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Back again with a little more.

So in the previous blog entry, I mentioned the black drake being a paraself, an alter ego used in daydreams. Something I suspected about it for a while now is that this creature is a chimera made of my experience as a human, and a nonhuman. This is probably why it has zygodactylous feet and feathers, is on the border of humanoid and monstruous with human traits appearing and disappearing, has a draconic overall form, and everything else. However this entity has traits I haven't identified in myself.

Because of this, i've been looking back on experiences I associated with the black drake, specifically things that fit no other facets of my identity, and it does appear i am missing a component to who I am. I have been chatting on faery chat and doing research myself, and so far I have two possible path to take :

I can research the sons of Somnus, shapeshifter dream spirits who can take the form of beasts. This is coherant with my tie to dreams, and my feeling that perhaps I should be a noncorporal being from there. It would also make sense with the noemata that I have of the black drake, being made of the same stuff as deity, and being able to use hallucinations as a way to appear in the corporal world. I however right now am not certain how I feel about that.

The other side I am researching is arthropods, more specifically arachnids. The black drake has a very important part of arthropod, namely pedipalps similar to an amblypygi, and a chitinous head, as well as insect like eyes. I have also had daydreams of being spider like monsters, which I will tie to this. These are the traits I think are coherent today, but I might go back on it as I research, those are mainly a start-of-research thing.

"Body similar to an amblypygi, a flat cephalothorax and abdomen, which is also possible in spiders iirc.Seven eyes, which is possible like some wolf spider who's two middle one have merged. Same disposition than the black drake. Pedipalps that are elongated, but do not have a pincher like articulation. May however have only one grabbing spike, or several, like whip tail scorpions and amblypygi. If there's a pincher like structure, it's not as specialized as scorpions. Venomous. Possibly through a stinger like proboscis like assassin bugs, I've felt that one. Long legs, but the body is not held high. Not sure if the legs would be held high, but the body is close to ground. May have silk, may feel vibrations, not sure on that one. those aren't disqualifying traits. Chelicerae most probably would move like tarentulas, up and down. book lungs seem coherant. I'd say not a social specie, but i mean i have flock instinct so i can't throw that out either. I at least don't feel particularly communicative, but this may simply be bc,,, well, pretty straight forward way of functionning. If social, just kinda something that group up and doesn't attack each other during breeding season maybe."

I am not certain this is possible in an earthen arachnid, as I have not yet found any arachnids with the specific traits I describe so far. I am however also researching fictional and mythical sources. An interesting find was the spiders of Leng, a lovecraftian beast, which also has some ties to the above spirit idea. Although they themselves are pretty much just giant intelligent spiders from what I understood, a lovecraftian spider is not out of the question, since I already have found things ressembling my experiences in there.

Another thing I have finally found the right word for, I believe I am draconic through being a modern dragon. I have researched how modern vampire and werewolves functionned, and it seems rather close, and the kintype label just doesn't fit for some reason.

(There a bunch of thing wrong here ahah. Old blog. I consider myself more hearted with arthropods now, although it is one facet of my identity i have strong feelings toward. However, due to the complexity and alieness of that experience, it's not really me, but more something i experience. Unlike my avian nature, which something i think of as me even if it is not always there. I am also draconic however, and although dragonkin just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, i am a dragon, i just don't like the word dragonkin. maybe due to it being one of the commonly mocked label with wolves?)


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