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Questioning Sayori

Advice 100% welcome btw! Even after all this time, there are still some things I don't know. Also, it could be nice just to hear "yup, you are this thing" or "I was the same way" if you really feel that way tbh.

So, this isn't the first time I've questioned being kin with Sayori from Doki Doki Literature Club. I questioned being her a few years ago after seeing DDLC (I usually watch let's plays bc I normally can't afford games but even tho DDLC is free I just ended up watching it anyways lol, now I'm too scared to play it alone). From watching the game I grew so attached to Sayori and felt is was too coincidental that we were so alike. I've never found a character I related to as much as I relate to her personality (and her depression, but it seems most people claim they relate to her BECAUSE of her depression and not so much her personality as a whole). It was almost surreal how much I saw myself in her. I gave it a few months and the feeling of "that's me!" when I saw Sayori never truly went away, so I decided I would call myself Sayorikin.

But this only lasted a few months because I was in a toxic relationship with someone who clearly didn't believe in fictionkin and made me feel bad about having so many weird kintypes, etc. And somehow, when we broke up, I felt like I was just attaching myself to Sayori because of the toxic relationship, because I was just coping or something, which is kinda ironic because I felt like I had to hide my fictionkintype from my partner. Anyways, the main reason I dropped this kintype was I compared it to my other kintypes, and most of them I tend to pretty much feel all the time. I always see myself as an elf and a dog (and sorta hellhound and polymorph). I questioned my orca kintype on and off for a while because of this too- I think I do identify as an orca but I don't see myself as an orca constantly because I'm just not used to it or used to the ocean or anything like that, it's so different from my other kintypes. Of course elves are very close to humans and I grew up with dogs and they are more similar to humans than orcas anyways. But every time I see orcas, I get that same feeling as seeing elves or dogs.

And Sayori is the same way. I don't constantly think of myself as Sayori or part Sayori or anything like that, but I'll be reminded of that feeling whenever I see her. But I'm still not totally sure where you draw the line between relating to a character and identifying as them. I'm confident that if Sayori is a kintype, it's purely psychological. I have no memories as her and don't feel like anything special is supposed to be canon but isn't and I didn't really feel a connection with Sayori until after I started watching DDLC. But I feel so strongly for her that I'm not sure it's just a kithtype. People will talk about Sayori and I almost feel like they're talking about me. Actually, just today I almost slipped up in front of my nonkin friends and referred to myself as Sayori lmao. That's never happened before and I wasn't really thinking about Sayori or being kin with her very much recently, I've been pretty focused on stuff that's been going on in this game I play for the past week, but I'm not sure if I really see myself as Sayori or if I just relate to her so much and want to be her that I kinda see myself as her, but like isn't that what psychological fictionkin is??

Anyways, I'm still gonna take a while before officially calling myself fictionkin, but I am really heavily considering it again. If I've been feeling this way for years, it's probably not going to go away any time soon.

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Kieran
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