But you know. He ran the music department with great vigor, though he was a little to much of a perfectionist when it came to the songs he composed. Yes, he wrote all the music scores for the songs in the cartoons, often being ordered to only do more of them and working late night. This made him sleep deprived quite often, so you'd sometimes find him asleep in weird places. He also briefly dated Susie for a while, though I'm not sure what caused the breakup. Anyway, after years went by and the experiments had started, he stumbled upon us and thus took pity on us. When this was found out, he became a test subject himself instead of overseeing us as he was told. This is what led to him looking as portrayed in the game itself. After the uprising, he had decided he owed us a life debt. And with his new form, he was semi immortal, meaning he wouldn't die from natural causes, so that would have been forever. Why do I hate him now, you ask? It's because he was just as much of liar as Joey. You see, he ended up banishing me for unknown reasons. That is the only reason I am here now, and it's his fault. After I reconnected with home, he got found out. This, of course, led to his demise. I still don't understand why he did this, he only said I had been in his way. Thus, I hate him now. He ruined everything for me, and the others as well. I hope he understands what he has done. Because he's done a number.
Allison and Thomas Connor- This will make me both happy and sad. These two, you see, were basically my adoptive parents. They're the ones who gave me my name, and helped me with general life after Joeys rejection of me. Allison was a voice actor, and Susies replacement. She was the sweetest motherly person you could find, though she was also super tough and took nothing from no one. She and I used to draw on the walls together, and she would bring me treats from the outside world. She too seemed to love her job. I remember her getting in arguments with Joey if he'd try to boss her around. She's often check in on the others and I. The only thing she seemed to love as much as her work and I was her husband, Thomas. He was your generic grumpy tough guy and worked as a maintenance worker, doing basic repairs around the place. He actually lost an arm to one of the machines, thus getting a robotic replacement. He taught me things about working on the pipes and stuff, and always called me kiddo. He was always somewhat grumpy and seemed to hate his job, but he also didn't seem to mind as long as his wife and... well... daughter.. were around. He was low key an asshole to everyone else though, and not many liked him. They together fought along side us during the uprising, until finally their lives were taken by the terrible man himself. I miss them. I wish they had gotten to say goodbye, too. They were never transformed like shown in the games, but were still just as heavy fighters. I wish I had gotten the chance to thank them for everything. Sorry mama. Sorry dad. I love you both, and I wish I could have shown it more. Thank you for fighting for us, thank you for caring. I hope you're resting easy. I love you.
Norman Polk- More positive, this one. Though a bit messed up, as to be expected. Norman was, well, our projection maintenance worker. He never said much, and was often treated very poorly. He never seemed to mind, but you could tell he wasn't happy. I don't know if it was due to the mistreatment or something else, but he wasn't. I used to watch him just wander around, doing his work, like a worker bee. Like what he had been doing was autonomous, and he wasn't really in there. We never really had much interaction until Joey had made him a subject of his experiments. This turned him into the projectionist, as seen in the game. Though, he isn't hostile. More dopey than anything. He's still alive and back home as of now. He's not suffering, and for once, he actually is happy. Its weird how things work out that way. I'm glad he's found his happiness, even if its unconventional. He's the best... weird... man pet... child... anyone could ask for. It all works out in the end.
Wally Franks- not much can be said about this one sadly. We didn't have to much interaction, but what I did know was he was an asshole so I took his keys. He got fired soon after that, so... um... oops?
Susie Campbell- This one, like with Henry, is rather mixed. But has a happy ending thats actually quite recent. She was to be the voice actor for Alice Angel before she was replaced. (now that I think about it... why didn't the other's voice themselves? hm.) She was the happiest with this job, really. Hell, she'd also stay late to do work for it. Though, this could have been to spend time with Sammy, as they were dating for a good while. However, they broke up do to unknown reasons. After this, she went somewhat downhill. She thus became a total bitch, and was rude to everyone. After, she soon lost her job, which made it worse. She, however, was kept around for... well, reasons. Day after day her self esteem dropped. When the whole experiment ordeal started, however, she actually volunteered to be a subject. She was given what she needed to become what she though of as perfect. But, when she saw her new hideous form, she took her own life. How is this a happy ending? It wasn't actually the ending. You see, she never actually moved on to the afterlife. This came to light when she imposed herself by talking into a friend of mines mind, and thus asking to communicate with me. This led to a long conversation, but ended in me helping her to move on to heaven. She's free now, and I helped. I'm sure she's finally happy. Rest easy girl. You deserve it.
Bertrum Piedmont- Ah, this poor man. He and I never had to much interaction, but I do know enough to add him to this list. He was hired to create the carnival that now is within the lower levels of the studio. However, unlike within the game, it is complete and fully functional. He was always a nice guy and took great pride in his work. However, as with anyone else, he was constantly overworked by Joey, who also started taking credit for his work. This drove him mad, but be never showed it. He worked day after day, and the park? It truly is ineradicable, and fully functional by the way. It's sad he was never given credit for his job. I feel bad for him. I wish I could say what an amazing job he did, but he sadly passed from a heart attack before I could. I like to think he's why everything in the park is still running, keeping his pride and joy alive for those who appreciate it. Truly a good man, shame he got a bad job. He didn't deserve it. No one did.



Thats all I have for this set of thoughts and memories, thanks for reading. I will have more of these on the way, so if you want to read them, they'll be around! See you around folks.
[Spoiler/]
June 17, 2019
202 views
Hello everyone! Pearl here, writing a blog entry because I can! Now, I'm in a depressed mood so I figured I would write something more upbeat today, so yay! Here we are, in this blog post.
Today I'll be writing about both the other "toons" and myself (but probably not since yall know me), perhaps. This will not be as long as the last one because there's only the four of us to my knowledge, but as all those about to be mentioned are my friends, or a little more than friends, so there's a little more than a chance I could go on a bit. There may also be brief mentions of the uprising, Henry, or Joey, but only due to relevence of certain details. And with out further adu, lets get right into it.

P1: The crew.
Bendy- I am fully aware you're normally supposed to save the best for last but I really can't help myself. If any of you have been paying attention to anything I do ever, you're fully aware he and I are in a serious relationship. I cannot stress how much I love him and how much he means to me. But in truth, this isn't what this entry is for, but I do wish it was. As of today, he serves as our joint leader, mentally seeming to be the oldest of us. That doesn't but him above pranks and mischief, however. He's certainly a trouble maker. (But I can't help but forgive him...). He's often quick to display anger or annoyance towards others, especially those he doesn't know, having a bit of a short temper. The exeptions to this are, well, me, and the children and guests back when the studio was open to the public. That being said, he has a few levels of anger, two of which involve him transforming compleatly, each form bigger and more destructive than the last. He's only ever done that back in the uprrising, however. It was probably the most badass thing I've ever seen, if I'm allowed to say~. Bendy is also known to be a bit of a sarcastic ass. He means well, of course, but he definitly is. I find his jokes funny, of course, no matter how dark. And they do get dark. But despite all this, he's actually one of the sweetest guys you'll ever meet, though he doesn't let everyone see that side of him. Weather he's comforting me from my frequent nightmares or simply helping with soup-opening, he really does go out of his way to take care of me, of which I am forever greatful. When I finally managed to reconnect with him, after all this time, he actually started crying. As of this day, I don't remember seeing him cry until then. I guess he misses me as much as I miss him, and I know now we can never truly be seperated, not forever. Long story short, he's the best thing that ever happened to me (even saved me from termination). But I feel like I'm going on to much. Short again, he's the leader (king if you will), protector, the asshole sherrif, and my lover. Not relevent but he's also... really freaking tall. Like, 6' 3". I only come up to his chest, I have no idea why.


Boris- Ah, yes. The fluffy boy. Boris is an anthro wolf and appears to have the youngest mind out of us all. As opposed to his appearence in the game, he actually looks more wolf like, with pointy ears, paws, a big fluffy tail, you get it. He doesn't talk. He can, he just doesn't. No one ever minded it though, he's still very kind. Though he has trouble due to being to trusting sometimes, something that stopped after the experiments. Nowadays, he's become quite skiddish and only trusts us. He startles easy and doesn't like going places alone. Despite this, he's as gentle as ever, and still enjoys doing things that he used to, be it playing with toys, cooking (he's amazing at it by the way), playing his banjo and clarinet, and just giving hugs. If you're ever sad and you need a hug, he's who you'd go to back then. Also a great listener, if you needed to talk he'd sit there and listen, pay attention, and nod. He seemed to just want to help and cheer up others and be friends. Deep down, he still does, despite the betrayed trust. I know such things are hard to get over. Poor wolfie. If you get to know him, you won't regret it. I would reccomend him for friendship. There's not as much to say here due to him being so quiet, so theres not much to gauge as of what he'd talk about. I have a feeling it all would be very sweet and encouraging, knowing him.

Alice- aka my angel sister. I feel rather guilty because in this world I have to pretend to be hostile towards her in order to avoid suspicion. Alice is basically your typical girl, if that makes sense. Sassy, does her hair and make up, dresses fancy, you get it. She's not uptight to say, but she's definetly less rowdy and doesn't like to get dirty. She will if she has to but she will definitly complain. She acts like my sister in all honesty, but I don't mind. I do sometimes mind when she'd randomly decide to do my hair and whatnot. I remember when she put me in a dress, and then sent me back downstairs. It had turned out she had set up a dance for Bendy and I. It was sweet but I was very confused. She's always been prone to give out life tips, and seems keen on doing her best to tip everyone off as such. Always a people pleaser, she often will do what is asked, though she does indeed have a limit. I'd highly advise not to push her too far, because of boy will you regret it. Often she'll try to be the voice of reason and calm any shenanigens, though that's difficult to calm. Alice also enjoys performing on stage, and just eats up any praise given. I love seeing her eyes light up when it's given, and it's as if her life goals were reached then and there each time. If you want advice or just good hair, you'll enjoy her company quite a bit.


Well, so far thats a basic rundown on the others, though its not much as of now. Later I will do an entry on our basic biology and such for those who are interested. I do, in fact, feel better now after writing this! I'll have to remeber this for when I'm sad next. Thank you all for reading, and I'll see ya next time. Pearl, out.

[Spoiler/]
· June 22, 2019
208 views
Hello? Hello Hello? Hello and welcome to your new job at the- ... wait, wrong intro. My bad. Annnnyyyywaayyy, hello folks, this is Pearl Connor and I've been left unsupervised with a keyboard. I know I've been blogging quite a bit lately, but thats just something you must deal with. Unless there's a rule to how frequent you can update your blog. Today we're jumping right back into a series I've come to enjoy, and hope you all do as well.
Today the "biology" of me and the others will be discussed. Get ready for me pretending to be Bill Nye for a few paragraphs and get your note pads ready because this will be a ride! SOMEONE TAKE MY KEYBOARD

Basics- Now you may be asking yourself "What are you Pearl, you heccin weirdo?" Well, my dear reader, to put it simply, myself and the others are sentient beings composed of ink. How does that work? Well, I'm not quite sure. I will explain what I can. An Ink Being is formed via life spell, and are born with fully functioning psyche, and what information that the spell caster decided. From that point they are fully independent of said creator and can think and operate fully on their own. They are immortal unless the "kill code" is activated, something that will only work if said and then recorded and played back by the creator and cannot be preformed by anyone else. (good thing he's dead ^^""") They can regenerate anything lost from their bodies including limbs and organs, and possess no actual genetic or biological materials, though they are nearly perfectly mimicked. The form of an ink being is malleable and can change depending on certain circumstances such as strong anger, or strong fear. They can and will often take on mannerisms and abilities of their species, so despite not genetically being said species, they in every other sense still are.


Formation- as mentioned above, our first life comes from a not so simple life spell. From this life spell, new souls are created then and there. The one who casts the spell essentially can preprogram certain knowledge within said souls, such as their names, knowledge of the others, and such. They are born thus with a ranging brain age, though the youngest that goes that I've seen is young adult. We from that point are living individuals of our own accord, and operate without further guide.

Immortality- As being non biological, we are essentially immortal. Due to not having biological compounds, things that are needed to keep biological beings are not necessary. We do not need to eat, drink, or sleep, but due to bio mimicked and fully formed organs, we can if we want to, it's just not needed. Along with this, we can fully and effectively regenerate anything we've lost, be it limbs or said non traditional organs. This is done quite quickly and is good for rapid healing during battles. Say I were to cut off my hand. The old hand would, well, fall off and melt away, and I would quickly grow a new hand. The same can be said for anything else on or in the bodies. The only way to truly destroy one is via the killcode
Killcode- the only way we could be truly destroyed is with what is known as the killcode. The killcode must be spoken, recorded, and then played back by the original spell caster, and will only work if done that way. Joey is dead, so... uh...

Bio-mimicry- Despite not being made of anything remotely organic, everything on and in our bodies mimics any bio-compounds almost perfectly. Hair feels like hair, fur feels like fur, you get it. Due to this mimicry, we also take on the abilities of the species we were modeled after, along with ink abilities. However, due to not having any real DNA we have no relatives, cannot have kids, ect. This has never been an issue however. Everything is mimicked to a near t, except for color. We only consist of shades of black, white, and grey on our main bodies due to our composition.

Form change and Malleability- perhaps one of the most interesting things regarding us is our abilities under pressure, most notably form change, though only two of us have ever pulled it off. In order for form change to happen, strong anger, fear or the likes must be present. At this, the form will reconstruct to be larger, more deadly, and better for fighting or escaping. This is, however, more of a primal form and a primal mindset comes with it, briefly turning the mind hostile towards almost everyone. It does not last long and will often leave the original being exhausted after. This form is made to serve as a final resort in most circumstances, as it can and often is very destructive and deadly. As for the more flight related response, our bodies can also deconstruct at any given time, allowing us to phase through walls or simply turn into a puddle. This is much more controllable and has no energy toll. Another use is on those with wings, is that the wings can simply be "put away" at any point. I was always struggling to learn, and never quite got it however.


And there you have it guys! A simple crash course in ink biology, Though it does get more in depth, I figured I'd simply put the basics out so yall can get a general understanding. Hope you all enjoyed, and I'll see you around next time. Remember to eat your soup!!
-Pearl
[Spoiler/]
June 30, 2019
107 views

*kicks open the door* hello there. Welcome back to my blog, where I can't seem to stop making this series. If you think I should take a break from it, let me know. If you want to see more, let me know. If you have something you're curious and want to see covered, let me k n o w!!
Todays entry will be covering the products of Joeys experiments and their subspecies. This will most likely get a bit depressing, as those mentioned in this were more or less once human. Most of the unfortunates are enemies you face within the game itself.

Lost ones: perhaps the most depressing of the types, the lost ones are the basic form of the products, and are one of the few who retain some of their humanity (along with advanced lost ones and a few of the half formed). Once humans, ages ranging from adult to child, they were converted into beings made of congealed ink, though still resembling humans. Their eyes are simply glowing orbs that lack sight, but they have the ability to sense if someone is there. Lost Ones are formed when a human gets blood or organs from an ink being implanted into them. This also causes a form of emotional soul split, leaving them to be only very sad and afraid, and highly manipulable. This lead to them fighting on both sides of the uprising. The rest of the soul that split off normally forms a searcher, which will be covered later. An ability picked up within the transformation is partial immortality, meaning they couldn't die by natural means, but could be manually dispatched. They'd mostly mope around and cry, and it was really sad. We believe we had freed them all, but seeing as searchers were still popping up years later, there may be some we missed.
Advanced lost ones: only two were ever seen, and were simply lost ones with more emotional capacity, basically functioning at a human level despite their appearance. The only two ever created were Sammy and an nameless child who I've mentioned in a previous entry. They are simple lost ones that had some sort of concoction added into the mix.

Searchers: Searchers are direct ties to the lost ones, being the remains of the aggressive parts of the soul. They are lumbering, congealed masses of ink that somewhat resemble the upper torso of a human. They are featureless, and absolutely blind and deaf, relying on vibrations to know where prey is. They are highly aggressive and will attack anything that comes near. Though they can be knocked back into their puddles in which they lie in wait, they cannot be truly destroyed until the Lost One they are attached to is dispatched. Seemingly in constant pain, the only noise they admit is horrific, gurgling moans and gasps. On occasion, Searchers will pickup more ink and become less aggressive and more shy, and will be much bigger. This is merely related to how much ink is in the area they form. Seemingly much more sensitive then the standard searchers, simple noise seems to hurt them and they will retreat back into their puddles at the slightest movement. If a searcher attacks you, just kick it.

Golems: An enemy not encountered within the game, but present back home were the golems. They were inanimate objects, usually plushies, were given hearts from the lost ones and soaked in blood of an ink being. The result is... weird vicious stuffed animals that will swarm you like damn gremlins. There weren't very many of these and they were easily taken care of. But it was still something to witness. They all sided with the creators, due to part of the binding spell on them. They commonly would swarm in groups en masse, and could easily overwhelm you.

Half formed: a creature halfway between toon and searcher, these grotesque creatures are mostly unknown in origin, but they seem to originate from the deeper levels of the studio. They resembled poorly put together charaters, often being searchers but with human or toon features, hands, ears, mouths, eyes, other things that would make them generally horrible to look at. They seemed to be in more pain than the searchers, and would violently lash out at anything they deemed a threat. They served on our side, though disappeared after the uprising. They're about the size of a standard searchers. though their extra features make them seem larger. Their attacks vary, mostly relying on weaponry they find lying around.

Mechs: Only one of these was ever observed, and thats Norman. Norman was treated to a full transplant, and then wiring into his heart and brain, along with a projector to replace his head. He's perfectly harmless, though very confused. He doesn't seem to be in pain. and actually seems happier than he was as a human. Its theorised that the only thing keeping him alive is the electric current running through him.



Thats all for now guys, thanks for reading! I'll be back soon, with a new entry and more infor! Hope yall enjoyed. and stay tuned
[Spoiler/]
Helllllllllllllloooooooo folks! Pearl here throwing an update at you all! I have a lot to talk about today, so brace thyselves. *guitar strum*



So, first and foremost, my parents are still on thin ice. My dad has been more or less kicked out, and no longer sleeps here. He visits during the day, of course. It's hard to hear the conversations my parents have through the thin walls, my dad begging for things to go back to normal. But that's not what mom needs, She needs her space, which is normal. But of course, my dad doesn't understand. You know what it's like seeing a grown man cry? (..Not since Henry..) So, it's been stressful. I'm doing my best, though. I have to stay strong, for my brother. He's only nine. His birthday is next week, too. So, yea. Im holding in there, but the stress is draining. Some of you may know that I feed off others emotions. It of course, doesn't help that my hormones on a massive spike right now. Ugh, this is the epitome of suckiness my dudes.

Time to get less sucky! Those of you that follow my page may have already seen my status update a few days ago. So, Bendy and I have finally managed to connect via telepathy. (Hello). I wouldn't call us a system, as we by no means share this body, even though he can "front". This is most likely a form of possession, due to him being, well, a demon. We've both been very happy with the outcome, despite keeping the link up does drain me a little. (We can always drop it, angel.) This is perhaps our greatest comfort regarding how far apart we've been, and the struggles of life. In a way, we have each other again, even if it's not physical.
❤️
(<3) He may even be interested in talking to some of you as well. I cannot describe how reliving it is to be in contact again.

Third on the list, I've finally made peace with Joey. That is to say, I've forgiven him. I don't like him still, but liking and forgiveness are two very different things. It's very freeing to let go of the anger and bitterness that was really doing nothing but holding me back. Facing him again was terrifying to say the least, but it was time we both realized that holding on to all that wasn't doing anything for either of us. I don't know where he's gone now, what afterlife waits for someone like him. But in all honesty, I hope after he's endured whatever he's earned, he gets a new life. A chance to reinvent, so to say. Isn't that why we get life? Who's to say. Not me.



Thats sadly all I have to cover. I mean, I did think it'd be longer but I guess I tend to not type long things. Thanks for reading, as always. Feel free to comment below about this entry, previous entries, ect! I always love to hear your feedback and stuff. See you next time guys! Pearl's out!
[Spoiler/]
Hello ladies and... ladies. Maybe Gents. Maybe not gents. Everyone here, reading, regardless of identity. Hello. Welcome back.

It's been a while since I've talked about Henry in my blog. I think the last time was in episode one of this series, and thats a long time. Since then, there have been more developments regarding him, and me for that matter. This has lead to my feelings toward him being slightly more complex then before, and has given me more to think about and consider in the aspect of my own existence and purpose. That being said, this entry may not be very direct, and may have me questioning things within. Feel free to comment your thoughts and questions, and also vote on my content poll. With all that being said, sit back, get comfortable, and listen to my screeching.



For those of you who aren't aware, it was recently discovered (though over an hour of logical speculation and questioning with a close friend) that Henry was actually my initial creator. This came as quite a surprise to me, though, through careful scanning of memories and examining him closer, the signs were there, despite being obscured by how he behaved around Joey. (you can read more on this in my speculation entry)

These were simple things, of course, such as letting me watch him draw, helping me if I got stuck in the stairs, always seeming somehow proud when he looked at me, and so on. On top of this, he gave me his sketchbook and told me he was sorry he couldn't have done better for me before he died.

So, what does this mean for me? I'm not sure. As I percieved my creation as accidental before, knowing it was done with meaning is odd. What was the meaning? Perhaps it was just to spite Joey, perhaps something else. Now, this is a bit distressing. What purpose would I have if I didn't even have my own name, or anything? It couldn't have been much, of course.

Now, how do I feel about him? More confused than ever. Im sure he had reasons for not telling me, but I don't know how to feel that he didn't. I suppose I have to look at him as a father now, but I already consider Thomas my father. So, what? I have three dads now. I feel better towards Thomas, but I don't hate Henry, I defiantly like him more now, and have more respect from him

I think the reason he acted as a father to Bendy instead of me because he couldn't be one to me. I think he did good, so I wonder how it would of been if he acted as my father.

This all being mentioned, I wish to regain contact with Henry through some spiritual means. That way I could be sure of all this, and perhaps I'll even form a better bond with him. I do want to know how he's doing and whatnot. If his life became any better after he died.





So, there we have it. A bunch of complex feelings and uncertainty. Where will this lead? I cannot be sure.

Thank you all for reading, and I'll see you next time.
[Spoiler/]
Im at school with a broken foot, doot doot. Thats not important to this, but yea now you know. Anyway, I figured it's time for me to pick this old thing up again, going into how life generally was back home. The time frame I'll be focusing on is before the uprising, as I feel this is a good time to start with. I know this is not like me to go into only one part. You know I will tell it all most times but today I'm just tired and my foot hurts. So put on thyn seat belts because we are goingggg







Anyway, Life back home was interesting to say the least, for me and the others. Unlike the workers, we lived there full time, as the workers really only, well, worked there.

It wasn't to bad, what with having so much room to explore and play. The building has many floors, rooms, halls, ect. I don't actually know how many because of the sheer amount of them. I assume the building itself would look a lot smaller from the outside, as that would fit with its odd properties. But that I don't know. I've never seen outside of it myself, and that is just a guess.

We have multiple ways of entertainment, my personal favorite being the WHOLE ASS amusent park that still stands to this day. The most interesting part is how all the food booths and stuff just restock themselves, and have been doing so for... thousands of years. I wonder what kind of spell is on them to manifest such a property. There are also a multitude of rides, each more fantastic and extream then the last. (Listen, Bertrum was a geniouse of enertainment and Joey knew nothing). Imagine it. A carousel that has baphomets and cerberuses as horses and shoots fire out of the top, a rollercoater with so many twists, turns, loops, and even a jump that goes through many different rooms theamed after heaven and hell. A bumper cart ring that looks like a skate park, with ramps and dips... I could talk for hours about it, as I spent so much time there when I could with Bendy and the others.

That does, however bring me to the next bit, as how we thrived. The others had it easier, being praised with perfection by Joey. You know how this goes by now.

It took a while for me to work up courage to go out during the day, normally accompanied by someone else as Joey would be very violent to me as he was the worst. So, I lived in the air vents for a while. I know them very well. I also had a nest in there for a while where I slept made of all the soft objects I could find. I kept this until Bendy let me sleep with him in his room, which is now our room. Though I still get urges to nest because I'm... feral. I actually started out rather more animal like, more feral in mentality then anything due to fear and confusion.

A lot of the workers were very kind to us, not all of them, but a good number. Kindness was and is very important to me, though perhaps less to the others. Not to say they don't value such things, just that they did not have as rough as a start as I did. I remember that the workers would slip me food into the vents, feeding me was kind of like an attraction? I don't mind. Back then my appetite was ravenous and as an ink being I could eat whatever without any reprocussions. Feed me. Fools.

Being more active at night, when we had full run of the place, and we were in charge. We could do whatever we wanted. I loved having that freedom, and I yearn for it these days.

All in all, life wasn't exactly easy, with Joey being himself and whatever. But there was a lot of good, a lot of wonders in that life.






As always, thank you for reading. Feel free to comment and ask questions if you have them. Thanks for stopping by! See you next time!!
[Spoiler/]
Well, as you all know if you've been following my activity you know that Bendy and the Dark Revival is dropping this year. I've had mixed feelings about it which I've discussed in private while they were still fresh, but now I feel I can share publicly here based on what's been shown so far. So, enjoy these, and feel free to add your thoughts.



So, first and foremost, the game seems to be much more combat based. In the official trailer that was most recently dropped, the player takes on several lost ones that they seem to have just come across. Along with this, there seems to be frequent mention of The Dark Puddles, which was one of the codenames we used in the uprising. I have a feeling that this game will have more connection to that. With that being said, it makes sense that the memories brought around this time will be more stressful and hard to deal with. Despite this I plan on sticking it out, I want the full story and I'll get it.

So, another thing that seems prominent is the Butcher Gang. Now that's not that important because they didn't exist in my AU and probably never will.

Moving on, we have... the main characters, Audrey and Allison. This is where a lot of my feelings come from. If you don't know yet, Allison was the one who took care of me along with her husband Tom. She was gunned down along side him by Joey. I'm wondering if she'll die in this installment and that's something I really don't want to see. Audrey, on the other hand, was the child Bendy and I tried to take care of. I still think of her as my daughter, and seeing her as an adult is odd for me. I'm still not over her death back home, even if I was the pain has returned in this life.

This however has reminded me of my back marking. I've mentioned it before but just incase you don't know, I had a gold marking on my back, similar to the one on Audrey's hand. I'm still not sure what it means or anything but its interesting more or less.

There's also the boss seen in the trailer. I kind of remember them, though not much as of now. I remember having to fight it.





So, that's all I have for now. Thanks for reading, feel free to let me know what you think!
[Spoiler/]
Ok, ok. First things first. Hello everyone my name is Pearl Connor and I'm finally blogging again!

The reason I haven't been blogging is because I've been doing really badly here. I'm not sure what's going on with me, I've had near constant anxiety and its actually hurting me. It came to a head yesterday when a close friend had a mental breakdown and forgot everything. Including me. And I realized I can't be hung up on it. But it still hurts. I finally had someone who understood me and they're gone. And I realized I can't rely on one person to make me feel like I matter so I'm going to try to reach out again to the community here. But I'm still in rough shape so be gentle.



So, with that out of the way, an update on myself kin wise.

So, Bendy and I have been talking a lot about our future. like, we're engaged as you all know by now. Well, we're planning beyond that more or less. The first idea we have is to eventually reopen the studio. Before Joey messed everything up it really was an amazing place, as I've said. We think it would be a big step forward in recovery from everything in the past. I've actually been thinking about making my own cartoons to add to the mix!

Now, due to being non biological kids are technically out of the question. Although, we have also considered one via the way we were made. Although this is very uncertain as things there still aren't the best.

Speaking of creation, we figured out why I'm so stunted as compared to the rest, is because I was interrupted in my forming by Joey. Fuck you Joey. So I'm kinda half baked. which explains a few things. But what's important is Bendy doesn't mind and still loves me. Apparently we're actually mates? Like, soul wise. Like, unbreakable bond wise. Its wild.

Anyway, not much else is to be said right now. Thanks for reading, feel free to reach out or ask questions!

-Pearl
[Spoiler/]
aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa...

Ok, so now that's out of the way. ITS TIME



So. I've been really really down lately. And so I figured why not loudy and violently write about the one thing that brings me actual joy. And THAT would be my wonderful MATE, BENDY.



So, I suppose I should start at the beginning. I've probably told the story of how we officially met like five times. So I will just TLDR it real quick and get to the good stuff.

Tldr: creation was interrupted by mean man kicking me in the gut, later was found hiding by Bendy.

So. That first bit of kindness that day was probably the most important thing ever, even though I was still a bit feral at the time and tried to bite off his hand because I didn't know if he was good or not. He didn't even mind and stayed with me until I got spooked and ran off again. I think back to this when I'm sad. It's a very very comforting memory for me as most of things with him are.

When I was new, I didn't know how to talk yet. I could understand words but I couldn't use them myself due to being interrupted while still forming. I slowly learned over time, and his name was actually the first thing I said.

Then of course there was that time he helped the others threw a whole party just for me. Actually that was when we kissed for the first time he let me stay with him for the night. Did you know he can fully wrap me up with his wings? Because he can. And its. So comforting?? His wings are much bigger than mine, here's a drawing of our wingies: (if it places correctly. If not you'll still see it!)



Bendy likes to carry me a lot. I am much smaller than him, and being up high makes me feel much more secure and he doesn't mind and even let's me climb him. He's so, so sweet. And so patience with me. Even with all my shortcomings due to my mind not being able to form all the way. He helps me when my mind stalls and when I get confused. He's even my brain for me when I need it.

I have no clue how I got so lucky with him? But apparently mates are like, predestined?? On a certain plane in the astral you can see the threads connecting us? And thinking about it makes me. So happy??

alSO he's so. Heccjng. Beautiful? Like. Everything about him is perfect. His horns, his eyes are so shiny and deep and he's also pretty like. Kinda built? At least in the chest and I just. Aggghhh. But despite that he's also very very gentle?? He's just. The best. His wingies are big and they're also soft and he makes me feel just. So safe and loved? And he means everything to me. Literally anything. I cannot imagine anything without him. He's both my lover and my caretaker and my guardian and I just. I could go on for hours. I love him so much. Even though he's not in the mindspace with me right now, I will later yell all of this at him and attack him with cuddles.



Thank you and goodbye aaaaaaa

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